prayer

An Evening Prayer on the Last Day of August

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“O God, I thank You for this day of life
for eyes to see the sky
for ears to hear the birds
for feet to walk amidst the trees
for hands to pick the flowers from the earth
for a sense of smell to breathe in the sweet
perfumes of nature
for a mind to think about and appreciate
the magic of everyday miracles
for a spirit to swell in joy at Your mighty presence
everywhere” (Marian Wright Edelman)

Thank you, God, that you woke me up this morning and gave me good health and a body capable of enjoying your creation in all of its splendors.

Thank you for another day or grace and forgiveness and peace and joy.

Thank you that You don’t treat me a I deserve or according to my manifold sins and weaknesses, for I could never then hope to even catch a glimpse of Your face.

But now I see it everywhere.

In the last blooms of the last flowers before the autumn chill sets in.

In the laughter of old friends gathered together.

In the gentle breeze that blows where and when it wills.

In Van Morrison singing about Tupelo Honey in the airwaves above my head.

In the pink remains of yet another artful sunset.

In my own contented and peaceful heart.

Thank you for being here with me and being everything I need in this moment.

“Dear Lord,
be good to me…
The sea is so wide
and my boat is so small.” (Irish Fisherman’s Prayer)

“Lord, I don’t ask for a faith
that would move yonder mountain.
I can take enough dynamite and move
it if it needs movin’. I pray, Lord,
for enough faith to move me” (Norman Allen).

Thank you, Chris

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“God of love,
we thank you that Chris is in your gentle and loving hands,
far from the cruelty, violence and pain of our world.
When the trouble was near,
we could not understand how you seemed
to remain far away.
And yet it is to you we turn;
for in life and death
it is you alone whom we can trust,
and yours alone is the love that holds us fast.
We find it hard to forgive the deed
that has brought us so much grief.
But we know that, if life is soured by bitterness,
an unforgiving spirit brings no peace.
Lord, save us and help us.
Strengthen in us the faith and hope that Chris
is freed from the past with all its hurt,
and rests for ever in the calm security of your love,
in Jesus Christ our Lord.
All
Amen.”

Thank you, Chris.

Thank you for being a good son, husband, and father.

Thank you for leaving behind a legacy of undying love and unquenchable faith.

Thank you for inspiring me with the way you lived out your faith even in dying, to the very last moments when Jesus called you home.

Thank you for your words of encouragement to me and thinking of me when what you were going through was a million times worse than anything I’ve faced.

You’ve inspired me to be kinder and more patient with those in my life.

You’ve reminded me to hug my friends and family as often as I can and to say, “I love you” whenever I get the chance.

You’ve compelled me to not take tomorrow for granted, but to seek forgiveness and reconciliation today while there is still time.

I and so many others are better people and more in loved with Jesus for having known you.

I know at this moment Jesus has you tightly gripped in a great big ol’ bear hug as He whispers in your ear, “Well done, my good and faithful servant. Attaboy, Chris!”

Thank you, Chris.

” I know your life
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren’t afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin’
Love for the Father and Son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, your work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin’
Love for the Father and Son” (Vince Gill)

Bittersweet Memories, Regrets, and Grace

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St Pauls Frank rescan 20001

Today, I found out that a friend of mine who has cancer is in ICU. He’s septic and may not make it through the night. And if I’m honest, I didn’t really know him in high school. Or at least I don’t remember much about him. I regret that.

Lately, he’s been one of my biggest encouragers, even though what he’s going through is a million times worse than anything I’ve ever faced. I’m praying for one more miracle.

I find myself missing my childhood best friend Nathan. I miss my Grandmother Iris and my Granddaddy Bud. I miss both Uncle Bob and Uncle Monty. I even miss my high school homeroom teacher.

I have lots of unspoken words I wish I had spoken and a lot of unfulfilled promises I intended to keep but didn’t.

I can never go back and tell these people what they meant to me. I can never see their faces and hear their funny stories and hear tales of a legacy of faith that’s been passed down. I can never ask those questions that I thought I would have time to get around to.

But grace means that I still have a chance to set that right. I can say those words to the people who are still in my life. I can make good on promises I made to family and friends in honor and memory of those whom I’ve lost and miss still.

Don’t presume that you’ll have tomorrow to say your “I love you”s. Don’t think that anybody whom you love is guaranteed a tomorrow. Whatever you need to say or do, today is the day.

