marriage

Things I Love 21: This Blog Series Is Old Enough To Drink (If It Weren’t a Baptist Blog)

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“Humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control, let go of my own way, let go of my own fears. Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy’s fire. Leave the hand open and be. Be at peace. Bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love and whisper a surprised thanks. This is the fuel for joy’s flame. Fullness of joy is discovered only in the emptying of will. And I can empty. I can empty because counting His graces has awakened me to how He cherishes me, holds me, passionately values me. I can empty because I am full of His love. I can trust” (Ann Voskamp).

My list continues at #551.

551) Going back to swing dancing at Centennial Park on July 13.

552) Conversations with people of different faith-traditions where we both learn something new.

553) Embracing my own uniqueness instead of giving in to the pressure around me to fit in.

554) When I finally realized that the song “Father Abraham” was about the Abraham from the Bible and NOT Abraham Lincoln.

555) The joke about what a vegan zombie craves– “Graaaaaaains!”

556) That true belief is active and results in actions– works if you will. It’s not mental assent; it’s putting hands and feet on faith and living it out every single day.

557) That defining what truth is and is not is not up to me.

558) Getting coupons for free Chick-fil-A sandwiches.

559) The random way my brain works and how it makes all my conversations extremely unpredictable yet very interesting.

560) God being so much bigger than my fears and doubts and questions.

561) Knowing that my eternal security doesn’t depend on my skill at playing Candy Crush Saga.

562) Knowing my ultimate hope isn’t in a president or a republic, but a King and a Kingdom.

563) Half-priced shakes from Sonic.

564) The thought of never having to take another math class as long as I live.

565) The movie That Thing You Do!

566) The conversation I had at Best Buy with Jamie (who I will probably never see again) where I completely lost track of time.

567) Chihuahuas that fit into tea cups.

568) Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens (is that how the song goes?)

569) The perfect cup of Earl Grey tea.

570) Capturing a magical moment in a photograph.

571) Running through a sprinkler just I used to to when I was little.

572) The uncomplicated faith of a child.

573) Fireworks on the 4th of July.

574) My friend Lara getting married (and me getting an invitation to her wedding to see a prayer of mine getting answered before my very eyes).

575) That I still have 6 months to finish my goal of watching all of the 9 nominees for 2012’s Best Picture Academy Award.

576) Never having to watch Life of Pi ever again– once was definitely enough.

577) Hugs.

578) Every single cartoon featuring that loveable dog named Droopy.

579) How a faithful pet can actually lower your blood pressure and reduce stress.

580) Hearing my cat Lucy snore.

581) Making peace with the past– all of it.

582) Cool Hand Luke– because it is such a great film.

583) Truly worshipping in spirit and in truth.

584) Government square pizzas like they used to have when I was in grade school.

585) All of the people who follow this blog faithfully.

Things I Love 20: Still Living the Miracle

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“And when I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me” (Ann Voskamp).

That’s what it’s all about, in case you’ve missed the first 19 of this blog series. It’s about naming and giving thanks for little things that most people would take for granted and not give a second thought to. I’m moving away from a very American sense of entitlement to one of gratitude where I see everything in my life, both the good and bad, the easy and difficult, as gifts and grace. All of it is emptying and enlarging me so that I can be filled with more of Jesus.

So I start with #516

516) That cold glass of water that perfectly quenches my thirst.

517) Waving at strangers in Radner Lake State Park (and having them wave back).

518) A perfect albeit unusually cool summer evening for hiking.

519) Bare feet on a sand volleyball court.

520) Drinking right out of a hose and feeling like I’m 10 years old all over again.

521) My Monday men’s small group where we all share joys and sorrows and do life together.

522) Seeing older pictures of me and realizing how much weight I’ve lost.

523) That I’ve seen The Princess Bride on VHS, DVD, and blu ray (and too many times to count).

524) Whenever TVLand has a marathon of Friends episodes.

525) Being able to pray for someone who’s constantly on my mind instead of obsessing over them.

526) Any of the black and white episodes of The Andy Griffith Show (especially the ones with Don Knotts).

527) Real authentic Christianity with answers that don’t fit on a bumper sticker.

