sleep

Grace Notes on a Thursday Night

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As I type these words, I have one extremely sleepy therapist curled up in my lap. I can feel my blood pressure dropping and my stress melting away. It’s almost like I’m living inside a Norman Rockwell painting.

I visited my favorite place on earth again. Downtown Franklin for me is almost like leaving Middle Tennessee and entering Middle Earth. If Middle Earth had amazing frozen yogurt and talking crosswalks.

I saw two of my favorite friends down there and ate at McCreary’s Irish Pub yet again. I felt like a senior adult eating at 4:30 pm, but I didn’t have to wait and I was able to sit outside and people-watch while I ate.

I really think the way to slow down your life is to be intentionally thankful for each moment, grateful for each frame of your fleeting life, and to seek joy where you are. Once you start looking for them, you’ll be amazed at how plentiful the blessings are. How numerous the little joys are that quietly intrude on your day.

Sometimes, you have to put down the iPhone and the iPad and the MacBookPro and live in the moment. Actually be present in your life to the people and places around you.

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I find that my gratitude increases my awareness of grace and my need for it and my capacity to both receive and give it. Everything I have and everything I am that’s worth anything at all is grace, including possessions, people, health, education, and (as hard as it is for me to admit) even the faith to believe in the promises of Jesus.

I say take time to bless those people behind the counter. I went back into Sweet CeCe’s after I finished my divine Southern Sweet Velvet yogurt and told the girl working there that they always did such a great job and made me feel welcome every time I went in there. I’m sure plenty of people probably complained or took out their frustrations on her, so I felt she needed at least one positive and encouraging word that day.

Even if it’s only a smile, you can change a person’s world. And as I’ve said before, to change one person’s world is to change the world.

Gee, I do so love grace.

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Yes, It’s Hump Daaaaay (and Yes, I’m Sick of That Geico Commercial. Enough Already)

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it’s Wednesday (in case you were one of the two people living under a rock who didn’t know what hump day was). Currently, I am in one of my many therapy sessions with Doctor Lucy, per usual, sleeping on the job. At least her rates are very affordable and she accepts my insurance.

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I am at peace with the world. Or at least my world. I am very content with where I am and what I have, knowing that I am smack dab in the middle of God’s plan for me and that I am in Christ and He is in me. Every promise of God belongs to me and there is nothing that I lack. Every single thing I need for life to the full and holiness is mine.

So why is that not enough for me most of the time? Why do I always want more than what God offers in the moment? Why can’t I let go of the trinkets in my hands to receive eternal treasures?

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I don’t have any good answers.

i do know that I am still living my miracle, surrounded by a cloud of witnesses and spurred on daily by family and friends who speak blessings and life and healing and peace into my being.

Joy is still found not by looking ahead or looking back but from seeing the now and being present in this moment. It is so elusive to those with no time or patience for it but is found by those who need it most. When they need it the most.

 

Life is still good, God is still great, and I am still so very blessed.

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On a Night Like This

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It was a perfect night. You couldn’t ask for better weather. It was cool, almost fall-ish, with a barely perceptible breeze stirring the remainders of summer scents and sending them wafting through the air.

I and my community group went to a friend’s house where we baked pizzas in an outdoor brick oven. That part was fabulous. Yeah, it beat DiGiornio’s, at least in this pizza fan’s opinion.

I even put together my own pizza, with dough, sauce, cheese, and pepperonis. Ok, I’m no Wolfgang Puck, but it was both fun and stimulating to create something with my own two hands. Especially something I got to eat later.

I loved seeing friends old and new and having good conversations. I love even more being in a place in my life where I’m comfortable in my own skin and not always feeling like I have to prove my worth to anybody.

Normally, you don’t see change and growth in your own life on a daily basis. It’s only when you are able to look back over six months or a year that you really see the fingerprints of God all over your life.

I see where I am more confident, calmer, and at peace with myself, others, and God. I am better at waiting, more patient, more understanding. I am much better at finding those moments of eucharisteo in my life and living out of a sense of joy and gratitude.