I’ve said before that when you take things and people for granted, what you’re granted gets taken. And I’ve asked the question before: “If God only let you keep what you thanked Him for and were grateful for verbally, what would you have left? Who would you have left?”

There’s an insidious kind of casualness to relationships these days. Maybe it’s because of people having 5,000 friends on facebook. Maybe it’s because no one thinks they’re really and truly mortal. But once someone is gone from your life, you can never rewind the tape. You can never skip back to the last scene. You can only live with those unspoken words and unfulfilled promises.

I know this is not one of my usual frivolous and witty posts. But sitting in St. Paul’s Episcopal Church with tears rolling down my face, I was reminded that sometimes I need a wake-up call. I need to be reminded that life is precious and people are more precious. Right now, have one purring cat in my lap that I must attend to, so I bid you all adieu and a good night.

A Kairos Greeter Prayer

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kairosbbc

“I want the last face you see in this world to be the face of love, so you look at me when they do this thing. I’ll be the face of love for you” (Sister Helen Prejean, Dead Man Walking).

Lord,

I’m just one person. There are so many hurting and lost people who feel like nobody sees them. There are so many crying out for someone to notice them in their pain and anguish. Some will be here tonight for Kairos. Some will bring their profound brokenness, their wrist scars, their needle marks, their shattered dreams, their dashed hopes.

Help the first face they see in mine to be the face of Love. For some, it could be the last face they see, and may they leave this world knowing they saw at least one face filled with Your lovingkindness.

Help them to not see Greg Johnson, but Jesus Christ. May it be His smile they see and His words they hear and His hope they receive.

Let Your joy be in me and let it overflow to those who walk by. May your peace radiate outward from me in tangible waves to those who are in bondage to fear and doubt and anxiety. May You be everything in that moment and may I be nothing but a vessel for You to love Your people through.

I can’t touch every single hurting person, but I can be Jesus to just one. I can love the person in front of me. I can show grace to the next person who walks by my door.

Most of all, may they not remember me or Michael Boggs and the worship team or Mike Glenn (or whoever else happens to be teaching that night). If they don’t remember any of the lyrics to any of the songs or anything of the message, may they walk away knowing they have met with You, the Almighty Creator and King of the Universe as well as the Abba Father and Counter of the Lowliest Sparrow.

And may they never be the same again.

Amen.

Movin’ On Up (To The East Side)

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Once again, I had the fun privilege of participating in the annual Belmont Move-In Day for incoming freshmen. You couldn’t have asked for better weather, i,e, mid 70’s with low humidity. It was perfect.

I had a blast as usual (this being my 3rd year) and was thankful yet again that the dorm I was assigned to didn’t have six floors. And that I was in much better physical shape than that first year.

I know college is supposed to be somewhat traumatic at first, but I think it’s the parents who are more traumatized than the kids. Most of the freshmen looked thrilled at the new possibilities and the open potential that lay ahead. The dads look mostly stoic and the moms looked to be on the verge of tears. Ok, not really, but that’s how I imagined the scenario playing out when no one else was watching.

Seeing a guy carrying up an old-school non-flat screen TV reminded me sharply of an old TV I dug out of a dumpster. It had the usual colors of a color TV, but it also had a green button that (amazingly enough) turned the whole screen green. I’m not sure what purpose that button served. It did make for interesting sit-com experiences.

That old TV worked for the rest of my senior year at Union University. In fact, it worked up until the day I brought it home. I can say for sure that I got my money’s worth out of it.

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Anyway, I met a lot of amazing people. From some of the Belmont students I met, I can tell you that my hope for the future is considerably brighter. They seem a lot more mature than most incoming college freshmen, Or at least more mature than I was at 19 (who am I kidding? I’m still not all that mature).

I’m praying that God will lead these freshmen to find godly mentors and older students who will walk ahead of them down that narrow road that few find, but leads to so many good things. I’m praying they take risks, go for broke, laugh a lot, cry without shame, and fall in love with Jesus more and more every day.

I’m praying that they will look at the naysayers that tell them that the world is too far gone and beyond saving and headed for hell in a handbasket (apparently, a very large one) and prove them wrong by going out and changing that world, one heart at a time.

