pain

Hymn Night 2026

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The main campus of my church hosted a hymn night. It was better than advertised and even better than I thought it would be going in. Of course, they sang all the classic hymns that I loved growing up and a few newer ones (including a couple that I wasn’t familiar with before tonight).

The highlight was when they brought out Bill Gaither to talk about one of the songs his wife had written back in the day. I have to say he’s very spry for a 90-year old. I hope I’m doing half as well as he is when I get to be that age (unless Jesus comes back, then it won’t matter).

Throw in the Gaither Vocal Band and Larry Gatlin for a couple of songs, and calling it a great night would be something of an understatement. But the best part of the night for me was still those old hymns that still speak even though the writers have long since graduated to heaven.

One song that struck me forcibly with the power of the lyrics was called “I Then Shall Live.” It felt like an old hymn, but apparently isn’t since Gloria Gaither co-wrote the lyrics:

“I then shall live as one who’s been forgiven.
I’ll walk with joy to know my debts are paid.
I know my name is clear before my Father; 
I am His child and I am not afraid.
So, greatly pardoned, I’ll forgive my brother;
The law of love I gladly will obey.

I then shall live as one who’s learned compassion.
I’ve been so loved, that I’ll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I’ll dare to see another’s point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I’ll be there to care and follow through.

Your Kingdom come around and through and in me;
Your power and glory, let them shine through me.
Your Hallowed Name, O may I bear with honor,
And may Your living Kingdom come in me.
The Bread of Life, O may I share with honor,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.

Amen, Amen, Amen” (David Phelps / Dp / Gloria L Gaither)

What We Become

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“What we become is more important than where we’re from” (seen on a church sign).

People can get so caught up in their past and become a prisoner to it. So many lives are defined by regret and bitterness. So many can’t move forward because they’re still stuck in the same place where they received their wounds that won’t heal. So many have been the victim for so long that they don’t know how to be anything else.

But God is telling a different story.

As I’ve mentioned before, God can take the worst moment of your life that you swore you’d never tell anyone about and make it the opening line of your testimony (with much love and thanks to Uncle Mikey for that one). With God, your past with all its mistakes and carnage now serves a purpose instead of serving shame.

At one point, the Bible gives a long laundry list of sins and says that the people who based their identity on these sins won’t inherit the Kingdom of God. Then comes one of the best lines in the Bible: AND SUCH WERE SOME OF YOU.

In other words, that’s who you were but not who you are now. That’s no longer what defines you or gives your life meaning. For those in Christ, you are no longer an alcoholic or an adulterer or a homosexual or a thief or any of those things. You are now a son of God or a daughter of God.

Now who you are becoming is more important than where you’re from. God in Jesus is making you into His image, taking away your heart of stone and giving you a heart of flesh. He’s taking away your sinful desires and giving you a passion for pleasing Christ in all you do. He’s making you into the person He created you to be and you are finally becoming your truest self rather than a carbon copy of everyone else or a slave to your addictions and desires.

So remember that. What we become is more important than where we’re from. The story ain’t over, folks. It’s about to get really good.

The Gracious Wounds of God

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“Sometimes the most gracious, merciful thing God could ever do is wound you. To wound you, (and in that wound bind you to Himself) is far more gracious than to bless you with everything you want and have you not know Him” (Matt Chandler).

I found out recently that my pastor who is battling cancer is in stage 4. I also learned that a surgery last month to remove the cancer was unsuccessful. At that point, a lot of people would either give into fear or throw in the proverbial towel altogether. But not my pastor.

He has maintained an incredible and submissive attitude throughout the entire ordeal. I’m not saying he never is afraid or gives into moments of doubt, but he is trusting God, no matter what the outcome. He reminded us that the way to fight spiritual battles is through praise.

It’s easy for me to lose perspective sometimes when I’m in a struggle and forget that others are dealing with way worse than I am. The secret is not comparison with others or dwelling solely on the problem but keeping our eyes on God. As I’ve heard it recently, the antidote to anxiety is the adoration of God.

My pastor referenced a passage where King Jeoshaphat is facing a combined army that is invading Israel and the odds are not good. Instead of panicking, he turns to God in prayer. The last line of his prayer is one of my favorite verses in the Bible: “We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you.”

Sometimes, God has to wound us to get us to look up. Sometimes, He allows trials and suffering to get our attention. Sometimes, we face hardships and trials to purify our faith and get us to turn our eyes on Jesus. I’d rather be wounded and find the comfort of closeness with God than get everything I’ve ever wanted and not know God. That would be tragic.

Lord, get our attention. Help us see that there’s nothing else that we could ever desire that is better than You. You are the only one able to hold us together when we feel like we’re falling apart. You’re the only one who can heal our woundedness and brokenness. We don’t know what to do so much of the time, so we once again turn our eyes on You, the author and finisher of our faith. Amen.

