My Idea of Dating

One of my favorite movies ever is Say Anything. There’s a scene in that movie where the main guy, Lloyd Dobler is talking with the father of the girl he wants to date. The father asks him, “So what do you want to do with your life?”

In response, Lloyd gets a bit nervous and rambles on about kickboxing being the sport of the future and all that. But then he has a sort of epiphany and says one of my favorite lines from the movie — “I just wanna be with your daughter.” In other words, “I just want to spend as much time with her as I can and learn as much about her as I can to know her and love her better.”

I’m about to embark on a bold odyssey because here I am sitting here able to count the number of dates I’ve been on in my life on one hand and never having been in a dating relationship. Yet here I am about to wander into the deep waters of what my idea of dating is. So here goes.

I know that the vast majority of dates are going to movies and going out to eat. That’s fine. I have no problem with that. But I think I want something deeper.

I want to have deep conversations with the girl and find out as much as I can about who she is. I want to find out all of her favorite things, what makes her tick, what truly makes her come alive, and what can shut down and close up her heart.

I want to take her to all my favorite places and go to her favorite places. I want to stroll through quiet nature trails, walk in the rain, watch the sunset. I want to open her car door and hold her chair for her. I want to buy her flowers every now and then, or better yet, bring her wild flowers growing in a field.

I believe that a man’s job in any kind of dating or marriage relationship is much like cultivating a flower to help it unfold and blossom into something glorious. I think he’s supposed to cultivate and bring out the woman’s inner beauty and help to reveal and uncover all that God has made her be and to help her step into full womanhood as a wife, mother, and daughter of God.

I might not be very good at all this, but I think I’d like to try. I’d like to be an old black and white romantic movie in a sea of The Bachelors and Bachelorettes and all the other reality floating out there in space. Sort of a Humphrey Bogart saying to Ingrid Bergman, “Here’s looking at you, kid.”

I know that dating isn’t a perfect science because men and women are imperfect beings, but helping each other grow into their God-given potential is one way dating can be done right, even if it doesn’t lead to marriage.

Again, these are my thoughts. Right or wrong, good or bad, they are mine and no one else’s. This all may be simplistic or naive, but maybe I am simplistic and naive. Still, I know that my Abba is very fond of me and I can now say that I believe that I am ready to venture fearfully yet forcefully into the wild, wonderful, scary world of dating.

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