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Revisiting the Old Fears

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All fear is but the notion that God’s love ends” (Ann Voskamp).

Sometimes they do come back.

I’m talking about fears. Every so often, you will run into one of those along your path, usually when you least expect it and thought you had dealt with it.

Here’s a few examples.

Someone stops responding to your texts. The fear says, “See? You’ve offended that person in some way. You’ve ruined the relationship and it will never again be the same.”

A good friend moves to another town. “The fear moved in and whispers, “She won’t tell you to your face, but the real reason she moved was to get away from you.”

The one that dogged me for years was this: “Every one will eventually abandon you. Once they’ve seen what you’re really like, they won’t want to have anything more to do with you. They’ll start by growing distant with you and then disappear altogether. Nothing you do matters. No one notices anything you say. You might as well never have been born.”

Or maybe your fear goes like this: “You’re not worth someone’s love. No one could ever be attracted to you. You are repulsive to the opposite sex. You will always be alone.”

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Fear lies. That’s its nature.

Fear doesn’t come from God. Ever. Fear comes from the father of lies and means to keep you from God, imprisoned in your anxieties and phobias

Remember, perfect love casts out fear. And you are perfectly loved, just as you are, not as you should be or could be.

Name the fear. Expose it. Demons die in the light. Rebuke that fear OUT LOUD in the name of Jesus.

You in and of yourself will never defeat fear, but the power of Christ in you has already beaten it once and for all. That power is yours now to claim.

If you’ve allowed yourself to be mastered again to that fear, repent and move forward. Shame is a close relative of fear and is just as bent on keeping you away from God. Shame is also a defeated foe.

You as a child of God fight not for victory but FROM it. Keep that in mind and have a blessed Monday!

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Things I Love 41: The Beat Goes On

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“When service is unto people, the bones can grow weary, the frustration deep. Because, agrees Dorothy Sayers, “whenever man is made the center of things, he becomes the storm-center of trouble. The moment you think of serving people, you begin to have a notion that other people owe you something for your pains…You will begin to bargain for reward, to angle for applause… When the eyes of the heart focus on God, and the hands on always washing the feet of Jesus alone – the bones, they sing joy and the work returns to it’s purest state: eucharisteo. The work becomes worship, a liturgy of thankfulness. “The work we do is only our love for Jesus in action” writes Mother Theresa. “If we pray the work…if we do it to Jesus, if we do it for Jesus, if we do it with Jesus… that’s what makes us content.” Deep joy is always in the touching of Christ – in whatever skin He comes to us in” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

I saw a friend from high school today that I hadn’t seen since my 20 year reunion. She and her husband and kids live just outside of Chicago, so it’s not like I can just hop in the car and run across town to see her anymore. But that makes days like today all the more precious, because it’s like we picked up where we left off, like no time at all had passed. That’s how it is with good friends. So, on that note, I pick up at #1,241.

1,241) Spending time with a good friend from high school and catching up on everything.

1,242) Finally walking away (literally at swing dancing tonight) from a relationship that wasn’t any good for me.

1,243) Walking to my car in the rain after swing dancing tonight at Centennial Park.

1,244) My bike that I’ve been intending to ride all summer but haven’t gotten around to yet (but I will).

1,245) Not being in a hurry all the time.

1,246) Knowing that there will be no more cancer or Alzheimer’s or dementia or sickness of any kind in heaven.

1,247) Collecting little ceramic churches (kinda like the Thomas Kinkade churches but not as nice or expensive).

1,248) Starting my job a week from Monday.

1,249) The moment when I surrender my plans and say to God, Your will be done.”

1,250) Clean underwear.

1,251) Not having paparazzi following me all the time. Or ever.

1,252) Having 30 more views on my blog  today.

1,253) Finding loose change in my pockets.

1,254) Keeping my eyes on the prize instead of on my obstacles.

1,255) Quoting lines from movies at opportune moments.

1,256) That tramps like us, baby we were born to run (according to Mr. Springsteen).

