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Slouching Toward 2,000

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I suck at math. Big time.

It’s a very good thing that WordPress keeps track of how many of these blogs I’ve written because I would have hopelessly and gloriously lost count a while ago. Like around post #16 or so.

So, according to the good folks at WordPress, this is blog #1,964. That’s not bad considering that I only started writing these things 5 1/2 years ago.

There have been stretches where I feel inspired, where the words flow like they’re coming from somewhere other than me.

Then there are times when I feel like I’m writing a “Dear Diary” entry along the lines of “I woke up. I went to work. I had coffee. I worked. I went home. The end.”

I’ve “borrowed” from a few of my favorite writers that have spoken my own thoughts at the time better than I could have.

I remain surprised at who reads these things that I never would have expected. My favorite is probably a friend named Erica who has since moved back to the Atlanta area and who I miss terribly, even though I never really saw her that much.

I may never get to the land of the million readers per post, but I’m okay with that. I have a unique take on things that isn’t meant for just anybody. It takes a special kind of reader (and probably a special kind of medication, too).

So basically, this came about because I ran out of topics to write about, so I ended up writing about the process of writing. That’s deep for a Friday evening when my brains have turned to mush.

The rest of this is just filler so that I can get to that coveted 300 word mark. It serves no real purpose other than to take up space.

That’s all I got tonight.

The end.

 

Five Years Later

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It all started on July 25, 2010. That was the day I wrote my first blog for WordPress. It all started as a sort of tribute to one of my favorite writers, Brennan Manning.

Since then, I’ve amassed 1,831 posts (counting this one). That’s one a day if you’re keeping score.

Back then, I had a full-time job at Affinion Group that I liked some days and didn’t like on others. There were days I daydreamed about what it would be like to give my two week notice and other days when I was counting my blessings (mostly those were the Fridays on which I got paid).

Now, after three years of temp jobs and no stability, I look back and see that I really had a good thing there. Of course, hindsight is 20/20. But these days, having a job– any job– is a blessing.

I imagine that there are some blogs that get as many readers on one of their posts as I’ve gotten in all my posts combined. I’m okay with that. It was truly never about the numbers. It was about me finding an outlet for what I’m discovering about myself, life, and God.

I’d keep writing these if I only had two devout readers– my mother and me. Heck, even if it were just me reading these I’d keep writing them.

I hope I have at least five more years of these blogs. My next goal is 2,000 posts, which I should hit by early 2016.

So even though I’ve said it already many times, I’ll say it again. Thank you for reading what I write. Thank you for sticking with me when I got off track occasionally and when I wrote 300 words about nothing in particular. Thanks for your likes and your comments and your shares.

50,000 views is a big accomplishment for me and all the credit goes to you.

PS I would have written this on the actual anniversary of my blog, but it slipped on me like a stealthy ninja. In other words, I forgot.

 

Happy July 3!

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 2 Comments

Tomorrow is Independence Day, also known as the 4th of July, also known as National Cookout and Fireworks Day. Or for me, it’s National Get to Sleep In Day.

On this day, we celebrate the fact that the original 13 colonies declared their independence from Great Britain. That took some guts, for doing so meant they could all be hanged as traitors. It’s been a while since my last history class, but I believe that’s the gist of it.

I plan on seeing some fireworks somewhere. As of this writing, I’m not exactly sure where that’ll be.

If any of you are going to see the downtown Nashville fireworks (which are rumored to be the best in the country this year), I’d love to tag along.

There is no redeeming value to this blog other than for me to hopefully score an invitation to a great 4th of July shindig involving the Nashville fireworks (and hopefully some food and festive conversation).

That’s all. Carry about your business.

 

Going Home

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winding road

“Going home is a lifelong journey. There are always parts of ourselves that wander off in dissipation or get stuck in resentment. Before we know it we are lost in lustful fantasies or angry ruminations. Our night dreams and daydreams often remind us of our lostness.

Spiritual disciplines such as praying, fasting and caring are ways to help us return home. As we walk home we often realise how long the way is. But let us not be discouraged. Jesus walks with us and speaks to us on the road. When we listen carefully we discover that we are already home while on the way” (Henri Nouwen).

That’s what really matters in the end.

I’m headed toward my real home and Jesus is the one who’ll help me get there.

This journey is where Jesus walks with us and speaks to us. In fact, Jesus Himself said that knowing Him is the journey. He said that He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

He didn’t say that He knew the way.

He didn’t even say that He was an expert in the knowledge about the way.

He said He is THE way.

There is no other way because no other god ever took on human flesh and became one of us. No other god willingly laid down his life for us in order that we might escape the punishment we deserved.

Sometimes, the way seems long and hard. Many of us sometimes feel like we will never get to the place we want to be or become the persons we feel we should have been all along.

