writing

Happy Birth-Month to Me!

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I figured when you get to a certain age, you need to celebrate being alive. Somehow, I don’t think that one day is enough to appreciate the miracle of life, so I decided to take the whole month of February. I know, it’s a short month, even on leap years. But life is hard enough without allowing yourself some room for frivolity and fun.

My actual birthday is on February 28, as I was ever so close to being a leap year baby. If I’d been born only 11 hours later, I’d be celebrating on February 29 and only be 1/4 of my current age. I wish.

But age is nothing to be ashamed of, especially when you know far too many people who didn’t get to grow old. I see my life more and more as a gift, even when I’m starting to get those senior discounts without having to show any actual ID. That hurts a bit, I confess.

But God has been good to me for 53 years. I have way more blessings than I can count (and way more than I deserve if I’m being honest). I know that I’m a sinner saved by grace, and everything else that I get from God is the proverbial icing on the cake.

By the way, I wear size 8 1/2 Lucchese boots and I like my cabins size medium. JK. I figured out a long time ago that people matter more than stuff and memories last way longer than any possessions. Besides, I won’t be taking any of my stuff with me when I shuffle off this mortal coil. I mean have you ever seen a hearse pulling a U-Haul? Think about it.

Anyway, I’d like to make it to 100, but I’m thankful for whatever I get. If Jesus comes back before then, I’m definitely not going to complain. That will be the best day ever.

A Narnian Excerpt

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Because I’m sleepy and my brain is banana pudding, here’s an excerpt from one of my favorite books out of one of my favorite series. The book is The Horse and His Boy, and the series is The Chronicles of Narnia. Both are by C. S. Lewis, and I recommend both, whether you’ve never read them before or have read them each 100 times:

“Bree turned round at last, his face mournful as only a horse’s can be. ‘I shall go back to Calormen,’ he said.

‘What?’ said Aravis. ‘Back to slavery!’

‘Yes,’ said Bree. ‘Slavery is all I’m fit for. How can I ever show my face among the free Horses of Narnia?—I who left a mare and a girl and a boy to be eaten by lions while I galloped all I could to save my own wretched skin!’

“We all ran as hard as we could,” said Hwin.

‘Shasta didn’t!’ snorted Bree. ‘At least he ran in the right direction: ran back. And that is what shames me most of all. I, who called myself a war horse and boasted of a hundred fights, to be beaten by a little human boy—a child, a mere foal, who had never held a sword nor had any good nurture or example in his life!’

‘I know,’ said Aravis. ‘I felt just the same. Shasta was marvelous. I’m just as bad as you, Bree. I’ve been snubbing him and looking down on him ever since you met us and now he turns out to be the best of us all. . . .’

‘It’s all very well for you,’ said Bree. ‘You haven’t disgraced yourself. But I’ve lost everything.’

‘My good Horse,’ said the Hermit, who had approached them unnoticed because his bare feet made so little noise on that sweet, dewy grass. ‘My good Horse, you’ve lost nothing but your self-conceit. No, no, cousin. Don’t put back your ears and shake your mane at me. If you are really so humbled as you sounded a minute ago, you must learn to listen to sense. You’re not quite the great Horse you had come to think, from living among poor dumb horses. Of course you were braver and cleverer than them. You could hardly help being that. It doesn’t follow that you’ll be anyone very special in Narnia. But as long as you know you’re nobody very special, you’ll be a very decent sort of Horse, on the whole'” (C. S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy).

If I Win the Lottery . . .

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If I win the lottery, I won’t go around posting it all over social media. But there would be signs. Just perhaps a modest little cabin in the woods, right?

Truthfully, I do fantasize about owning a home like this. Even though the chances of me living here are about the same as me winning the lottery (or me getting struck by lightning), it’s still fun to picture myself in my red plaid robe walking down those front steps (that are hopefully not iced over like in the picture).

But then I remember Jesus said that in His Father’s house are many rooms, although I prefer the old King Jimmy version that calls them mansions. Whatever I can conjure up in my mind as being over the top ornate and opulent, heaven will be better. It will be a thousand times more incredible than any episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous with all its champagne wishes and caviar dreams.

But the best part of all won’t be the streets of gold or all the gates with precious stones. It will be seeing Jesus there. The joy of every longing heart will be made sight and the hope of the world will wipe away every tear from our eyes in a place where there is no more need for grieving.

That’s what I look forward to more than anything else. I long for no more bad news. I long for no more reports of murder and bloodshed and war and hatred and unrest. I long for when the lion can lie down with the lamb in peace and safety.

But if it’s God’s will for me to live in the cabin pictured above, I’d do my best to suffer through it for the Lord and put on my best face in the attempt. One can dream, can’t one?

Old Time’s A-Flyin’

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I heard something interesting from a movie I was watching earlier today. One of the characters said that time is basically relative. Riding 8 seconds on a bull can seem like an eternity, but so can that time between 8 am and 3 pm on a school day. I get that.

