“I believe my steps are growing wearier each day
Still I’ve got a journey on my mind
Lures of this old world have ceased to make me want to stay
and my one regret is leaving you behind

If it proves to be his will that I’m the first to go
And some how I’ve a feeling it will be
When it comes time to travel likewise don’t feel lost
For I will be the first one that you’ll see

And I’ll be waiting on the far side banks of Jordan
I’ll be waiting drawing pictures in the sand
And when I see you coming I will rise up with a shout!
And come running through the shallow waters reaching for your hand

Through this life we’ve laboured hard to earn our meager fare
It’s brought us trembling hands and failing eyes
I’ll just rest here on this shore and turn my eyes away
And then you’ll come then we’ll see paradise”

Lately, I’ve been reading books again. Actual books with actual pages that you can physically turn.

The latest is a biography and loving and honest tribute by John Carter Cash to his late mother June Carter Cash. The book details how both Johnny and June struggled with drug addictions yet both maintained a stedfast faith that carried them through even the lowest times and darkest moments.

That’s one thing I’m starting to understand when it comes to addiction. You can love Jesus and be an addict. Sometimes God will take the craving and dependency away, but sometimes for whatever reason He leaves His child in the midst of the storm of addiction if only to grow a deeper dependency on Him.

In the end, what matters is that Johnny and June loved each other deeply. They also both had deep faith in Jesus. Yes, they had their demons, but I truly believe that God in Jesus kept His word that nothing could ever separate them from His love– not any power of hell, not any grave, and certainly not any addiction.

I normally don’t straight up copy and share a complete devotional that I’ve been reading, but the entry for June 16 was too good not to share:

“Patiently wait for God alone, my soul! For he is the one who gives me confidence. — Ps 62:5

“Our too general neglect of looking for answers to what we ask, shows how little we are in earnest in our petitions. A husbandman is not content without the harvest; a marksman will observe whether the ball hits the target; a physician watches the effect of the medicine which he gives; and shall the Christian be careless about the effect of his labor?

Every prayer of the Christian, made in faith, according to the will of God, for which God has promised, offered up in the name of Jesus Christ, and under the influence of the Spirit, whether for temporal or for spiritual blessings, is, or will be, fully answered.

God always answers the general design and intention of His people’s prayers, in doing that which, all things considered, is most for His own glory and their spiritual and eternal welfare. As we never find that Jesus Christ rejected a single supplicant who came to Him for mercy, so we believe that no prayer made in His name will be in vain.

The answer to prayer may be approaching, though we discern not its coming. The seed that lies under ground in winter is taking root in order to a spring and harvest, though it appears not above ground, but seems dead and lost”
—Bickersteth

Sometimes, we all need a mental reboot. I know I do. It’s sorta like when your computer starts acting weird and you do the thing where you turn it off and back on again. At least that’s the technical name for it. Usually that fixes whatever’s wrong. If not, then you call the IT guy.

I think sometimes my thinking gets off. I start craving stuff. I start comparing my life with the people around me and getting envious of what they have that I don’t. Sometimes I get a bit of moral superiority when I feel like I’m doing better than someone else.

That’s when I need a reboot. I need to remember that truly the best things in life can’t be bought or sold. In fact, the best things aren’t usually even things.

They’re memories. They’re time spent with loved ones. They’re acts of kindness and compassion. The best gift of all in my life has been the free gift of salvation in Jesus and the daily grace He offers me.

Contentment comes when you quit comparing and start celebrating your life as the gift it is. When you swich from grumbling to gratitude. Saying thank you for all the tiny blessings.

I want that. God, help me remember what really matters and to not take any good gift for granted.

It was not my plan to get wet at Radnor Lake State Park. If you remember the old Grizzly River Rampage ride at Opryland USA, the slogan was “You WILL get wet.” Well, that wasn’t supposed to happen. Until it did.

My plan was to hike. Plain and simple. I wanted to walk my usual trifecta of trails– Ganier Ride, South Cove, and Lake Trail. Sure, it was a bit muggy, but this is just shy of summer in Tennessee. Humidity happens.

But then I heard thunder. It sounded far enough away that I thought I’d be okay. Then I felt the first drops of rain. Still not enough to deter me from my plan.

Honestly, for most of the hike, it was very calming to hear the rain in the trees. For the most part, I stayed dry underneath the canopy of leaves and branches.

Then I got wet. At some point, the rain broke through the trees and hit me.

But I’d do it again tomorrow. Some part of me needs to be in nature– breathe it in, feel it on my skin, let it overwhelm my senses. I get enough asphalt and pavement. I need some earth underneath my feet. Even with the rain.

And I barely melted at all.

I read a great book recently. I’m not saying that because my pastor wrote the book. I’m saying it because it’s about the most honest book I’ve ever read on dealing with a loved one with dementia. Honestly, it’s a book I wish I could have read a long time ago before witnessing both my grandmothers going through their own battles with memory loss diseases.

