friendships

My Exhausted Advent Prayer

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Note: I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired in my entire life. Working 136 hours in two weeks will do that to a person. Plus, I have some sort of allergy/sinus/cold crud that is extremely annoying.

I just finished watching A Charlie Brown Christmas again. As always, I loved it.

As always, I got a little emotional when Charlie Brown thinks he’s killed his little Christmas tree. He says, “Everything I touch gets ruined.”

Have you ever felt that way? Maybe about relationships? Careers? Hopes?

This Advent prayer is for you and me:

Lord, this season marks the anticipation of Your coming. We long for and look forward to Your arrival. We so need you.

Too often, we feel neglected, forgotten, left out and alone. We feel like the only ones that people can never make time for.

We long to matter to someone, to not always feel like the substitute people that others will be around only when the people they REALLY want to be with aren’t available.

It seems as though sometimes that people have given up on us, decided we weren’t worth the effort, and moved on. Only they neglected to tell us.

Be near us tonight. Remind us that Your coming is not far off now.

Remind us that Immanuel means “God is with you” and “God is with me.”

Immanuel means that You are near to the broken hearted and crushed in spirit. Those who have all but given up on people and who are so fearful of being let down and hurt yet again that they have shut down their hearts.

Let us feel you near. Let us hear You speak words of tender compassion in the day, sing songs of joy and delight over us in the night. Call us by our true names that only you and we know.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

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For Brandy and The Worst Day of Your Life

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I know we’ve only spoken two or three times. Four at the most. I know I don’t really know you all except for your first name and that you have long brown hair and wear dark rimmed glasses.

You seemed quiet and kind. At least to me. You also struck me as being very pretty. Not the kind of beauty that shouts and parades itself, but the kind that often goes unnoticed by most. But I saw it.

You’ve gotten into deep trouble. Your shame was broadcast and published in a tawdry little rag for thousands to witness. By the way, your mug shot doesn’t do you justice. Not by a long shot.

I want you to know two things:

First of all, I am still your friend. You were kind to me when others weren’t and always spoke to me, even though for you it was the end of a long day for you. I’m still praying for you and hoping and wishing the best for you.

Second, I want you to know that Jesus loves you right now, where you are and just as you are. He sees your mistakes and bad choices and has chosen to love you amyway.

He came to the world for people like you and I. People who just can’t seem to get it right. People who so often want to do good but end up doing the very things they hate.

All Jesus is looking for is the smallest place in your life to start something amazing. Who knows? Maybe one day this most embarrassing and shaming moment will be the first part of your testimony of how God rescued and redeemed you.

His birth in a messy manger proves that there is no mess too ugly and no place too dark and dreary for Him to go to find people loke you and me.

I’m thinking of you, rooting for you, praying for you and as blessed as ever to consider myself,

Your friend

Greg

Being Still and Silent This Season

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I love the part of Kairos where Uncle Mike (or Mike Glenn to the rest of you) tells us to get comfortable, to put both feet on the floor, and to take a couple of deep breaths. What follows is always some of the best prayer time I have all week.

Those physical postures like folding your hands, bowing your head, and closing your eyes may seem like meaningless religious rituals, but for me they have great benefit.

I shut out the rest of the world for the next few moments and don’t have to worry about my ADD getting kicked into high gear by the incidental activity and noise all around me. I can be still and silent.

To be still and silent during this Advent season seems odd and almost wrong. This is the time of year when you have parties to attend, gifts to buy, decorations to put up, and 1,001 church-related activities on the calendar.

But I think it’s more than a good idea. It’s necessary. You need to periodically reorient yourself so that you can once again find the Child in the manger amidst all the other gaudy ornaments beckoning for your attention. Like the Shepherds and Wise Men, it’s good to have that moment of silent worship and reverent awe.

So far, I’ve broken every promise I made to myself to really emphasize celebrating this Advent season. I’ve let so many other tasks and causes and distractions, some selfish and some good, get in the way. I haven’t been still and silent with the intention of letting God speak to me.

Maybe even with two weeks left until Christmas, it’s still not too late to start again on that path to Bethlehem and the lowly manger. I’m planning on it. I hope you are, too.

An Advent Prayer for Every Man I Know

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This is my prayer and my challenge for you men.

I pray you will be men, regardless of how politically incorrect or culturally unpopular it is. I pray you will have strong values and convictions and then be strong and brave to live up to those.

I pray you will learn how to look past a woman’s outward attractiveness to the true beauty within, that you see every woman not as an object but as a Princess, bought and paid for by her King.

I pray you will find your own Princess in God’s perfect time and you will learn to love her like Christ loves His own Bride and lay down your life for her every single day of the rest of your life.

I pray you rediscover the wonder and awe of the Advent season, that you learn again to laugh unabashedly with delight and to weep unashamedly with tears of both sorrow and joy.