The only thing I would have added is maybe a hammock. I could see myself falling asleep, cradled by the night and hearing God singing with delight over me.

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So, life is still good, God is still great, and I am still blessed.

Jesus Is Your Peace

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This is just a reminder for those weary and worn ragamuffins who occasionally stray from the road and get lost in the dark from time to time. There’s always a Voice calling your name to lead you back. And the name of that Voice is the Prince of Peace.

When you’re tired and you can’t sleep, Jesus is your peace.

When the one you really like prefers someone else over you, Jesus is your peace.

When your spouse wakes up one morning and decides he or she doesn’t love you anymore and doesn’t want to be married to you anymore, Jesus is your peace.

When a friend whom you trusted hurts you and the wound goes deeper than pain, Jesus is your peace.

When your good intentions get maligned and people ascribe you malicious motives, Jesus is your peace.

When you have a week of Mondays at work and nothing seems to go right, Jesus is your peace.

When you’ve been out of work for months and begin to wonder if you even have anything worth offering to anybody, Jesus is your peace.

When you’re bending over a sick loved one and your only prayers are tears, Jesus is your peace.

When your child hovers between life and death and you are powerless to help, Jesus is your peace

Through whatever storms or calm, joy or sorrow, victory or defeat, gain or loss, Jesus has been, is, and will always be your peace.

Amen.

 

Things I Love 49: Waited On a Line of Greens and Blues

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“How long does it take for your soul to recognize that your life is full? The slower the living, the greater the sense of fullness and satisfaction. The body and soul can synchronize” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

One important part of learning to living out of eucharisteo is to recognize not every moment will feel like joy. There will be relapses into old ways of thinking– of fear and anger and the need to control and manipulate. It’s okay. Just don’t stay there. Center your mind on the little things you love that make you grateful. Make a list of them. Maybe don’t be quite as OCD as me and list 1,420 (and counting) things, but start small and make a list of 20-25.

1,521) Remembering that no failure is final.

1,522) Chocolate moose tracks ice cream from Purity.

1,523) Little pleasant surprises like getting off work 30 minutes early.

1,524) Finding a retail store called Ragamuffin Shoppe (which turned out to be a children’s clothing store) located off of Cool Springs Blvd.

1,525) Giving one of my blog cards to the person who worked there.

1,526) Walking all the way to the intersection of Cool Springs Blvd and Frazier Drive (even though it was hot and muggy and I sweated like the pig that’s about to be Christmas Day dinner).

1,527) The video I posted today of a cat in a shark costume riding on one of those roomba thingys.

1,528) Not being ashamed to use the word “thingy” when talking about something electronic or mechanical.

1,529) Getting to sleep in tomorrow morning.

1,530) Not having any of those 4-hours-of-sleep kinds of nights lately.

1,531) “God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble” (Psalm 46:1).

1,532) The little Snickers frozen ice cream bars.

1,533) Finding out about a book called 14,000 Things to be Happy About from my cousin and one of my favorite people ever, Rachel Johnson.

1,528) My cat Lucy giving me high fives.

1,529) My little Casio portable TV (even though it doesn’t work currently).

1,530) The song “To Be With You” by Mr. Big that brings back memories every time I hear it.

1,531) God’s mighty saving arm that is both strong and long enough to reach me.

1,532) The perfectly ripe banana I had today.

1,533) The video I just posted on Facebook of a 20-month old girl singing along with Elvis’ “An American Trilogy.”

1,534) The peace and quiet at 11:30 pm on a Friday night.

1,535) Not having any plans or money or gas in my car this weekend.

1,536) Not having to work this Saturday.

1,537) Being at peace at the moment.

1,538) Accepting what is, letting go of what was, and having faith in what can be (and knowing God is in all three places still).

1,539) The way Foursquare listed my workplace as Affionion Group.

