Wrestling with God

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“Most people think wrestling with God is a sin. They think it’s failure. But it’s not. Wrestling with God is a sign of intimacy because you can’t wrestle with somebody who’s far away. You can only wrestle with somebody who’s up close and next to you” (Jon Acuff). 

I’m sitting at my computer, listening to the sound of the sound of the heavens applauding the majesty of God through the falling rain. I’m thinking about what it means to wrestle with God, of all the things to be pondering on a very wet Wednesday evening.

I don’t know exactly what wrestling with God looks like. I don’t know how it felt for Jacob to wrestle with God– actually wrestle physically with God– and live to tell about it. I do have a few ideas I’d like to share.

I know you can’t wrestle with God from the comfort of your pew with pious words and a lukewarm heart. You can’t wrestle with God and stay clean and neat and tidy. You can’t remain in a place of safety and wrestle with God at the same time. Wrestling means scuffed knees, getting dirt and possibly blood on your clothes, and pushing every muscle in your body past what you thought you could endure.

If I’m wrestling with God, I’m holding on with everything I’ve got. I’m holding on for dear life to the very Essence of Life itself, the One who said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” I’m not getting out at the first hint of pain and sacrifice. I’m staying the course and not quitting until I get a blessing.

If I truly encounter the living God this way, then I won’t walk away the same as I was before. Jacob the trickster walked away as Israel, the one who strove with God. The one from whom a nation would be born and from whose line the Messiah would come.

I may limp like Jacob, but I’d rather be lame and have God’s blessing than be whole and miss out on what God had for me. Is that what you want, too?

Revisiting Forgiveness

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“Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasinly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family” (Henri J.M. Nouwen).

When you don’t forgive and hold on to bitterness and anger, it’s like you’re drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Whoever hurt you may be completely unaware that they did anything and living in blissful ignorance while you’re still stuck in the moment of your hurt.

When you forgive, you open wide the doors to the prison cell only to discover that you were the one being held prisoner all that time by the past and by the pain you held on to for so long. The shackles you unlock were your own, the chain you forged in life while you nursed the anger and bitterness and were held captive by your hurt.

Forgiveness is where you realize that the wrong done to you pales in comparison to the wrongs you did to God, and the debt owed to you is like pennies in comparison to the millions you owed. You could never have hoped to even begin to pay for the debts your sin incurred, yet God freely and completely forgave you. How can you not forgive someone else who has wronged you?

Forgiveness is not easy. In fact, it’s humanly impossible. Only a heart regenerated and transformed by Jesus can forgive. Only those who have experienced the amazing unmerited grace of Jesus can extend it to those who don’t deserve it. Only those who have been forgiven can forgive.

But if you call Jesus not only Savior, but Lord, forgiveness isn’t an option. Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors.” In the parable of the ungrateful slave, Jesus points out that we get forgiveness only as much as we are willing to give it.

Learning to forgive is a lifelong process that we never really master. Some things and some people take longer to forgive because the hurt runs deeper and the scars are more fresh. But if you have been truly forgiven, then you will seek to forgive others. Sometimes, the hardest person you will have to learn to forgive is yourself.

Lord, give us each day more and more of Your heart that loves the unloveable and extends grace to those who need it most but deserve it least. Help us to forgive.

Trust

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 4 Comments

Trust is so easy to talk about, but not as easy to live out, particularly in the arena of faith.

I pay all sorts of lip service and sing about how much I trust Jesus, but in the moments when I can’t see my way, that trust is hard to find.

It’s in those moments when friends seem most distant and my dreams seem unreachable that I find out how much I trust and in what or whom my trust is placed.

If I’ve learned anything lately, it’s that God is trustworthy. God alone is trustworthy. If I put my trust in those around me, they will let me down. If I put my trust in an expected outcome, it either won’t come to pass or I will get what I sought after only to find it wasn’t what I really wanted after all.

Jesus alone has been worthy of my trust and proved Himself to me over and over. He has a history of coming through for me in just the right moment, when I needed Him most but often expected Him the least.

So I ask you? Do you trust Jesus? Do you trust Him in the dark as well as in the light? Do you trust Him when everything in you is telling you not to?

Maybe you think you can’t. Maybe you can’t find it in you right now.

