prayer

A Kairos Greeter Prayer

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“I want the last face you see in this world to be the face of love, so you look at me when they do this thing. I’ll be the face of love for you” (Sister Helen Prejean, Dead Man Walking).

Lord,

I’m just one person. There are so many hurting and lost people who feel like nobody sees them. There are so many crying out for someone to notice them in their pain and anguish. Some will be here tonight for Kairos. Some will bring their profound brokenness, their wrist scars, their needle marks, their shattered dreams, their dashed hopes.

Help the first face they see in mine to be the face of Love. For some, it could be the last face they see, and may they leave this world knowing they saw at least one face filled with Your lovingkindness.

Help them to not see Greg Johnson, but Jesus Christ. May it be His smile they see and His words they hear and His hope they receive.

Let Your joy be in me and let it overflow to those who walk by. May your peace radiate outward from me in tangible waves to those who are in bondage to fear and doubt and anxiety. May You be everything in that moment and may I be nothing but a vessel for You to love Your people through.

I can’t touch every single hurting person, but I can be Jesus to just one. I can love the person in front of me. I can show grace to the next person who walks by my door.

Most of all, may they not remember me or Michael Boggs and the worship team or Mike Glenn (or whoever else happens to be teaching that night). If they don’t remember any of the lyrics to any of the songs or anything of the message, may they walk away knowing they have met with You, the Almighty Creator and King of the Universe as well as the Abba Father and Counter of the Lowliest Sparrow.

And may they never be the same again.

Amen.

Movin’ On Up (To The East Side)

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Once again, I had the fun privilege of participating in the annual Belmont Move-In Day for incoming freshmen. You couldn’t have asked for better weather, i,e, mid 70’s with low humidity. It was perfect.

I had a blast as usual (this being my 3rd year) and was thankful yet again that the dorm I was assigned to didn’t have six floors. And that I was in much better physical shape than that first year.

I know college is supposed to be somewhat traumatic at first, but I think it’s the parents who are more traumatized than the kids. Most of the freshmen looked thrilled at the new possibilities and the open potential that lay ahead. The dads look mostly stoic and the moms looked to be on the verge of tears. Ok, not really, but that’s how I imagined the scenario playing out when no one else was watching.

Seeing a guy carrying up an old-school non-flat screen TV reminded me sharply of an old TV I dug out of a dumpster. It had the usual colors of a color TV, but it also had a green button that (amazingly enough) turned the whole screen green. I’m not sure what purpose that button served. It did make for interesting sit-com experiences.

That old TV worked for the rest of my senior year at Union University. In fact, it worked up until the day I brought it home. I can say for sure that I got my money’s worth out of it.

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Anyway, I met a lot of amazing people. From some of the Belmont students I met, I can tell you that my hope for the future is considerably brighter. They seem a lot more mature than most incoming college freshmen, Or at least more mature than I was at 19 (who am I kidding? I’m still not all that mature).

I’m praying that God will lead these freshmen to find godly mentors and older students who will walk ahead of them down that narrow road that few find, but leads to so many good things. I’m praying they take risks, go for broke, laugh a lot, cry without shame, and fall in love with Jesus more and more every day.

I’m praying that they will look at the naysayers that tell them that the world is too far gone and beyond saving and headed for hell in a handbasket (apparently, a very large one) and prove them wrong by going out and changing that world, one heart at a time.

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Things I Love 46: A Terrible Mystery

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“What a terrible mystery
How I searched for the key
To unlock your guarded heart
And set your love free
What a beautiful dream
I tried more than anything
To unlock your heart
And set your love free
A terrible mystery” (The Choir)

“How do I wake up to joy and grace and beauty and all that is the fullest life when I must stay numb to losses and crushed dreams and all that empties me out?” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are)

“Joy and pain, they are but two arteries of the one heart that pumps through all those who don’t numb themselves to really living” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

I keep returning to this well of thanksgiving because it is there that I find life. I don’t mean blood pumping through my veins, breathing in and out kind of life. I mean the kind of life that consists of more than just existing, but being fully enveloped in and aware of God in each moment. The life that sees the rainbow through the rain clouds, the sun behind the dark night, and the joy behind the thousand daily heartbreaks and little dream-deaths we face each day. Joy is being truly awake and alive to the good in everything, even the worst of circumstances, knowing that the Father will work out all these things for the best possible good.