1,540) The freedom that comes with not caring about appearing foolish in the eyes of others.

1,541) Getting the inside joke for once.

1,542) When other people get my obscure movie and TV show references.

1,543) Having enough of these things I love for 49 (and still counting) posts.

1,544) Not having a sinus headache today.

1,545) Eating at seafood places just for the halibut (you’ll get it if you read it out loud really fast).

1,546) All those cat emoticons on Facebook Messenger.

1,547) Those strong arms of my Abba holding on to me tightly tonight.

1,548) Reading the Bible on the YouVersion app on my iPad 2.

1,549) The dream of owning the Complete Series of Friends on blu ray one day.

1,550) Obviously being a night owl (as I type this at 12:12 am).

Things I Love 46: A Terrible Mystery

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“What a terrible mystery
How I searched for the key
To unlock your guarded heart
And set your love free
What a beautiful dream
I tried more than anything
To unlock your heart
And set your love free
A terrible mystery” (The Choir)

“How do I wake up to joy and grace and beauty and all that is the fullest life when I must stay numb to losses and crushed dreams and all that empties me out?” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are)

“Joy and pain, they are but two arteries of the one heart that pumps through all those who don’t numb themselves to really living” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

I keep returning to this well of thanksgiving because it is there that I find life. I don’t mean blood pumping through my veins, breathing in and out kind of life. I mean the kind of life that consists of more than just existing, but being fully enveloped in and aware of God in each moment. The life that sees the rainbow through the rain clouds, the sun behind the dark night, and the joy behind the thousand daily heartbreaks and little dream-deaths we face each day. Joy is being truly awake and alive to the good in everything, even the worst of circumstances, knowing that the Father will work out all these things for the best possible good.

1,431) Muggy days that make the coming crisp days of autumn all the more welcome.

1,432) Reepicheep, the bravest of all the talking mice in Narnia.

1,433) Seeing my job as a priestly function of offering my work as a thanksgiving offering to God.

1,434) Having a job to go to, even if it was at 6:30 this morning.

1,435)  That I still love driving my ’95 Jeep Cherokee even after 10 years.

1,436) Taking notes at Kairos tonight on my iPad2.

1,437) Having the best family (which includes blood relatives, and friends both on Facebook and in the real world).

1,438) Adam Wheatley and Courtney Cole leading the amazing worship tonight at Kairos.

1,439) My friend Paige who has faithfully led the greeter team and been one of my most supportive friends when I really needed it.

1,440) Signing up again to volunteer for Belmont move-in day for incoming freshmen.

1,441) Finally converted after much kicking and screaming (mostly in the metaphorical sense) to being an Apple guy. All I need now is a MacBook Pro.

1,442) Seeing one of my Romanian friends at Kairos tonight.

1,443) Resuming my lunch walks (even if this one was interrupted on account of rain).

1,444) Wifi when it is working right.

1,445) The movie Notting Hill, even if it’s a chick-flick. It’s a very well-made, well-written chick-flick.

1,446) Not even being the least bit tempted to break my more than 15-month break from carbonated beverages today.

1,447) My scars.

1,448) Singing “All that she wants is to go to Kairos” tonight to the tune of the Ace of Base song, “All That She Wants.”

1,449) When I let God be my defender and justifier.

1,450) Random acts of recycling.

1,451) Tagging these blogs creatively so more people can read them.

1,452) Being around something completely annoying and hearing the character Janice from the TV show friends in her nasal Bronx accent saying in my head, “OH MY GOD!”

1,453) Having such entertaining voices in my head.

1,454) Being reminded that surrender to Jesus is the truest freedom I’ve ever known.

1,455) Knowing that God is more faithful and eager to hear my prayers and answer them than I am to pray them most of the time.

1,456) The calming effect of hearing the rainfall outside.

1,457) Thinking of how very far my driving skills have come since my very first time behind the wheel, terrified out of my mind and driving down one of the busiest streets in Memphis.

1,458) Choosing joy over a bitter and complaining spirit.

