lonely

H. A. L. T.

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Note: I’m not taking credit for any of what follows. I’m only trying to reproduce it as faithfully as I can.

Everyone knows that you’re most vulnerable to temptation when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, and/or tired. Any one of these is tough to overcome, but a combination of two or more makes it even harder.

At Kairos tonight, Chris Brooks suggested some methods to deal with these emotions.

When you’re tired, you need to fill up on God and His word. As strange as it sounds, the best way to do that is to fast, whether that be from food or social media or anything that can distract you from or take the place of God in your heart.

When you’re angry, it’s best to seek awareness of what it is that is causing that emotion. Rather than always blaming something or someone else, you need to look within to find what’s off in your own life. The best way is by spending time in silent reflection.

When you’re lonely, you want to seek to be united in the fellowship of brothers and sisters in Christ. You want to seek to love and be loved. Sometimes, that takes the form of seeking guidance by asking others to speak into your loneliness or sometimes you need solitude to be better able to interact with others out of a place of wholeness and not approval-seeking.

When you’re tired, sometimes you need a time out from doing. God created the Sabbath so that we could rest and worship (and sometimes the best worship can be resting). No one was ever meant to go full-steam 24/7.

Something that grabbed my attention is the idea of secrecy– that is, doing an act of service and kindness for someone else with the intention of no one finding out. That way you take the attention off yourself and put it on another.

Again, I’m parroting what I learned tonight. I’m probably leaving out a good deal of important information, but I myself am tired, so I will make use of Chris’ advice and get me some rest.

 

 

Waiting

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“Young women . . ., I charge you: do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time” (Song of Solomon 8:4, Holman Christian Standard Bible).

In my quest to read through the Bible in a year, I recently went though Song of Solomon. I noticed several places where the verse said to not awaken love until the appropriate time.

I have some observations about relationships (from the serial non-dater, so take it for what it’s worth):

Too many are in too much of a hurry to get into a relationship that they’re not considering whether the person they are pursuing may or may not be who God has for them, or even if the person is compatible in terms of sharing faith and life goals.

Too many are so wrapped up in planning every detail of the perfect wedding, yet they have failed to even begin to plan for a godly marriage. No one remembers the beautiful wedding if the marriage tanks. No one.

Too many are staying in relationships because they’ve already invested so much time and effort. As I read recently, don’t cling to a mistake because you spent a lot of time making it.

As much as it sucks to be alone, it’s much worse to be in a bad relationship where you and the other have nothing in common and are pulling in two different directions. To be with someone who mocks and belittles your dreams and only offers you negativity is way worse than being by yourself.

Learn to be alone without being lonely. If you can’t really ever be alone, then you’re not ready to be with someone else. If you’re not comfortable and complete in who God made you to be, then there’s no one who’s going to fix you and make you whole.

Take this with a grain of salt. Or a huge bucketful of salt. But whatever you do, make sure that if you enter into any kind of relationship, pray over it and make certain in your heart it’s what God wants for you instead of asking God to bless what you’ve already decided.

 

Alone But Not Lonely

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I was literally sitting in the dark on the upstairs patio at Frothy Monkey. One friend has been AWOL from my life for a while now, another moved to Cookeville today, and yet another was instagramming about how much fun she was having with friends listening to music at Franklin Mercantile just down the street.

And I sat alone in the dark.

And I was okay with it.

Sometimes, it’s good to be alone. In fact, it’s more than good. It’s necessary. You can never really effectively be present in a crowd if you can never be alone. You only hear your true name and your true identity in those times of aloneness.

It took me embracing those times of being alone to hear that I am my Abba’s beloved and to know that I belong to Him and He is very pleased with me.

I tried to message my friend to find out if she was still in the area and got no response. So I walked over to the Franklin Mercantile only to find I had missed everything. The crowd, including my friend, was gone.

I was still okay.

That used to be a recurring nightmare of mine. I’d find my friends had all left me suddenly or that I was just a step or a second too slow and would just miss them.

But tonight, I knew I wasn’t alone. Those Strong Arms that hold me up in the day and in the crowded places are just as able to carry me through the dark places where I am alone.

You can only hear your Abba singing over you when you’re alone. You can never truly appreciate God as a refuge and stronghold and place of rest in a crowd, but in those times when no one else is around.

