After I wrote my last post, I’ve had some further time to think. And since obsessively overthinking seems to be one of my faults, I’ve done a lot of thinking.

I can’t control what other people do or don’t do. I can’t control what they say or don’t say. I can’t control how the treat me. But I can control how I respond. I have the choice to respond in kind to what I perceive their motives and actions to be, or I can choose to show grace and still be a friend.

I confess that I don’t always see things the way they are. Sometimes, I see a situation one way or I see a person acting one way when, in reality, there were circumstances and facts that I missed that could have completely changed my perspective.

My lesson here is to overthink less and pray more. It’s the old cliche to let go and let God, but in this case it’s to let go thinking I can fix something that may or may not be broken or figure out the situation when I don’t have all the facts. It’s to let God do what only God can do — work each and every thing together for good and His glory.

God help me to lay it all on the altar and trust You with it. Amen.

Recently, I went to a shindig where I ran into someone I knew. She seemed to have time to talk with other people, but didn’t seem to have time to talk to me. In years past, that would have been deeply hurtful and most likely would have ruined my evening. Instead, I took it as a learning lesson. I realized in that moment that we were good acquaintances instead of friends. And that’s okay.

Maturity is not necessarily a byproduct of age. The Bible calls it by a different word — wisdom. Wisdom is seeing life not in terms of days lived but in lessons learned. It’s not so much acquired knowledge that never leaves your head, but transformational learning that leaves you better than you were before.

Wisdom in this case is forgiving the person for not meeting my unspoken expectations. It’s forgiving myself for maybe having unrealistic expectations in the first place. It’s taking what could easily be a negative experience and viewing it as a teaching moment for myself.

In some cases, you learn to give grace. In other cases, you learn to walk away, not out of anger or bitterness but as a way of preserving your own peace. You can always pray for the other to know blessing and joy.

I’ve learned that the right people will always find a way to be in your life and they will always find a way to stay in your life. Some will be there for a season. Some will be there to teach you valuable lessons. But you always have the choice to leave a lasting impression on them in the form of showing grace and kindness, loving them the way Jesus has loved you.

“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it” (Colossians 3:12-14, The Message).

If you want to know what I look and feel like early in the morning, this meme perfectly describes my mental state. Thank God there is coffee to help me wake up and do all the talking and other adult stuff that allows me to function and to keep my job and to not go pants-less.

I am able to talk in the morning. Just don’t expect full and coherent sentences until at least 9 am. Maybe later.

“A person who cares nothing for praise or blame knows great inward peace….Praise does not make you holier than you are, nor blame more wicked. You are exactly what you are, and cannot ever be any better or worse than that, in the eyes of God. Attend to what is really within you, then, and you will not care what others say of you. People look at externals, but God looks at the heart. They weigh actions; God knows your intent….To feel no need of human support and assurance is a mark of inward confidence – of those who truly walk with God in their hearts” (Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ)

I confess that even now I sometimes worry about what others think of me. I know most of you do, too. It’s something that’s ingrained in us in this very competitive, comparison-driven world we live in. But the truth of the matter is that most people aren’t evaluating you and measuring your merit as much as they are worrying about what you and others think of them.

There is great peace that comes with knowing who you are. When you know your identity and your calling, then you don’t need affirmation and you can handle the criticism of others. When you know that only one voice matters in terms of speaking into your core identity, then you can let the other voices go.

When you listen to the voice of your Abba that calls you beloved, then you don’t need to heed what anyone else says about you or calls you or says to you. Their words may wound, but they can never again shape or define you. Who you are is secure because of Whose you are. You don’t have to impress anyone. You don’t have to carry the facade of perfection. You can be honest in your shortcomings and brokenness, knowing that you are being made new.

Then you can have and know peace.

It takes a while to get going. I mean I suppose it has to warm up for a while before it produces those floaty bubble things (or whatever they’re called). But for me, the wait is always worth it. Listening to relaxing music and staring at a lava lamp may be one of my favorite new hobbies. I am so easily pleased.

I believe lava lamps were a thing back in the 70s, but I don’t really remember ever seeing any when I was little. I recall my grandmother had a light beside her bed that looked like a cluster of grapes, but I have no memories of lava lamps.

Fast forward to 2006 or 2007 when I was in the mall and passed by Spencer’s Gifts. Lo and behold, they had a lava lamp on clearance for $10. So obviously, I had to buy it (even though I still think Spencer’s is weird and a bit gross). And fast forward to a few nights ago where I enjoyed the fruits of my well-spent $10. Job well done, I say.