1,459) My friend Emily, who also serves in Kairos faithfully each week and who has a true Proverbs 31 kind of beauty.

1,460) The thought of going to bed soon after a long day that started at 5:30 this morning.

Things I Love 37: Wouldn’t It Be Loverly?

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“The true Love Dare. To move into His presence and listen to His love unending and know the grace uncontainable. This is the vault of the miracles. The only thing that can change us, the world, is this- all His love” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

“Grace is alive, living waters. If I dam up the grace, hold the blessings tight, joy within dies… waters that have no life” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

“The wrinkled man in the wheelchair with the legs wrapped, the girl with her face punctured deep with the teeth marks of a dog, the mess of the world, and I see – this, all this, is what the French call d’un beau affreux, what the Germans call hubsch-hasslich – the ugly-beautiful. That which is perceived as ugly transfigures into beautiful. What the post-impressionist painter Paul Gauguin expressed as ‘Le laid peut etre beau’ – The ugly can be beautiful. The dark can give birth to life; suffering can deliver grace” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

I suppose that any normal or sane person would have given up this series of blogs by now. I mean after all, I’ve achieved what I set out to do in naming one thousand gifts, or blessings, or things I’m thankful for and love. But I have never been a normal person. And as for insanity? I don’t suffer from it at all. I’ve enjoyed every minute of it. Starting at #1,106.

1,106) Hitting 30,000 views on my blog that I started on a lark and never really imagined anyone who wasn’t related to me would find even remotely interesting.

1,107) Marathons of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies on TCM.

1,108) The new car smell.

1,109) People who don’t give up on their dreams even when everything in them and around them tells them to.

1,110) The God who is bigger than the universe knowing when one tiny sparrow falls.

1,111) The amazing talent of Buddy Holly that cut too short by his untimely death.

1,112) Sitting inside of a brand new Camero convertible that I will probably never be able to afford.

1,113) Free music downloads.

1,114) Knowing that all the people I truly care about woke up this morning.

1,115) Rooms lit solely by candlelight.

1,116) Whenever Aslan breathes on someone and their fears melt away.

1,117) “True Companion” by Marc Cohn, which will be in my wedding whenever I find a future Mrs.

1,118) A well-placed pun.

1,119) Rain beading on the leaves of a tree after rain.

1,120) Just about anything Art Deco.

1,121) That the religious leaders and the Romans and death and hell couldn’t keep Jesus down, because “That’s my King!”

1,122) Reading a good book at night just before I fall asleep.

1,123) Being signed by my Creator and knowing that means I am priceless.

1,124) People who love animals.

1,125) Not having to listen to or hear about politics of any sort.

1,126) Common sense (even though it isn’t all that common these days).

1,127) The ways God has of keeping me humble.

1,128) That at this very moment someone could be saying an eternal “Yes” to Jesus.

1,129) The vision in Revelation of every tongue and every tribe being represented before the throne of God in heaven.

1,130) Seeing a well-made movie adaptation of a good book, such as The Hunger Games.

1,131) The look of a newly-mowed lawn.

1,132) Sharing my favorite books with other people.

1,133) Having Charity as the person who cuts my hair.

1,134) Big Momma’s Pancake Breakfast at Cracker Barrel.

1,135) Zero candy bars (even though they’re not easy to find anymore).

1,136) Natural health remedies.

1,137) Getting the scoop about a movie on Rotten Tomatoes.

1,138) Not taking life for granted anymore.

1,139) That God never takes me for granted ever.

1,140) That I’ll be sleeping in about 20-30 minutes from now.

Things I Love 34: To Infinity and Beyond

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“Life is so urgent it necessitates living slow”  (Ann Voskamp).

