The Inner Laptop Monologue

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

 

If you grew up watching Saturday morning cartoons like me, then you remember the ones where the main character was in a moral dilemma. Poof! An angel would appear on one shoulder with heavenly advice, and a devil would appear on the other, urging naughtiness (but not too naughty since this was Saturday morning television in the 80’s).

I imagine in my debate over whether to get a Macbook or a PC laptop that Bill Gates and Steve Jobs magically appeared on either side of me. I’ll leave it to you to decide which of the two is the angelic one. I’m staying out of that one.

I imagine the following conversation:

Bill: “Get the PC. They’re so much more affordable.”

Steve: “Anyone can go for cheap. Go for quality. All the hip and trendy people have Macs.”

Bill: “Seriously, Steve? Like you would know about hip or trendy. But think of this. Everything is so much easier with a PC. You never have problems with a PC?”

Steve: “Ahem. Need I remind you, Bill, about that imfamous Windows 98 debacle? Most people learn to cuss from working with a PC.”

Bill: “So they have to buy PCs more often. But you still end up spending less in the long run. Haven’t you ever heard of a sale?”

Steve: “Sales are for weenies. If someone wants a good product, they’ll pay to get it, whether it’s on sale or not. I could sell umbrellas to a desert mystic.”

Bill: “And such the modest man you are, too. Buy the PC. At least that way you can skip all the crappy parts of American Idol and watch the good parts.”

Steve: “Buy the Mac. Yeah. American Idol is weak this year.”

Bill: “By the way, Steve, aren’t you dead?”

Steve: “Hey, this isn’t my inner monologue. Why don’t you ask this crazy blogger guy to make up his mind about his laptop so I can go rest in peace and figure out how to get reception for my iPhone from six feet under.”

Thanks a heap, guys. That was helpful and informative. Oh wait. No it wasn’t. Guess I’ll just eat some chocolate and call it a day.

 

Your New Name: A Good Reminder from Kairos

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 4 Comments

In Revelation, Jesus promises that if you hold on to the end, you will be given a white stone with a new name that only you and Jesus know. That will be the name that trumps all the other names you have been given. That name will be your destiny.

What do you call yourself? In those moments when you screw up and make a mess of things, what name do you give yourself? Is it Stupid or Idiot, or one of those names that’s so bad you can’t even say it out loud when you’re alone?

What do other people call you? Are you Lazy or Slow or Hopeless? Do you carry those names around with you like a tattoo ingrained in your brain and you have come to see yourself by those names?

Jesus has come to give you a new name: Beloved.

Where you were once a Failure, you are now Redeemed.

Where once you were a Stranger, now you are Family.

Where once you were an Enemy, now you are a Son or Daughter of God.

Where you were Without Hope, now you are a Child of the Promise.

Where once you were Lost, now and forever you are Found.

Keep these names in your mind. Let them define you and your future. Because these, and not the other names, are who you are from now on.

I am the Beloved of my Abba, and He is very fond of me. So are you.

Ain’t it great?

Musical Memories

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 2 Comments

For me, picking out the right music for any trip in the car is a big deal. I can’t just pick up any old CD willy-nilly and be satisfied. Sometimes, I’ve been known to hunt down a particular album for hours just because I feel it would make the best possible soundtrack for the places I’m about to go in my car.

Tonight, I went with David Crowder Band’s Sunsets and Sushi. It seems like everytime I hear that CD, I’m immediately taken back to 2004 and to very vivid images of friends I knew back then and a Bible study/worship experience I went to back in the day called Ecclesia.

I can hear certain 80’s songs that take me back to my 8th grade dance. I get pictures of me with my yellow square tie and my bad hair dancing with a girl I’d had a crush on but never had the nerve to talk to. A girl I’ve never seen since, whose name was Lucy (and that’s the extent of what I remember about her).

I hear Silent Lucidity by Queensryche and I am immediately back to the Subway on Exeter Road in Germantown next to the Kroger’s I worked in. I was with yet another girl I had a crush on. This time, it was Carly, who just so happened to live a few streets down from me. I think I may have walked by her street a few (hundred) times, hoping to “accidentally” run into her. It never happened. And no, I don’t remember at all what sub I got that day.