1,257) The Message translation.

1,258) Going to bed after I finish this particular blog.

1,259) Looking forward to Things I Love 42, whenever that may be.

1,260) Keeping a $2 bill in my wallet for luck.

1,261) Realizing how much I’ve grown up and in grace in the last few years.

1,262) 10,000 reasons to worship.

1,263) Lots of good music coming out and me finally having a job to buy these albums.

1,264) Being reminded yet again that the best things in life really are free.

1,265) My collection of Muppet finger puppets.

1,266) Checking the “This post is super-awesome” box every time after I finish a post. And not really taking it too seriously.

1,267) Reading about a former porn star who’s now a believer.

1,268) I Am Second.

1.269) God is first.

1,270) Old rotary phones.

Things I Love 39: If It’s Not Fine, It’s Not the End

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“The joy of small that makes life large. Hadn’t I personally experienced it before too, that vantage point that gave a sense of smallness before grandeur? At the tip of the Grand Canyon, peering into the carved earth, the vastness of the hewn and many-hued chasm. A late June night peering into the expanse of heavens nailed up with the named and known stars. A moon field. I hardly dare brush the limitlessness with my vaporous humanity. But the irony: Don’t I often desperately want to wriggle free of the confines of a small life? Yet when I stand before immensity that heightens my smallness – I have never felt sadness. Only burgeoning wonder.” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

Most of what I’m thankful for are the small things that most others take for granted. Or things that remind me of how small I am in the grand scheme of things. Truly, some of the best things in life come in small packages (like the feline package curled up and asleep in my lap as I write these words. So, starting at #1,176, this journey of thanksgiving continues.

1,176) Even the possibility of a Friends TV show reunion.

1,177) Just under 11 pounds of sleeping fur in my lap.

1,178) That to live is Christ and to die is gain– the best win-win ever.

1,179) Fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches at The Arcade in Memphis, TN.

1,180) The feeling of finally having a job after 14 months without one.

1,181) Seeing my prayers for a job answered.

1,182) A blue sky filled with white clouds.

1,183) Another Kairos Night of Worship coming up next Tuesday.

1,184) The songs of birds on a sunny day.

1,185) My friend Erica Grant’s smile.

1,186) Not feeling the need to be anyone else but myself.

1,187) Knowing that at any moment people are praying for me.

1,188) A momma deer with her baby.

1,189) That huge feeling of relief when I paid off the last of my student loans.

1,190) The freedom that comes with truly forgiving someone.

1,191) Wednesday being “hump daaaay!”

1,192) Icy Hot on a sore muscle.

1,193) Finally having a little bit of a tan on my legs so they’re not so ghastly white anymore.

1,194) “Living the dream,” as my friend Michael Boggs puts it.

1,195) The extended prayer times at Kairos.

1,196) Getting free tickets to Titans games.

1,197) Scrolling through friends’ homepages and seeing all their photos (but not in a stalker kind of way).

1,198) Imagining the things my cat would say if she spoke human.

1,199) Just about any vehicle that is over 50 years old.

1,200) Posting about my new job and already having 40 likes and 6 comments.

1,201) Watermelon (especially after reading all the amazing health benefits).

1,202) The fruit tea at Calypso Cafe.

1,2o3) That another episode of Friends starts in 15 minutes.

1,204) Newborn puppies and kittens.

1,205) Muting an annoying commercial.

1,206) Having caller ID to avoid the telemarketers.

1,207) Those rare movies where the nerd gets the pretty girl at the end.

1,208) Adding stuff to my amazon.com wish-list.

1,209) Bringing a smile to a total stranger’s face.

1,210) Knowing that there will be at least one more of these Things I Love posts.

Things I Love 32: Everything Will Be Fine in the End

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“The prayers we weave into the matching of socks, the stirring of oatmeal, the reading of stories, they survive fire” (Ann Voskamp).