Maybe the only thing you can do is simply say the words, “Jesus, I trust you with my life.”

They might sound phony in your own ears and you might not feel any differently. Keep saying those words over and over. Make them the mantra of your heart.

If you don’t have the whole faith thing figured out, neither do I. We mess up more often than not in this walk toward maturity in Christ and often turn to anything and everything but Jesus in our neverending search for meaning and significance and fulfillment.

I may not always trust what I see and feel. I may not trust in my own abilities or in the way I’m going. But I can most assuredly trust in the One who is leading and know that He will never lead me astray.

So can you.

 

Bonhoeffer And the 2012 Election

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I’ve been reading a spectacular biography on Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas, which I recommend for those of you who want some “light” reading (it’s 576 pages long, but it’s paperback, so it still counts, right?). I have noticed some very striking similarities between his day and ours.

First of all, I am NOT comparing President Obama to Hitler in ANY way. I do not think they are even remotely alike.

I do think that there are many who have placed messianic expectations on President Obama, just as there are also those who are looking for either Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney to be the next Savior of the world. I do think it’s a very dangerous thing to put such high expectations on any human being, regardless of whether they are conservative or liberal, Republican or Democrat.

I think that just as in Bonhoeffer’s day, we as the Church are called to be outside the political process. We are to be the concience of this nation, to champion the cause of the outcast, downtrodden, and needy, and to speak the whole truth, regardless of whether or not it appeals to our conservative or liberal leanings.

I believe we are called, like John the Baptist was, to be a voice crying out in the wilderness to prepare the way for the real Messiah, Jesus. We are to proclaim that salvation has come and deliverance is here, and that the hope for the world lies not in Washington, but in a Man born in a manger in Bethlehem.

Do vote for the people you think best qualified to be in office. Do fight for those values you hold dear. Don’t demonize those who have different opinions than you politically or otherwise. Don’t make your personal convictions to be the universal convictions for every single person out there. The standard that all people are called to live up to is God’s, not ours.

On an aside, it’s one thing to be pro-life, but if you’re going to fight for life, you shouldn’t pick and choose who gets to live and who doesn’t. Can you really be for life if you’re against abortion but for capital punishment and the death penalty? PS I’m just asking the question, not telling you what to think about this particular issue.

Remember that, as I heard it put so well today, regardless of who is elected in November, Jesus will be king. After that President and the next 50 after him are gone, Jesus will still be king.

I love the way Brennan Manning put it. I’ve used this quote before, but it speaks to what I’m trying to say very well:

“All religious and political systems, Right and Left alike, are the work of human beings. Abba’s children will not sell their birthright for any mess of pottage, conservative or liberal. They hold fast to their freedom in Christ to live the gospel-uncontaminated by cultural junk, political wreckage, and the complex hypocrisies of a bullying religion”

Still Thankful for Grace

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On the days when I’m feeling spiritually strong and I am seeking God with all my being, I need grace.

On the days when I barely make it out of bed before I fall into temptation and the rest of the day is spent digging out of one trap after the next, I need grace.

On the days when I hear God speaking to me though His word and I feel my purpose more clearly, I need grace.

On the days when I read a bunch of words that I forget the moment I put my Bible down, when I feel like my existance is pointless and futile, I need grace.

When I’m asking for forgiveness for something I’ve already done, or worse yet, something I’m about to do, I need grace.

No matter how faithful or faithless I’ve been in the last 24 hours, I still need grace.

I will need grace to sustain me and save me every single day for the rest of my life.

The more I see my need for grace, the more thankful I am for it and the more willing I am to extend it to others around me who need it as much as I do. The more I see that I just can’t do it alone and that I need brothers and sisters who will walk beside me and encourage, challenged, rebuke, and spur me on to continue in the faith.

May you see your need of grace all the more each day and come to be thankful that where you are weak, His grace is still very much sufficient. May you see that at the end of the day, all that you can say that got you through will have been grace and only grace. May you not only reach out to take it, but also to extend it to those around you who certainly don’t deserve it, but need it just the same.

Kinda like you and me.

What Maturity in the Faith Looks Like

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I had some random thoughts on the concept of maturity as a believer and what that should look like. Not that I’m so very mature or perfect, but I’m beginning to catch glimpses of what the finished product will look like.