1,431) Muggy days that make the coming crisp days of autumn all the more welcome.

1,432) Reepicheep, the bravest of all the talking mice in Narnia.

1,433) Seeing my job as a priestly function of offering my work as a thanksgiving offering to God.

1,434) Having a job to go to, even if it was at 6:30 this morning.

1,435)  That I still love driving my ’95 Jeep Cherokee even after 10 years.

1,436) Taking notes at Kairos tonight on my iPad2.

1,437) Having the best family (which includes blood relatives, and friends both on Facebook and in the real world).

1,438) Adam Wheatley and Courtney Cole leading the amazing worship tonight at Kairos.

1,439) My friend Paige who has faithfully led the greeter team and been one of my most supportive friends when I really needed it.

1,440) Signing up again to volunteer for Belmont move-in day for incoming freshmen.

1,441) Finally converted after much kicking and screaming (mostly in the metaphorical sense) to being an Apple guy. All I need now is a MacBook Pro.

1,442) Seeing one of my Romanian friends at Kairos tonight.

1,443) Resuming my lunch walks (even if this one was interrupted on account of rain).

1,444) Wifi when it is working right.

1,445) The movie Notting Hill, even if it’s a chick-flick. It’s a very well-made, well-written chick-flick.

1,446) Not even being the least bit tempted to break my more than 15-month break from carbonated beverages today.

1,447) My scars.

1,448) Singing “All that she wants is to go to Kairos” tonight to the tune of the Ace of Base song, “All That She Wants.”

1,449) When I let God be my defender and justifier.

1,450) Random acts of recycling.

1,451) Tagging these blogs creatively so more people can read them.

1,452) Being around something completely annoying and hearing the character Janice from the TV show friends in her nasal Bronx accent saying in my head, “OH MY GOD!”

1,453) Having such entertaining voices in my head.

1,454) Being reminded that surrender to Jesus is the truest freedom I’ve ever known.

1,455) Knowing that God is more faithful and eager to hear my prayers and answer them than I am to pray them most of the time.

1,456) The calming effect of hearing the rainfall outside.

1,457) Thinking of how very far my driving skills have come since my very first time behind the wheel, terrified out of my mind and driving down one of the busiest streets in Memphis.

1,458) Choosing joy over a bitter and complaining spirit.

1,459) My friend Emily, who also serves in Kairos faithfully each week and who has a true Proverbs 31 kind of beauty.

1,460) The thought of going to bed soon after a long day that started at 5:30 this morning.

Things I Love 39: If It’s Not Fine, It’s Not the End

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“The joy of small that makes life large. Hadn’t I personally experienced it before too, that vantage point that gave a sense of smallness before grandeur? At the tip of the Grand Canyon, peering into the carved earth, the vastness of the hewn and many-hued chasm. A late June night peering into the expanse of heavens nailed up with the named and known stars. A moon field. I hardly dare brush the limitlessness with my vaporous humanity. But the irony: Don’t I often desperately want to wriggle free of the confines of a small life? Yet when I stand before immensity that heightens my smallness – I have never felt sadness. Only burgeoning wonder.” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

Most of what I’m thankful for are the small things that most others take for granted. Or things that remind me of how small I am in the grand scheme of things. Truly, some of the best things in life come in small packages (like the feline package curled up and asleep in my lap as I write these words. So, starting at #1,176, this journey of thanksgiving continues.

1,176) Even the possibility of a Friends TV show reunion.

1,177) Just under 11 pounds of sleeping fur in my lap.

1,178) That to live is Christ and to die is gain– the best win-win ever.

1,179) Fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches at The Arcade in Memphis, TN.

1,180) The feeling of finally having a job after 14 months without one.

1,181) Seeing my prayers for a job answered.