It seems weird to me to say “Happy Memorial Day,” because today is when we remember all those who gave their lives defending our freedom, yet we have turned it into a sort of National Grill Out Day.

This is not against grilling out on Memorial Day. I am all for a burger off of a charcoal grill. Those really are the best. But Memorial Day is more than that. It’s more than a day to throw a party.

Hopefully at some point during the day, we can take a moment of silence to honor the fallen. We can give thanks for the freedoms that we enjoy that were not free but paid with by the very lifeblood of these men and women. We can pay that sacrifice forward by being good stewards and citizens, by treating each other with dignity and respect. We can above all remember the fact that God in Jesus paid the very highest price for our ultimate freedom in the blood of His only Son Jesus.

I think it’s possible to be reflect and celebrate at the same time. We can do all the grilling and gathering while remembering and honoring our heroes. Above all, the best way to engage Memorial Day is to live in gratitude and thanksgiving.

I think at this point, we all need a good laugh. Or maybe a good chortle. Or maybe just a good groan. So here you go. You’re welcome:

“Solitude and silence can never be separated from the call to unceasing prayer. If solitude were primarily an escape from a busy joy, and silence primarily an escape from a noisy milieu, they could easily become very self-centered forms of asceticism. But solitude and silence are for prayer. The Desert Fathers did not think of solitude as being alone, but as being alone with God. They did not think of silence as not speaking but as listening to God. Solitude and silence are the context within which prayer is practiced” (Henri Nouwen). It’s easy for me to sit in silence and solitude, to let my mind go wherever it wants. But to sit in prayerful silence and solitude is a discipline that takes time to learn. My mind doesn’t automatically default to prayer. I have to still all the other voices and thoughts that clamor for my attention at every moment. Periodically I have to chase down my train of thought like a parent running after an unruly toddler that wants to go everywhere he’s not supposed to go and touch everything he’s not supposed to touch. But prayer is also the gift of God, because sometimes the words come flowing through me and everything else stops. Either way, God hears. When can’t get my mind to settle down, God hears me. When I’m drowning in voices and can’t separate one from the other, God hears. Before I speak a word, God knows it in full and set the answer in motion long before I prayed for it.

Until you are satisfied with who you are, you won’t be satisfied with anything or anyone else. And only when you see yourself through God’s eyes can you truly understand who you are and who God made you to be.

When you’re always looking to the next phase of life, the next career, the next relationship, you’re never fully engaged in the here and now. You never live in the moment because you’re focusing on the future and not the present.

It’s always, “I’ll be happy when I finally get out of school” or “I’ll be happy when I finally meet the one” or “I’ll be happy when we finally start a family” or “I’ll be happy when those kids finally grow up and get out of the house.”

If you’re not content with you and who God made you to be, you’ll never be content in any circumstance or with any person. But when you learn to center your being in God, then everything else has a way of falling into place and you find yourself at rest in God’s will.

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track” (Proverbs 3:5-6, The Message).

“I could never myself believe in God, if it were not for the cross. The only God I believe in is the one Nietzsche ridiculed as ‘God on the Cross.’ In the real world of pain, how could one worship a God who was immune to it? I have entered many Buddhist temples and stood respectfully before the statue of Buddha, his legs crossed, arms folded, eyes closed, the ghost of a smile playing round his mouth, a remote look on his face, detached from the agonies of the world. But each time after a while I have had to turn away. And in imagination I have turned instead to that lonely, twisted, tortured figure on the cross, nails through hands and feet, back lacerated, limbs wrenched, brow bleeding from thorn-pricks, mouth dry and intolerably thirsty, plunged in God-forsaken darkness. That is the God for me! He laid aside his immunity to pain. He entered our world of flesh and blood, tears and death. He suffered for us” (John Stott).

There is so much suffering in the world. If you and I were aware of every single instance of suffering all over the world all the time, we could not bear it. But God sees it all.

God entered into our world of suffering by becoming one of us. But more than that, God entered into our suffering by enduring everything we must endure in this life. God redeemed our suffering by taking upon Himself the ultimate suffering on that world’s most painful torture device, the cross.

Those 19 families who lost 19 children know what it means to suffer. Their grief will never entirely go away in this lifetime. But the beauty of it is that God knows. Because of Jesus, suffering has new meaning. And suffering has an end.

One day there will be no more tears or pain. One day those wrongs will be made right. One day death will die and love will win. And the ultimate victor will be the God who will forever bear the scars on His hands and side and feet, the God who suffered.