528) Rescuing turtles from becoming roadkill.

529) Finding money in the pockets of clothing I hadn’t worn in a while.

530) The part of that Friends episode where Monica tells Phoebe not to get the sucker mixed up with the home pregnancy test ’cause that would be really bad for the sucker.

531) Really being able to relate to a character in a movie or TV show or in a book.

532) Song lyrics that speak the language of my heart.

533) The way the evening sunlight reflected off of Radner Lake and made it sparkle.

534) All the old Miles Davis jazz albums.

535) Finding out about a new Charles Martin book.

536) A tall glass of orange juice (but not after just having brushed my teeth– blech!)

537) Finding out that friends from different parts and places in my life know each other.

538) William Powell and Myrna Loy in all those Thin Man movies.

539) That Grease is still the word.

540) The steadfast love of the Lord that never ceases.

541) The perfect blend of sweet tea and lemonade.

542) The adventure of picking out a new book to read.

543) The turnip greens from Kleer-Vu in Murfreesboro.

544) Turning actual pages of an actual book and the feel of the paper in my hands.

545) The Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong version of Porgy & Bess. It’s the best.

546) Wearing my cowboy boots to church.

547) Being cold and crawling under warm blankets.

548) When a good song gives me  the good kind of chills.

549) Random memories of my old black lab Murphy.

550) Those chairs at Costco that give the best back massages.

Things I Love 18: I’m Not Eighteen Nor Am I Alice Cooper

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I’m sitting all alone on a Saturday night (through nobody’s fault but my own). It’s not so bad. It’s good to be alone every once in a while instead of always needing to be around people and events. I’m not saying I want every Saturday to be like this, but one in a blue moon is good for me. It might even help this blog. So, starting at #446, I continue:

446) The new family tradition of the water balloon toss where none of us really know the rules and none of us are really any good but all of us have a grand time anyway.

447) The thought that when I get turned down romantically that she’s the one ultimately missing out and not me (insert smiley face here).

448) Discovering an old band like The Cardigans and realizing they had so many great songs other than their one-hit wonder song.

449) That I’m not in control and I don’t want to be in control. God is more than capable without my help or expertise.

450) God allowing me to wake up this morning.

451) Being 41 when so many family members and classmates and friends won’t ever get to see that age.

452) That I may actually finish this book I’ve been raving about for weeks (but not really reading) called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.

453) With God, I’ve learned to never say never to anything because God is the ultimate Master of Surprise in relationships, careers, or anything else you can think of.

454) Both cats and dogs (and who says that I should have to choose one or the other?)

455) Having 411 songs on my iPhone and a freakish amount of variety that I can carry around in my pocket.

456) That your smart phone has way more capacity and memory than the computers at Apollo during all those space missions during the 60’s and 70’s.

457) Getting hand-written notes.

458) My lava lamp that I got from Spencer’s on sale for $10.

459) Jesus loves me where I am but refuses to leave me there.

460) Finding deals at Goodwill like my $7 red suitcase.

461) Old-school country music like Patsy Cline and Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash.

462) Living in Nashville.

463) That my movie tastes include movies like Bridget Jones’s Diary.

464) Seeing the movie Grease in an actual movie theatre (but not when it first came out ’cause I was a bit too young for it then).

465) Going to McCreary’s Irish Pub and knowing just about everyone who works there and them knowing me by name.

466) Going in to Target for one thing and coming out with everything but that one thing I went in there for.

467) Nerding out at McKay’s Used Bookstore (which also has DVDs, blu rays, records, books, and anything to satisfy my inner geek).

468) Shopping and eating local whenever I can to support the community.

469) Being an Independent and not drinking either the Republican or Democratic kool-aid.

470) That both Sarah Palin and Nancy Pelosi get on my last nerve.

471) My collection of old transistor radios (which I am happily accepting donations for).

472) That as of this writing there are only 178 days , 1 hour, 3 minutes, and 7 seconds left until Christmas. Not that I’m counting.

473) Being able to google anything to make myself seem a whole lot smarter and hipper than I really am.

474) That death, hell, and the grave do not have the last word. Jesus does.

