Trying to Process

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I don’t know about you, but I’m still not registering the fact that Anthony Bourdain is dead. I understand that he chose to take his own life. I don’t know the details. I do know that an immensely talented man is gone too soon.

This is not about getting inside the head of someone who struggled with mental health issues. This is not about how people who choose suicide are evil or weak. This is not about how because he was rich and famous, he should have been able to overcome depression and buy a cure.

I know too many people who have battle depression and other mental health issues to think that it’s just all in your head and that you can overcome it with positivity and faith.

Yes, I believe God still heals and works miracles. I also believe that you cannot will yourself out of a chemical imbalance. I know there’s a difference between the occasional depression most of us go through and severe clinical depression.

Here’s a number. It’s the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It’s 1-800-273-8255.

If you’ve been thinking about taking your own life, call this number.

Here it is again: 1-800-273-8255

Whatever you’re going through, you don’t have to face it alone.

Let Go

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“Humbly let go. Let go of trying to do, let go of trying to control, let go of my own way, let go of my own fears. Let God blow His wind, His trials, oxygen for joy’s fire. Leave the hand open and be. Be at peace. Bend the knee and be small and let God give what God chooses to give because He only gives love and whisper a surprised thanks. This is the fuel for joy’s flame. Fullness of joy is discovered only in the emptying of will. And I can empty. I can empty because counting His graces has awakened me to how He cherishes me, holds me, passionately values me. I can empty because I am full of His love. I can trust” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

Five years ago, I read a book that changed my life. It changed the way I look at my circumstances, allowing me to seek joy and to always be on the lookout for those 1,000 small daily gifts for which to give thanks. There’s always, always something to be thankful for.

I still have moments of grumpiness and days where entitlement and bitterness seem to win out. I go through seasons of complaining and comparison, unrest and envy. I can Debbie Downer with the best of them.

But the best days are still the ones where I give thanks and live out of gratitude and awe. That’s where I see God at work in me and around me. That’s when others see Jesus in me.

Regardless of how well or how poorly I lived out my thanksgiving, tomorrow’s always a chance to do better or start over or simply surrender and let God have His way. I think door number three sounds best.

 

 

The Three Doctors: An Update on Classic Doctor Who

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The quest to watch all of the surviving episodes of Classic Doctor Who continues. So far, I’ve made it almost all the way through the first three doctors, played by William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, and Jon Pertwee. In fact, I’m to the episodes where all three appear together for the first time.

William Hartnell’s part was limited due to poor heath, and I can’t help wondering what it would have been like had he been able to fully interact with the other two incarnations. I can imagine him getting in a few lines like “See here, dear boy!” But alas, his arteriosclerosis was affecting his ability to remember his lines. That’s a shame. Otherwise, so far, it’s great. And I love finally being able to see the first two doctors in color.

I have to admit that my favorite companion to this point might just be Jo Grant (played by the lovely Katy Manning), despite some dated hair and really dated wardrobe. She’s the spunkiest of the lot, and can keep up with the Doctor better than any of the others could (and she’s not constantly in need of rescue like some of the earlier female companions).

Yes, the special effects are still ultra low-budget. Sometimes, they’re groan-worthy. Some of the villains are over the top. I tire rather easily of the Master and his constant obsession to be ruler of the universe. Doesn’t he have any hobbies outside of meglomania? Yes, the monsters are still actors in rubber suits.

But I love all of it. It makes me wish I’d grown up in England in the 60’s and 70’s and seen all these episodes as they originally aired, including many that have been lost or destroyed.

I’m thankful for Britbox for providing me access to my own trip back in time. And who knows? Maybe one day some of those “lost” episodes will turn up somewhere.

 

 

The Fear of Being Known (Stolen from Kairos)

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It’s odd that we long to be known, yet at the same time we have a fear of being known. I think we want to be known by our best self we present via social media and not all the parts that we try to repress and hide.

To be fully known is to be honest, transparent, and vulnerable. It means taking the risk of rejection, but the reward is the realization that you are not alone in your struggles and insecurities and addictions and flaws.

I think all of us have at one point thought something akin to “If you really knew me, deep down, with all that I’ve done, you’d walk right out of my life and never look back.”

I believe one of Satan’s greatest lies to keep us isolated and alone is “You’re the only one who struggles with _________. You are a freak and a pervert and a disgusting human being because of your sin or habit. You don’t deserve to be known.”

As I once read, demons die in the light. Lies die in the light that comes from accountability and disclosure within a small and trusted group of people who will encourage and challenge you.

No one ever finds healing in isolation. You need community to help you find your truest and best self. God never meant for there to be any Lone Ranger Christians. And even the Lone Ranger had Tonto.

As you know, fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. The reality is that everyone struggles and sins and falls headlong into temptation. Everyone has addictions and habits and sins that they’d prefer to keep hidden.

I always remember that God knows me more fully than I even know myself and still loves me unconditionally. He accepts me as I am but refuses to leave me that way. He calls us to love each other in the same way and to accept from each other nothing less than God’s very best.

24,000 Steps

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I hiked Radnor solo today. My friend and accountability partner wasn’t able to meet with me today, so I did the Unofficial Radnor Lake State Park Triathlon. That is, I hiked the Ganier Ridge, South Cove, and Lake Trails back-to-back-to-back.

I didn’t have a reason other than seeing if I could do it. There was a moment halfway through the second part where I thought I was about to give up the ghost. I even sat down for a minute.

But I persevered. I may not be the fastest (and in fact, I got outpaced twice), but I have stamina to keep going. At the end of the day, I walked 12 miles.

My goal in relaying all this information isn’t for you to say how awesome I am. It isn’t one of those things where I’m looking for a pat on the back.

