relationships

Things I Love 18: I’m Not Eighteen Nor Am I Alice Cooper

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I’m sitting all alone on a Saturday night (through nobody’s fault but my own). It’s not so bad. It’s good to be alone every once in a while instead of always needing to be around people and events. I’m not saying I want every Saturday to be like this, but one in a blue moon is good for me. It might even help this blog. So, starting at #446, I continue:

446) The new family tradition of the water balloon toss where none of us really know the rules and none of us are really any good but all of us have a grand time anyway.

447) The thought that when I get turned down romantically that she’s the one ultimately missing out and not me (insert smiley face here).

448) Discovering an old band like The Cardigans and realizing they had so many great songs other than their one-hit wonder song.

449) That I’m not in control and I don’t want to be in control. God is more than capable without my help or expertise.

450) God allowing me to wake up this morning.

451) Being 41 when so many family members and classmates and friends won’t ever get to see that age.

452) That I may actually finish this book I’ve been raving about for weeks (but not really reading) called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

453) With God, I’ve learned to never say never to anything because God is the ultimate Master of Surprise in relationships, careers, or anything else you can think of.

454) Both cats and dogs (and who says that I should have to choose one or the other?)

455) Having 411 songs on my iPhone and a freakish amount of variety that I can carry around in my pocket.

456) That your smart phone has way more capacity and memory than the computers at Apollo during all those space missions during the 60’s and 70’s.

457) Getting hand-written notes.

458) My lava lamp that I got from Spencer’s on sale for $10.

459) Jesus loves me where I am but refuses to leave me there.

460) Finding deals at Goodwill like my $7 red suitcase.

461) Old-school country music like Patsy Cline and Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash.

462) Living in Nashville.

463) That my movie tastes include movies like Bridget Jones’s Diary.

464) Seeing the movie Grease in an actual movie theatre (but not when it first came out ’cause I was a bit too young for it then).

465) Going to McCreary’s Irish Pub and knowing just about everyone who works there and them knowing me by name.

466) Going in to Target for one thing and coming out with everything but that one thing I went in there for.

467) Nerding out at McKay’s Used Bookstore (which also has DVDs, blu rays, records, books, and anything to satisfy my inner geek).

468) Shopping and eating local whenever I can to support the community.

469) Being an Independent and not drinking either the Republican or Democratic kool-aid.

470) That both Sarah Palin and Nancy Pelosi get on my last nerve.

471) My collection of old transistor radios (which I am happily accepting donations for).

472) That as of this writing there are only 178 days , 1 hour, 3 minutes, and 7 seconds left until Christmas. Not that I’m counting.

473) Being able to google anything to make myself seem a whole lot smarter and hipper than I really am.

474) That death, hell, and the grave do not have the last word. Jesus does.

475) Finally beating a level on Candy Crush saga.

476) That my 70+ suntan spray will probably keep me safe in the event of a nuclear holocaust with only minor sunburn.

477) My old 1828 Bible that is still in very good condition.

478) Only 532 more to go (and I didn’t even need a calculator to figure that out!)

479) Realizing that forgiveness is never earned or deserved but is purely and simply grace lived out.

480) Having the very best sister in the whole wide world (and no, that is not up for debate or just my opinion, it is a fact).

Things I Love 16: The Number of Candles on Molly Ringwald’s Cake in That 80’s Movie

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There’s my not-so-subtle reference to the classic 80’s flick, Sixteen Candles. I had to do something with the number 16, right? And who didn’t love Molly Ringwald in that movie? Seriously.

Which brings us to #381 (and yes, I had to look up the last entry to get the number right).

381) Getting that unexpected 10 cent discount on gas at Kroger’s.

382) Not getting gas from that really tasty burger from The Pharmacy.

383) Jokes involving cannibals, dinosaurs, or people named Juan (ask me if you want an explanation).

384) It’s never too late to blossom into the person God always meant you to be.

385) The anticipation of getting coffee with a friend at The Frothy Monkey in downtown Franklin.