I pray you can embrace being alone as much as you cherish being with family and friends. May you learn to love the dark, for that is where your Father will whisper precious promises to you that you will come to cherish more dearly than anything you can find at any other time.

Summit 9 and Orphans

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I was privileged to participate as a volunteer in the Christian Alliance for Orphans Summit 9 conference yesterday and today at Brentwood Baptist Church. I knew for certain that God was calling me to be a part, however small, in the work he was getting ready to do.

I was so blessed. Even though most of the time I was sweaty and smelled like stale coffee, I wouldn’t have traded the experience for anything and there’s no where else I would rather have been than serving God’s people gathered together over raising awareness over the global orphan crisis. Even if I could have gotten paid elsewhere, I’d have still been a volunteer.

I think I understand what King David said when he wrote in a Psalm that it’s better to be a doorkeeper in the house of God than live in the biggest mansion and have the most extravagant lifestyle. That came home to me today as I was holding the door open and greeting the conference attendees coming in for the morning session.

I truly believe that God’s heart is for orphans and widows, the forgotten and downtrodden, the lonely and the outcast. I think James 1:27 is proof of that. Or Isaiah 58. Or Psalm 68:5-6.

I read a staggering fact. If only 7% of the world’s 2 billion Christians adopted one child each, there would be no more orphan crisis. Only 7%.

You may not be able to save all 147 million orphans, but you can help one. You can sponsor an orphan. You can adopt. Or you can be a foster parent. You can pray and help raise awareness of the issues orphans around the world face.

Go to http://www.christianalliancefororphans.org/ to find out more how to support and pray for the organization behind this conference.

As usual, I ended up receiving so much more than I gave and being blessed way beyond what I expected. I truly believe God’s anointing was all over the conference and that the trajectory of many lives has radically changed forever in a Kingdom way.

When you think about it, we were all homeless orphans before God sent Jesus for us. Now we have a family of believers, a Father and a Dwelling Place in God, and the new title of beloved children of God.

That’s something to think about.

The Wild, Wacky, (Sometimes) Wonderful World of Facebook

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facebook-funny

I’m sure I’ve posted about this topic before, but I forgot what I said, so this may or may not be a repeat.

I’m a fan of facebook. I mean, where else can you see updates of what your friends are doing and where they’re hanging out. You even get to see pictures of their kids, their grandkids, their pets, their cars, their houses, what they ate for breakfast, etc.

Yet, I also know that facebook can be a very lonely place. Kinda like the proverbial “being alone in a crowd.”

If you’re looking to facebook for affirmation, you’re bound to be mightily disappointed. Who hasn’t posted a status update and almost heard the crickets chirping? Who hasn’t poured their heart out and gotten no response? It’s easy to feel ignored on facebook.

Possibly you’ve had a friend or two that seemed to be the ones who consistently commented on and liked your posts, but have seemingly gone silent on you, making you wonder if you’ve done something to offend them.

As I’ve learned, lots of people might read your posts without commenting or even liking. That won’t show up in the oh-so-important little part at the top that tells you how many friend requests, messages, and notifications you have. And when someone doesn’t comment on or like your posts, it just means they’ve got lives to live and their own mess to deal with. That’s all.

On a side note, if you’re looking to people for affirmation, whatever they give you will never be enough. You might think that you’d be fine if people would only just “like” your posts. But when that happens, the next natural step is wishing that people would make comments on those posts. It’s never enough, whether on facebook or twitter or in real life.

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I personally have had to step back and take a break from facebook when I found myself upset that a friend of mine responded to everyone else’s comments on their post but mine. Yeah, it got that crazy. And yes, they do make pills for that.

My facebook philosophy is this: I gotta be real, honest, transparent, and me. It may not be popular (’cause I know deep down that I’m not very popular– it takes special people to appreciate my brand of weirdness). I also make an effort to be encouraging and positive and stay away from political stuff (who has ever changed their politics due to something they read on facebook, anyway?)

I will sometimes go through and comment on my friends’ status updates and “like” what they post because I know that sometimes you need visual affirmation that someone out there knows where you are and what you’re going through. But that’s just me. I don’t expect that from anybody else anymore.

So have fun posting pictures of your dog in tuxedo and of the pasta you ate last night. But keep it in perspective. The only true affirmation you need comes from God, and he’s already given it to you. He loves and accepts you just as you are and not as you should be.