What I’m saying is that if I can do it, so can you. You don’t have to start out hiking 3 trails in one day, but you can hike one. You can do something outdoors for 30 minutes.

For me, getting back to nature is therapeutic. As strenuous as it can be, hiking is also very relaxing at the same time. I think Henry David Thoreau had it right:

““I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms…”

A Good Pastor is Hard to Find

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I’m blessed to be able to sit under the teaching of one Aaron Bryant at The Church at Avenue South. He is most definitely God’s man for the role of campus pastor.

I’ve been to more than a few churches in my lifetime. I’ve sat under men who had a heart for people but weren’t the greatest expositors. I’ve also know a few that could alliterate with the best of them but weren’t that good with people outside the pulpit.

I remember I worked in a church office once where the pastor insisted that everyone address him as Doctor. I’m fairly certain that he didn’t pay for all that education only to boost his ego. Well, hopefully not. I’m sure he had his good qualities, but that onesn’t one of them.

But Mr. Bryant is the real deal. He’s a gifted communicator and a compassionate shepherd. He’s one of the main reasons that Ave South has flourished in just under 4 years of existence.

I seem to remember that while it’s good to have a good pastor, that doesn’t give me any excuse to opt out of ministry myself. If I read my Bible correctly, we’re all in the ministry, whether that’s what we do professionally or not. We’re all called to be evangelists at some point in our dealings with those with whom we live, work, and play.

As Dwight Moody put it, we just might be the only Bible some will ever read. We might be the only sermon some will ever listen to, and we might be the only Jesus that some will ever see. You might be the only gospel access to people who would never set foot in a church building.

That’s a sobering thought. Hopefully, that changes the way we live. Hopefully, it changes our conversations and helps us see that God has strategically placed these people in our lives for a reason.

 

Periodic Peanut Posting

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Occasionally, I like to give all my readers an update on my new tortie feline, Peanut. As you can tell, she’s feline very fine. She’s also just about the most affectionate cat out there.

She’s not overly fond of strangers. When guests come over, she tends to stay away. I wonder if there’s some kind of hazy memory in her little brain from when she was a kitten. Perhaps some traumatic past event? After all, she was a rescue.

I sometimes miss the little 11-week old kitten from almost a year ago that used to snuggle up as close to my head as she could get. The current version is bigger and not quite as cuddly, but I remember Lucy was older before she became the champion lap cat and bedtime companion.

The current version of Peanut is very playful, sometimes hilarious, and always a lot of fun to watch. Again, I recommend that anyone who likes cats or dogs should strongly consider rescuing an animal first before buying from a breeder or a pet store. Rescues are the most loyal and loving animals ever.

I should know. Although I’m still not sure who rescued who.

 

Man, I’m Sweaty

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I’ll tell you what I did today. I sweated. A lot. Like from 6:30 pm all the way to 9:00 pm.

It wasn’t even that hot outside, compared to what it’s been earlier this year, but something about the combination of heat and humidity about did me in.

I’m officially ready for fall.

Yep, you read that right. It’s not even officially summer yet and I’m over it.

Maybe I’m old, but I’m not good at tolerating excessive heat and/or humidity. I’m allergic to it. I break out in sweat.

The good news is that I had a lovely evening checking out some of the fine art at the Downtown Franklin Art Crawl. I had some fantastic catfish from a food truck.

The good definitely outweighs the bad. But I’m still ready for fall.

 

Wise Words

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“Jesus, the favorite Child of God, is persecuted. He who is poor, gentle, mourning; he who hungers and thirsts for uprightness; is merciful, pure of heart and a peacemaker is not welcome in this world. The Blessed One of God is a threat to the established order and a source of constant irritation to those who consider themselves the rulers of this world. Without his accusing anyone he is considered an accuser, without his condemning anyone he makes people feel guilty and ashamed, without his judging anyone those who see him feel judged. In their eyes, he cannot be tolerated and needs to be destroyed, because letting him be seems like a confession of guilt.

When we want to become like Jesus, we cannot expect always to be liked and admired. We have to be prepared to be rejected” (Henri Nouwen).

I seem to remember that Jesus said something like woe to you when all people speak well of you. If you’re doing the right thing the right way, you’re going to rub some people the wrong way, regardless.

It’s better to stand alone in your convictions and remain true to what you believe than to compromise away your beliefs for the sake of conformity and tolerance.

 

Turn the Page

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I did something that I haven’t done much of lately. At least not enough.

I picked up an actual book with actual pages and stuff. And actually read it. Well, some of it.

I confess that I could spend less time Netflixing and Britboxing (where I stream all the classic Doctor Who episodes) and more time reading.

I believe that as we as a culture are overtaken by the passive art of television and movies and less entranced by the art of reading that requires active engagement, we will continue to slide toward illiteracy and sheep mentality. We will believe whatever the politicians and the media tell us without question and lose the ability to think for ourselves. That’s always a dangerous place to be in.

The book in question is one I picked up at McKay’s a couple of years ago called A River Runs Through It and Other Stories by Norman Maclean. If the title sounds familiar, there was a movie based on the book that starred Brad Pitt from the early 90’s.

But I’m not waiting for the movie this time. I’m reading the book. I feel my IQ points climbing already just by picking up the book.

Hopefully, I can get back to the place where my idea of a good evening is a large cup of tea and an even larger book. These work well on overcast, rainy days when the satellite is out.

My assignment for you — should you choose to accept it — this week is to read something that involves opening the spine and turning the pages, like they did in the olden days. You might find that you like it.

Also maybe turn off the TV and the other streaming devices for a day. But let’s not get that crazy just yet. Start with the book first.