dating

When the Lights Go Out

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lucynarnia

I was en route from Memphis recently, listening to a book on CD, as all well-seasoned travellers do. It was The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, book 5 of The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis. It was read by Derek Jacobi, by the way, in case you were dying to know.

In the book, the Dawn Treader sails into an island of darkness. It’s a place where fear rules and all nightmares come to life. Lucy is at the top of the ship, watching as the crew tries vainly to escape. In her desperation, she says, “Aslan, if you ever loved us, help us now.” The answer to her prayer is an albatross who, as he flies by her, whispers, “Courage, dear heart,” in Aslan’s voice. He then leads them out into the sunlight.

I bet you’ve been in some dark places in your life. You’ve felt trapped in the valley of the shadow of death, where no light or hope can get through. You’ve been searching for a way out, but all you find is more darkness, more despair, more hopelessness.

You feel your circumstances will never get better. You fear that nothing will ever change. You come to believe that your worst-case scenario is due to come true any day now. Your faith is at a low ebb and your fears are cresting and crashing waves that swamp you.

There’s a voice, if you are still enough to hear it, that whispers the same words what it whispered to Lucy. “Courage, dear heart.” It says, “Hold on. Trust in Me in the darkness even when you can’t find Me there. I am with you, with My everlasting arms underneath you. I will never ever let go.”

Don’t believe that you feel or what you think, but what you know. Believe the same God who has proved Himself over and over and Whose word is true. Know that He is with you and for you in your darkness. Darkness may prevail right now, but joy is coming with the morning.

A Letter to My Future Wife on June 18

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 5 Comments

I was strolling down Main Street in Downtown Franklin today, admiring all the old buildings, when I had an epiphany. It was about you.

I think I realize that all the times I thought I was interested in someone, what I saw in them was a little of you. Maybe it was a smile. Maybe it was a laugh. Maybe it was a compassionate heart or a kind soul. Whatever it was, it was a sneak preview of you.

I haven’t written you in a while, but that certainly doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about you. I have grown up a little since the last time I wrote you. I’ve seen more of myself that I don’t like, but I’ve seen that if I am willing, God can heal and change me. And He is.

Maybe what so many others have said is true, and I will find you when I’m not looking for you. I don’t know. Maybe we’ll both be 80 and living in a nursing home, sharing a can of Ensure. That would be odd, and a little disturbing, but also a little romantic, too.

I don’t have much to write. Just pray that I won’t give up or settle or lose heart, and I pray you won’t either. Of all I’ve seen and done in this life, I know that life rarely ever turns out the way I planned, but usually what God gives me is much better in the end. Remember that and don’t ever stop chasing after God and wrestling with Him for answers and resting in His tender care.

Thanks for waiting for me. It’ll be worth it one day.

Thoughts on Valentine’s Day

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Someone on the radio made an interesting correlation today. It was about how we as a society are pretty much unique in not giving much if any thought to any life beyond this one, thinking that this is all there is. We are also a society consumed with romantic love as a kind of salvation. Almost all our love songs speak to someone who can give us meaning and hope and make our lives make sense. How romantic love can save us. We are obsessed with the idea of falling in love.

Love is a great concept and a wonderful idea, but she makes a pretty poor idol. Love that we worship eventually turns to lust or hate or neediness or anything but the true love we think it is. But there is True Love that never disappoints or fails.

Jesus came as the perfect Embodiment of what Love really looks like. Every love song ever sung, every love sonnet ever compose finds its complete fulfillment in Jesus. He’s the one who truly gives meaning and hope and does more than make our lives make sense– He makes our lives shine!

Even the best marriages leave something to be desired, an ache and a longing that’s left despite all that we’ve been taught about how that special someone will complete you and bring you fulfillment. A sense of “Is this really all there is?” While marriage as God intended is a beautiful and poetic thing, it is a pale shadow of Christ and how much He loves His bride, the Church. True fulfillment and completeness comes in Christ and marriages find those things as the two draw nearer to each other by both passionately pursuing Christ.

The greatest love story ever told was when Jesus saw us from afar and set His affections on us. He set about wooing and winning our hearts by paying a price far beyond what He should have paid. The ultimate love song was a Man stretched out on a cross, blood pouring out, saying, “This much I love you.” It was His giving everything, holding nothing back, for you. For me. No greater love song will ever be written.

Know that today you are desirable, because Jesus desires an intimate relaltionship with you. Know that you are loved, with a fiery and untamed love much too big and too wild to have come from a merely human heart. Know that Someone is thinking about you today and that you matter to Him. You are wanted. You are loved. You are a treasure to Christ, because He gave you infinite worth when He died for you.

Let that be your Valentine. Jesus says, “You are Mine forever!”

Amen and amen!

Expectations

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My expectations are this and only this: God will be faithful. People are people and are weak and fallen and fickle. I am one of those weak and fallen and fickle people. I should not expect from them what only God can do. I should not put my hope in people, because people won’t (and can’t ever) live up to such high expectations.

I can look in my own heart and see the condition of every human heart. We have such high ideals and such good intentions, but so often our feet stray from that path of good intentions and high ideals. We want to be good, but can’t. Only God can. Only Jesus can. And only Jesus in us can ever be good enough.

