humor

Things I Love 16: The Number of Candles on Molly Ringwald’s Cake in That 80’s Movie

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

island hammock

There’s my not-so-subtle reference to the classic 80’s flick, Sixteen Candles. I had to do something with the number 16, right? And who didn’t love Molly Ringwald in that movie? Seriously.

Which brings us to #381 (and yes, I had to look up the last entry to get the number right).

381) Getting that unexpected 10 cent discount on gas at Kroger’s.

382) Not getting gas from that really tasty burger from The Pharmacy.

383) Jokes involving cannibals, dinosaurs, or people named Juan (ask me if you want an explanation).

384) It’s never too late to blossom into the person God always meant you to be.

385) The anticipation of getting coffee with a friend at The Frothy Monkey in downtown Franklin.

386) Air conditioning on days like today when I seriously thought I was going to die from sweating so much.

387) That my prayers actually change things– or more accurately, they change me and I change things.

388) When a team I root for actually wins.

389) God has my name written on the palms of his hands and on his heart.

390) Southern Sweet tea, i.e. tea sweetened to almost diabetes-inducing levels.

391) The way my cat looks at me like, “Dude, seriously?”

392) Knowing that my family and friends are around the world, making a difference, crazy enough to believe they can do what people say can’t be done and change the world for the better.

393) That stone house with the red door in downtown Franklin.

394) Beagles.

395) Not having to worry about being counted off for incomplete sentences.

396) Writing these lists– if possible, more now than when I started.

397) Hope fulfilled.

398) Singing along to Bon Jovi at the top of my lungs with the windows rolled down in my car and not even caring what other people around me think.

399) The occasional karaoke.

400) The peace of Christ which surpasses understanding guarding my heart and mind.

401) My very awesome collection of music that I’ve compiled on my iPhone.

402) Jesus choosing to go through hell for me rather than go to heaven without me.

403) It will be 14 months of no carbonated drinks as of tomorrow.

404) Speaking into the back of a box fan and sounding like a robotic Darth Vader.

405) Chamber music.

406) Bluegrass music.

407) Pretty much every type of music.

408) Those times when there were only one set of footprints in the sand.

409) That the word “booger” still strikes me as completely hilarious.

410) Testimonies of God’s ability to save anyone from anything at anytime.

411) That girl who was Joey’s girlfriend and then Chandler’s girlfriend (on the TV show friends), then later ended up on Criminal Minds.

How to lose friends and influence nobody (my attempt at satire)

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 4 Comments

I seem to have a rare spiritual gift. In fact, I am the only one I know who possesses this fine gift. I seem to have the ability to lose friends. How do I do it, you ask? Here’s how. In 5 easy to learn steps. Actually, there is only one step.

That one step is to do and say really stupid stuff. Or to try way too hard to be funny or witty. Or in my case, to just be me.

I tend to run off friends (most of those being of the female persuasion). I am such an overwhelming personality that they can’t stand me for long periods of time. I think the magnets in my magnetic personality are set the wrong way, as I tend to repel rather than attract.

The end is always the same. Silence. They just vanish. They won’t talk to me or return my posts or texts. I simply cease to exist in their world. Which makes me think that another blog on my magical abilities might be in order.

Here’s the real point. The actual serious point. God loves me. I can’t run him off, no matter how I try. And I have tried. He’s there, loving me the same whether I am full of joy and fervor and my faith is on fire, or whether I am ice-cold and callous and could care less. My God will never ever ever ever stop loving me. The nights when I am curled up in the fetal position, buying the lie that no one loves me because I am unlovable, my Abba is cradling me in His arms.

The point is not for people to like me. The point is to be faithful. The point is for me to be a friend who loves at all times and never gives up on his friends. Never. Because that’s what I’d want people to do for me. And thank you to my friends who have seen the best and worst of me and still stick around.

Father Abraham, the Hokey Pokey, and Other Randomness

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

anonymous1

I have to confess something. When I was growing up, I thought the song “Father Abraham” (as in “Father Abraham had many sons, many sons had Father Abraham”) was about Abraham Lincoln. I was confused. And apparently not the brightest bulb in the lamp. Did Abraham Lincoln have many sons? Am I one of them? And what does waving my arms around have to do with anything? Am I supposed to be excited about the Emancipation Proclamation? Or Abe’s gnarly beard? Needless to say, the truth set me free . . . from a lot of confusion.

Also, the Hokey Pokey is a mystery to me. I’ve always wondered. Is the Hokey Pokey REALLY what it’s all about? ‘Cause it seems to be to be a bit indecisive and wishy-washy. Put your right arm in. . .no. . .wait. . .put your right arm out. . .no. . . wait. . .shake it all about. Seriously! Make up your mind! My arm’s gettin’ tired here! And another thing. What exactly is the part where you “do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around?” I never got that part clear. Is the Hokey Pokey turning your self around? Or is it some vague waving your hands around in the air while you’re in the process of turning?

Yes, I do obsess over very trivial and random things. I am odd. I’ll admit that, though I prefer the term “quirky.” Or “eccentric.” Heck, I’m not picky. I am completely normal, or at least that’s what the voices in my head told me.

My contribution to the dating world (mostly said in jest)

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 3 Comments

4571_5

I have figured out my place in the dating universe. Here’s how it goes. A girl meets me and talks with me and goes away, disturbed. And probably throws up a little in her mouth. The next guy she meets will seem so much more attractive and wonderful, because the contrast is so much greater.

So, guys, the secret is to find me talking to a girl and to be the very next person she talks to. That way, you will look way better than you actually are. Of course, if you want a lasting relationship, you will have to do actual work and improve your self and stuff.

Girls, fret not. The next guy after me will be better. You must, of course, take into account that he will not be quite as dazzling as he seems at first, but you can mold him into your ideal mate.

So, I am sort of like that generic no-name brand. Some other name-brand product will come along and claim to be so much better than me and have twice the stain-removing power and leave your breath twice as fresh and make your life twice as comfortable and predictable. I will continue to be me. That is all.