386) Air conditioning on days like today when I seriously thought I was going to die from sweating so much.

387) That my prayers actually change things– or more accurately, they change me and I change things.

388) When a team I root for actually wins.

389) God has my name written on the palms of his hands and on his heart.

390) Southern Sweet tea, i.e. tea sweetened to almost diabetes-inducing levels.

391) The way my cat looks at me like, “Dude, seriously?”

392) Knowing that my family and friends are around the world, making a difference, crazy enough to believe they can do what people say can’t be done and change the world for the better.

393) That stone house with the red door in downtown Franklin.

394) Beagles.

395) Not having to worry about being counted off for incomplete sentences.

396) Writing these lists– if possible, more now than when I started.

397) Hope fulfilled.

398) Singing along to Bon Jovi at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled down in my car and not even caring what other people around me think.

399) The occasional karaoke.

400) The peace of Christ which surpasses understanding guarding my heart and mind.

401) My very awesome collection of music that I’ve compiled on my iPhone.

402) Jesus choosing to go through hell for me rather than go to heaven without me.

403) It will be 14 months of no carbonated drinks as of tomorrow.

404) Speaking into the back of a box fan and sounding like a robotic Darth Vader.

405) Chamber music.

406) Bluegrass music.

407) Pretty much every type of music.

408) Those times when there were only one set of footprints in the sand.

409) That the word “booger” still strikes me as completely hilarious.

410) Testimonies of God’s ability to save anyone from anything at anytime.

411) That girl who was Joey’s girlfriend and then Chandler’s girlfriend (on the TV show friends), then later ended up on Criminal Minds.

Things I Love 13: Not Written on a Friday Nor on the 13th

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I normally make some witty and socially relevant comment right about now, but we’re skipping that to get to the list. I do want to get to 1,000 before I’m 80. So we’re starting this one at #293.

293) The moment when gratitude wins out over self-pity, hurt, and anger.

294) Knowing I can never go back to the way things used to be but that the future will be so much better.

295) Iced Tazo Tea Lemonade and sympathetic baristas.

296) Condemning words and harsh unforgiving texts no longer will define who I am or wreck my life.

297) The idea that one day one girl out there will not only want to go out with me on a date, but will actually want to spend the rest of her life with me as my wife.

298) Christmasy candles that fill the air with apple and pumpkin spice aromas.

299) I’ve gotten so used to typing instead of writing that I automatically expect to see that red little line under a word when I’ve misspelled it.

300) The word phonetics isn’t spelled phonetically (otherwise it would be spelled starting with an f).

301) Alanis Morissette’s song Ironic contains no actual ironies– now, isn’t that ironic? Don’t you think?

302) Lost hopes restored and broken dreams reborn.

303) Candy Crush Saga– and yes, I can quit at any time.

304) Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.

305) My sister, who is much prettier than Joan Jett.

306) Fruit Ninja.

307) Hearing Emmylou Harris sing just about ANYTHING.

308) Someone will read these lists and be inspired to start one of their own.

309) The beauty of seeing a classic film in the high definition format of blu ray and noticing details and textures that even the original movie audiences would have missed.

310) I’m a guy who has Breakfast at Tiffany’s in his top five movie list and am comfortable with that.

311) Still knowing all the words to the Don McLean song American Pie.

312) Knowing just about all the lines from the movie It’s a Wonderful Life.

313) Any movie starring both Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra.

314) A perfect God using imperfect people to accomplish his purposes in the world.

315) God using nobodies to shame the who’s who and turn the world right-side up again.

316) Even the worst commercials are only 30 seconds long (or on rare occasion, 1 minute).

317) Chillin’ like a villain.

318) Being like Phoebe Buffay from the TV show friends (in personality, not looks, in case you were confused).

319) Cereal at midnight.

320) One day God will wipe every tear from every  eye and everything wrong will be made right again.

321) Being me.

Things I Love 12: Tested And Approved by Lucy The Wonder Kitty

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Lucy is in my lap, approving  whatever I type. Of course, she can’t read, but if she could, she would add her own comments (most of which would not be fit to print in a family-style blog such as this one). So I’ll take her silence as either approval or extreme sleepiness.