1,182) A blue sky filled with white clouds.

1,183) Another Kairos Night of Worship coming up next Tuesday.

1,184) The songs of birds on a sunny day.

1,185) My friend Erica Grant’s smile.

1,186) Not feeling the need to be anyone else but myself.

1,187) Knowing that at any moment people are praying for me.

1,188) A momma deer with her baby.

1,189) That huge feeling of relief when I paid off the last of my student loans.

1,190) The freedom that comes with truly forgiving someone.

1,191) Wednesday being “hump daaaay!”

1,192) Icy Hot on a sore muscle.

1,193) Finally having a little bit of a tan on my legs so they’re not so ghastly white anymore.

1,194) “Living the dream,” as my friend Michael Boggs puts it.

1,195) The extended prayer times at Kairos.

1,196) Getting free tickets to Titans games.

1,197) Scrolling through friends’ homepages and seeing all their photos (but not in a stalker kind of way).

1,198) Imagining the things my cat would say if she spoke human.

1,199) Just about any vehicle that is over 50 years old.

1,200) Posting about my new job and already having 40 likes and 6 comments.

1,201) Watermelon (especially after reading all the amazing health benefits).

1,202) The fruit tea at Calypso Cafe.

1,2o3) That another episode of Friends starts in 15 minutes.

1,204) Newborn puppies and kittens.

1,205) Muting an annoying commercial.

1,206) Having caller ID to avoid the telemarketers.

1,207) Those rare movies where the nerd gets the pretty girl at the end.

1,208) Adding stuff to my amazon.com wish-list.

1,209) Bringing a smile to a total stranger’s face.

1,210) Knowing that there will be at least one more of these Things I Love posts.

Things I Love 35: Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Get Back on the Internet . . .

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“That which tears open our souls, those holes that splatter our sight, may actually become the thin, open places to see through the mess of this place to the heart-aching beauty beyond. To Him. To the God whom we endlessly crave” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

“God is good and I am always loved” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

“The whole of the life — even the hard — is made up of the minute parts, and if I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole. These are new language lessons, and I live them out. There is a way to live the big of giving thanks in all things. It is this: to give thanks in this one small thing. The moments will add up”  (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

Yeah, just when you thought I was done with this series, I resuscitate it and bring it back from the world wide graveyard. I’m not even close to being finished with all these thousand and more gifts I’ve received in my lifetime. It’s probably closer to 10,000. Actually, if I were completely honest, there’d be no way to count the blessings in my life for no human number goes that high. So I’ll do my best, starting at #1,036.

1,036) Yet more good coffee and conversation with another friend at Frothy Monkey (after a bit of confusion as to which Frothy Monkey).

1,037) When I stop comparing myself to others and instead compare myself to where I used to be.

1,038) Politically Correct Bedtime Stories.

1,039) Seeing my Romanian friend and sister-in-Christ happily married.

1,040) Rubbing my bare feet against carpet.

1,041) Not getting elbowed in the head or having my bare feet stepped on during volleyball games.

1,042) That possibly the best days and moments of my life are still yet to come.

1,043) Not getting counted off anymore for split infinitives.

1,044) Friends who actually make time to keep up with me and encourage me regularly.

1,045) All the old episodes of Are You Being Served?

1,046) Memories of watching TV as a kid with my uncle in the old camper on our property in Christiana.

1,047) That I’m not named after an airline.

1,048) Anticipating yet another Jonny Lang album coming out in September.

1,049) My gigantic over-the-ears headphones that I use to listen to music late at night sometimes.

1,050) Making up words when I don’t know the actual lyrics to a song.

1,051) Finding out what the actual lyrics are to a song I’ve been singing wrong all this time.

1,052) Just about any movie or TV show featuring Judi Dench.

1,053) Catching up with Union University classmates.

1,054) Ditto for Briarcrest classmates.

1,055) That God loves the crazy people as much as the “sane” ones.

1,056) The short spontaneous conversation I had with the girl named Rebecca who was reading that Mark Batterson book.

1,057) Every one of the 300+ pictures I took at the Set Free VBS this year.