“I don’t really want more time; I just want enough time. Time to breathe deep and time to see real and time to laugh long, time to give You glory and rest deep and sing joy and just enough time in a day not to feel hounded, pressed, driven, or wild to get it all done-yesterday” (Ann Voskamp).

The way I figure it, I have only two of these left. Then again, I was never good at math. And who knows? Maybe I’ll be a rebel and add one extra just for the fun of it. Why stop at 1,000? Why stop at all? Gratitude means you never stop counting your blessings that you become aware of as you number them one by one. So that said, I start again at #936.

936) Making my triumphant return to swing dancing tonight at Centennial Park.

937) How anyone who has ever worked in a corporate environment can relate to the movie Office Space.

938) The Greek on the GO! Strawberry Granola Bites. You can’t have just one. Or at least I can’t.

939) Whenever my family gets together.

940) That I’m losing my mind and as long as I don’t lose the part that tells me when to pee, I’ll be just fine.

941) Reading The Horse and His Boy again for probably the 15th year in a row.

942) Having “Black Horse and the Cherry Tree” as my new text and email alert on my iPhone.

943) Mild summer days with low humidity.

944) Having my only expectations be that God will keep all His promises to me.

945) The Dream of someone.

946) Using Inappropriately Captalized Letters At Random.

947) Having access to the Throne of Grace 24 hours 7 days a week.

948) Sometimes my only mode of transportation is a leap of faith (borrowed from a Facebook post).

949) That I don’t have to fire cannons to call attention to my shining; all I have to do is shine (from D. L. Moody).

950) Borrowing quotes and ideas from people on Facebook.

951) Being able to highlight verses in my YouVersion Bible app on my iPhone.

952) Having all my Christmas music on my laptop in case I ever feel the need for Christmas in July (or August).

953) Office chairs that swivel and spin.

954) Saturdays when it’s not raining.

955) Ditto for Sundays.

956) Not having been hit by any cars in the last 6 months.

957) Being alone and praying in Baskin Chapel at Brentwood Baptist Church.

958) Every time someone accepts my friend request on Facebook.

959) The way when I’m in a serious moment of silence and my stomach suddenly decides to do a spot-on impression of a whale’s mating call (borrowed this one from Pinterest).

960) That the walk of faith is not about seeing the whole journey but taking the next step.

961) That my hope isn’t in a President but a King.

962) Knowing the Kingdom of God is now and not yet.

963) Nerds candy.

964) Big League Chew bubble gum.

965) Meeting an Asian person who hates all Asian food (and thus busting another stereotype).

966) Asian food of just about any kind.

967) All George MacDonald’s fantasy stories.

968) How much I can relate to John Cusack’s characters in just about every one of his movies.

969) Living in the moment and finding God there.

970) My friend at Ultimate Frisbee who looks like Amanda Seyfried and who always makes me smile.

Things I Love 28: ‘Cause It’s The End of The World As We Know It . . . And I Feel Fine

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“When we lay the soil of our hard lives open to the rain of grace and let joy penetrate our cracked and dry places, let joy soak into our broken skin and deep crevices, life grows. How can this not be the best thing for the world? For us?” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are)

I think part of joy is being okay with not knowing the answers or how any given story within the Greater Story will end. It’s having peace in the midst of so much that remains unresolved and unexplained. And if that doesn’t work, eat a cookie. That always makes me feel better. So here we are coming down to the last few blogs of the series, starting at #801.

801) That a colossal and epic fiasco such as King David could be called later “a man after God’s own heart,” proving that what matters isn’t so much how big your failure was, but how great God is to turn even that into something praiseworthy and good.

802) The avocado lime ranch dressing I had on my Cobb salad tonight at Chick-fil-A.

803) The fact that Aslan a.k.a. Jesus isn’t safe but He’s good.

804) The amazing illustrations by Alan Lee in the Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit commemorative editions.

805) When in the middle of an already fantastic Buddy Miller/Jim Lauderdale/Patty Griffin concert they brought out Robert Plant to do a few songs. Only in Nashville.