This Hits Different These Days

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I was listening to my Daily Devo through the Worship Initiative, and they brought out a genuine, old-school hymn. written in 1752 and translated in 1855. I’m sure I sang it growing up, but these lyrics really hit me different today. So many people I know either are dealing with health issues or have passed away. This hymn speaks volumes to those who are walking down that road for themselves or loved ones. Plus, the words are beautiful and fitting for life in general:

“Verse 1
Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Verse 2 Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Verse 3 Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Verse 4 Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last” (Words: Katharina von Schlegel, 1697 / Translator: Jane Borthwick (1855) / Music: “Finlanda” by Jean Sibelius 1899)

Suffering and Speaking Out

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“If with heart and soul you’re doing good, do you think you can be stopped? Even if you suffer for it, you’re still better off. Don’t give the opposition a second thought. Through thick and thin, keep your hearts at attention, in adoration before Christ, your Master. Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you’re living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy. Keep a clear conscience before God so that when people throw mud at you, none of it will stick. They’ll end up realizing that they’re the ones who need a bath. It’s better to suffer for doing good, if that’s what God wants, than to be punished for doing bad. That’s what Christ did definitively: suffered because of others’ sins, the Righteous One for the unrighteous ones. He went through it all—was put to death and then made alive—to bring us to God (1 Peter 3:13-18, The Message).

The old adage says that we should preach the gospel at all times, and if necessary use words. According to 1 Peter 3, you will need to use words. It won’t be enough that people see you living differently. They need to know why you’re different. Why it is you don’t live like almost everybody else, and especially why you don’t react like the rest when bad things happen.

Suffering is the school where God prepares us to be ready. How we handle hard times is what gets people’s attention, but the logical next step is for them to want to know more. If all you have are your actions, then the message is unclear. If all you have are your words, you’re hypocritical. You need both.

As I was watching a podcast video earlier today, it struck me that there are no throwaway parts to your story or your life. God uses all of it. God works all of it for good. The mess becomes the message. The test becomes the testimony. God’s redemption of you becomes the billboard of God’s grace to get people’s attention and make them curious about what is unique about how you choose to respond rather than to react.

There’s always a reaction and a response. We react to a diagnosis of cancer or to losing a job or to going through financial hardships. People see how we react and ask how and why we acted that way. That’s where the response comes in. That’s where the Holy Spirit gives us words to tell people about the hope we have that makes us joyful rather than bitter.

Lord, You promised that suffering is not an if but a when. It will happen. As we walk through trials, strengthen us and enable us to endure with grace. May others see You at work in us, so that they’ll be drawn to want to know more not about us but about You. Give us the words to say that will glorify You and point others to You as their ultimate hope and salvation. Amen.

Prayer Walking

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For the second time, my church did a prayer walk around our neighborhood. It wasn’t as organized as the last time due to the daylight getting low and us wanting to get as much time actually praying as possible. I ended up prayer walking by myself around a couple of blocks before it got too dark.

Still, there is something powerful about a good prayer walk. It helps me to visualize what I’m praying for. So we were given a guide to help us pray for our neighbors as we covered the surrounding streets and blocks around the church building.

I believe God impressed on my mind the story of Zacchaeus from Luke 19. I read somewhere that even though he ended up becoming a follower of Christ and giving away half of his possessions, history remembers him as a wee little man, no thanks in part to the Sunday School song we all used to sing back in the day.

But as I prayed, I felt let to pray that just as Zacchaeus sought out Jesus and invited Him to his house, so these people would want to know more of this Jesus and invite Him into their own homes and lives. I prayed that just as salvation came to Zaccheus’ home, so it would come to each of these homes.

I know prayer works. I also know that God answers some prayers by prompting us to acts of obedience outside of praying. Sometimes, God leads us through prayer to speak out and to act. Sometimes, we end up being the answer to our own prayer as we obey what God is telling us to do in response to what we’ve prayed.

In this case, I’m praying that the result of tonight will be a multitude of gospel conversations and the neighbors being curious about our church across the street. I’m praying that we can be a beacon on a hill that shines out the glory of God for all who have eyes to see and ears to hear.

It can feel like what we’re praying for seems impossible and hopeless. But then we see that God still answers by changing people’s hearts and lives and transforming families. Just ask Zacchaeus.

Randomness at 9:30 pm on a Wednesday

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I think more and more about heaven lately. Not because I necessarily want my life here to end any time soon. I just think my ideas of heaven seem more and more inviting the more I understand better what’s waiting for me there. Tonight in my Bible study, we talked about how we will instantly recognize those we have loved and lost just as Peter, James, and John recognized Moses and Elijah on the Mount of Transfiguration.

I sometimes wonder what age we’ll be. I’ve always heard that we’ll all be 33 because that’s when most people are in their prime plus that’s when Jesus made His ultimate sacrifice for us. I’ve also read that we’ll somehow both be young and old at the same time, maybe with youthful faces but with eyes that highlight years of wisdom.

I only know that as life here gets more chaotic by the minute, heaven sounds more glorious. Also, I could do without allergies and sinus issues due to the up and down weather we’ve been having lately. It’s spring one day, then back to winter, then back to spring, then back to winter, etc.