It means that I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I’m not wishing I were taller or shorter or better looking or 5 to 10 pounds lighter. It means I look in the mirror and really like the person looking back.

It means I am at peace with the silence and don’t need constant noises to distract me from my own inner monologue. It means I can be alone and not always have to be in a crowd or with people all the time.

It means that I am finding my completeness in Christ and not looking for something or someone to validate my existence or give my life meaning. I am not defined by a relationship or the lack thereof, by my income level, my living situation, or anything else but by what God has told me and who He has said I am.

It means there is not a person out there that I can’t learn something from. It also means that I never reach the point where I will finally have all the answers and have God figured out neatly into a tidy doctrinal box.

It means that I am strong enough to be weak, and more than that, to boast in my weaknesses, so that the power that raised Christ from the dead, that resurrection power, can work best in me.

It means I have learned that some of the most important words are “I’m sorry. I was wrong. Forgive me” and “I will choose to forgive you.” When speaking to God, the two most important phrases are “Help me” and “Thank you.”

It means that you look for the best in others and always give the benefit of the doubt and never, never, never, never give up believing in or praying for those in your life who are trying to do right.

It means that I can love as God loves, giving without expecting anything back. It means that I become a vessel always being filled with the love of Jesus and always running over and always overflowing on to those around me, so that God is truly loving those people through me.

Finally, it means that I am already who God said I would be. I am perfect and holy and righteous because He declared it to be so.

Ok, I lied. One more. It means that no matter how hopeless or bad or forlorn my situation looks like, I can know that it will turn out for the best, because God will finish what He started in me. One day, sooner than later, it will all have been worth it and there will not have been any part of my story that God didn’t turn into something beautiful.

 

A Reminder for When I Feel Like Whining

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On the plus side, the benefit to having a cat is that you always have a little whine with every meal (insert rim shot here).

Today, I felt tempted to whine and complain. Then God brought to mind something I read a long time ago. It made enough of am impression for me to cut it out and paste it in my journal. I’m cutting and pasting it here. The poem is a bit dated, but the point it makes is not.

Today, upon a bus, I saw a lovely girl with golden hair,
I envied her….she seemed so gay….and wished I were so fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch; but as she passed….a smile!

Oh God, forgive me when I whine,
I have two legs.  The world is mine!

I stopped to buy some candy.  The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him.  He seemed so glad.  If I were late, t’would do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me, “I thank you.  You have been so kind.
It’s nice to talk with folks like you.  You see,”  he said, “I’m blind.”

Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes.  The world is mine.

Later while walking down the street, I saw a child with eyes of blue.
He stood and watched the others play.  I stopped a moment,
When I said, “Why don’t you join the others, Dear?”
He looked ahead without a word, and then I knew he could not hear.

Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears, the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I’d go, with eyes to see the sunset’s glow,
with ears to hear what I would know….

Oh God forgive me when I whine.
I am blessed indeed.  The world is mine!

A Reminder to Myself

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I wrote this a couple of years ago as a declaration of sorts. It was mostly for me so that whenever I got discouraged or felt like giving up or got off track in my priorities, I could remind myself of who I’m really chasing after and serving. It’s my own version of Habakkuk 3:17-18.

Though my plans disintegrate and my aspirations die, though my dreams shatter and my goals are thwarted, even if no woman ever is romantically interested in me and all my friends leave me, though I never have another visible reminder of God’s presence or spiritual comfort, if all I have in life is God and only God, I will lift my hands up to Heaven and proclaim that my Yahweh is good to me. My Yahweh is AWESOME!!!

I challenge you to write your own version to remind yourself of the goodness of Yahweh so that when everything seels to be going wrong and it feels like everyone has turned their backs on you and left you, you can have the reminder of God’s faithfulness. Of course, the original is the best and it speaks volumes to me every time I read it. I may not have crops or livestock, but the truth contained is just as relevant for me as it was for the original hearers way back when.

No matter what happens, God remains faithful. Even when all my worst fears come true, He’s still worthy of the best of my praise and worship. If nothing comes out like I planned or hoped it would, God is still God and He’s still in charge.

Remember that in the good and bad days, in the sunshine and in the storms, because it’s what will sustain you through all the seasons.