I hear All I Want is You by U2 and my mind immediately goes to the movie Reality Bites and the scene where Winona Ryder is desparately trying to find Ethan Hawke and tell him she loves him. And yes, I still have a crush on her even 18 years later.

For me, music conjurs up images in my mind like nothing else, except maybe the smell of rolls fresh out of the oven or burning candles at Christmas.

For those of you who are music nerds like me, what albums or songs bring back the most vivid memories? Where do those songs take you?

Enquiring minds, i.e. me, want to know.

Laptop Hunting

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 7 Comments

I’m finally entering the wonderful world of laptop computers. I admit I’m a little green when it comes to shopping for one of these gizmos. I think I may have turned green when I saw the price sticker on one of the first laptops I looked at that was super compact and super skinny and probably had a Tommy Hilfiger designer processor.

I found one I liked, although it was not on sale and the price was a bit steep for me. I think it reflects my personality and would look really good in one of those laptop bags strapped over my shoulder as I walk into a Starbucks to order my mocha latte and sit down to do some existential ponderings over wordpress.

I think I need a laptop. I think the universe is ready for me to have a laptop, ’cause the universe is getting rather tired of waiting on my super-slow desktop to load up my facebook page. Not to mention that extremely annoying hourglass that pops up and causes me to have very un-Baptist thoughts.

Ideally, I would love a Mac, but I’m not quite ready to sell one of my kidneys for technology just yet. Maybe in 5 years, not not now.

So in the meantime I am forced to type my blog on a desktop that may or may not be possesed by Linda Blair and definitely cramps my style. I could be so much cooler and popular with a laptop, not to mention more mobile and more fun at parties.

Just for the record, any typos you find are not my fault. Blame Linda Blair.

Gone With the Wind: Some Observations on a Classic

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For starters, I was at the Franklin Theatre to see Gone With the Wind, date-less and under no duress. I was probably the only single dude in attendance. And I was in the front row. We’ll save the discussion on how sad that is for a later blog . . . maybe.

Gone With the Wind is a classic for a reason. It has everything: intense drama, epic romance, witty comedy, heart-rending tragedy, and just plain good ol’ story-telling. Sure, it shows its age a bit. It is not the most politically correct movie with its depiction of the happy slave mentality, among other things.

Both Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler are fairly selfish characters throughout. Rhett is honest enough to admit it, but Scarlett spends most of the movie manipulating others for her own ends without ever so much as acknowledging it. At least at the end, she has a change of heart (or so I’d like to think).

Melanie Wilkes is the true north of the movie. She is the only one that circumstances can’t change. At heart, she is a fundamentally kind person from start to finish. She’s the one all the rest turn to in times of trouble and tragedy. She always knows what to say.

I love the fact that she always thinks the best of others. She gives Scarlett the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she’s a little naive, but I’d rather chalk it up to grace instead.

The world looks at kindness and calls it weakness. To be meek is to be a pushover in their eyes. But I believe kindness and meekness are true strength, power under control and directed at a better purpose. When you find real kindness in someone, you are drawn to that and you remember that person and their kindness shown to you and you are never the same. You want to pay it forward.

There’s a quote I’ve posted before about that goes along these lines: to be yourself, your true self, when everything around you is trying to force you to be something other, is the most courageous thing you can do. To keep being you when a thousand voices are screaming at you to be like them or to be stronger, prettier, thinner, richer, more popular, or more powerful takes strength. The kind of strength that Melanie Wilkes had.

Yes, I really liked the movie. All 4 hours of it. I will probably see it again in the future, as I own it on blu ray (nerd alert). I love the cinematography, especially the sunset shots. The acting is spot-on and the story is compelling.

I give it two thumbs up and recommend it highly. That’s my lame ending to this blog, because I’m too tired to think of anything witty or clever to end on. Other than I hope you have a good night and may you have eyes to see all the kindness of God lavished on you in the days to come.