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Things I Love 46: A Terrible Mystery

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makeadifference

“What a terrible mystery
How I searched for the key
To unlock your guarded heart
And set your love free
What a beautiful dream
I tried more than anything
To unlock your heart
And set your love free
A terrible mystery” (The Choir)

“How do I wake up to joy and grace and beauty and all that is the fullest life when I must stay numb to losses and crushed dreams and all that empties me out?” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are)

“Joy and pain, they are but two arteries of the one heart that pumps through all those who don’t numb themselves to really living” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

I keep returning to this well of thanksgiving because it is there that I find life. I don’t mean blood pumping through my veins, breathing in and out kind of life. I mean the kind of life that consists of more than just existing, but being fully enveloped in and aware of God in each moment. The life that sees the rainbow through the rain clouds, the sun behind the dark night, and the joy behind the thousand daily heartbreaks and little dream-deaths we face each day. Joy is being truly awake and alive to the good in everything, even the worst of circumstances, knowing that the Father will work out all these things for the best possible good.

1,431) Muggy days that make the coming crisp days of autumn all the more welcome.

1,432) Reepicheep, the bravest of all the talking mice in Narnia.

1,433) Seeing my job as a priestly function of offering my work as a thanksgiving offering to God.

1,434) Having a job to go to, even if it was at 6:30 this morning.

1,435)  That I still love driving my ’95 Jeep Cherokee even after 10 years.

1,436) Taking notes at Kairos tonight on my iPad2.

1,437) Having the best family (which includes blood relatives, and friends both on Facebook and in the real world).

1,438) Adam Wheatley and Courtney Cole leading the amazing worship tonight at Kairos.

1,439) My friend Paige who has faithfully led the greeter team and been one of my most supportive friends when I really needed it.

1,440) Signing up again to volunteer for Belmont move-in day for incoming freshmen.

1,441) Finally converted after much kicking and screaming (mostly in the metaphorical sense) to being an Apple guy. All I need now is a MacBook Pro.

1,442) Seeing one of my Romanian friends at Kairos tonight.

1,443) Resuming my lunch walks (even if this one was interrupted on account of rain).

1,444) Wifi when it is working right.

1,445) The movie Notting Hill, even if it’s a chick-flick. It’s a very well-made, well-written chick-flick.

1,446) Not even being the least bit tempted to break my more than 15-month break from carbonated beverages today.

1,447) My scars.

1,448) Singing “All that she wants is to go to Kairos” tonight to the tune of the Ace of Base song, “All That She Wants.”

1,449) When I let God be my defender and justifier.

1,450) Random acts of recycling.

1,451) Tagging these blogs creatively so more people can read them.

1,452) Being around something completely annoying and hearing the character Janice from the TV show friends in her nasal Bronx accent saying in my head, “OH MY GOD!”

1,453) Having such entertaining voices in my head.

1,454) Being reminded that surrender to Jesus is the truest freedom I’ve ever known.

1,455) Knowing that God is more faithful and eager to hear my prayers and answer them than I am to pray them most of the time.

1,456) The calming effect of hearing the rainfall outside.

1,457) Thinking of how very far my driving skills have come since my very first time behind the wheel, terrified out of my mind and driving down one of the busiest streets in Memphis.

1,458) Choosing joy over a bitter and complaining spirit.

1,459) My friend Emily, who also serves in Kairos faithfully each week and who has a true Proverbs 31 kind of beauty.

1,460) The thought of going to bed soon after a long day that started at 5:30 this morning.

Things I Love 39: If It’s Not Fine, It’s Not the End

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island hammock

“The joy of small that makes life large. Hadn’t I personally experienced it before too, that vantage point that gave a sense of smallness before grandeur? At the tip of the Grand Canyon, peering into the carved earth, the vastness of the hewn and many-hued chasm. A late June night peering into the expanse of heavens nailed up with the named and known stars. A moon field. I hardly dare brush the limitlessness with my vaporous humanity. But the irony: Don’t I often desperately want to wriggle free of the confines of a small life? Yet when I stand before immensity that heightens my smallness – I have never felt sadness. Only burgeoning wonder.” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

Most of what I’m thankful for are the small things that most others take for granted. Or things that remind me of how small I am in the grand scheme of things. Truly, some of the best things in life come in small packages (like the feline package curled up and asleep in my lap as I write these words. So, starting at #1,176, this journey of thanksgiving continues.

1,176) Even the possibility of a Friends TV show reunion.

1,177) Just under 11 pounds of sleeping fur in my lap.

1,178) That to live is Christ and to die is gain– the best win-win ever.