Rest easy, my friends.

Jesus promised that even though the road was narrow and few find it, He would be there.

Jesus promised that His yoke would be easy and His burden light.

Jesus promised that He would finish that great work He started in you.

He promised to never leave or forsake you.

When Jesus is with you, you truly are already home while you’re on the road home.

 

300 Words

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5a15014e4391b66ebd06980ee68e3a25

My goal every time I sit down to write one of these posts is 300 words.

I don’t always have a defined topic when I start typing. Sometimes, I’ll be halfway through a blog before an idea will hit me. Sometimes, I end up with a very stream-of-consciousness, vague-and-shadowy type of blog.

I’ve decided that not every blog I write has to reinvent the genre. Not every single post will be a literary classic. Some will stink like my cat’s week-old kitty litter. But for me, the joy is sitting down in front of my trusty laptop (or iPad) and clicking away on the keys to produce something that wasn’t there before.

Honestly, there are times when I get discouraged by the fact that less people are reading these than were a year ago. I’m just keeping it real. But then I have to remind myself that this is for me and if I only have an audience of one, I’m okay with that.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m repeating myself and essentially saying a lot of the same things over and over. Maybe some of you are like me and it takes you way more than once before a truth sinks in. For me, it’s more like five or six times.

For me, it’s about the discipline of writing something down every single day. Plus, it’s always fun to look back at some older posts and remember what was going on in my life and what I was thinking and feeling at the time. It’s a good indicator of how far God has brought me along the road of healing and wholeness.

So there’s a little more insight into what goes on in my little ol’ noggin. In case you were wondering. And that, my friends, brings us to 300 words.

 

 

 

 

Two Thoughts on a Tuesday

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I’m at my laptop, typing away. For the record, I’m still using my old Sony Vaio, so this blog is only 85% as cool as it could have been were I typing on a Mac Book Pro. But seeing as that is neither here nor there, I digress.

Sitting in Kairos tonight, I had a couple of thoughts unrelated to the sermon Mike Glenn was preaching. I do that often. But that’s also another blog for another day.

I had two distinct thoughts:

1) It really is never too late to start over and become who God created and designed you to be. Even if you’re a Grandma Moses at age 70, you can still start over. And there’s no shame in admitting that what you’ve been doing all this time isn’t what God has called you to. It may have been at some point, but now God is calling you to start again.

2) You don’t have to wait until you get where God is calling you to use your job as a mission field. You can start right now with where you are, even if that’s bagging groceries at Publix or sweeping floors in an office. After all, the Bible DOES tell us to do EVERYTHING to the glory of God, even mopping floors and cleaning public toilets.

The more you see your life not as something you’re entitled to but as an adventure you choose each day to participate in, a journey that God leads you through, the more you see that life truly is a gift and a blessing.

Yes, I’m thankful even for this old, slow laptop, even as it hinders my cool factor. I remember older desktops that were much slower (and even had dial-up internet connections!) So it’s all about perspective and being grateful for what you DO have (my Sony Vaio) as opposed to wishing and pining after what you don’t (a Mac Book Pro).

 

Anger

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image

Note: These are my opinions. They do not reflect the views of WordPress, Brentwood Baptist Church, Kairos, or anyone else. They are solely mine.

I was thinking about anger today. Not because I’m angry. Far from it. I’m in a very good place emotionally. But some thoughts came to mind that I wanted to share.

Everyone deals with anger at some point. It’s even okay to be angry as long as you don’t use your anger as an excuse for sinning or justifying sin and as long as you don’t let your anger consume you or turn into bitterness.

At some point, all of us will be angry at God. I know I have. I do believe that God is big enough to handle our anger and would rather us vent it His way than hold it in and let it fester while we offer up pious prayers from insincere hearts.

We may at some point be angry at those loved ones who left too soon. We might be mad that they didn’t make better choices. We might be mad that they couldn’t beat the demons they fought. As you probably know, anger is one of the five stages of grief, and I know that anger can sometimes be directed at the one we’ve lost. Maybe healing can come in writing a letter to that person, expressing the anger, then destroying the note.

We will probably be mad at ourselves. Maybe because we didn’t speak words of love to those we loved while they were still with us. Maybe because we didn’t take risks for fear of failure. Maybe because we settled for safe instead of pursuing a God-given dream.

In my experience, anger is a masking emotion. We’re angry because we’re really afraid or insecure or doubtful. It’s always good to ask in the face of anger, “Why am I angry? Am I really afraid? Am I insecure about something? Is there something out of my control?”

I’m not a psychologist (although I did minor in Psychology in college). I don’t claim expertise in these matters. I’ve known what it’s like to wrestle with anger from time to time and where the root of that anger lies.