My takeaways are 1) that sometimes there are no right or wrong choices in dealing with this disease– there’s only you doing the best you can with the resources and the knowledge you’ve been given. 2) Sometimes caring for a loved one with dementia is a thankless job dealing with someone who will not only be uncooperative but often be combative and hostile. Remember that true love is always unconditional. Also remember that when you were little, your parents made choices for you that you didn’t always like but were for your good.

It seems to me that with diseases like Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia, it’s not the patient who really suffers as much as it is their loved ones who have to witness them dying a little bit every day, losing their memories and a part of their identity.

Here’s the link to buy the book if you’re interested:

Most of all, spend time with those you love, even if they’re no longer able to appreciate it or to respond. There’s always the small chance you’ll see glimpses of who they used to be. But most of all, you only get so many moments to share before they’re gone and you can’t get them back.

After all, any act done in true love is never wasted or in vain.

I have a lot of thoughts in my head currently, most of which don’t really mesh together well, but I’m needing to get at least some of them out of my head and in some form of writing.

I’m thinking about my mother’s cat Paddy today. It was 4 years ago that she took her last ride to the vet. It was an emotionally wrecking day for me (and I’m sure for my mother as well).

I still miss that grumpy old cat. She might have been an ornery cuss at times, but she could be endearing and sweet at other times. She had her own loving way and was unswervingly loyal to my mom.

Two years later, I found out my own beloved cat Lucy was terminally ill. It devastated me. For the next six days, I cried, prayed, hoped for a miracle, and tried as best as I could to prepare for the worst.

But today was filled with happy memories. We had our traditional yearly family celebration of my sister’s upcoming birthday. It was festive and filled with truck rides, eating too much, badminton, and hammocks. And birthday cake.

That’s a sort of microcosm of life. There’s a great amount of sadness and heartache, but there’s also joy and beauty. Sometimes, you can’t have one without the other. Sometimes, suffering helps you appreciate the joy more.

But all in all, life’s still a gift. It’s a blessing that I take for granted most days, but on those days when I remember, I give thanks for the privilege of waking up and breathing in God’s air. As long as you or I are still breathing, we still have a purpose and a reason to live.

Cherish your life and the people in it.

“Lay down my dear brothers
Lay down and take your rest
Won’t you lay your head upon your Savior’s breast
I love you all but Jesus loves you the best
And I bid you goodnight, goodnight, goodnight” (Grateful Dead).

I can’t believe I actually stayed up past midnight.

Back in the day, I was quite the night owl, but having a 5 am wakeup call during the week curtailed my nightly antics a bit.

So here it is– 12:32 am– and I’m finally calling it a night. I’m beyond ready for some sleep.

Is that what happens when you get old? Asking for a friend.

It’s more of a reminder to myself, but if it’s helpful to you, then that’ll work.

I remember someone saying once that no one can make you feel anything. Ultimately, they can’t make you happy or sad or angry or anything.

They can say hurtful things, but you still have a choice as to how you will respond. Don’t put the key to your happiness in someone else’s pocket (as I heard someone else say once). Let your joy come primarily through God and let others be conduits of that joy.

No matter what, you can choose gratitude and joy and thanksgiving because you know that God is still a promise keeper, no matter what the weather or the day.

“We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (and yet really not small) gifts. How can God entrust great things to one who will not thankfully receive from Him the little things?” (Dietrich Bonhoeffer in Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Faith in Community)

To put it another way, how can you expect for God to entrust big tasks to you unless you are first faithful in the small tasks and minute details?

In whatever season of life you’re in, be all there. Be faithful and bloom where you’re planted. Do whatever is in front of you to your utmost ability. Stay obedient and trust God with the results.

“Patience is more than endurance. A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, and He stretches and strains, and every now and again the saint says–‘I cannot stand anymore.’ God does not heed, He goes on stretching till His purpose is in sight, then He lets fly. Trust yourself in God’s hands” (Oswald Chambers).

That’s awfully deep for a Monday. It’s hard to go from weekend vegging to having to think real adult thoughts in just 24 hours. That’s why Monday is the least favorite day of the week (or whatever day follows a holiday).

But these words by Oswald Chambers aren’t just deep. They’re true. They may be your experience in this very moment. You may feel stretched and strained beyond your ability to endure, but God knows and sees and end that is beyond even your ability to dream about at this point.

As much as the aiming process feels like forever, it’s not. Don’t abandon the process because of temporary discomforts that will lead to eternal joys. Whatever the pain feels like now, it will be forgotten when the blessing comes, much like a mother isn’t thinking about the agony of childbirth when she holds new life in her arms.

Trust the process. Trust God. Believe that weeping may endure for a night but joy comes with the dawn.