1,179) Fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches at The Arcade in Memphis, TN.

1,180) The feeling of finally having a job after 14 months without one.

1,181) Seeing my prayers for a job answered.

1,182) A blue sky filled with white clouds.

1,183) Another Kairos Night of Worship coming up next Tuesday.

1,184) The songs of birds on a sunny day.

1,185) My friend Erica Grant’s smile.

1,186) Not feeling the need to be anyone else but myself.

1,187) Knowing that at any moment people are praying for me.

1,188) A momma deer with her baby.

1,189) That huge feeling of relief when I paid off the last of my student loans.

1,190) The freedom that comes with truly forgiving someone.

1,191) Wednesday being “hump daaaay!”

1,192) Icy Hot on a sore muscle.

1,193) Finally having a little bit of a tan on my legs so they’re not so ghastly white anymore.

1,194) “Living the dream,” as my friend Michael Boggs puts it.

1,195) The extended prayer times at Kairos.

1,196) Getting free tickets to Titans games.

1,197) Scrolling through friends’ homepages and seeing all their photos (but not in a stalker kind of way).

1,198) Imagining the things my cat would say if she spoke human.

1,199) Just about any vehicle that is over 50 years old.

1,200) Posting about my new job and already having 40 likes and 6 comments.

1,201) Watermelon (especially after reading all the amazing health benefits).

1,202) The fruit tea at Calypso Cafe.

1,2o3) That another episode of Friends starts in 15 minutes.

1,204) Newborn puppies and kittens.

1,205) Muting an annoying commercial.

1,206) Having caller ID to avoid the telemarketers.

1,207) Those rare movies where the nerd gets the pretty girl at the end.

1,208) Adding stuff to my amazon.com wish-list.

1,209) Bringing a smile to a total stranger’s face.

1,210) Knowing that there will be at least one more of these Things I Love posts.

Things I Love 35: Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Get Back on the Internet . . .

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island hammock

“That which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

“God is good and I am always loved” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

“The whole of the life — even the hard — is made up of the minute parts, and if I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole. These are new language lessons, and I live them out. There is a way to live the big of giving thanks in all things. It is this: to give thanks in this one small thing. The moments will add up”  (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

Yeah, just when you thought I was done with this series, I resuscitate it and bring it back from the world wide graveyard. I’m not even close to being finished with all these thousand and more gifts I’ve received in my lifetime. It’s probably closer to 10,000. Actually, if I were completely honest, there’d be no way to count the blessings in my life for no human number goes that high. So I’ll do my best, starting at #1,036.

1,036) Yet more good coffee and conversation with another friend at Frothy Monkey (after a bit of confusion as to which Frothy Monkey).

1,037) When I stop comparing myself to others and instead compare myself to where I used to be.

1,038) Politically Correct Bedtime Stories.

1,039) Seeing my Romanian friend and sister-in-Christ happily married.

1,040) Rubbing my bare feet against carpet.

1,041) Not getting elbowed in the head or having my bare feet stepped on during volleyball games.

1,042) That possibly the best days and moments of my life are still yet to come.

1,043) Not getting counted off anymore for split infinitives.

1,044) Friends who actually make time to keep up with me and encourage me regularly.

1,045) All the old episodes of Are You Being Served?

1,046) Memories of watching TV as a kid with my uncle in the old camper on our property in Christiana.

1,047) That I’m not named after an airline.

1,048) Anticipating yet another Jonny Lang album coming out in September.

1,049) My gigantic over-the-ears headphones that I use to listen to music late at night sometimes.

1,050) Making up words when I don’t know the actual lyrics to a song.

1,051) Finding out what the actual lyrics are to a song I’ve been singing wrong all this time.

1,052) Just about any movie or TV show featuring Judi Dench.

1,053) Catching up with Union University classmates.

1,054) Ditto for Briarcrest classmates.

1,055) That God loves the crazy people as much as the “sane” ones.

1,056) The short spontaneous conversation I had with the girl named Rebecca who was reading that Mark Batterson book.

1,057) Every one of the 300+ pictures I took at the Set Free VBS this year.

1,058) Seeing those kids being prayed over and loved on and shown Jesus.

1,059) Every time the Kingdom of God takes back a person or a place from the kingdom of darkness.

1,060) Mastering the art of making pimento cheese.

1,061) Saying the words “pimento cheese.”

1,062) Classic devotionals by people like Oswald Chambers and Charles Spurgeon.

