Ok, boys and girls, today we will learn a new word.

I think just about every one who has ever held an office job at any point has spuddled. We’ve all had days — or weeks (said non judgingly) where we’ve been extremely busy with little to nothing to show for it.

But you know what? Today is Friday. That glorious day of the week that everyone looks forward to and no one is sad to see. Tomorrow you can spuddle to your heart’s content and no one will care one bit. Enjoy!

I don’t know how many of you have ever wondered where you stand in your friendships. Is the other person as invested in the relationship as you? Do you sometimes feel like you put in all the effort?

I used to spend way too much time worrying about such things. As a people-pleaser, I have often gone overboard when it comes to friendships, and when I didn’t see the same effort by the other person, I was devastated.

But now I see it in terms of hesed. You can’t worry about what other people think or feel. You can only do your part. And friendship through the lens of hesed means that you be the best kind of friend to people even when they don’t treat you the same. You give and love and serve and bless unconditionally, without any expectations.

Hesed, as you know, is the Hebrew word that boils down to lovingkindness. As I have heard and described it, hesed is when the one from whom you have the right to expect nothing gives you everything.

You treat others not as they treat you in return, but as Jesus treated and loved you. Jesus didn’t quit on you when you weren’t lovable. Jesus didn’t ever decide to leave you when you went after every shiny idol and left Him behind.

Jesus said that as He has loved you, so you are to love others. Not in a doormat kind of way that lets them abuse you and walk over you. You can love unconditionally with discernment and wisdom. But you can still love like Jesus.

I think we need to give ourselves grace for all the times we’re socially awkward or overanxious or slightly overenthusiastic about our relationships. No one’s perfect, but just as Jesus has forgiven us, we need to forgive others — and ourselves.

When you love like Jesus, you always win. Even if the other doesn’t reciprocate, you win because you can’t help but look more like Jesus when you love more like Jesus.

I remember a phrase that I learned when I was reading about a believer who was losing his wife to cancer. He said that God taking her was a severe mercy. It was severe in that God took her, but it was a mercy in that He spared her further agony and suffering.

So much of what God does in our lives can seem (possibly to a lesser degree) like a severe mercy. He denies us the very longing of our heart and makes us wait for relief from pain and suffering. So many of the petitions we send upward seem to reach a deaf ear. Or sometimes, God says no.

But in that moment, do we trust God’s heart more than God’s hand? Do we trust what we know of God more than what we see of God? Can we be like Job who said, “The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:20)?

If all God did was to save me from my sin and to eternal life and didn’t do one more solitary thing for me, that would be far more than I deserve. But God is eternally faithful, an ever present help, and a refuge in times of trouble. He’s about more than giving me what I can hold in my hands. He’s about giving me Himself.

I am grateful, no matter what. Even if it’s my mouth saying the words until my heart and soul believe, I will give thanks. I will utter a doxology in the dark because I know the light is coming.

“Celebration belongs to God’s Kingdom. God not only offers forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing, but wants to lift up these gifts as a source of joy for all who witness them. In all three of the parables that Jesus tells to explain why he eats with sinners, God rejoices and invites others to rejoice with him. ‘Rejoice with me,’ the shepherd says, ‘I have found my sheep that was lost.’ ‘Rejoice with me,’ the woman says, ‘I have found the drachma I lost.’ ‘Rejoice with me,’ the father says, ‘this son of mine was lost and is found.’

All these voices are the voices of God. God does not want to keep his joy to himself. He wants everyone to share in it. God’s joy is the joy of his angels and his saints; it is the joy of all who belong to the Kingdom” (Henri Nouwen).

I keep thinking of the end of the parable of the lost sheep when Jesus said that there is more joy in heaven over the one sinner who repents than over 99 who need no repentance.

Joy is an integral part of God’s kingdom, but you’d never know it the way His children go about with sour faces. Of all people, we should be the most joyful. After all, we have the pearl of great price, the sheep that was lost, the coin that was missing, and the prodigal son who has returned home. We have gone from strangers from the promise and nobodies with no hope and no future to beloved sons and daughters of the King of kings and Lord of lords. Who else has more reason to be joyful?

“Sometimes for me, faith feels close to panic. It’s not a calm soliloquy in the storm but an almost hyperventilated prayer of ‘Help me, Lord, You’re all I’ve got.'” (Me).

It felt super weird to quote myself, but trust me, there is a reason. Sometimes, I will write something in the moment, and when I go back and read what I wrote, it feels like I’m reading what someone else wrote. True story.

Also, it’s odd when I wrote these words back in 2019 I had no idea how super appropriate they would be 3 years, one pandemic, and several other events later. I had no idea that I would be the one who needed to hear that faith isn’t even keel all the time. Sometimes, you get that persistent knot in your gut and still keep clinging to Jesus with everything you’ve got. You still keep claiming those promises of God like your life depends on it, because it really does.

These days, I’m all about praying God’s words back to Him. I can’t tell you how often I’ve prayed that God didn’t give me a spirit of fear, but of love and of power and of a sound mind. I’ve prayed for family and friends for the peace that passes understanding to guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

I still pray the prayer that a friend taught me a long time ago. It goes like this: “Jesus, I come to you with open hands. If all I receive from You in the next moment is only You and the next breath, that will be enough. Thank You.”

