spirituality

Father Abraham, the Hokey Pokey, and Other Randomness

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I have to confess something. When I was growing up, I thought the song “Father Abraham” (as in “Father Abraham had many sons, many sons had Father Abraham”) was about Abraham Lincoln. I was confused. And apparently not the brightest bulb in the lamp. Did Abraham Lincoln have many sons? Am I one of them? And what does waving my arms around have to do with anything? Am I supposed to be excited about the Emancipation Proclamation? Or Abe’s gnarly beard? Needless to say, the truth set me free . . . from a lot of confusion.

Also, the Hokey Pokey is a mystery to me. I’ve always wondered. Is the Hokey Pokey REALLY what it’s all about? ‘Cause it seems to be to be a bit indecisive and wishy-washy. Put your right arm in. . .no. . .wait. . .put your right arm out. . .no. . . wait. . .shake it all about. Seriously! Make up your mind! My arm’s gettin’ tired here! And another thing. What exactly is the part where you “do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around?” I never got that part clear. Is the Hokey Pokey turning your self around? Or is it some vague waving your hands around in the air while you’re in the process of turning?

Yes, I do obsess over very trivial and random things. I am odd. I’ll admit that, though I prefer the term “quirky.” Or “eccentric.” Heck, I’m not picky. I am completely normal, or at least that’s what the voices in my head told me.

Confessions of a Ragamuffin (inspired by good conversation tonight at Ben & Jerrys)

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My greatest fear is that people will find out who I really am deep down inside and will leave me and want nothing else to do with me. I project my own self-condemnation onto others and believe that they are angry with me or upset with me or have written me off when it is just me that is not liking me.

Most of the time, I feel the constant need to be approved, affirmed and admired by everyone and my biggest peeve is to be ignored (or to feel that I am ignored). I try to be all spiritual and come across as so very wise and super-saint, when many times the words coming out of my mouth feel like hay and rubble that will not stand the test of the fire. I say I trust in God, but I am almost always working on a backup plan in case God fails me and does not come through for me. I am a mess.

I am also beloved by the God who knows all this about me and more. He was not willing that I should perish, but that I should come to repentence and He will not ever stop loving me. I am blessed. I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenlies (so why do I still want more?). I am becoming who God has already declared me to be. I am constantly amazed just about every single day at the extreme lengths God will go to in order to prove Himself to me through friends, circumstances, reminders and (most importantly) through His Word.

Thank you to my friends who have inspired me by their honesty and willingness to be naked emotionally and spiritually. Your words and actions make me want to be more like my Jesus. You help pull me out of myself (notice how many “I”s are in this blog) and keep me wanting to live for a kingdom bigger than my own. You will never ever know how you have blessed me. I feel like I have given one tenth of what you have given me, but I want to do more.

So who am I? I am not my weaknesses or my strengths. My greatest strengths apart from God become my biggest weaknesses and the biggest obstacles to me being who God wants me to be. My greatest weaknesses in the hands of God will turn into His perfect strength working in and through me to impact the world around me. I am BELOVED, BLESSED and BECOMING LIKE JESUS. My Abba is very fond of me.

As always, I believe. Help my unbelief.

What it means to be a Christian by Brennan Manning

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“The gospel is absurd and the life of Jesus is meaningless unless we believe that He lived, died, and rose again with but one purpose in mind: to make brand-new creation. Not to make people with better morals but to create a community of prophets and professional lovers, men and women who would surrender to the mystery of the fire of the Spirit that burns within, who would live in ever greater fidelity to the omnipresent Word of God, who would enter into the center of it all, the very heart and mystery of Christ, into the center of the flame that consumes, purifies, and sets everything aglow with peace, joy, boldness, and extravagant, furious love. This, my friend, is what it really means to be a Christian.”

‘Nuff said!

Amazed by God again!

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

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“The ultimate test of our spirituality is the measure of our amazement at the grace of God.” Martyn Lloyd-Jones

I was not prepared for what happened to me tonight. I went to Set Free Nashville tonight hoping to do more than take up space and be a warm body. I had no idea what to expect, only that God would be there. And was He!