Thank you and good night.

For When You Can’t Sleep

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 5 Comments

Right now, it’s 12:49 am and I’m not even close to being sleepy. Maybe it’s the chicken sandwich I had from Sam’s today (which was great) or maybe the caffeine.

I think it’s just thoughts that won’t lie down and rest until I get them written down.

I think I have to let a dream die.

It was a longshot to begin with and I thought I had already let it go, but now I really am saying goodbye.

I think I always knew that the person I was interested in wasn’t interested in me the same way. At least 99% of me did.

But that 1% kept hanging aroud, hoping against hope, looking for some kind of sign where there were none to be found.

So now I’m officially 100% sure. And I am glad we’re friends. Honestly, that’s enough.

Still, letting that dream die, knowing the finality of it all, is still hard.

God, help me always to guard my heart and to know that all my times are in Your hands.

I trust that You still work all things together for good for those who love You.

Now I think I’ll go and try that whole sleep thing again.

 

Thoughts on Job

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When I was little I used to pronounce the book of Job like it rhymed with rob. For Psalms, I made the s silent and called it Palms. I did some goofy things back then and it’s a good thing I’m past all that now (said with very heavy tone of sarcasm).

I read through Job again last night (and now I know it’s pronounced like Jobe as in Kari Jobe, the singer). It was not an easy read for me and most of the time, left me feeling more uncomfortable than uplifted.

In case you’re not familiar with the story, Job is a righteous and wealthy man. Satan taunts God and says that Job is only faithful because God has blessed him so much. “If you take all that away,” Satan told God, “your so-called servant Job will curse You to your face and be done with You.” So God allows Satan to take away Job’s possessions, then his children, and finally, his good health.

True, Job never curses God. Job never abandons God. But Job questions God’s motives and comes very close to maligning God’s character. That’s the part that makes me uncomfortable. Because I have asked some of the same questions and made some of the same accusations toward God.

I never bad-mouthed God in front of anyone or even out loud to myself, but in my head, I would have rants against the seeming unfairness of God’s ways. In my heart, I sometimes felt that God was not really for me and had something other than my best interests at heart.

The truth I have been learning is that God is big enough to handle my questions and accusations. He is not obligated to explain Himself to me. His ways are higher than mine and His thoughts way above mine. That comes with a finite mind trying to grasp what is Infinite.

I love Job’s final response, because it’s what I want to be able to say to God and what I’m striving toward in my daily walk of faith:

“Job answered God: “I’m convinced: You can do anything and everything.
   Nothing and no one can upset your plans.
You asked, ‘Who is this muddying the water,
   ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?’
I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me,
   made small talk about wonders way over my head.
You told me, ‘Listen, and let me do the talking.
   Let me ask the questions. You give the answers.’
I admit I once lived by rumors of you;
   now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears!
I’m sorry—forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise!
   I’ll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor.”

God, I know that You are for me, with me, and in me, even when everything I see and feel and think says otherwise, because You promised You would be. If You say it, that settles it– whether I believe it or not.

I do believe. Help my unbelief.

A Letter to Kim Kardashian

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

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Kim,

I don’t know if you will read this or not. Realistically speaking, I’m pretty sure you won’t, since you probably don’t have time to read blogs by people you don’t know who aren’t famous. But if by some extremely remote chance, you happen to stumble on this quaint little blog, I hope you know I’m rooting for you.

I know a lot of people will look at your decision to start a Bible study and question your motives. They will say you just want to hook up with Tim Tebow or give some other reason why you can’t legitimately want to read God’s Word for its own sake.

I am not one of those.

I hope you read the Bible and find all that God has for you in there. I hope you find God’s love letter to His people, including you, and how much He loved His people and what great lengths He undertook to win back His people lost to sin and death.

I hope you will find that true beauty is in what God says about you, not what some magazine or television producer says about you. God says, “I made you and that makes you beautiful, because I made you in My image.”