The list commences with #264 (I think).

264) Ice-cold water to quench my thirst on a humid summer day.

265) A long walk alone under a full moon at night (as opposed to all those moonlit walks during the day).

266) That I’m finally at a place where I’m comfortable alone or in a crowd.

267) Planned spontaneity.

268) That I’ve come to the place where if I never see a certain person ever again (and at the moment it appears very likely to be the case), that I will be glad for the friendship; I will miss her, but my life will go on.

269) Those quiet moments of peace where God speaks into my silence.

270) That with God, every day is a day to look forward to.

271) Reading collects out of The Book of Common Prayer and seeing my own prayers expressed better than I could ever put them.

272) That this blog site has spell-check so that I can appear smarter than I really am, i.e. that I can actually spell.

273) That I really don’t have to be friends with everyone or have everyone like me to be content.

274) That everything will be fine in the end, and if it’s not fine, it’s not the end.

275) Good lines from good movies (like the one I just referenced earlier).

276) Chocolate bars with bacon in them (it sounds gross, but tastes divine).

277) All of my quirks

278) That I have to show my driver’s license to prove that I really am the age I say I am.

279) That even though Jon Acuff might have more readers for one blog than I’ve had for all my 1,000+ blogs combined, that I have touched and impacted lives that wouldn’t have been touched and impacted had I chosen not to write a blog.

280) That I can use bad grammar, and bad punctuation, in my blogs, if I so, choose.

281) Those rare times when the Church is known for what it’s for rather than what it’s against.

282) That I can learn something from anybody, no matter what their philosophical, theological, political or social beliefs and regardless of whether or not they have the same worldview as mine.

283) That hamburger from The Pharmacy with bacon, ham, and a fried egg (10,000 calories of deliciousness!)

284) That the last spoken words from Jesus in the Bible aren’t a condemnation but an invitation.

285) When I talk into a box fan and make my voice sound like a robot.

286) That being grown-up doesn’t always mean having to be mature all the time.

287) That the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.

288) The way my cat Lucy hovers when she goes to the bathroom.

289) Not knowing all the answers (or even all of the questions).

290) A perfectly made and perfectly thrown paper airplane.

291) That I saw the actual Batmobile from the campy 60’s TV show tonight in downtown Franklin

292) That this list will continue– maybe tomorrow, maybe not. You’ll just have to tune in tomorrow to find out. Same bat time, same bat channel.

The Real Dirt on Relationships

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No, this isn’t another one of those blogs on dating. Yeah, I know the typical cliche topic whenever you go to a singles group or Young Adult Bible Study is dating, relationships, and– the holy grail of all singles– marriage.

This is not one of those.

“If someone wants to be a part of your life, they’ll make an effort to be in it. Don’t bother reserving a space for someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay.”

I know we’re all busy. We have lives and jobs. Some of us have marriages and kids. Some of us have pets. We all have a plethora of activities and groups and social events we’re a part of. There’s still only 24 hours in a day and that’s not going to change any time soon.

But the harsh truth is this: if someone means something to you, you will find time for them. If you can’t (or won’t) find time for them, it means that they don’t matter. You may tell them they matter, but if your actions speak otherwise, that’s what the person will hear. Actions do speak far louder than words.

If someone doesn’t respond to your texts or posts, the same thing applies. I understand that you might not have time to reply in that instant, but if you care about the other person at all, you will find the time to respond. Even if it’s just “I got your text” or “Thanks, but no thanks” is better than nothing at all. To not respond at all is perceived as ignoring the person, and as we all know, my or your perception may not be reality, but it’s all we have to go on.

You do have to learn to let those people go who won’t make the effort to be a part of your life. And making an effort means making or finding time. Always. Embrace those who stick with you through your moments of temporary insanity, through when you’re not as easy to be around. Those are rare gems that don’t come along every day.