1,058) Seeing those kids being prayed over and loved on and shown Jesus.

1,059) Every time the Kingdom of God takes back a person or a place from the kingdom of darkness.

1,060) Mastering the art of making pimento cheese.

1,061) Saying the words “pimento cheese.”

1,062) Classic devotionals by people like Oswald Chambers and Charles Spurgeon.

1,063) Bowling a game over 100.

1,064) Silence. Sometimes.

1,065) That even my fidelity to God is a gift from God (thanks to Thomas Merton for that one.

1,066) Friends who know the song in my heart and can sing it back to me when I’ve forgotten the words.

1,067) Any old Frank Capra movie.

1,068) Not being in a hurry all the time.

1,069) Knowing that I have an Advocate and Defender who pleads for me before the Throne of God.

1,070) Not nearly being close to finished with these lists.

Set Free VBS- Day Two

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IMG_0809 On my way to the second day of Vacation Bible School at Set Free Church, I ran into some heavy rains. As in I almost couldn’t see the road. I like a good storm now and then when I’m safely tucked in bed inside my own home, but not so much when I’m driving in it. Especially on the interstate.

But I got there. Thanks to the rain, it was quite a bit cooler, though still quite muggy. I’m pretty certain that more kids showed up today than yesterday. I can’t say that I’m the world’s best VBS volunteer, but I showed up. And so did these kids. As my pastor said once, all God needs is a place to start. Not perfect obedience or perfect planning. Just the smallest little opening.

IMG_0892So we planted some seeds. As you may well know (even if you’re not a farmer), most seeds don’t automatically sprout into full-grown plants or trees. In fact, you probably won’t see any visible results for a while. But underneath the soil is where all the change is taking place.

These kids may not seem different. But underneath, in their hearts and souls and minds, God is working. He’s showing them a Father different from any they’ve probably ever known. He’s showing them a Love like they’ve never felt before.

IMG_0917I can tell God’s working in me, too. Once again, I’m finding out how true it is that you simply can’t outgive God. In fact, even in serving all you’re doing is receiving and letting what you’re given pass through you to those around you. I’m reminded of what Ann Voskamp said:

“”Christian hands never clasp
and He doesn’t give gifts for gain
because a gift can never stop being a gift –
it is always meant to be given.”

I hope at the end of this year’s VBS some kids will pray to receive Christ (and some already have). I pray that their lives (and mine) will have been transformed and changed so that there’s a little less greed and a little more generosity, a little less lusting and a little more loving, a little less like the world around us and a little more like Jesus.

That will make every bit of what we’ve sacrificed to be there more than worth it.

Translating My Prayers

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I had a friend from Romania who attended Kairos with her new husband of four months. Since he’s not quite as adept at English as she is, she interpreted most of the Kairos service for him. It was a beautiful thing to see.

Then a light bulb went off in my head. That’s what the Holy Spirit does for me when I pray. I don’t mean that God needs an interpreter to understand my Southern dialect of English, but sometimes my prayers don’t even have words. Sometimes all I have are sighs and groans that are too deep for words, raw emotions that I can’t figure out, much less give voice to.

That’s where the Holy Spirit takes over. Even when I’m praying what I think God wants to hear, the Holy Spirit is inside me praying what’s really in my heart and on my mind. Even if that is anger toward God or frustration with how I think he’s guiding me.

Sometimes in prayer, thoughts come unbidden to my mind that I’m afraid to pray. Or at least I’m tempted to spiritualize so that they sound more Christian. Through the Holy Spirit, God sees beyond my Christian-ese and my thees and thous to the real words I can’t (or won’t) pray.

As I’ve said before, I’m so glad God didn’t give me 90% of what I asked for. He may not have caused that certain girl to fall in love with me, but he gave me something much better. He gave me Himself and an overwhelming sense of a more perfect Love that no human could ever give me.

He may not  have given me riches, but He’s helped me to see how richly blessed I am and how much I have to be truly thankful for.

