I thought this was clever:

“The World Cup and the 250th anniversary of America’s birthday has reminded us of how unique our country is. For example…

1. Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put junk in the garage . . . Hello!
6. Only in America do we have answering machines to screen calls and have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
7. Only in America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.”