I pray you find your own example in Joseph, who once He understood God’s plan, took Mary for His wife and raised Jesus as His own Son and whose obedience and faithfulness was mirrored in Jesus’ own obedience and faithfulness to the Father.

If you’re married, I pray your wife and children will see you falling in love with Jesus and living out that love. I pray you will lead your family by being not the stern taskmaster but the toweled feet-washer, the servant who leads by example.

May the greatest gift you receive this Christmas be a reaffirmation of knowing that your Abba really is fond of you. May your affirmation and identity come not from your wife or your family or your career or your house or your car but from being a Prince, bought and paid for by your King.

Last, always remember this: don’t be a guy. The world is full of guys. Be a man. Be a gentleman.

I’m So Very Tired That I . . .

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I am tired. I mean more than “I slept until noon and now I need a frappucino from Starbucks” tired. I mean soul-weary and bone-tired. I figured out by my vast mathematical skills that by tomorrow’s end I will have worked almost 70 hours this week. That’s a lot.

I’m so very tired that I spent 20 minutes looking for my iPhone last Sunday. The very iPhone that was attached to my belt the whole time. I even called it a few times from the house phone. Sad.

I’m so very tired that not even my super-awesome concoction of coffee + hot chocolate + creamer seems to be working lately. I even almost miss those Diet Mountain Dews. Almost.

I’m so very tired that I fantasize about sleeping in. Just sleeping in, under the covers, alarm clock turned off. That’s all. And by sleeping in, I mean past 5 am.

I’m so very tired that even I am wondering what I’m doing typing this when I could be sleeping and dreaming and all those restful things. The sacrifices I make for my art. Sigh.

I’m so very tired I think I actually fell asleep twice on Wednesday in the middle of working, each time for about 15 seconds. I don’t think I dreamed that.

I’m so very thankful that my God never gets tired, never needs sleep, never grows weary of watching over His children or blessing them.

I’m so very thankful that there is never a moment when I’m out of His care, away from His gaze, or not in His heart. Not one.

Now I get to go to bed. I get to rest. God willing, I will get to wake up and go to a good job and live my blessed life for one more day.

Life is good, God is great, and I am still more blessed than I deserve.

Questions to Ponder (from May 20, 2010)

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“I’ve been thinking about grey areas lately and the question as to whether or not something is a sin or not, like a particular TV show or movie or song or social activity or a particular group of people or whatever.

Here’s are some questions to ask:

Does what I am doing or what I am watching or who I’m around draw me closer to Christ or drive me away?

Does it lead me toward desiring communion with other believers or to despising their company?

Am I in a place where I am wanting to be surrounded by people who are passionately pursuing Jesus or their own pleasures and agendas?

Do the people I hang around with inspire me to be more Christlike?

I think the answer to these questions will indicate whether something is a sin for you or not.

Sin leads you away from God every time. Sin separates you not only from God, but from His people. Sin keeps you playing a role and never being your true self.

These are questions I have to ask of myself and I am by no means offering myself as the expert on the issue. I’m just offering up some food for thought.”

One additional thought: it’s one thing to be around non-believers and try to be an influence. It’s quite another to spent time with people who profess faith with their words but deny it with their lives.

 

Pre-WordPress Writings Part 5

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An poem I wrote back in the day

18 March 2010

 
The Prodigal is You 
 
How tragic is the mess I made 
And I no better than a slave 
Yet to me the world You gave 
The Prodigal is You 
 
How blessed just to be the one 
For whom the Father-King would run 
To kiss my cheek and call me, “Son” 
The Prodigal is You 

You wore the robe that I defiled 
And gave Your own to this mean child 
Your love carried me all the while 
The Prodigal is You 

No more fear

29 March 2010

 

I have a confession to make. Well, another confession. I have been afraid for most of my adult life. I have lived in fear, which is not really living at all, but existing. Passing time. Waiting it out. I have not taken chances. I have played it safe. I have taken the road well-traveled and regretted every single time not taking that other road. I have been nice and timid and ignored, and I deserved to be ignored, because I was boring. 

I am so done with fear. Do you hear me world? Do you hear me, Satan? I refuse to let fear dictate anymore who I am and what I do. I refuse to sit quietly when I should take a stand. I will take chances, because the old motto says “Those who risk, win.” I will learn to live my life to the fullest and be willing to fall on my face a few times. 

Those of you who knew me a month ago, that is not me anymore. I am so done with that life. This is me now, standing bodly and proclaiming that MY GOD HAS LOVED ME PERFECTLY AND THAT PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT ALL FEAR!!!!!

You Know My Name

12 March 2010

 

When I am alone and nobody seems to care, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I am ignored in a crowd, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I am screaming inside with a smile on my face, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I have one more step left in me before I quit, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I have all that I want and am still empty, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I forget You and walk away from Your promises, 
Lord, You know my name. 
When I am in heaven and see You waiting for me there, 
Lord, You know my name. 
For it is written in stone and on Your heart.