475) Finally beating a level on Candy Crush saga.

476) That my 70+ suntan spray will probably keep me safe in the event of a nuclear holocaust with only minor sunburn.

477) My old 1828 Bible that is still in very good condition.

478) Only 532 more to go (and I didn’t even need a calculator to figure that out!)

479) Realizing that forgiveness is never earned or deserved but is purely and simply grace lived out.

480) Having the very best sister in the whole wide world (and no, that is not up for debate or just my opinion, it is a fact).

Things I Love 13: Not Written on a Friday Nor on the 13th

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I normally make some witty and socially relevant comment right about now, but we’re skipping that to get to the list. I do want to get to 1,000 before I’m 80. So we’re starting this one at #293.

293) The moment when gratitude wins out over self-pity, hurt, and anger.

294) Knowing I can never go back to the way things used to be but that the future will be so much better.

295) Iced Tazo Tea Lemonade and sympathetic baristas.

296) Condemning words and harsh unforgiving texts no longer will define who I am or wreck my life.

297) The idea that one day one girl out there will not only want to go out with me on a date, but will actually want to spend the rest of her life with me as my wife.

298) Christmasy candles that fill the air with apple and pumpkin spice aromas.

299) I’ve gotten so used to typing instead of writing that I automatically expect to see that red little line under a word when I’ve misspelled it.

300) The word phonetics isn’t spelled phonetically (otherwise it would be spelled starting with an f).

301) Alanis Morissette’s song Ironic contains no actual ironies– now, isn’t that ironic? Don’t you think?

302) Lost hopes restored and broken dreams reborn.

303) Candy Crush Saga– and yes, I can quit at any time.

304) Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.

305) My sister, who is much prettier than Joan Jett.

306) Fruit Ninja.

307) Hearing Emmylou Harris sing just about ANYTHING.

308) Someone will read these lists and be inspired to start one of their own.

309) The beauty of seeing a classic film in the high definition format of blu ray and noticing details and textures that even the original movie audiences would have missed.

310) I’m a guy who has Breakfast at Tiffany’s in his top five movie list and am comfortable with that.

311) Still knowing all the words to the Don McLean song American Pie.

312) Knowing just about all the lines from the movie It’s a Wonderful Life.

313) Any movie starring both Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra.

314) A perfect God using imperfect people to accomplish his purposes in the world.

315) God using nobodies to shame the who’s who and turn the world right-side up again.

316) Even the worst commercials are only 30 seconds long (or on rare occasion, 1 minute).

317) Chillin’ like a villain.

318) Being like Phoebe Buffay from the TV show friends (in personality, not looks, in case you were confused).

319) Cereal at midnight.

320) One day God will wipe every tear from every  eye and everything wrong will be made right again.

321) Being me.

Texting, Dating, and the Lordship of Jesus Christ

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OK. Calm down. This isn’t any hellfire-and-brimstone blog. Don’t get your boxers in a bunch. Or panties. I just have some thoughts I’d like to share.

Have syou been pursued romantically by someone lately? How did you go about deciding if said someone was right for you? Did you go by gut intuition? Cues? Feelings? How about this one? Did you pray about it?

By praying about it, I mean did you earnestly seek  God’s will? Were you willing to submit to whatever Jesus told you? After all, if Jesus is Lord of your life at all, then He’s Lord of every aspect of your life, including your relationships, including who you do and don’t go out with.

Another question: have you been romantically interested in someone? In the course of pursing or being pursued by that person, did you ask Jesus’ permission? How can you possibly hope to find God’s mate for you if you’re not seeking His will over each and every potential dating relationship?

It goes without saying (but still needs to be said) that if you’re dating with the intent of possibly marrying this person, then you want to know God’s will on the matter and be willing to submit to it.

I’m not trying to be a killjoy. I just don’t want you to find out six months into the relationship that you’re dating the wrong guy or girl or that you’re stuck in a relationship that doesn’t work or where you end up with someone who doesn’t share your dreams and passions and (worst of all) faith.