Sometimes, I go to The Book of Common Prayer when I don’t have words of my own. I’ve used The Liturgy of the Hours recently as well. Some of Henri Nouwen’s prayers have felt like they were my own prayers said better than I could ever say them. Sometimes, all I have is “Lord, help” and “Thank you, Lord.” Even my silence before God is a form of prayer for that is often when I can finally hear Him speaking to me.

So if all you fail to get anything else out of all I’ve written, get this. God wants to hear from you. He doesn’t want pretty words or perfect theology or even coherent sentences. He wants you, all of you. Every bit of joy and pain, hurt and triumph, sorrow and happiness. He wants everything that’s on your heart and on your mind.

This comes from one ragamuffin trying to tell all the other ragamuffins out there where to find the best Bread out there. That’s all.

Things I Love 34: To Infinity and Beyond

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“Life is so urgent it necessitates living slow”  (Ann Voskamp).

“Thanksgiving-giving thanks in everything-prepares the way that God might show us His fullest salvation in Christ” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

“At the last, this is what will determine a fulfilling, meaningful life, a life that, behind all the facades, every one of us longs to live: gratitude for the blessings that expresses itself by becoming the blessing” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

I entertained thoughts about stretching this series to 2,000.  But then again, I’m much too lazy for that. Besides, I probably mentioned some things I love more than once, so these extras should compensate for my oversights. And I’m still having too much fun with it to stop now. So we pick up at #1,001.

1,001) Getting radically out of my comfort zone to serve at VBS with inner-city kids.

1,002) Any kind of a front or back porch swing.

1,003) Seeing videos and pictures of my Romanian friend’s wedding.

1,004) That I now have prayer books from three different faith aspects: Episcopalian (The Book of Common Prayer), Roman Catholic (The Liturgy of the Hours), and Jewish (Siddur: The  Traditional Prayer Book).

1,005) Packing school backpacks with school supplies and prayers to give to inner-city children.

1,006) That no one can make me feel anything. I choose my response and by the grace of God, I can respond to hate with love, anger with kindness, and mockery with respect.

1,007) Knowing that I’m not who I used to be or what I one day will be.

1,008) Walking through meadows filled with flowers.

1,009) That I finally grew out of eating ketchup sandwiches.

1,010) Being very nonlinear and random.

1,011) Hot showers in the morning to help me wake up.

1,012) Groupon deals.

1,013) Not having to worry about living anyone’s life but my own.

1,014) Those rare couples who stay pure in the midst of dating and don’t move in together until after they’re married.

1,015) Stopping my car at twilight to catch a family of deer running across the road.

1,016) Free books that the library gives away.

1,017) Free anything.

1,018) Finally figuring out how to do a screen capture on my iPhone.

1,019) Tiny flower pots. What do you plant in those?

1,020)  Fans blowing on me while I sleep.

1,021) The way the sunlight reflects off of Radnor Lake in the summer time.

1,022) Fallen pine needles strewn across the ground on an autumn afternoon.

1,023) The crunching sound of walking through dead leaves in the fall.

1,024) That you can’t say the word “rural” and not sound like you’ve had one too many.

1,025) Adele Live at Royal Albert Hall on blu ray.

1,026) The Amplified Bible.

1,027) Getting lost in a good book.

1,028) Model trains.

1,029) All the amazing people I’m going to see in heaven one day.

1,030) Spring reminding me of the hope that the Resurrection brings.

1,031) The scent of vanilla.

1,032) The clean feeling after I’ve just brushed my teeth.

1,033) The music of Duke Ellington.

1,034)Mechanical pencils.

1,035) That if I were to list every single thing in my life that I’m thankful for and that is really a gift, I’d have to blog until I’m as old as Methuselah to get everything down (and then I’d still leave something out).

A Blogger’s Prayer

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If you blog frequently or even on rare occasion, this prayer is for you. It was both encouraging and convicting for me personally. I hope it will bless and encourage and convict (where needed) each of you as you read it:

“I am no longer my own blogger, but Thine.

Refine me with each post how You will, rank me how You will.

Put me to service, or put me to suffering.