1,063) Bowling a game over 100.

1,064) Silence. Sometimes.

1,065) That even my fidelity to God is a gift from God (thanks to Thomas Merton for that one.

1,066) Friends who know the song in my heart and can sing it back to me when I’ve forgotten the words.

1,067) Any old Frank Capra movie.

1,068) Not being in a hurry all the time.

1,069) Knowing that I have an Advocate and Defender who pleads for me before the Throne of God.

1,070) Not nearly being close to finished with these lists.

Set Free VBS- Day Two

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IMG_0809 On my way to the second day of Vacation Bible School at Set Free Church, I ran into some heavy rains. As in I almost couldn’t see the road. I like a good storm now and then when I’m safely tucked in bed inside my own home, but not so much when I’m driving in it. Especially on the interstate.

But I got there. Thanks to the rain, it was quite a bit cooler, though still quite muggy. I’m pretty certain that more kids showed up today than yesterday. I can’t say that I’m the world’s best VBS volunteer, but I showed up. And so did these kids. As my pastor said once, all God needs is a place to start. Not perfect obedience or perfect planning. Just the smallest little opening.

IMG_0892So we planted some seeds. As you may well know (even if you’re not a farmer), most seeds don’t automatically sprout into full-grown plants or trees. In fact, you probably won’t see any visible results for a while. But underneath the soil is where all the change is taking place.

These kids may not seem different. But underneath, in their hearts and souls and minds, God is working. He’s showing them a Father different from any they’ve probably ever known. He’s showing them a Love like they’ve never felt before.

IMG_0917I can tell God’s working in me, too. Once again, I’m finding out how true it is that you simply can’t outgive God. In fact, even in serving all you’re doing is receiving and letting what you’re given pass through you to those around you. I’m reminded of what Ann Voskamp said:

“”Christian hands never clasp
and He doesn’t give gifts for gain
because a gift can never stop being a gift –
it is always meant to be given.”

I hope at the end of this year’s VBS some kids will pray to receive Christ (and some already have). I pray that their lives (and mine) will have been transformed and changed so that there’s a little less greed and a little more generosity, a little less lusting and a little more loving, a little less like the world around us and a little more like Jesus.

That will make every bit of what we’ve sacrificed to be there more than worth it.

Translating My Prayers

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I had a friend from Romania who attended Kairos with her new husband of four months. Since he’s not quite as adept at English as she is, she interpreted most of the Kairos service for him. It was a beautiful thing to see.

Then a light bulb went off in my head. That’s what the Holy Spirit does for me when I pray. I don’t mean that God needs an interpreter to understand my Southern dialect of English, but sometimes my prayers don’t even have words. Sometimes all I have are sighs and groans that are too deep for words, raw emotions that I can’t figure out, much less give voice to.

That’s where the Holy Spirit takes over. Even when I’m praying what I think God wants to hear, the Holy Spirit is inside me praying what’s really in my heart and on my mind. Even if that is anger toward God or frustration with how I think he’s guiding me.

Sometimes in prayer, thoughts come unbidden to my mind that I’m afraid to pray. Or at least I’m tempted to spiritualize so that they sound more Christian. Through the Holy Spirit, God sees beyond my Christian-ese and my thees and thous to the real words I can’t (or won’t) pray.

As I’ve said before, I’m so glad God didn’t give me 90% of what I asked for. He may not have caused that certain girl to fall in love with me, but he gave me something much better. He gave me Himself and an overwhelming sense of a more perfect Love that no human could ever give me.

He may not  have given me riches, but He’s helped me to see how richly blessed I am and how much I have to be truly thankful for.

Sometimes, I go to The Book of Common Prayer when I don’t have words of my own. I’ve used The Liturgy of the Hours recently as well. Some of Henri Nouwen’s prayers have felt like they were my own prayers said better than I could ever say them. Sometimes, all I have is “Lord, help” and “Thank you, Lord.” Even my silence before God is a form of prayer for that is often when I can finally hear Him speaking to me.

So if all you fail to get anything else out of all I’ve written, get this. God wants to hear from you. He doesn’t want pretty words or perfect theology or even coherent sentences. He wants you, all of you. Every bit of joy and pain, hurt and triumph, sorrow and happiness. He wants everything that’s on your heart and on your mind.

This comes from one ragamuffin trying to tell all the other ragamuffins out there where to find the best Bread out there. That’s all.