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A Prayer for the Weak

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Maybe this is your prayer tonight:

Lord, I feel like giving up tonght. It’s just not worth it anymore.

Whatever I’m desiring most seems always just out of my reach. Right now, it feels easier to quit holding on to that dream of mine.

I want to pray “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief” but I don’t even have enough faith for that. I’m bankrupt when it comes to believing.

I’ve just about quit believing that I’ll ever get married. Or have children. Or that the children I do have will ever turn out right. Or that anyone will hire me. Or that I’ll ever be able to work in a place where I come alive instead of counting the hours and minutes until the weekend.

I feel like I’m completely screwing everything up. I don’t feel like anything I do matters or makes the tiniest bit of difference.

I do know that You’re still God. I do know that my impossibles aren’t impossible to You. In fact, they’re not even difficult for You.

I know You are truer than my feelings and though You seem so far away, You’re nearer to me than my next breath.

I don’t know how any of this will work out, but I know You will take care of me. Even if You deny my dreams, it’s only because they weren’t big enough for You.

I declare all these things with a faith that’s barely a blip on the radar screen. A faith that’s as small as a mustard seed. But still I declare.

So here’s me offering all I know of me to all I know of You. Take me and use me in whatever way You want. Let me know You’re near and let me feel in this moment how much You love me.

I surrender.

Where My Trust Is Without Borders

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I think I’ve alluded to this in previous posts, but I am currently unemployed. I haven’t worked since January. There have been times, some of them very recently, when I wondered how I was going to pay my bills. That’s a scary place to be.

Then I sang a song during the 11:11 worship service at Brentwood Baptist Church. It spoke of keeping my eyes above the waves and walking out on the water to wherever God calls me to where my trust is without borders.

I honestly never thought until just now that that’s where I am. When you utterly reach the end of your resources, you find out where your faith and trust lie. You really understand that old cliched saying about never knowing how much you need God until He’s all you’ve got left.

So many can’t find jobs. So many probably have felt worthless and useless and unemployable. Like no one wants or needs what they have to offer.

But as I sang those words, a sweet peace came over me. My faith will be made stronger and I will know more deeply than ever how near my Savior is to those who cry out to Him in desperation. As weird as it sounds, the butterflies are still there. My stomach still feels tied up in knots. But I also know it will be okay in the end. No, more than okay. I will end up EXACTLY where God wants me to be and all this will totally have been worth it to get there.

So as much as I sound like a broken record, I’m still thankful for my life. I’m grateful for waking up this morning and living another 24 hours. I’m thankful for the best family and friends a guy could ever ask for who have stuck with me through good and bad, thick and thin (and through all sorts of other overused phrases like these).

Sometimes, faith really is believing when common sense tells you not to. It may not always look courageous. Sometimes, it may look like barely holding it together and summoning every ounce of strength to not quit on God. It may be praying the most honest prayer ever recorded in history: “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief” and making it through the next five minutes.

All I know is that I have never seen God forsaking His own. I have never seen their families abandoned or left wanting (my paraphrase of a Proverb). I haven’t seen God fail me or let me down or let go of me.

I do still believe, Lord. Help my unbelief. Amen.

Another Good Question from Kairos

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“If all you have is Jesus, is that enough?”

That was the question from tonight’s Kairos service that has been stuck on replay in my mind all night.

The topic was purpose. Aaron Bryant spoke about how God’s purpose for all of us is found in Romans 8:29: that we be conformed to the likeness of His Son Jesus.

So many look to their careers as being their purpose. So what happens to that when you get fired or laid off?

Some see their purpose in their spouses and their children. What happens when the marriage fails, when the kids don’t turn out like you hoped they would, or when they move out on their own?

Careers and family are important and meaningful, but ultimately your purpose has to come from Jesus. After all, God had all eternity in mind when He gave you your purpose.

You are not your marital status or your current paycheck. You are not your income or your car or the label on your jacket. You are not defined by your last exit interview or all those things the media tells you you’re not.

You are exactly who God made you to be and it’s never too late to become what God has dreamed for you all along. Just like Jesus.

I love Jeremiah 29:11 because I see in it a God who knows the plans He has for me, One who alone knows my purpose. I know it’s still okay to pray for a new job or a better job, for a relationship, for a family. I also know that your true destiny is to be formed and shaped to look like Jesus.

That’s what God promise all of us who have put our faith and trust in Him. And God always keeps His promises.

So for me, Jesus is enough. Ultimately, everything else is hollow without Him anyway. I can attest that everything and everyone else will at some point disappoint you or let you down. But Jesus never will.

Those Facebook Quizzes

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If you have some down time, I recommend trying out one or two of those Facebook quizzes. Or if you’re a bit OCD like me, you’ll try them all.