806) Walking in downtown Nashville at night in the rain.

807) How the love of Abba Father for His children will never come to an end.

808) Looking through old high school and college yearbooks.

809) The Neverending Story.

810) When my church celebrates those rare couples who have been married 50 years or longer (and how much collective wisdom is in one room at one time on those nights).

811) Thinking about a particular song and then hearing it on the radio.

812) Tuesday nights.

813) Nights that turn into mornings, friends that turn into family, dreams that turn into reality, and likes that turn into love (borrowed from a Facebook post).

814) The episode of Friends with the couch– “Pivot! Pivot! Pivot!”

815) Reading through the Catholic Bible in 2013 (or as I like to call it, The Director’s Cut of the Bible).

816) That if I love God with everything and love my neighbor as I love myself I fulfill the Whole Law.

817) That Jesus already fulfilled the Whole Law in my place and traded His perfection for my poor efforts.

818) Heaven being described as that feeling you get on the first day of summer break from school and knowing that feeling will last forever.

819) The neverending possibility of God breaking through into my life at any moment.

820) Cheese crackers.

821) Having a car with 127,000 miles on it.

822) Being left-handed (at least when it comes to writing and eating).

823) The way Mike Glenn used the lyrics to a Jackson Browne song so effectively in his sermon last Sunday.

824) Marvin the Martian and his tennis shoes always wanting to blow up the Earth.

825) Not being married to any of the Kardashians.

826) The occasional scary movie.

827) Everything Elvis ever recorded at Sun Studio.

828) Johnny Cash’s autobiography (the one called Cash).

829) The way my cat looks at me sometimes as if to say, “Seriously, dude?”

830) The recent fact I learned that every face you dream about is of someone you’ve seen before, even if only for a fleeting moment.

831) Mustard-sized faith that moves mountains.

832) Just about all the movies Tom Hanks made in the 80’s.

833) Always having a second chance because of Jesus.

834) The movie Clueless.

835) “The Living Years” by Mike + The Mechanics.

Things I Love 27: Every Rose Has Its Thorn

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Even on a Monday there’s plenty to be thankful for. In fact, having a mindset of thankfulness can make even the worst of Mondays bearable and even good. And even the worst of Mondays are only 24 hours. Unless you’re Bill Murray on Groundhog Day. Then good luck. On to #761.

761) Hiking the Ganier Ridge trail at Radner Lake in the rain.

762) Knowing that even the worst of days last only 24 hours.

763) Seeing a baby deer with its mother.

764) The thought of having a bowl of cereal as a reward for finishing this blog.

765) Yard sales and garage sales.

766) Looking forward to another Kairos tomorrow night.

767) Being 100% condemnation-free in Christ.

768) Rescued pets.

769) Finally releasing my cares into the more than capable hands of Jesus.

770) Corn on the cob.

771) Being reminded of my dependence on Jesus and how it’s not up to me.

772) All those Back to the Future movies (even that confusing Part II).

773) Knowing that Jesus won’t ever give up on me.

774) That knowing is half the battle– thanks to the 80’s G. I. Joe cartoons for that reminder.

775) That all I have to to is stand and watch and God will fight my battles for me.

776) A good game of gin rummy (even though I never ever win).

777) The possibility, however remote, of going on a date with Kari Jobe.

778) Watching Halloween and Halloween II back-to-back on Halloween night.

779) Remembering all those late nights at Perkin’s when I was a student at Union.

780) That tree-lined road between Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg.

781) Those moments of clarity in the middle of the hazy days.

782) That God didn’t give me most of the things I prayed for.

783) The Pauline Baynes illustrations in The Chronicles of Narnia.

784) The fruit tea at Calypso Cafe.

785) Fried chicken at family reunions.

786) Bette Davis in Now, Voyager.

787) Picnics at Arrington Vineyards on Sunday afternoons.

788) How my cat looks so peaceful and serene when she’s sleeping.

789) Victor Hugo’s beautiful story of redemption and hope in Les Miserables.