I also remember when the time between the beginning of fall and Christmas felt like forever. I was not patient as a child, so I was ready for December 25 to hurry up and get here. Now, I wish I had that time back. I wish time moved as slowly as it seemed to move back then.

Now, I blink and it’s almost Halloween. I blink again, and there will be turkey and gravy with all the fixings on the dining room table for Thanksgiving. Then it will be Christmas. I will hardly have time to process one before the other is upon us.

I suppose that is the blessing and the curse of growing older. Now, I hardly have to wait for anything anymore, but I also feel like life has increased from a marathon to a sprint finish. It’s all I can do these days to remember what month it is, much less the day.

But I’m thankful for each day. I’m thankful to God for waking me up this morning and giving me another 24 hours. I’m trying not to take life for granted when I realize that so many people my age and younger won’t get to see tomorrow. So many people I knew growing up won’t get the privilege of growing old.

I suppose I need to take a few deep breaths and savor this one and only life that I have. The Bible speaks about redeeming the time, using it wisely instead of wasting it by wanting to hurry on to the next big event, next holiday, or even the next weekend. I can live in the moment just as much on a Monday as on a Saturday.

One day, I will step into eternity. Looking back, I’m sure the entirety of this life will seem so very short in comparison. One movie I saw had this quote: “The whole human life is just a heartbeat in heaven.”

I think that’s true. Our lives this side of heaven are like the blink of an eye. But what we do in that blink determines our eternity. More accurately, the choices we make affect where we will spend eternity. Like the decision to follow Jesus as Lord and Savior. That’s the one I’ve never regretted and the one I stake my hopes on as my life gets closer and closer to the ending. I’m definitely over the halfway point.

Hopefully, I can live in such a way that my legacy won’t be anything I leave behind but those who will go with me into heaven because I was a good and faithful servant and was ready to give an answer for the hope I have when people asked.

The Houses that Built Me

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A couple of years ago, my family got the opportunity to revisit some of the old houses where I lived, as well as my grandparents’ houses. It was a fun trip down memory lane, but I realized one thing.

I didn’t get the wave of nostalgia that I was expecting. Some of the houses had changed quite a bit, but some looked the same. The difference was that the people I loved weren’t there anymore. Some have moved away, some have gone to heaven.

It wasn’t the brick and mortar that I truly loved. It was the people inside. It was the memories we made within the walls of each of the houses. Today, if I were given the chance to wander through these houses, I doubt I’d recognize very much. I’m sure a lot has changed in the 30+ years since I was last there.

Sometimes, I think I want to step into the past, if only for a moment. I just want to be a fly on the wall and revisit some old memories. I just want to see the faces and hear their stories. The older I get, the more trouble I have remembering what they looked like or what their voices sounded like.

But I’m thankful. I’m grateful for everything I learned, every experience I had in these places, both good and bad. I think who I am now was shaped by the people who lived there. I carry a little bit of each and every one of them with me.

One of the rewards of heaven will be seeing all the old faces again. Maybe they’ll all be young again. They will have all their memories back. They won’t be fragile or in pain. It will be just like old times — even better, since Jesus will be there.

I hope that the people living in those homes are making new memories. Maybe one day a long time from now, someone will drive up and instantly be able to conjure up a million scenes from the past that they can think about and smile.

Happy Blog-versary to Me!

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I just realized that I started my blog post 15 years ago today. I have posted something every single day since then, bringing my total blog posts to 5,455. That’s a lot.

I don’t mean to humble brag. Well, maybe I do a little. I’m a little proud of that discipline in my life. I’m grateful for the platform and for the longevity of what I’ve been doing through WordPress.

I’m super thankful for every single person who has read these writings of mine over the years. Sometimes, I’m surprised by just who is reading them. People I never would have expected to read my blogs have told me how much what I’ve written means to them.

Really, it’s not about the numbers. I confess I can get too caught up in the daily numbers at times, but then I remember that it was never about that. Even if it were just me writing for myself (and my mom, of course), it would still be worth it. If I had just 2 people reading my blog posts every day, I’d still do it.

A lot has changed since 2010. I’m not who I was 15 years ago. The way I process and handle my life is different. The only constant since then has been God. He’s been the only thing that hasn’t changed one bit since July 25, 2010.

I’d like to say that my goal is for another 15 years and to hit 10,000 blog posts. Honestly, I just want to be faithful to what God is teaching me. If one single person follows Jesus and is in heaven because of the words God gave me, then I can call this a success. Just one.

Thanks again to every one reading these words. You mean the world to me. I pray that God blesses you as much as you have blessed me.

Summer Already?

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Even though it doesn’t officially start for three weeks, I think summer has arrived. That makes a lot of people very happy. That makes a few people sad. That makes me want to stay inside where the air conditioning lives.

I do like summer, but it’s not the same as when I was a kid. Back then, summer meant freedom. It meant no more teachers, no more books, and definitely no dirty teacher looks for three months. That was the best part of the season for me.

Now it just gets super hot for a long time. I still have to go to work every morning. Nothing much changes for me except that traffic gets a little more bearable with schools being out and so many people on vacation.