I hope you will know that Jesus loves you just for you, not because of what you do or what you wear or who you know. I hope you can find joy in the fact that Jesus looked at you in your worst moments and thought you were still to die for.

I hope you fall in love with God’s Word and want it more than anything else. I hope you are transformed by what you read and that every time you read the Bible, you put it down a different person than when you picked it up. More than that, I pray you will take what you read and live it out in compassion for the needy and love for those whom God loves.

I hope you understand that no matter what you’ve done in the past, God has a purpose for you. He can work in and through you to do some pretty amazing things that will blow you away.

Like I said before, I’m rooting for you and hoping you find the peace you’re looking for.

Signed,

A Ragamuffin who is just trying to tell others about the grace of God that he’s found

PS It’s still not too late, no matter how messed up your life seems right now. Jesus can still turn your mess into something beautiful.

Wrestling with God

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“Most people think wrestling with God is a sin. They think it’s failure. But it’s not. Wrestling with God is a sign of intimacy because you can’t wrestle with somebody who’s far away. You can only wrestle with somebody who’s up close and next to you” (Jon Acuff). 

I’m sitting at my computer, listening to the sound of the sound of the heavens applauding the majesty of God through the falling rain. I’m thinking about what it means to wrestle with God, of all the things to be pondering on a very wet Wednesday evening.

I don’t know exactly what wrestling with God looks like. I don’t know how it felt for Jacob to wrestle with God– actually wrestle physically with God– and live to tell about it. I do have a few ideas I’d like to share.

I know you can’t wrestle with God from the comfort of your pew with pious words and a lukewarm heart. You can’t wrestle with God and stay clean and neat and tidy. You can’t remain in a place of safety and wrestle with God at the same time. Wrestling means scuffed knees, getting dirt and possibly blood on your clothes, and pushing every muscle in your body past what you thought you could endure.

If I’m wrestling with God, I’m holding on with everything I’ve got. I’m holding on for dear life to the very Essence of Life itself, the One who said, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” I’m not getting out at the first hint of pain and sacrifice. I’m staying the course and not quitting until I get a blessing.

If I truly encounter the living God this way, then I won’t walk away the same as I was before. Jacob the trickster walked away as Israel, the one who strove with God. The one from whom a nation would be born and from whose line the Messiah would come.

I may limp like Jacob, but I’d rather be lame and have God’s blessing than be whole and miss out on what God had for me. Is that what you want, too?

Revisiting Forgiveness

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

“Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasinly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family” (Henri J.M. Nouwen).

When you don’t forgive and hold on to bitterness and anger, it’s like you’re drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Whoever hurt you may be completely unaware that they did anything and living in blissful ignorance while you’re still stuck in the moment of your hurt.

When you forgive, you open wide the doors to the prison cell only to discover that you were the one being held prisoner all that time by the past and by the pain you held on to for so long. The shackles you unlock were your own, the chain you forged in life while you nursed the anger and bitterness and were held captive by your hurt.

Forgiveness is where you realize that the wrong done to you pales in comparison to the wrongs you did to God, and the debt owed to you is like pennies in comparison to the millions you owed. You could never have hoped to even begin to pay for the debts your sin incurred, yet God freely and completely forgave you. How can you not forgive someone else who has wronged you?

Forgiveness is not easy. In fact, it’s humanly impossible. Only a heart regenerated and transformed by Jesus can forgive. Only those who have experienced the amazing unmerited grace of Jesus can extend it to those who don’t deserve it. Only those who have been forgiven can forgive.

But if you call Jesus not only Savior, but Lord, forgiveness isn’t an option. Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors.” In the parable of the ungrateful slave, Jesus points out that we get forgiveness only as much as we are willing to give it.

Learning to forgive is a lifelong process that we never really master. Some things and some people take longer to forgive because the hurt runs deeper and the scars are more fresh. But if you have been truly forgiven, then you will seek to forgive others. Sometimes, the hardest person you will have to learn to forgive is yourself.

Lord, give us each day more and more of Your heart that loves the unloveable and extends grace to those who need it most but deserve it least. Help us to forgive.