“Sometimes for me, faith feels close to panic. It’s not a calm soliloquy in the storm but an almost hyperventilated prayer of ‘Help me, Lord, You’re all I’ve got.'” (Me).
It felt super weird to quote myself, but trust me, there is a reason. Sometimes, I will write something in the moment, and when I go back and read what I wrote, it feels like I’m reading what someone else wrote. True story.
Also, it’s odd when I wrote these words back in 2019 I had no idea how super appropriate they would be 3 years, one pandemic, and several other events later. I had no idea that I would be the one who needed to hear that faith isn’t even keel all the time. Sometimes, you get that persistent knot in your gut and still keep clinging to Jesus with everything you’ve got. You still keep claiming those promises of God like your life depends on it, because it really does.
These days, I’m all about praying God’s words back to Him. I can’t tell you how often I’ve prayed that God didn’t give me a spirit of fear, but of love and of power and of a sound mind. I’ve prayed for family and friends for the peace that passes understanding to guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
I still pray the prayer that a friend taught me a long time ago. It goes like this: “Jesus, I come to you with open hands. If all I receive from You in the next moment is only You and the next breath, that will be enough. Thank You.”
If you feel like you’re constantly screwing up and getting it wrong in your relationships and in your career and in all other aspects of your life, you’re not alone. If you feel insufficient and inadequate as a human being, you’re not alone. But you know what? God is sufficient. God is more than adequate to handle your relationships and your career and everything else. God can even turn your mistakes, failures, and those moments you wish you could take back and work those for good and His glory.
Keep breathing. Keep praying. Keep hoping. Keep trusting. Keep clinging.