Maybe this will help someone find healing and be honest about being angry. To name it and be set free from it. That’s my prayer in writing this.

My Favorite Gospel

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luke

“The synagogue attendant gave Him the scroll of the prophet Isaiah, and Jesus unrolled it to the place where Isaiah had written these words:

The Spirit of the Lord the Eternal One is on Me.
Why? Because the Eternal designated Me
to be His representative to the poor, to preach good news to them.
He sent Me to tell those who are held captive that they can now be set free,
and to tell the blind that they can now see.
He sent Me to liberate those held down by oppression.
In short, the Spirit is upon Me to proclaim that now is the time;
this is the jubilee season of the Eternal One’s grace.[a]

Jesus rolled up the scroll and returned it to the synagogue attendant. Then He sat down, as a teacher would do, and all in the synagogue focused their attention on Jesus, waiting for Him to speak. He told them that these words from the Hebrew Scriptures were being fulfilled then and there, in their hearing” (Luke 4:17-21).

A few weeks ago, a friend asked me what my favorite gospel was. It had something to do with my personality type. I said my favorite was Luke, but I couldn’t really pinpoint why other than pointing out the way Luke notices and writes down all the little details.

I think I know why now.

I’m in a class at my church where we’re reading through a Gospel each week and this past week, I read Luke. Well, actually, the past two days. I’m a bit of a procrastinator.

More than any of the Gospel writers, Luke is a champion of the disenfranchised and the outcast. He’s the only one to mention the lowly shepherds who were chosen by God to be the first evangelists and missionaries for the newborn Christ.

He points out that Joseph and Mary couldn’t afford a lamb so they brought two turtle-doves instead.

He’s the only one to include the parable of the Good Samaritan, where the hero is a despised outcast, as well as pointing out that the Good News is for all peoples everywhere. For people like me. For people like you.

That’s why I love the Gospel of Luke.

PS They’re all really, really good. I recommend reading one (or all of them) at some point very soon.

More of My Signature Randomness

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cat

So far, this has been one of the coldest winters I can remember. And for most of the nation, it has been one of the snowiest (and I’m fairly certain that’s a real word– or it needs to be). Just about every state in the Union has seen snow and every part of the country has been under a snowy white blanket– except for Middle Tennessee.

It’s almost like a reverse miracle. Sorta like the dry fleece/wet fleece miracle that Gideon witnessed in Judges. It’s also like there’s an anti-snow bubble over the middle part of the state as snow tends to either go north or south of us.

I’m still hopin’ for one good snowfall before the winter of 2014 comes to an end.

In addition to Philip Seymour Hoffman, we’ve lost two more from Hollywood: Shirley Temple and Sid Caesar.

Most people know Shirley Temple from her days as a child star back in the 30’s. Few know that she was a diplomat and activist after her Hollywood days ended. Even fewer could tell you who Sid Caesar was (though if you’ve seen Grease, you might remember him as the gym teacher guy).

It seems like celebrity deaths almost always come in threes. I don’t know why. If you do, I’d love to hear your theories.

Finally, I’m still learning the concept of living out of gratitude and thanksgiving instead of fear and anxiety. I know worry is my default setting and it’s very easy for me to lapse into doubting God’s faithfulness. It’s an effort to retrain my mind to look for all the blessings and see all that I have instead of focusing on all that I lack. It even takes seeing with a different set of eyes– eyes of faith.

But it is so very worth it.

That’s one of the reasons why I blog. I want to remind you (and myself) that God is good and that I am  blessed. Plus, I want there to be something out there that isn’t the usual doom and gloom prevalent in the media these days.

 

Why I Write These Things

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image

Recently, I checked the stats on my WordPress blogsite. I discovered that my latest blog got a grand total of six views for the entire day.

It didn’t ruin my day but it was a bit depressing. For a little while.

Part of me still likes the idea of maybe one day getting thousands of readers. Part of me still thinks an all chocolate diet would be a good thing.

I write these blogs ultimately for me. Really and truly, I’m surprised that anyone other than me reads them. But if no one else but me read them, I’d still write them.

I have to remind myself periodically about a few things like 1) God’s unconditional love for me, 2) it’s okay to be me with all my quirks and flaws, and 3) I write these blogs because I need to read them. So you can look forward to seeing something similar to this post in about 6-9 months. Lucky you.

So maybe I’ll never become an elite blogger. Maybe I’ll never set any records for most views in one day. Maybe. Maybe not.

But for me it doesn’t matter. I want to keep being as authentic and honest and transparent as I can because someone out there might need to hear– or read– what I have to say. So even if I put in all that effort for one person, it will have been more than worth it. Even if that one person was me.