“Thanksgiving-giving thanks in everything-prepares the way that God might show us His fullest salvation in Christ” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

“At the last, this is what will determine a fulfilling, meaningful life, a life that, behind all the facades, every one of us longs to live: gratitude for the blessings that expresses itself by becoming the blessing” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

I entertained thoughts about stretching this series to 2,000.  But then again, I’m much too lazy for that. Besides, I probably mentioned some things I love more than once, so these extras should compensate for my oversights. And I’m still having too much fun with it to stop now. So we pick up at #1,001.

1,001) Getting radically out of my comfort zone to serve at VBS with inner-city kids.

1,002) Any kind of a front or back porch swing.

1,003) Seeing videos and pictures of my Romanian friend’s wedding.

1,004) That I now have prayer books from three different faith aspects: Episcopalian (The Book of Common Prayer), Roman Catholic (The Liturgy of the Hours), and Jewish (Siddur: The  Traditional Prayer Book).

1,005) Packing school backpacks with school supplies and prayers to give to inner-city children.

1,006) That no one can make me feel anything. I choose my response and by the grace of God, I can respond to hate with love, anger with kindness, and mockery with respect.

1,007) Knowing that I’m not who I used to be or what I one day will be.

1,008) Walking through meadows filled with flowers.

1,009) That I finally grew out of eating ketchup sandwiches.

1,010) Being very nonlinear and random.

1,011) Hot showers in the morning to help me wake up.

1,012) Groupon deals.

1,013) Not having to worry about living anyone’s life but my own.

1,014) Those rare couples who stay pure in the midst of dating and don’t move in together until after they’re married.

1,015) Stopping my car at twilight to catch a family of deer running across the road.

1,016) Free books that the library gives away.

1,017) Free anything.

1,018) Finally figuring out how to do a screen capture on my iPhone.

1,019) Tiny flower pots. What do you plant in those?

1,020)  Fans blowing on me while I sleep.

1,021) The way the sunlight reflects off of Radnor Lake in the summer time.

1,022) Fallen pine needles strewn across the ground on an autumn afternoon.

1,023) The crunching sound of walking through dead leaves in the fall.

1,024) That you can’t say the word “rural” and not sound like you’ve had one too many.

1,025) Adele Live at Royal Albert Hall on blu ray.

1,026) The Amplified Bible.

1,027) Getting lost in a good book.

1,028) Model trains.

1,029) All the amazing people I’m going to see in heaven one day.

1,030) Spring reminding me of the hope that the Resurrection brings.

1,031) The scent of vanilla.

1,032) The clean feeling after I’ve just brushed my teeth.

1,033) The music of Duke Ellington.

1,034)Mechanical pencils.

1,035) That if I were to list every single thing in my life that I’m thankful for and that is really a gift, I’d have to blog until I’m as old as Methuselah to get everything down (and then I’d still leave something out).

Things I Love 30: That’s The Way Love Goes

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“Who would ever know the greater graces of comfort and perserverance, mercy and forgiveness, patience and courage, if no shadows fell over a life?” (Ann Voskamp)

“The practice of giving thanks…eucharisteo…this is the way we practice the presence of God, stay present to His presence, and it is always a practice of the eyes. We don’t have to change what we see. Only the way we see.” (Ann Voskamp)

The big 3-0. That’s how many blogs I’ve written in this series. It seems like only yesterday that I was writing the first one. Actually, it was more like three weeks ago. Maybe four. But here I am yet again, starting out with #871.

871) Still having peace and joy after being defriended on Facebook for no apparent reason (at least none that was given with no chance to correct whatever I did wrong).

872) The comfort of chocolate ice cream.

873) That Aslan is on the move.

874) A surprise visit from a friendly neighborhood cat.

875) Hanging out with my sister when it’s just the two of us, even if it’s at Michael’s.

876) Lucy the Wonder Kitty half-asleep and purring in my lap.

877) Those times when God reminds me gently that He is all I really need.

878) Salted peanuts.

879) Being able to let go and move on.

880) Seeing pictures of my friends John and Michelle’s new baby and knowing she will be loved.

881) The way my old dog Murphy used to sigh with contentment at the end of a long day.