If you feel like you’re constantly screwing up and getting it wrong in your relationships and in your career and in all other aspects of your life, you’re not alone. If you feel insufficient and inadequate as a human being, you’re not alone. But you know what? God is sufficient. God is more than adequate to handle your relationships and your career and everything else. God can even turn your mistakes, failures, and those moments you wish you could take back and work those for good and His glory.

Keep breathing. Keep praying. Keep hoping. Keep trusting. Keep clinging.

This Sunday, Truett Ross preached from Acts 11:19-30 about how the early Church was able to mobilize its members toward meeting the needs around them. In those days, the Church was growing by leaps and bounds as people saw the transformed lives of those who had been with Jesus. It says that what drew people to faith in Jesus was by how those Christians loved and served one another.

One example is when the prophet Agabus predicted a famine in the area. The disciples then sent relief, each one according to his ability. It wasn’t about their giftedness and ability but their availability. It wasn’t about their impressiveness but their presence day in and day out in their community that made the difference.

In the same way, the calling to reach our communities isn’t just for the missionaries and preachers. We’re all called. We’re not so much called to impress others with our knowledge and skills as much as to be present in their lives. God didn’t choose us for our abilities but uses those who are available and willing to go and tell.

Something I always remember is that Jesus didn’t call us to be attorneys to explain and defend all aspects of faith and belief. He called us to be witnesses. That is, he called us to tell what we have seen and heard with our own eyes, our own story of how Jesus found us and how He has changed us.

May we all pray for opportunities to have gospel conversations with people with whom we live, work, and play. It starts with being present and available.

After I wrote my last post, I’ve had some further time to think. And since obsessively overthinking seems to be one of my faults, I’ve done a lot of thinking.

I can’t control what other people do or don’t do. I can’t control what they say or don’t say. I can’t control how the treat me. But I can control how I respond. I have the choice to respond in kind to what I perceive their motives and actions to be, or I can choose to show grace and still be a friend.

I confess that I don’t always see things the way they are. Sometimes, I see a situation one way or I see a person acting one way when, in reality, there were circumstances and facts that I missed that could have completely changed my perspective.

My lesson here is to overthink less and pray more. It’s the old cliche to let go and let God, but in this case it’s to let go thinking I can fix something that may or may not be broken or figure out the situation when I don’t have all the facts. It’s to let God do what only God can do — work each and every thing together for good and His glory.

God help me to lay it all on the altar and trust You with it. Amen.

Recently, I went to a shindig where I ran into someone I knew. She seemed to have time to talk with other people, but didn’t seem to have time to talk to me. In years past, that would have been deeply hurtful and most likely would have ruined my evening. Instead, I took it as a learning lesson. I realized in that moment that we were good acquaintances instead of friends. And that’s okay.

Maturity is not necessarily a byproduct of age. The Bible calls it by a different word — wisdom. Wisdom is seeing life not in terms of days lived but in lessons learned. It’s not so much acquired knowledge that never leaves your head, but transformational learning that leaves you better than you were before.

Wisdom in this case is forgiving the person for not meeting my unspoken expectations. It’s forgiving myself for maybe having unrealistic expectations in the first place. It’s taking what could easily be a negative experience and viewing it as a teaching moment for myself.

In some cases, you learn to give grace. In other cases, you learn to walk away, not out of anger or bitterness but as a way of preserving your own peace. You can always pray for the other to know blessing and joy.

I’ve learned that the right people will always find a way to be in your life and they will always find a way to stay in your life. Some will be there for a season. Some will be there to teach you valuable lessons. But you always have the choice to leave a lasting impression on them in the form of showing grace and kindness, loving them the way Jesus has loved you.

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it” (Colossians 3:12-14, The Message).

If you want to know what I look and feel like early in the morning, this meme perfectly describes my mental state. Thank God there is coffee to help me wake up and do all the talking and other adult stuff that allows me to function and to keep my job and to not go pants-less.

I am able to talk in the morning. Just don’t expect full and coherent sentences until at least 9 am. Maybe later.

“A person who cares nothing for praise or blame knows great inward peace….Praise does not make you holier than you are, nor blame more wicked. You are exactly what you are, and cannot ever be any better or worse than that, in the eyes of God. Attend to what is really within you, then, and you will not care what others say of you. People look at externals, but God looks at the heart. They weigh actions; God knows your intent….To feel no need of human support and assurance is a mark of inward confidence – of those who truly walk with God in their hearts” (Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ)

I confess that even now I sometimes worry about what others think of me. I know most of you do, too. It’s something that’s ingrained in us in this very competitive, comparison-driven world we live in. But the truth of the matter is that most people aren’t evaluating you and measuring your merit as much as they are worrying about what you and others think of them.

There is great peace that comes with knowing who you are. When you know your identity and your calling, then you don’t need affirmation and you can handle the criticism of others. When you know that only one voice matters in terms of speaking into your core identity, then you can let the other voices go.

When you listen to the voice of your Abba that calls you beloved, then you don’t need to heed what anyone else says about you or calls you or says to you. Their words may wound, but they can never again shape or define you. Who you are is secure because of Whose you are. You don’t have to impress anyone. You don’t have to carry the facade of perfection. You can be honest in your shortcomings and brokenness, knowing that you are being made new.

Then you can have and know peace.