In a totally unrelated matter, I’m still not sure what to make of this whole texting thing. Have you ever texted someone and gotten no response? If your phone is like mine, then it shows that the person read your message but chose not to respond. It’s almost like if you came up to me and asked me a question and I nodded like I heard you but instead of answering, I just stared at you. That would be creepy.

This is my take and I only expect myself to do this. I ALWAYS respond to EVERY text. I think it’s common courtesy. Good manners. I know if you’re one of those people who gets inundated with texts, it’s hard, but doing the right thing isn’t always easy. And I do understand that people lead busy lives and can’t always whip out their phones and text back, but hopefully within 48 hours you have some down time to respond back.

As far as relationships are concerned, when there are misunderstandings, it’s easy to find fault with the other person. Sometimes you need to do two things: 1) look in the mirror and make sure you’re not looking at a speck in the other person’s eye through a log in your own eye. 2) Sometimes you need to be the bigger person in the relationship and make the move toward making the relationship right again. For the sake of the relationship, it’s not as important to be right in your own eyes as it is to be reconciled.

There. I do these soapbox blogs periodically, so you’re off the hook probably until sometime in the fall. Or if I have a really good summer, maybe next winter.

Fathers And All That

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I can imagine Joseph on a break from his carpentry job, hanging around the water cooler that just happens to be on the construction site. Go with me on this.

He’s listening to the other guys brag about their sons:

“My son made the honor roll again. That boy is just plain smart.”

“Yeah? Well, my boy is All-State in both football and basketball. He’ll be getting a free ride to any college he wants.”

“My boy is going into the ROTC and into the Army after he graduates from college. He wants to dedicate his life to defending freedom.”

Then Joseph can’t resist any longer. “My boy is Savior of the World.”

They all roll their eyes. One of them says, “Yeah, yeah. We know. Jesus is soooo great. He can walk on water. He’s the perfect Man, God incarnate, yada, yada, yada. You don’t have to keep reminding us of how great your son is.”

OK. That probably never happened. But I do think Joseph is a good example of a good father.

He’s the one who raised a child he didn’t father. Sure, it was a miraculous event, but still, Jesus was not his biological child. But he was man enough to take responsibility. He did the best thing any good father can do by loving his wife, Mary, day in and day out.

Also, he raised Jesus in the right way. Jesus knew how to work hard with his hands and was taught the importance of integrity and honesty. When the Bible says that Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, Joseph had a part in that.

Actually, the Bible never records any of Joseph’s actual words. It merely says that when Joseph heard what the angel said, he obeyed. Jesus learned obedience from a human perspective by watching his earthly father. Joseph knew that most of the most important life lessons are caught rather than taught, so he lived out his faith and his integrity and back up what he said by what he did.

Fathers, take a few notes from Joseph. Learn to lead by example and to be the man you want your son to become and your daughter to marry.

More for Those With Broken Hearts

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I have something I’ve learned about having my heart broken a few times that I want to pass along to you. First of all, I want to say that okay to grieve when your love or interest in someone goes unrequited. It’s okay to hurt. I think it requires as much of a grieving process as losing a loved one, because you’re seeing the death of a dream that was very dear to your heart.

I think it’s okay to be brutally open and honest with God about the pain. He can take it. Besides, he already knows those feelings that you pretend aren’t there when you tell yourself that you’re fine.

That said, I think one good thing out of having your heart broken is that it is never again the same shape as it was, pre-break. It’s larger. And if you choose the path of healing versus the path of grudges and bitterness, good things can come out of the pain, such as these:

You have more room to love others and you have an increased sensitivity to those in pain around you who need your love.

You give more grace toward those who act out of their own hurt toward you because you remember when you did the same out of the great pain you were once in.

You have more compassion and tenderness in general because you know what it’s like to need it and find it so you want others to experience the same joy you did.

Finally, you become a little more like Jesus because you’ve shared in his sufferings. Jesus above all knows the pain of a broken heart, both physically and metaphorically. He’s the one who wept over Jerusalem because they wouldn’t come to him and find life and freedom. His heart was just as broken that day as when the spear pierced his side into his heart.

So remember that there is nothing broken that God can’t take and make beautiful. No, not just beautiful like it was before. It won’t ever be the same. It will be much, much better.