790) Wading in a creek on an especially hot and humid day.

791) How much better I feel right now than when I started this blog.

792) Serving breakfast at an ungodly hour at the Nashville Rescue Mission.

793) Pure 100% Vermont maple syrup.

794) The beautiful and sad movie, Bright Star.

795) Not ever giving up on people because God never gave up on me.

796) Vh1’s Behind The Music– especially about the bands I loved growing up.

797) Whitney Houston’s 1991 version of The Star-Spangled Banner.

798) High fives and fist bumps.

799) Oscillating fans.

800) Whoever came up with the brilliant idea of those combination squirt guns and portable fans.

Things I Love 25: I Feel Like I Should Celebrate With Some Grape Juice or Something

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I read something that actually made me laugh out loud. It said something to the effect that if life doesn’t hand you water and sugar to go along with your lemons, your lemonade is really going to suck. Literally. As far as this whole series of things I love, hopefully I’m taking the proverbial lemons of life and adding the sweetness of grace to make yet again proverbial lemonade. Which tastes much better than Country Time Lemonade, by the way. So I’m starting up again at #691.

691) The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

692) Actually looking forward to my Brentwood Baptist Church Life Group (or Sunday School class if you’re over 30 and don’t quite get the hipper church lingo yet).

693) All the waiters and waitresses at McCreary’s Irish Pub who always make me feel so very welcome and at home.

694) My sister’s dog Ellie who is the sweetest and friendliest dog on the planet.

695) Not tossing and turning half the night.

696) The comfy leather chairs at Starbucks.

697) Rainbows after a thunderstorm.

698) Hearing chirping birds again after a long rainy spell.

699) Catching old episodes of Family Ties.

700) Feeling welcomed in a group.

701) Making others feel welcome in a group.

702) Being able to play the music on my iPhone through my car and charge my phone at the same time.

703) That I’m reading The Chronicles of Narnia again for about the 15th year in a row.

704) Being able to plug in my iPhone and hear GPS directions through those same car speakers.

705) Those cheezy episodes of 21 Jump Street.

706) Eric Metaxas’ amazing biography of Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

707) The way my cat Lucy often poses like a supermodel.

708) Wondering about things like if animals could talk before the Fall.

709) Revolutionary War-era biographies.

710) Lawn darts.

711) My never-ending hunt for bowling shoes at thrift stores.

712) Badminton and my awesome badminton racquet.

713) Jesus.

714) The times when I trust in the Lord with all my heart instead of leaning on my own understanding.

715) Chocolate covered raisins.

716) Bond. James Bond.

717) The godly example my brother-in-law Steve is setting for his family.

718) When people talk about turning 30 like it’s the end of the world and I feel like I’m really starting to come alive at age 41.

719) Old people who don’t act their age.

720) That time a friend of mine walked all the way over from Chipotle to where I was sitting at Starbucks to talk to me.

721) Caramelized onions.

722) Knowing the difference between to, two, and too.

723) My fantastic Glenn Miller collection.

724) When I talk to myself and grin like an idiot because I’m so spectacularly funny.

725) Passing that BMW SUV tonight in my vintage ’95 Jeep Cherokee.

Things I Love 24: From a Guy Who’s Running on Caffeine and Hope

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I had a fantastic conversation with a friend tonight at Starbucks. Even though we’ve never met in person before, we talked like we’d been friends for years. The meds are working. I am still blessed. Which brings us to #656.

656) Laptops that actually fit in your lap (does anyone remember the old portable computers that weighed 50 pounds and had a 2-inch screen?)

657) Conversations that last for hours over coffee drinks.

658) Love that will not let me go.

659) Holly Golightly in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

660) Turkey sausage from Cracker Barrel.

661) When someone gets one of my obscure movie references.

662) IMDB for when my usually spot-on memory for names of actors fails me.

663) The little emoticons on Facebook messaging.

664) Free books on Kindle or iBooks.

665) Leaving ridiculous tips, i.e. 50% or higher, whenever I eat out.