I ended up having a really good conversation with one of the homeless men. He shared his life story with me and I listened, which is an accomplishment for an ADDer like me. I ended up receiving the blessing that I thought I would give. The guy I talked to and I are not that different– in fact, the only difference is a couple of bad decisions on his part. Apart from the grace of God, I very easily could have done worse.

I ended up praying with him and as he walked away, I whispered a silent prayer of thanks to God for this conversation. I think my frozen heart is finally starting to thaw and I am just beginning to learn what it means to love with the love of Christ. I know now that what God wants is simply my availability and flexibility. He wants me to show up and wait for Him to really show up! He did.

I didn’t do anything. God did it all. I like to close this blog with very appropriate lyrics from a Sara Groves song:

“Something changed inside me broke wide open all spilled out
Till I had no doubt that something changed
Never would have believed it till I felt it in my own heart
In the deepest part the healing came
And I cannot make it
And I cannot fake it
And I can’t afford it
But it’s mine
Something so amazing in a heart so dark and dim
When a wall falls down and the light comes in
And I cannot make it
And I cannot fake it
And I can’t afford it
But it’s mine”

That is exactly what happened tonight. All praise to the God who can use anybody anytime anywhere to reach out to anyone!

Disappointment with people

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I have to admit that sometimes I am disappointed in people in general. I feel like just about everyone I know (including me) has at one point let me down. I think I’m getting to know someone and build a camaraderie and then a wall goes up. People go absent and silent on me and I can’t get through to them. Then I had a discovery. The only times I am disappointed with people are the times they have become an idol in my life.

More specifically, my constant need for approval and attention becomes an idol. The problem is that my expectations of people are unrealistic. Only God can be 100% faithful and never waiver. People waiver because they are human and frail and fallible.

I know I have let people down many times. I have let myself down countless times. Unless I intentionally do something to break the cycle, I can become very bitter and cynical and withdrawn.

Jesus, You know what is in the hearts of people and You still love them unconditionally. Help me to see others the way You do. I can’t love at all, much less unconditionally, apart from Your love in me.

If no one reads this post, will I be embittered and disappointed? Apart from the grace of God, yes. It’s very hard to not put your trust in people who you can see and then place that trust in a God you can’t see. That’s why it’s called faith.

As always, I believe. Lord, help my unbelief.

Ruminations of a Ragamuffin

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“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you (John 15:18-19)

Someone pointed out to me today that verse and then went on to comment on who the people were who hated Jesus. They were not the prostitutes or tax-collectors or the outcasts or the sick. They were not the sinners and scum of the earth. The ones who hated Jesus were the upstanding religious folks. Because He dared to be spiritual but not religious. Because He was scandalous in who He loved and how much He loved. Because of who He hung out (the sinners) with and who He criticized (the religious). They hated Him so much they had Him killed.

If we are living the way Jesus lived and loving people the way Jesus loved people, we will be hated. Not by sinners and outcasts and reprobates, but by church people. When you try to follow Jesus wholeheartedly, the loudest ones to criticize you will be Christians. Maybe because your lifestyle will convict their complacency and lack of compassion.

If I had to be honest, I would say that most of the time I live more like a Pharisee than Jesus. I have my rules that everyone else must follow. I have my smug self-righteousness. I make myself the standard by which I measure everyone else. Thank God, there are moments when I try to look like Jesus and let Him love people through me. Hopefully, the Pharisee in me will decrease and the Jesus in me will increase.

One last thing. If Jesus ministered almost exclusively to the outcasts and downtrodden and saved His harshest comments for the religious holier-than-thou type, why do we do the opposite? Why do we cater to the sanctimonious and shut out the homeless, hopeless and loveless? If I am honest, I am just as needy of Jesus and His grace as anybody.

Jesus, help me love who You love and go to the hurting and broken and needy the way You did. Give me Your heart for the lost world. May I be Jesus to somebody today.