So I fix my eyes on Jesus. I pin my hopes on Him. I have high expectations that He will come through and do something magnificent with my life. I can’t help when my hopes get built up, but I can help where I take those hopes in prayer (thanks to a friend for that insight). I can help how I take those unfounded hopes captive and submit them to the authority and lordship of Jesus.

I would love to be married. I would love to have a girlfriend. Right now, I want good friendships with good conversations. But my hope is in God forming me into the right man to attract the right woman. My expectations are that Jesus will give me exactly what I need, will be exactly Who I need Him to be at all times, and will always do the very best for me.

I have to surrender my own expectations and hopes and dreams and trust that God has bigger expectations and hopes and dreams for me. Way bigger because He is way bigger, and His vision is so much more far-reaching than mine. Surrender is a hard, daily process, but Jesus is completely worth whatever effort, whatever blood, sweat, and tears it costs me. Even if it costs me my life, He is supremely worth it.

So I lay it all down in hopes of receiving a thousand times more both now and in eternity. And all that I laid down will seem so very small compared to all that I am gaining. If Jesus gave all for me, how can I hold onto anything and not give it back? Here, Lord, is all of me. Take it and break it and multiply it like the fishes and loaves and use it to bless the multitudes. Make my life a blessing to the world.

Amen and amen.

Yet Another Letter to My Future Wife (Something I Learned Today)

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Here I am writing to you again with this insight. The most attractive part of me and the best gift I can give you is my masculinity. Me being a man.

I don’t mean drinking a gallon of beer or wrestling grizzly bears in the wild or climbing Mt. Everest. I mean me being a spiritual leader who’s not afraid to stand up for what’s right, who’s willing to sacrifice for what I believe in, and one who will lead by being the best servant I can.

You are worth fighting for. Not me boxing someone for your hand, but me being willing to do whatever it takes to be a man who deserves you. You are worth me being humbled and broken. You are worth me having to relearn what I thought I knew already.

I don’t want you if I don’t have to pay a price. The higher a price I pay to win your heart, the more of a treasure you will be to me.

I just now figured this all out. I was afraid and co-dependent and needy nearly all of my life. Then a famous writer who signed my book put as the inscription “For a true warrior.” I do have what it takes to be a godly man and a great husband. I have everything I need in Christ, because He is in me and He is my hope of glory.

I am learning how to live this all out. I am learning how to be strong in all the right ways. I am learning that practically everything that the media and society told me to be attracted to in a woman is wrong, and that what really is attractive in me is Jesus.

I can’t wait to show you all this one day soon and to learn to love you better through all our years together. I can’t wait to see how I can release your true beauty, captivate your heart on a daily basis, and set you free to become all the woman God meant you to be.

But I will wait. I am learning to wait well and to be still and to rest in God’s promises. I think that’s called learning to trust. I pray you will trust God and wait well for me. I pray God’s best for you and I pray that one day I can be God’s best for you. Thank you for waiting for me.

A prayer for my future wife

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 19 Comments

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Here I am, thinking about you again and wondering if you’re thinking about me. I have come to the point where I am finally starting to give up striving and trying to make my own plans and my own timing work. I am starting to learn to rest my mind and my heart in God’s plan and His timing. As the name of the book I just got in the mail says, I Gave God Time. That’s all He needs to pull off the biggest miracles– time.

So I pray that your heart is at rest. That you are comfortable where you are and not striving like I have been most of my life. I pray your heart is captured and captivated by Jesus and that you are so enamored and enraptured by His love for you that He becomes everything to you and every other thing in your life falls back into its proper place.

I pray that you are fully coming alive to all that God made you to be. That you know where your beauty comes from and that you treasure your femininity as a gift from God. I pray that your loveliness comes from a Christ-filled countenance and a heart full of compassion and kindness.

I pray that your heart is being set free to love. That all your fears and insecurites are driven away in the face of the Prince of peace, and that peace will rule your heart and mind. I pray you look at every heartache and heartbreak as a means of molding you into the woman who will completely dazzle me.

Waiting is hard, but the longer the wait, the more we will treasure finding each other. I can’t wait to be your husband and do all I can to be a part of  unveiling your true beauty for the world to see. I am waiting for that day, letting God transform me into the man you deserve.

Until then, take courage, dear heart. The night seems long but dawn is just around the corner. Hold on.

A Christmas letter to my future wife

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I’m still waiting for you. And did I mention the whole “not good at waiting” part? More accurately, how badly I suck at waiting? I’m getting better, but I am still very impatient 95% of the time. But I know that this waiting will not have been in vain when I meet you.

I keep thinking of our firsts– first kiss (obviously), first snow to hold hands and walk together through, first night in front of a roaring fireplace, first time we’re both snuggled under the same blanket. . . . so many firsts that are yet to come. The best part will be that we didn’t give up and settle, but held out and found out that miracles do still come true.