Sometimes, they can be quite revealing. Some are spot-on. Some are not. But nearly all of them are entertaining.

I’ve taken more than my fair share of them. I even took one about who my Disney best friend would be (it was Abu, the little monkey critter from the movie Aladdin).

The most unexpected result was when I took the “Which Friends Character Are You?” quiz. I was expecting maybe I’d be most like Chandler or Ross, but it turns out I am most like Phoebe.

Some results weren’t as accurate. Apparently, the states I should live in are Wisconsin, Kansas, and New Hampshire. And yeah, I took that one three times. I was hoping for somewhere with a warmer climate (especially in winter).

I can’t remember all the results from all the quizzes I took but most were fairly accurate in describing my personality. And the best part is that they were all free.

It’s nice to have those family members and friends who really know you and can gently point out to you when you’re not acting like yourself. Sometimes, they can even tell you the hard truth in love. Even if you don’t exactly want to hear it.

I’ve said it before but the best thing you can do for the world around you is to be the best you that you can be. You have your own unique take on life, combination of skills and talents and passions, and personality traits. There will never again be another exactly like you. That makes you unique and special and valuable.

Now for me to find out what Simpsons character I’m most like.

Authenticity

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I did one of those personality analysis tests and was not too surprised at the results. Basically, it turns out that I’m an idealist who wants to make a difference in the world around him. I pretty much knew that.

The test also said that I am drawn toward authenticity.

I think there are few who wouldn’t want some kind of authenticity in their lives, to be in a place where they can truly be themselves. Not only that, but a place where the people around them are just as genuine.

Ideally, the Church is just the place where that should happen.

Sadly, that’s the last place you find true authenticity these days.

These days, especially in the American Church, most believers feel they have to wear the “super spiritual, got it all together” mask and act as if their lives are perfect. Very few feel comfortable being open and honest about their struggles, addictions, and fears for fear of being judged and condemned.

That’s sad. That’s also not at all the Church Jesus had in mind when He prayed that they be united and one just as He and the Father are one. That’s not the Church portrayed in Acts as sharing possessions and helping out the less fortunate.

That’s not the kind that will draw the hurting and helpless, the kind Jesus told us to reach out to.

Pretending to be perfect is a damaging facade in two ways. First, it’s an impossible illusion to maintain because no one is perfect. Second, it creates the false image that to become a believer, you can’t have any issues or problems or sin-issues.

I think what people are looking for when they look to believers are people who make mistakes and fess up to those mistakes, who fail miserably and pick themselves up and move on, who have flaws and choose to see the good in themselves and others.

I’m praying that I can live with that kind of authenticity. I’m praying you will seek to be just as honest and real and transparent in your own lives as well.

Remember, God above all knows your deepest secrets, your utmost failures and flaws, and loves you just as you are. Not as you wish you could be or how you see yourself on your very best days but just exactly as you are when you’re feeling lowest.

That’s the kind of love I’m craving and the only kind of love that can change me into someone who can love others the same way.

 

For When You’re Feeling Anxious

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It’s February. And unless you’re living in Hawaii with all those palm trees and beaches, it’s cold.

My feelings on cold weather go something like this: if it’s gonna be this cold, it might as well snow, or what’s the point?

Maybe you’re feeling more than just cold. Maybe you’re feeling anxious or stressed.

Perhaps you’re out of a job and wondering how that big stack of bills is going to get paid. Or where they money is going to come from to put gas in the car. Or food on the table.

Maybe you’re still single and wondering when (or even if) that special someone will ever come along.

Maybe you’re children don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore and you don’t know how to get through to them anymore.

Maybe it’s just a combination of a million little things all rolled up into one big case of anxiety.

Don’t you know that Jesus didn’t come to bring your peace?

He came to be your peace. He is after all the Prince of Peace.

That’s what all of us who are overwhelmed with worry and stress need to remember. Jesus may not take away all those things that cause anxiety, but He promises to walk with us through every trial, every tribulation, and every dark valley.

Jesus has already overcome whatever you’re afraid of. Nothing can touch you apart from God’s permission. And absolutely nothing can come between you and the love of your Abba Father.

Sometimes, you need medicine to make those anxieties go away. That doesn’t make you less spiritual. It just means your brain needs a little help to function normally.

I love the line from that movie, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel: Everything will be fine in the end. If it’s not fine, it’s not the end.

Stewardship

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In ye olden castle days, stewards were the ones who took care of the finances and property management of the castle and surrounding village. The stewards didn’t own any of it, but they took care of it as though it were their own.

Most people, when they hear a preacher bring up the word “steward” or “stewardship,” automatically think, “Uh-oh. Here comes another sermon on tithing.”

Stewardship is about money. But it is so much more than that.

The truth is that nothing you have really belongs to you. The earth and everything in it, including you, belong to the Lord.