My contribution to the dating world (mostly said in jest)

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 3 Comments

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I have figured out my place in the dating universe. Here’s how it goes. A girl meets me and talks with me and goes away, disturbed. And probably throws up a little in her mouth. The next guy she meets will seem so much more attractive and wonderful, because the contrast is so much greater.

So, guys, the secret is to find me talking to a girl and to be the very next person she talks to. That way, you will look way better than you actually are. Of course, if you want a lasting relationship, you will have to do actual work and improve your self and stuff.

Girls, fret not. The next guy after me will be better. You must, of course, take into account that he will not be quite as dazzling as he seems at first, but you can mold him into your ideal mate.

So, I am sort of like that generic no-name brand. Some other name-brand product will come along and claim to be so much better than me and have twice the stain-removing power and leave your breath twice as fresh and make your life twice as comfortable and predictable. I will continue to be me. That is all.

Why we need each other (some thoughts I had)

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I think one of the reasons that community is so important is that it enlarges our view of God. I like to think that each of us carry puzzle pieces of what God is like. Each has a few pieces that reveal a limited aspect of God. When you get to know me, you add more pieces to your puzzle and your view of God gets bigger and clearer. When I get to know you, the same happens for me.

The more people whose lives we invest in, the more pieces and the bigger our view of God becomes and the more the pieces fall into place and connect into more coherent forms.

I truly believe that we grow as believers and our knowledge of God increases only in the context of community, where we share with each other and serve one another in love. There’s no way I can figure out God on my own, apart from other believers.

There it is. That’s my thought for the day. Hope it helps.

My prayer for tonight after Kairos

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Lord, you have ravished me body and soul. With one look of your eye, you have enraptured my heart and enlarged my vision of You. You have absolutely ruined me for the ordinary and the routine.

Lord, help me to be obedient to you, no matter what the cost. May I go where you send me and be who You call me to be. I want to obey You wholeheartedly and completely, even if no one else notices, because You will notice. I want to follow You, even if those around me disown me or ignore me, because You will never disown me or leave me. Never.

Teach me to love the way You love me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Make me Your hands and feet to touch those hurting, lost, and lonely people around me. Transform my heart until it beats with your heartbeat. Transform my eyes until I see that Your plan is for the whole world and not just my little world.

I want my faith to be more than words and professions of love to You. I want to be more than moved and inspired at times; I want to be radically changed from the inside out. I choose to trust You, whether or not I feel it or understand You.

Even if I must go alone, I want to follow You wherever and however You lead.

As always, I believe, but help my unbelief.

Thoughts on Authenticity and the New Testament Church

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I’ve been reading over Acts 2:42-47 lately and I am struck by how radically different the Early Church was from my own experience of Church. For one thing, we in the South (me included) talk about “going to church,” while the early believers talked about “being the church” and being the hands and feet of Jesus. Church for them was not a place or an event, but a shared way of life.

Where is the sense of awe? Where are the signs and wonders? By that I don’t mean crazy gibberish, but the genuine miraculous moving of God among His people. I think part of the answer is that the early believers spent so much time together. They fellowshipped and broke bread together DAILY. We do good if we see each other twice a week. They shared everything. They were willing to sacrifice of themselves to help fellow believers. They were of one mind, one purpose and had one goal– to lift up Jesus in such a way that He would draw all people to Himself.

They faced a level of persecution that we know nothing about. There was no room for casual Christianity, because to proclaim “Jesus is Lord” was to risk torture and death. I have never faced that in my life.

How do we change course? I know for me, that if I am comfortable and satisfied with the way things are, the staus quo, I will never change. Only with a holy discontent can I seek the face of God to bring the change in my life. When we are willing to take off our masks and be real, to stop talking Christianese and Sunday School answers and be brutally honest about ourselves, then we see change. Only God can initiated that in His people, but we have to want it.

Who’s with me? Who’s tired of just going to church? I see the main problem with the American Church everytime I look in the mirror.  I am the main problem. If I want to see change, I have to be the change. I must desperately want God to change me, to transform me, to live through me in the Person of His Son, Jesus, and through His Holy Spirit.

It’s time to break up our shallow ground and seek the Lord. Who’s with me?