Let me be a follower, instead of seeking followers

Let me post for thee or be put aside for thee,

Lifted high, only for thee, or brought low, all for thee.

Do with me and each post whatever you will, because You alone know best.

Let me not strive but submit

Let me not compete but care

Let me not desire hits but holiness

Let my blog be full of You, and let it be empty of me.

Let me crave all things of You, let me care nothing of this world.

Let my words be worthy of the greatest of audiences: You.

And You are enough.

May I write not for subscribers… but only for Your smile.

May my daily affirmation be in the surety of my atonement not the size of my audience.

May my identity be in the innumerable graces of Christ, never, God forbid,

the numbers of my comments.

And may the only words that matter in my life not be the ones I write on a screen —

but the ones I live with my skin.

I freely and heartily yield every sentence, every title, every post, every comment… or no comments… all to Your pleasure and perfect will.

My only fame is that I bear your name

My only glory is the gift of Your Grace

My only readership, Your eyes that seek to and for to find a heart hard after you.

Make this so. Lord…

Yahweh, You alone are my God, not Google

Jesus, You alone are my Savior, not site meters

And Holy Spirit, you alone are my Comforter, not comments

So be it, today, yesterday, and every post to come.

This is my prayer I have made on earth, over this keyboard…

may it be ratified in heaven.

Amen.”

Things I Love 21: This Blog Series Is Old Enough To Drink (If It Weren’t a Baptist Blog)

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“Humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control, let go of my own way, let go of my own fears. Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy’s fire. Leave the hand open and be. Be at peace. Bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love and whisper a surprised thanks. This is the fuel for joy’s flame. Fullness of joy is discovered only in the emptying of will. And I can empty. I can empty because counting His graces has awakened me to how He cherishes me, holds me, passionately values me. I can empty because I am full of His love. I can trust” (Ann Voskamp).

My list continues at #551.

551) Going back to swing dancing at Centennial Park on July 13.

552) Conversations with people of different faith-traditions where we both learn something new.

553) Embracing my own uniqueness instead of giving in to the pressure around me to fit in.

554) When I finally realized that the song “Father Abraham” was about the Abraham from the Bible and NOT Abraham Lincoln.

555) The joke about what a vegan zombie craves– “Graaaaaaains!”

556) That true belief is active and results in actions– works if you will. It’s not mental assent; it’s putting hands and feet on faith and living it out every single day.

557) That defining what truth is and is not is not up to me.

558) Getting coupons for free Chick-fil-A sandwiches.

559) The random way my brain works and how it makes all my conversations extremely unpredictable yet very interesting.

560) God being so much bigger than my fears and doubts and questions.

561) Knowing that my eternal security doesn’t depend on my skill at playing Candy Crush Saga.

562) Knowing my ultimate hope isn’t in a president or a republic, but a King and a Kingdom.

563) Half-priced shakes from Sonic.

564) The thought of never having to take another math class as long as I live.

565) The movie That Thing You Do!

566) The conversation I had at Best Buy with Jamie (who I will probably never see again) where I completely lost track of time.

567) Chihuahuas that fit into tea cups.

568) Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens (is that how the song goes?)

569) The perfect cup of Earl Grey tea.

570) Capturing a magical moment in a photograph.

571) Running through a sprinkler just I used to to when I was little.

572) The uncomplicated faith of a child.

573) Fireworks on the 4th of July.

574) My friend Lara getting married (and me getting an invitation to her wedding to see a prayer of mine getting answered before my very eyes).

575) That I still have 6 months to finish my goal of watching all of the 9 nominees for 2012’s Best Picture Academy Award.

576) Never having to watch Life of Pi ever again– once was definitely enough.

577) Hugs.

578) Every single cartoon featuring that loveable dog named Droopy.

579) How a faithful pet can actually lower your blood pressure and reduce stress.

580) Hearing my cat Lucy snore.

581) Making peace with the past– all of it.

582) Cool Hand Luke– because it is such a great film.

583) Truly worshipping in spirit and in truth.

584) Government square pizzas like they used to have when I was in grade school.

585) All of the people who follow this blog faithfully.