I should add that not every single relationship will be like this. Some healthy relationships involve people who won’t see or hear from each other for a long time, but when the two get together, it’s like no time at all has passed. My advice is to always in every relationship give the other person grace and the benefit of the doubt.

As I’ve said before, you can’t be friends with everyone. At least not in the sense of investing in people and cultivating meaningful relationships with them. You will either have many shallow relationships or fewer but deeper friendships that last.

Most of all, hold all of your relationships with an open hand and a surrendered heart. God will put some people in your lives for 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks, or 5 years. Sometimes, you only get one conversation. Sometimes, you get years of companionship. Don’t try to hold onto someone God has only put into your life for a short time.

That’s all I have for tonight, just some things that have been ruminating in the old noggin of mine for quite some time.

Things I Love 10: I’m Not Even Close to Being Done With This

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Everybody sing with me,”This is the list that never ends, and it goes on and on my friends.”

As we come to part X of my list of things I love, it does seem like it will never end. But trust me, it will. We may both be in our 80’s by then, but I will finish this list one day.
So continuing with #214:

214) People who actually respond back to my texts and posts.

215) Fridays.

216) When my cat wakes me up in the middle of the night by jumping on my bed and purring loudly in deep contentment.

217) Old Warner Brothers cartoons.

218) When I remember someone’s name after only meeting them once.

219) The corned beef and cabbage at McCreary’s Irish Pub.

220) That with God all my past sins are forgiven and forgotten.

221) Reconciliation of relationships.

222) My grandmother’s banana pudding.

223) Answered prayer.

224) Seeing the amazing transformative power of God at work in my life and in the lives around me.

225) Cheesy 80’s movies.

226) The good feeling from being in shape physically.

227) Remembering a good dream.

228) Finding money I didn’t know I had in the pockets of clothes I haven’t worn in a while.

229) Being in the know.

230) Singing along with a good song on the radio.

231) Trying new foods at new restaurants.

232) That Jesus knows my name and always knows where I am.

233) A good, thick biography. The thicker the better.

234) Alan Thicke. Why not?

235) Hearing an old song I had forgotten about and having long-buried memories that go with it come back to mind.

236) Coma-inducing Southern sweet tea.

237) When I know for sure God is speaking to me and I am still enough to listen.

238) Randomly bursting into song in public for no good reason.

I’d love to hear some of the little things that bring you joy. I might even stealborrow them for future Things I Love blogs.

Things I Love 9: This Series Is Getting Completely Redonkulous

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I apologize for those of you who were anxiously awaiting the next installment of this series. Both of you.

I got off track in more ways than one, but now I continue this seemingly neverending series with #192.

192) A cool breeze on a hot and humid summer day.

193) Any time I get free food, even if it’s just a free dreamcone from Chick-fil-A (one of the perks of having the app foursquare on my iPhone!)

194) Knowing that even if the worst case scenario actually comes to pass, God’s taking care of me and everything will be fine in the end. If it’s not fine, it’s not the end.

195) The absolute magic of Fred Astaire dancing with Ginger Rogers.

196) Homemade bread.

197) Sweet potato french fries (I recommend Pucketts or The Pharmacy).

198) Knowing my family and friends are praying for me as I write this.

199) Being able to pray the prayer that never fails– Your will be done– and sincerely mean it.

200) Being okay after having my heart broken in a very failed attempt to take a friendship to the next level.

201) That the best things in life really are free.

202) GPS for those like me who are directionally-impaired.

203) Ice cold water on a hot day.

204) Unexpectedly seeing old friends at Kairos.

205) Having peace even in the midst of spectacularly blowing a friendship to smithereens.

206) When technology works like its supposed to.

207) Getting all green lights on my way to church.

208) That I am an heir with Christ and no longer a slave to fear but now possess a spirit of adoption and can cry, “Abba, Daddy” to the God and Maker of the Universe.

209) That low sexy voice you get when ever you have a cold or hay fever.

210) Hearing a favorite song at just the right moment.

211) The effortless artistry of Ella Fitzgerald’s voice.