Your money? It really belongs to God.

Your career? Also God’s.

Your spouse? Ditto.

Your children? Not yours.

When you make Jesus Lord of your life, He takes over ownership of all that you call yours. But when you think about it, everything you have is really a gift from God anyway.

Your money and your ability to earn it come from God. He created you with unique talents and gifts to be able to start a career and earn a living.

Your spouse and your children? They belong to God, not you. God has entrusted them to your care and expects that you will present them back better than when He gave them to you.

It’s humbling when you realize you’re not the king of your castle. Even more so when you realize you don’t even own your own castle.

May we all remember that we are stewards of what really belongs to God. May we take good care of what– and who– He has entrusted into our care so that when He comes, He can say to us, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

A Really Good Question

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While I was house/dog-sitting at a friend’s house, i was channel surfing. I ran across a program that was just getting started on TBN.

Normally, I avoid that channel like the plague, but the program featured Max Lucado, one of my favorite authors, so I gave it a shot. As it turns out, I did indeed choose wisely.

Max spoke on Joseph of Old Testament fame losing everything he had– possessions, family, reputation, freedom. He was literally looking up from the lowest point in his life at one point.

Then Max asked a profound question: “What do you still have that you cannot lose?”

Maybe you’ve lost your health. Or a job. Maybe it was a spouse. Or a child.

Maybe you’ve lost your reputation.

Whatever it is, there’s one thing you can’t lose. Your destiny as a child of God. Because God looked down on you at your very worst and said, “I choose that one. I want him. I have great plans for her.”

Your identity isn’t lost when you lose everything. You are still God’s. He still loves you and still has your name tattooed on His hands and on His heart.

Joseph was faithful to His destiny and God rewarded him. And so he will reward you. Maybe not in this lifetime, but you can bet there is nothing you’ve lost that won’t be restored a thousandfold over.

I love how Max said that our lives aren’t the dashes between our birth-dates and death-dates. They’re more like a grain of sand on the beach of the eternity of God’s stedfast love. I like that.

Maybe I should watch TBN more often.

When You Grow Up

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I’m sure you’ve been asked this inevitable question at some point in your formative years. At some point in grade school or high school or college, someone asked you this:

“So, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

There’s a few things wrong with that question.

First, some people take longer than others to find that supreme calling. Some are well past grown up and still haven’t decided what they want to be yet.

Second, the likelihood these days is that you won’t spend 30-40 years in one job at one place. You’ll more than likely have several jobs and more than a few careers. Anymore, people change jobs every 2 years and most will change careers at least once.

You are not defined by what you do for a living or how much you make at your job. No matter what society or your friends or your family tells you.

You are defined not by what you do or who you are but by Whose you are. If you belong to Jesus, that’s how you’re defined from now on.

Your identity doesn’t crumble when you get laid off or (perish the thought) fired. Your identity rests securely in the person of Jesus.

You are Forgiven, Paid For, Forgiven, Child of God, and (my personal favorite) Beloved. You could probably think of a few more names associated with being in Christ.

So on those nights when you don’t feel particularly special or like you matter, remember Jesus paid the ultimate price for you because He believed that you were worth it.

Kairos and Other Random Tuesday Thoughts

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I’ve probably said it before but I do so love Kairos. I probably look forward to that night more than any other during the week. Whether it’s Michael Boggs or someone else leading worship, whether Mike Glenn or someone else is speaking, I’ve never walked away without at least one fresh new insight into God and His love for me.

Granted, I’m still not quite to that “super-spiritual” level. I confess that I still covet. Like for instance on Monday when I went into the Apple Store and immediately began coveting half the stuff there. Especially those iPad Airs and the MacBook Pros. I admit it. I like cool gadgets.

But the point of tonight’s sermon was whether I’m willing to be like those first four disciples who laid down everything to follow Jesus. Everything. They left behind jobs and family to follow Jesus without knowing where He would take them. I don’t mean they took a week or two to think it over then went. They dropped their nets and IMMEDIATELY followed Jesus.

If Jesus called me to leave my stuff and my familiar people and places, it would be hard. I’d like to say I’d obey right away, but part of me is too attached to my stuff. Just keeping it real. I mean I’m typing this on my iPad 3 for pete’s sake.

I know that the gain from following Jesus is way more than worth whatever I give up. Jesus even said that whoever followed Him would receive a thousand times over what they had given up or lost in the process.

You don’t follow Jesus for blessings or peace or security– although those things are all well and good. You follow Jesus because He’s Jesus. You may get those things as a reward for following, but you may also get suffering and persecution and alienation, too.

Oh, and sometimes you will leave behind bad stuff to go after Jesus, like addictions and pain and struggles. But some of what you leave behind will be good. Just not as good as Jesus.

That’s all for this Tuesday evening.