The first thing I do when I get to work is to drink the coffee. Actually, the first thing I normally do is make the coffee — although I prefer it if someone else has already done the work, so I can enjoy the fruits of their labor (and not have my coffee tasting a bit like turpentine).

Some of you purists might banish me if you found out how much creamer I put in my coffee. Basically, when I’m done, the result is more of a latte than actual coffee. But it has caffeine, and that’s all that really matters. It’s all about doing whatever it takes to keep my eyes open and do all the adulty stuff that I do at work.

And what my coffee lacks in quality, I make up for in quantity. As in I drink a lot of that water filtered through coffee beans. Lots and lots of it.