882) Being an Eagle Scout.

883) Adele’s voice.

884) Having a great weekend to look forward to.

885) Not giving a . . . well, crap about what other people think anymore.

886) The tender yet relentless pursuit of the Father for His children (including me).

887) My coffee table book of Ansel Adams photography that I picked up at an estate sale for $5.

888) Red Velvet anything.

889) God using people like the Apostle Peter and the Apostle Paul.

890) My big book of Vincent Van Gogh artwork.

891) Friends who refuse to give up on other friends.

892) That last bit of sleep just before I have to wake up in the morning.

893) My friend who recently moved to Orlando and who is one of the sweetest kindest people I’ve been blessed to know.

894) Visions of lambs lying down with lions and being unafraid.

895) Red kool-aid. As long as it’s not during VBS.

896) A really good foot massage.

897) Running water, indoor plumbing, and all those other things I take for granted that half the world would love to have.

898) My very swanky Mr. Rogers t-shirt.

899) When I stop trying to define who my neighbor is and start trying to be one.

900) Big Red gum.

901) That I’m down to less than 100 things I love left. Maybe

902) Finding the perfectly random pin on Pinterest.

903) Google Chrome (much more than Internet Explorer).

904) Purple stuff (way more than Tang).

905) 10,000 years to sing of 10,000 reasons to bless the Lord.

Things I Love 27: Every Rose Has Its Thorn

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island hammock

Even on a Monday there’s plenty to be thankful for. In fact, having a mindset of thankfulness can make even the worst of Mondays bearable and even good. And even the worst of Mondays are only 24 hours. Unless you’re Bill Murray on Groundhog Day. Then good luck. On to #761.

761) Hiking the Ganier Ridge trail at Radner Lake in the rain.

762) Knowing that even the worst of days last only 24 hours.

763) Seeing a baby deer with its mother.

764) The thought of having a bowl of cereal as a reward for finishing this blog.

765) Yard sales and garage sales.

766) Looking forward to another Kairos tomorrow night.

767) Being 100% condemnation-free in Christ.

768) Rescued pets.

769) Finally releasing my cares into the more than capable hands of Jesus.

770) Corn on the cob.

771) Being reminded of my dependence on Jesus and how it’s not up to me.

772) All those Back to the Future movies (even that confusing Part II).

773) Knowing that Jesus won’t ever give up on me.

774) That knowing is half the battle– thanks to the 80’s G. I. Joe cartoons for that reminder.

775) That all I have to to is stand and watch and God will fight my battles for me.

776) A good game of gin rummy (even though I never ever win).

777) The possibility, however remote, of going on a date with Kari Jobe.

778) Watching Halloween and Halloween II back-to-back on Halloween night.

779) Remembering all those late nights at Perkin’s when I was a student at Union.

780) That tree-lined road between Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg.

781) Those moments of clarity in the middle of the hazy days.

782) That God didn’t give me most of the things I prayed for.

783) The Pauline Baynes illustrations in The Chronicles of Narnia.

784) The fruit tea at Calypso Cafe.

785) Fried chicken at family reunions.

786) Bette Davis in Now, Voyager.

787) Picnics at Arrington Vineyards on Sunday afternoons.

788) How my cat looks so peaceful and serene when she’s sleeping.

789) Victor Hugo’s beautiful story of redemption and hope in Les Miserables.

790) Wading in a creek on an especially hot and humid day.

791) How much better I feel right now than when I started this blog.

792) Serving breakfast at an ungodly hour at the Nashville Rescue Mission.

793) Pure 100% Vermont maple syrup.

794) The beautiful and sad movie, Bright Star.

795) Not ever giving up on people because God never gave up on me.

796) Vh1’s Behind The Music– especially about the bands I loved growing up.

797) Whitney Houston’s 1991 version of The Star-Spangled Banner.

798) High fives and fist bumps.

799) Oscillating fans.

800) Whoever came up with the brilliant idea of those combination squirt guns and portable fans.