Just Some of My Own Observations

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I am a people-watcher. Not in a creepy stalker way. But I do tend to watch how people behave and act and I have come up with some of my own observations over the years.

Most people are serial daters rather than those who practice biblical courtship. I heard something profound once about the current dating system that stuck with me– a lot of the current dating involves pretending to be married and practising for divorce. Ouch.

I think that thanks to the media and the unrealistic view of love given to us by the movies and television, most people are in love with love and not their significant other. Most are much more interested in planning the perfect wedding day than preparing for a marriage with a solid foundation that will weather the seasons and survive the storms.

Along those lines, I think a lot of people are good at falling in love, but not at staying in love. If you fall in love, you can fall out of love. Love that lasts is always a choice to seek the welfare of the other at your own expense, regardless of how you feel or if you feel like it or not.

Many parents are seeking to raise their children in church, but not to raise them in Christ. In order for faith to be genuine and to last, it must be your own and not your parents’. Children are always watching to see if you practice what you preach and the way you live speaks much louder than the words that come out of your mouth.

There are many professing Christians, but not many disciples. Many say they love Jesus, but far fewer are willing to do what He says. Even fewer are seeking to get to know this Jesus and find His heart for the world. Jesus Himself told us that those who love Him will obey Him.

Many have their opinions about what’s wrong with the world, but those who criticize are rarely the ones who are trying to make the world better. Those who are seeking to make a difference and be God’s hands and feet to transform their world rarely have time for criticism.

In the end, if I want to find out what’s wrong with the world, all I have to do is look in the mirror. I see when I failed to do right and speak up for the defenceless and be salt and light. If I want to find out the solution to all the world’s problems, I go back to that same mirror. With God working in and through me, I may not change the world, but I can at least help one person, and as the Jewish saying goes, to save one person is to save the whole world.

Those Reality Check Moments

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 2 Comments

Maybe you’re like me and maybe you’re not. If you’re like me, then maybe you’ve had one of those reality check moments.

Those are the moments when you come to yourself and ask a question along these lines: “Did I really just do that?” “Did I really just say that?” “Did that thought really just cross my brain?”

Maybe you’ve followed up with the thought: “How can I really be saved if I just did/said/thought that? How can I really say I love Jesus and admit to that? I know Jesus can forgive sins, but will He really forgive me for that?”

It’s a scary vision when you catch a glimpse of what you would have been apart from the grace of God. It’s terrifying when you realize that there’s no evil or wickedness or vileness that you’re not capable of if left on your own apart from the saving power of the Cross in Jesus Christ.

I want to share with you something I just read from Brennan Manning that really blew my world apart (in a good way). It’s long, but it’s worth reading every single word.

“Because salvation is by grace through faith, I believe that among the countless number of people standing in front of the throne and in front of the Lamb, dressed in white robes and holding palms in their hands (see Revelation 7:9), I shall see the prostitute from the Kit-Kat Ranch in Carson City, Nevada, who tearfully told me that she could find no other employment to support her two-year-old son. I shall see the woman who had an abortion and is haunted by guilt and remorse but did the best she could faced with grueling alternatives; the businessman besieged with debt who sold his integrity in a series of desperate transactions; the insecure clergyman addicted to being liked, who never challenged his people from the pulpit and longed for unconditional love; the sexually abused teen molested by his father and now selling his body on the street, who, as he falls asleep each night after his last ‘trick’, whispers the name of the unknown God he learned about in Sunday school.

‘But how?’ we ask.

Then the voice says, ‘They have washed their robes and have made them white in the blood of the Lamb.’

There they are. There *we* are – the multitude who so wanted to be faithful, who at times got defeated, soiled by life, and bested by trials, wearing the bloodied garments of life’s tribulations, but through it all clung to faith.

My friends, if this is not good news to you, you have never understood the gospel of grace.”

 Remember that you were saved not because of your innate goodness or your fastidious rule-keeping, but by grace through faith. You and I can say with the murderer-turned-evangelist Paul,  “I am the chief of sinners, but that’s not who I really am. What I really am is a blood-bought child of God, dearly loved and paid for with a price much too high. I am redeemed, forgiven, righteous, innocent, and pure. I belong to Jesus. I am the Beloved.”