I know for absolute certain that there will be zero anxiety and stress in heaven. There will be nothing that will make us anxious or cause us to worry. After all, the Prince of Peace will be in our midst, never to leave us or forsake us. Plus, no more taxes or bills to pay or 45 minute commutes to work.

I don’t know if there will be food, but I imagine it will be all of the flavor with none of the fat and cholesterol. Or maybe fat and cholesterol will suddenly be good for you and not turn to fat or make you fat. Whatever’s there, it will be better than anything I can currently imagine down here.

They Overcame

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“They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives even in the face of death” (Revelation 12:11, TLV).

Tonight I attended something called What a God: A Night of Testimony & Thanksgiving at Brentwood Baptist Church. Basically, it was a night of worship interspersed with testimonies of people who experienced the healing of God in their lives and a time of prayer for those dealing with serious illnesses.

It was a beautiful reminder of the goodness of God. Time and time again, we saw how the Lord was faithful to do what He promised. Time after time, we saw how the miracles came because people were bold enough to ask in prayer. I don’t believe that God heals everyone every time on this side of heaven, but I do believe that we often don’t receive from the Lord because we do not ask.

There’s something powerful about someone’s testimony that points people to Jesus. You can argue points of doctrine and theology all day long, but it’s hard to dispute eyewitness accounts. Add that to some powerful songs of thanksgiving, and it was a good night.

I still say that the best antidote for worry is worship. The cure for anxiety is adoration. Once you take your eyes off of yourself and put them on Jesus, everything that seems so pressing and urgent falls back into place. Of course, I know that certain kinds of extreme anxiety have physical causes and it is no sin to take medication or have counseling at times.

Every time we gather for worship, we remember that we are singing not for a potential victory but from a promised victory. We declare that the battle is the Lord’s and He has already overcome. The enemy is already a defeated foe. We are already more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

I’m thankful to Travis Cottrell and all the worship team at Brentwood Baptist Church for putting on a night like this where God was the main attraction. It could very easily have been another concert with an audience of multitudes, but it was instead a worship night with an audience of one. And boy, did He show up.



One Final CAFO Takeaway (from September 20, 2024)

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I was able to attend the final session of the CAFO 2024 conference for which I was a volunteer. It was an incredible experience hearing from MaryBeth Chapman about the journey of adoption through grief and healing and beyond. Then I heard an amazing sermon that I’m still processing. I don’t remember the name of the preacher, but the message hit home.

Basically, Caesar issued a dirty decree that made all the inhabitants of the Roman world go back to their ancestral hometown to be registered (so that he could later raise their taxes significantly). It was a hardship for many, especially Joseph and Mary, who was with child at the time.

But God used that dirty decree to accomplish His own divine decree, born before the foundation of the world and prophesied 700 years before Caesar made his decree. Caesar was the instrument God used to accomplish the purpose of bringing Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem to fulfill the prophecy that the Messiah would arise from that little town.

I look back and see that me being out of a job enabled me to participate in this conference as a volunteer where I would normally have not been able. I could not have foreseen this back in February, but God already knew. God’s plan means there is a purpose for my pain and a special joy for me if I will step out in faith and join Him in the journey He has for me.

God is not surprised by my setbacks or my (occasional) stupidity. He’s factored those into His plan. In fact, Romans 8:28-30 says, “We know that God makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are chosen to be a part of His plan. God knew from the beginning who would put their trust in Him. So He chose them and made them to be like His Son. Christ was first and all those who belong to God are His brothers. He called to Himself also those He chose. Those He called, He made right with Himself. Then He shared His shining-greatness with those He made right with Himself” (Romans 8:28-30, NLV).

Ultimately, the goal is to be like Jesus and to know that He is coming back. We will see the grand purpose in God’s plan, knowing that behind every dirty decree is a divine decree of God directing us toward His perfect will for us.

Befriending Your Pain (from October 10, 2021)

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“I want to say to you that most of our brokenness cannot be simply taken away. It’s there. And the deepest pain that you and I suffer is often the pain that stays with us all our lives. It cannot be simply solved, fixed, done away with. . . . What are we then told to do with that pain, with that brokenness, that anguish, that agony that continually rises up in our heart? We are called to embrace it, to befriend it. To not just push it away . . . to walk right over it, to ignore it. No, to embrace it, to befriend it, and say that is my pain and I claim my pain as the way God is willing to show me his love” (Henri Nouwen).

C. S. Lewis said that God speaks to us through our pain. Oftentimes, pain is the only way for God to get our attention, distracted as we are by our pleasures and pursuits. Living in a beautiful but broken world, it’s not hard to find pain. God simply uses that pain to speak to us, to gently remind us that He is near, to mold us into something closer to His likeness.

The growth itself is painful as well. The transition from selfish to selfless, from hateful to loving, from carless to caring is never easy and is never enjoyable, but it is necessary. All growth of any kind hurts. But more painful is to remain stunted and unfulfilled all your life and to never realize your full God-given potential. So basically, there’s no escape from pain.

But God is stronger than the pain. After the pain ends — and all pain must end eventually — God remains. God works all things together for good, even suffering, and makes it all more than worth it in the end.