I am leaning to stop looking for you with my eyes, and look for you with my heart. I will look for you not through my own eyes, but more and more through God’s eyes. I want to fall in love with your compassionate heart and your tender spirit. Your beauty will be Jesus inside you shining through for the world to see. Or at least for those who have eyes to see.

Remember no matter what anyone tells you you are, you are a daughter of the King. You are royalty– a princess. Don’t let anyone ever treat you as less. You were worth every drop of Jesus’ blood not because of anything in you, but because Jesus set His heart on you and declared you worthy.

I think I am slowly but surely becoming the man who will capture your heart and be worthy of your love. I have bad days when I strive and fail and I have days full of grace when I am finally weak enough to let Jesus do it all. That’s all I can do.

I am thanking Jesus for you in advance and thanking you in advance for being faithful to Jesus and never giving up on me. I’ll be thinking of you a lot this Christmas.

What true beauty looks like (from a guy’s perspective)

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grace kelly

This may get me into trouble. I’m venturing out beyond my comfort zone into uncharted territory for me as a man. I am probably way out of my league on this, but here’s what I believe about true feminine beauty. So read it with a dash of salt and a touch of grace (or more like a whole heaping handful of grace).

True beauty is more about character than cosmetics. Instead of putting on the latest fashion, it’s about putting on “compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it” (Colossians 3:12).” Some questions I would ask any woman who wants to be known for her beauty are: 1) How do you treat those who are different than you? 2) Do you go out of your way to associate with those who are not in your social circles, and possibly beneath you in terms of societal rankings? 3) Have you given of yourself to someone you know will never be able to repay you?

In my opinion, true beauty means a woman need not always try to prove or justify herself. It means that she knows who she is, or better yet Whose she is. That she is a daughter of the King, a princess and knows how to act like one. It means that if I ever want to pursue and court her, I must treat her like the princess and child of God she is. True beauty means that if I took her and turned her over, I would see God’s signature as proof of her priceless worth (and yes, that one came from Mike Glenn, not me. Gotta give props where props are due!)

Charm is deceitful and beauty of the outer kind is vain and fleeting. But fearing the Lord is what makes a woman lovely. I have always thought that Grace Kelly was one of the most beautiful women ever, and I think it’s because you see gentleness and kindness in her eyes.

I’ve changed a lot in my views about what makes a woman beautiful. Now I think what makes her beautiful is her transparency, where Christ shines brightest through her. That’s what I want in a wife. That and a sense of humor, cause she’s pretty much gonna need it with me. And maybe Rachel Ray’s cooking skills. Ok, that last part was a joke. Maybe.

I’ve probably got a whole lot to learn about this topic, but I hope I’ve made a good start. Which is always being willing to admit how little you know about what you thought you had all figured out. That’s where I am.

Ruminations of a Ragamuffin

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“If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you (John 15:18-19)

Someone pointed out to me today that verse and then went on to comment on who the people were who hated Jesus. They were not the prostitutes or tax-collectors or the outcasts or the sick. They were not the sinners and scum of the earth. The ones who hated Jesus were the upstanding religious folks. Because He dared to be spiritual but not religious. Because He was scandalous in who He loved and how much He loved. Because of who He hung out (the sinners) with and who He criticized (the religious). They hated Him so much they had Him killed.

If we are living the way Jesus lived and loving people the way Jesus loved people, we will be hated. Not by sinners and outcasts and reprobates, but by church people. When you try to follow Jesus wholeheartedly, the loudest ones to criticize you will be Christians. Maybe because your lifestyle will convict their complacency and lack of compassion.

If I had to be honest, I would say that most of the time I live more like a Pharisee than Jesus. I have my rules that everyone else must follow. I have my smug self-righteousness. I make myself the standard by which I measure everyone else. Thank God, there are moments when I try to look like Jesus and let Him love people through me. Hopefully, the Pharisee in me will decrease and the Jesus in me will increase.

One last thing. If Jesus ministered almost exclusively to the outcasts and downtrodden and saved His harshest comments for the religious holier-than-thou type, why do we do the opposite? Why do we cater to the sanctimonious and shut out the homeless, hopeless and loveless? If I am honest, I am just as needy of Jesus and His grace as anybody.

Jesus, help me love who You love and go to the hurting and broken and needy the way You did. Give me Your heart for the lost world. May I be Jesus to somebody today.

My contribution to the dating world (mostly said in jest)

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 3 Comments

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I have figured out my place in the dating universe. Here’s how it goes. A girl meets me and talks with me and goes away, disturbed. And probably throws up a little in her mouth. The next guy she meets will seem so much more attractive and wonderful, because the contrast is so much greater.

So, guys, the secret is to find me talking to a girl and to be the very next person she talks to. That way, you will look way better than you actually are. Of course, if you want a lasting relationship, you will have to do actual work and improve your self and stuff.

Girls, fret not. The next guy after me will be better. You must, of course, take into account that he will not be quite as dazzling as he seems at first, but you can mold him into your ideal mate.

So, I am sort of like that generic no-name brand. Some other name-brand product will come along and claim to be so much better than me and have twice the stain-removing power and leave your breath twice as fresh and make your life twice as comfortable and predictable. I will continue to be me. That is all.