212) That God hears my feeble prayers– and even my sighs and groans when I don’t have the words.

213) That God can use messes like Moses, Abraham, David, Peter, and (most amazing of all) me.

Texting, Dating, and the Lordship of Jesus Christ

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OK. Calm down. This isn’t any hellfire-and-brimstone blog. Don’t get your boxers in a bunch. Or panties. I just have some thoughts I’d like to share.

Have syou been pursued romantically by someone lately? How did you go about deciding if said someone was right for you? Did you go by gut intuition? Cues? Feelings? How about this one? Did you pray about it?

By praying about it, I mean did you earnestly seek  God’s will? Were you willing to submit to whatever Jesus told you? After all, if Jesus is Lord of your life at all, then He’s Lord of every aspect of your life, including your relationships, including who you do and don’t go out with.

Another question: have you been romantically interested in someone? In the course of pursing or being pursued by that person, did you ask Jesus’ permission? How can you possibly hope to find God’s mate for you if you’re not seeking His will over each and every potential dating relationship?

It goes without saying (but still needs to be said) that if you’re dating with the intent of possibly marrying this person, then you want to know God’s will on the matter and be willing to submit to it.

I’m not trying to be a killjoy. I just don’t want you to find out six months into the relationship that you’re dating the wrong guy or girl or that you’re stuck in a relationship that doesn’t work or where you end up with someone who doesn’t share your dreams and passions and (worst of all) faith.

In a totally unrelated matter, I’m still not sure what to make of this whole texting thing. Have you ever texted someone and gotten no response? If your phone is like mine, then it shows that the person read your message but chose not to respond. It’s almost like if you came up to me and asked me a question and I nodded like I heard you but instead of answering, I just stared at you. That would be creepy.

This is my take and I only expect myself to do this. I ALWAYS respond to EVERY text. I think it’s common courtesy. Good manners. I know if you’re one of those people who gets inundated with texts, it’s hard, but doing the right thing isn’t always easy. And I do understand that people lead busy lives and can’t always whip out their phones and text back, but hopefully within 48 hours you have some down time to respond back.

As far as relationships are concerned, when there are misunderstandings, it’s easy to find fault with the other person. Sometimes you need to do two things: 1) look in the mirror and make sure you’re not looking at a speck in the other person’s eye through a log in your own eye. 2) Sometimes you need to be the bigger person in the relationship and make the move toward making the relationship right again. For the sake of the relationship, it’s not as important to be right in your own eyes as it is to be reconciled.

There. I do these soapbox blogs periodically, so you’re off the hook probably until sometime in the fall. Or if I have a really good summer, maybe next winter.

More for Those With Broken Hearts

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I have something I’ve learned about having my heart broken a few times that I want to pass along to you. First of all, I want to say that okay to grieve when your love or interest in someone goes unrequited. It’s okay to hurt. I think it requires as much of a grieving process as losing a loved one, because you’re seeing the death of a dream that was very dear to your heart.

I think it’s okay to be brutally open and honest with God about the pain. He can take it. Besides, he already knows those feelings that you pretend aren’t there when you tell yourself that you’re fine.

That said, I think one good thing out of having your heart broken is that it is never again the same shape as it was, pre-break. It’s larger. And if you choose the path of healing versus the path of grudges and bitterness, good things can come out of the pain, such as these:

You have more room to love others and you have an increased sensitivity to those in pain around you who need your love.

You give more grace toward those who act out of their own hurt toward you because you remember when you did the same out of the great pain you were once in.

You have more compassion and tenderness in general because you know what it’s like to need it and find it so you want others to experience the same joy you did.

Finally, you become a little more like Jesus because you’ve shared in his sufferings. Jesus above all knows the pain of a broken heart, both physically and metaphorically. He’s the one who wept over Jerusalem because they wouldn’t come to him and find life and freedom. His heart was just as broken that day as when the spear pierced his side into his heart.

So remember that there is nothing broken that God can’t take and make beautiful. No, not just beautiful like it was before. It won’t ever be the same. It will be much, much better.