But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate all the seasons. Each plays a part in the cycle of life that God designed so long ago. Each has its own value and also helps us appreciate the other seasons a little more.

My favorite is still fall, but I want to learn how to savor summer. I don’t want to waste it by waiting for the next season and not fully appreciating the present one. These days, I try to look at it like I don’t have to go to work but I get to. I understand that each new day is a gift, not an obligation.

Will I still complain about the heat and humidity? Absolutely. That’s what I do in the summer. I sweat and whine and talk about how I can’t wait for fall, but secretly I’m a fan of summer because of the long days and the beautiful sunsets and all the smells of fresh cut grass and growing life that come with the season.

Bring on summer! I’m ready for it!

Reason to Sing

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As you may or may not be aware, I have music perpetually playing in my head all the time. I mean All. The. Time. Like from the moment I wake up until the moment I finally fall asleep. Every now and then, I have a random song that I haven’t heard in a while that sneaks into my mental playlist. Or sometimes I think God puts a song in my mind that speaks above the volume of everything else.

One song, Reason to Sing, is from the group All Sons and Daughters. The confessional lyrics are raw and honest in a way that most current worship music is not. I believe it’s from 2013, so it’s not ancient or really all that old, but the lyrics speak a timeless truth to all those feel like lives shattered on the floor. I hope it will speak to you as it has spoken to me over the years:

“When the pieces seem too shattered
To gather off the floor
And all that seems to matter
Is that I don’t feel You anymore
No I don’t feel You anymore

I need a reason to sing
I need a reason to sing
I need to know that You’re still holding
The whole world in Your hands
I need a reason to sing

When I’m overcome by fear
And I hate everything I know
If this waiting lasts forever
I’m afraid I might let go
I’m afraid I might let go oh

Will there be a victory?
Will You sing it over me now?
Your peace is the melody
With You sing it over me now?

I need a reason to sing
I need a reason to sing
I need to know that You’re still holding
The whole world in Your hands
That is a reason to sing

I will sing, sing, sing to my God my King, ‘fore all else fades away;                                       
I will love, love, love with this heart in me, for You’ve been good always” (Leslie Jordan, David Leonard, Alli Rogers © 2011 Integrity’s Praise! Music/BMI and Integrity’s Alleluia! Music/SESAC (both adm at EMICMGPublishing.com), and Simple Tense Songs/ASCAP CCLI # 6092351).

Christmas with the King

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I ran across a Christmas poem that resonated with me deeply. This year, I have known people who have lost loved ones. I was blessed to be a part of a crew of deacons that went caroling Sunday at the homes of a couple of our widows.

This poem speaks to the Christmas experience of those who are no longer here with us. I think they’re probably having their best Christmas season ever. And the good news is that for them it never ends.

“Martha Bennett sent us this encouraging poem in a Christmas Card. Thanks Martha, Thanks for your encouragement.

I’m spending Christmas with Jesus this Year

I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below
With tiny lights like heavens stars
Reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular,
Please wipe away that tear.
For I’m am spending Christmas
With Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs,
That people hold so dear.
But the sound of music can’t compare,
With the Christmas Choir up here.

For I have no words to tell you,
The joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description,
To hear an angel sing.

I can’t tell you of the splendor,
Or the peace here in this place.
Can you just imagine Christmas,
With our Savior face to face?

Please let your hearts be joyful,
And let your spirit sing.
For I am spending Christmas in heaven,
And walking with the King!”

As Billy Graham said that when you hear he had died, it was not true. He had simply changed his address. That’s true for all those we love who aren’t here this year. They’ve simply changed their address, and their faith has been made sight.

CAFO2024

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Sometimes, you can go back. Almost.

This time, it was the Christian Alliance for Orphans (or CAFO) conference held at Brentwood Baptist Church. It was basically 13 years after the first time I volunteered for a CAFO conference.

I truly believe that if you are pro-life, you are pro-adoption and pro-fostering. The best way to show that we care for unborn babies is to keep caring for them once they’re born, especially if they’re born into unfortunate circumstances.

One of the few upsides of being unemployed is that I now have the free time to volunteer. I can be a part of something that’s bigger than me and make a difference (and possibly turn it into a career down the road). While that last part isn’t exactly super realistic, it’s not impossible.

One of my favorite parts so far is seeing the incredible diversity of the people who are attending. It’s like a small taste of heaven where there will be people from every tribe, tongue, ethnicity, race, and nation represented and bound together in worship to Jesus.

I’ve heard that one of the best ways to deal with stress/trauma/grief is to go and do for others. One of the best kinds of therapy is to serve others as a way of taking your mind off your own world for a bit. I’m not saying every single person is 100% ready nor that serving will make all your problems magically go away, but it does give a bit of perspective to step outside of yourself for a bit.

For me, the motivation is partly to recapture some of the magic from last time. I also believe in what CAFO is doing around the world. I also can’t think of a better way to spend my time.

This is not a humble brag about how great and selfless I am, but really a shameless plug for CAFO and an encouragement for you to go and find a place to serve not to get anything out of it but because of the joy of serving and most of all because God is worth it.