 

 

 

What Happens Next?

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Recently, I admitted to someone that I had feelings for her. It took a lot of courage and bravery for me to do that and my mind ran through the gamut of responses I would receive from “I never want to see or talk to you again and I’m getting a restraining order against you,” to “I love you, my strong handsome hunk of man. Let’s go right now to Vegas and get married.” OK, I didn’t really seriously consider that last one. But I did hope she liked me the same way I liked her.

She didn’t. It turns out there’s a guy she’s interested in. And that’s okay. I can pray for God’s will in that relationship and still be good friends with her. I call that a win.

I allowed myself a process of letting the grief come. I went into Baskin Chapel at my church and knelt down and let the tears come. I grieved over saying goodbye to a dream that felt so good and so right. Then I got up and moved on.

I’m not saying we won’t ever ever be more than friends ever. God is still God and he’s still in control. I’m still praying the prayer that never fails– Your will be done.

But it’s good to know that God’s got me in this. Even through the joy and peace mixed with hurt and sadness, I know God is right here with me. I know I’m not falling apart only by his amazing grace.

Maybe I’ll meet someone else and start the process over. I hope so. One thing I know for certain that there’s no time that my God won’t be with me and there’s nothing he can’t work for my good and his glory. I still believe that the best is still yet to come and God’s not even close to being finished with me.

I’m still living my miracle.

 

Another Prayer for My Future Wife

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I have an idea of how we will meet. We will run into each other at a local coffee shop, one with lots of charm and quirkiness. We will settle into an easy conversation. For me, it will be like I’m at home with you. Like putting on an old favorite pair of sandals.

I pray you are at rest in Jesus today. I pray you are constantly amazed at how your Abba is in love with you. May He ravish and captivate your being and continue to bring out your true beauty, a Proverbs 31 character and a face that glows with Jesus.

I pray that God will make us friends first. Then one day, I will look at you and know that I don’t have to look anymore, for I will have truly come home to your smile.

May I AM bring healing to those deep wounds from your past so that they no longer bleed into your present. May Jesus redeem every hurtful word and deed done to you so your testimony can bring healing to every person in every nation.

May you fall even more in love with Jesus each day and run after Him with every fiber of your being. May you be bold and unashamed to live out the Gospel, knowing that you are the only Bible some will ever read. May people look at you and see Jesus, speak with you and hear His voice of truth, feel His healing hand with your touch, and be filled with a deep longing for Immanuel just by having met Him in you.

I wait for you patiently and eagerly. It will be more than I deserve and better than my wildest dreams when I become

Your beloved husband.

Things I Love

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I was inspired to create this list by a book I’m reading called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. The goal is to see life and everything good in it as a gift from God. So here goes part 1 of the list:

1) The smell of the air after a thunderstorm.

2) Rain on a tin roof.

3) Sunsets on the beach.

4) My family– every single one of them.

5) My friends– all of them, too.

6) Life.

7) Downtown Franklin on a cool Saturday night.

8) The way a new bride glows on her wedding day.

9) The way a new groom’s face lights up when he sees his new bride in her wedding gown for the first time as she walks toward him down the aisle.

10) God’s heart for the orphans and the widows– basically, those without a voice.

11) My cat Lucy

12) Cheg-nog from Starbucks.

13) Chocolate chip cookies from The Frothy Monkey (whether they are truly gluten-free or not).

14) Good music.

15) Good movies.

16) Good books.

17) Savannah, Georgia.

18) Being a greeter every week on the Kairos greeter team with the best people in the universe!

19) My addiction to caffeine.

20) Fitting into size 29 jeans.

21) That my Abba Father is still very fond of me after all this time.

22) True love.

23) The feeling of taking off dress socks.

24) Swing dancing.

25) Ultimate frisbee.

26) Kindness lived out and grace extended.

27) Waking up to a new day with new mercies and a clean slate.

28) The unguarded joy of children over the smallest things.

29) The Advent season with its gaudy decorations and cheesy songs and the reminder of Immanuel– God with us still.

30) That every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.

31) That I can fail big and stick around and make ’em wonder why I’m still smilin’!

32) For more lists to come in the future.