For When You’re Too Tired

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I didn’t think I could be this tired and not be asleep. I’ve actually been so tired that I have trouble sleeping, as weird and wrong as that sounds. Plus, I’ve been having some very David Lynch-esque dreams.

I’m reminded of a few things that it’s good to think about when you’re tired.

Everything’s more annoying and I have very little patience with people. I truly “vant to be left alone” as Greta Garbo was always famous for saying. Maybe she was sleep deprived, too.

It’s easy to make comments– or lack of comments– seem much more than they really are. What might have been an oversight suddenly seems like an intentional snub. What is probably just an offhand remark comes across as an insult or a put-down.

It’s easy (at least for me) to think the worst of people when I am super-sleepy and even easier for me to want to give up on them. That monster called Woe-is-me rears its ugly head and makes you think that nobody REALLY cares about you, that eventually they will all desert you.

Fears become amplified and worries take on almost superhuman overtones. You can feel overwhelmed and defeated by the smallest details of your life when you’re tired enough.

By the way, this iPad that I normally love is annoying the crap out of me by not typing what I want it to. Or more truthfully, it’s supposed to read my mind instead of going with what my very sleep-deprived fingers are typing. Duh.

God is good when I am tired and He loves me when I am grouchy. His grace is sufficient for the sleep-deprived and restless (even if they aren’t so young anymore).

I am still growing in grace, which means I make allowances for me to be less than perfect and mature all the time. I know just as I understand when my friends and family have less than stellar moments, those who truly care about me will allow me to be Oscar the Grouch on rare occasions. Just as long as it’s not too often.

I’m thankful on this Thanksgiving Eve for comfy beds, good friends and family, and God’s promise to give sleep and rest to those He loves and cherishes. Which includes you and me.

So good night and sleep tight and don’t let any of those bedbugs bite. And may you hear once more the song of peace and joy thatvyour Abba Father will sing over you again tonight.

Those Times

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I’ve been living my miracle. I’ve been counting my blessings and finding joy in the everyday minutiae of life. But sometimes . . . .

You know the feeling. It happens when you’re tired or hungry or by yourself– or all three. 

You feel like your friends will all eventually abandon you. Little things, like someone not responding to a text or someone else who usually liked and commented on your posts not having done so for a few days, seem like proof that you’re not really wanted or desired.

You find it’s much easier to wallow in that old mire of self-pity and entitlement than to fight for the joy and to consciously bring to mind the blessings. Sometimes it does feel good (but not in a good way) to feel sorry for yourself and believe that no one truly understands or cares about you. Lies are sometimes easier to believe and more comforting than the truth. Well, most of the time.

It’s at those times when you want to lean on what you’re feeling as a gauge for how you’re doing. It’s times when you want to use your understanding as a crutch for figuring out your life at that particular moment.

But just remember this familiar verse:

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“Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding [or feelings]. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6. Amplified)

I added that part about feelings, in case you wondered. But it’s implied in the Hebrew. 

Trust God, not in how you feel or what you think. Those things (thoughts and feelings) aren’t always trustworthy. But God is.

And I know from experience your friends aren’t nearly as ready to abandon you as you think they are. Sometimes, they just get caught up in life, their own pain, crazy work or school, etc. They haven’t forgotten or left you.

Remember even if one or two has left you, God never will. He’s promised with an oath as sure as Himself to be with you, no matter what, not only up to the end, but beyond.

That should help you get past those times.

 

That’s How You Know

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“When you wake up one morning surprised to see the world exists
And your eyes ain’t full of tears
Your heart ain’t full of bitterness

That’s how you know, that’s how you know
That’s how you know, that’s how you know

When you’re thankful that you ever knew a love this strong
When you finally find the courage to write this song

That’s how you know
That’s how you know
That’s how you know
You’re moving on………” (Lori McKenna)

Growth is hard to detect on a daily basis. That wound may not look like it’s healing on an hour-to-hour basis. But here is some of the evidence that I’ve started growing and healing:

1) When a friend seems to so silent on me, i.e. doesn’t comment on my posts nearly as much or quits responding to texts, I don’t freak out and assume the worst. I don’t automatically go to defcon-4 and wonder how I’ve horribly offended the person. I breathe deeply a few times and let it go and choose to believe the best.

2) Rejection doesn’t bother me nearly as much as it did even last year. I’ve learned to let it go and move on and appreciate the people who do want me around. It’s less tiring that way.

3) I don’t get caught up in rehearsing what I will say to this person or that person if I see them. I don’t obsess over what somebody meant by a throwaway phrase or something that hit me wrong. I try to focus on the present and all the blessings there.

4) I don’t feel the need to be appreciated or noticed all the time. I can simply enjoy the moment quietly. Also, I’ve decided that since I’ve stopped trying so hard to be witty and humorous, I’m a lot funnier. At least in my own head.

I heard something I like a lot: time doesn’t heal all wounds; only Jesus does that. Remember that the next time, but also remember He’s still the best Physician when it comes to broken hearts and lives.