666) Not being freaked out by the number 666.

667) Being 2/3 of the way through my list of 1,000 things I love.

668) Bare feet on carpet.

669) People complimenting me on my I Am Second bracelet.

670) Finding that Friends Trivia Game at Music City Thrift for $1.

671) Those people in the Bible who God used who were possibly even crazier and more messed up than me.

672) Gregorian chant music.

673) My organic liquid hand soap that smells like Canadian pine with white sage.

674) Being manly enough to admit that I have organic liquid hand soap that smells like trees.

675) Knowing just enough Spanish to be dangerous (and to order at Taco Bell).

676) Being able to read most of John 1 in my Greek New Testament,

677) Movie soundtracks.

678) Getting packages in the mail.

679) Color correcting old pictures on Adobe Photoshop.

680) Birthday presents.

681) Watching other people open gifts.

682) Christmas presents.

683) Presents in general.

684) Being present in the moment.

685) Leigh Nash’s voice.

686) That guitar sound in the song Luka by Suzanne Vega.

687) That guys aren’t better than girls and girls aren’t better than guys. We’re just different.

688) Being uniquely and wonderfully made.

689) Owning all four seasons of Felicity.

690) A good night’s sleep after a really good day.

Things I Love 12: Tested And Approved by Lucy The Wonder Kitty

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Lucy is in my lap, approving  whatever I type. Of course, she can’t read, but if she could, she would add her own comments (most of which would not be fit to print in a family-style blog such as this one). So I’ll take her silence as either approval or extreme sleepiness.

The list commences with #264 (I think).

264) Ice-cold water to quench my thirst on a humid summer day.

265) A long walk alone under a full moon at night (as opposed to all those moonlit walks during the day).

266) That I’m finally at a place where I’m comfortable alone or in a crowd.

267) Planned spontaneity.

268) That I’ve come to the place where if I never see a certain person ever again (and at the moment it appears very likely to be the case), that I will be glad for the friendship; I will miss her, but my life will go on.

269) Those quiet moments of peace where God speaks into my silence.

270) That with God, every day is a day to look forward to.

271) Reading collects out of The Book of Common Prayer and seeing my own prayers expressed better than I could ever put them.

272) That this blog site has spell-check so that I can appear smarter than I really am, i.e. that I can actually spell.

273) That I really don’t have to be friends with everyone or have everyone like me to be content.

274) That everything will be fine in the end, and if it’s not fine, it’s not the end.

275) Good lines from good movies (like the one I just referenced earlier).

276) Chocolate bars with bacon in them (it sounds gross, but tastes divine).

277) All of my quirks

278) That I have to show my driver’s license to prove that I really am the age I say I am.

279) That even though Jon Acuff might have more readers for one blog than I’ve had for all my 1,000+ blogs combined, that I have touched and impacted lives that wouldn’t have been touched and impacted had I chosen not to write a blog.

280) That I can use bad grammar, and bad punctuation, in my blogs, if I so, choose.

281) Those rare times when the Church is known for what it’s for rather than what it’s against.

282) That I can learn something from anybody, no matter what their philosophical, theological, political or social beliefs and regardless of whether or not they have the same worldview as mine.

283) That hamburger from The Pharmacy with bacon, ham, and a fried egg (10,000 calories of deliciousness!)

284) That the last spoken words from Jesus in the Bible aren’t a condemnation but an invitation.

285) When I talk into a box fan and make my voice sound like a robot.

286) That being grown-up doesn’t always mean having to be mature all the time.

287) That the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.

288) The way my cat Lucy hovers when she goes to the bathroom.

289) Not knowing all the answers (or even all of the questions).

290) A perfectly made and perfectly thrown paper airplane.

291) That I saw the actual Batmobile from the campy 60’s TV show tonight in downtown Franklin

292) That this list will continue– maybe tomorrow, maybe not. You’ll just have to tune in tomorrow to find out. Same bat time, same bat channel.