My expectations are this and only this: God will be faithful. People are people and are weak and fallen and fickle. I am one of those weak and fallen and fickle people. I should not expect from them what only God can do. I should not put my hope in people, because people won’t (and can’t ever) live up to such high expectations.

I can look in my own heart and see the condition of every human heart. We have such high ideals and such good intentions, but so often our feet stray from that path of good intentions and high ideals. We want to be good, but can’t. Only God can. Only Jesus can. And only Jesus in us can ever be good enough.

So I fix my eyes on Jesus. I pin my hopes on Him. I have high expectations that He will come through and do something magnificent with my life. I can’t help when my hopes get built up, but I can help where I take those hopes in prayer (thanks to a friend for that insight). I can help how I take those unfounded hopes captive and submit them to the authority and lordship of Jesus.

I would love to be married. I would love to have a girlfriend. Right now, I want good friendships with good conversations. But my hope is in God forming me into the right man to attract the right woman. My expectations are that Jesus will give me exactly what I need, will be exactly Who I need Him to be at all times, and will always do the very best for me.

I have to surrender my own expectations and hopes and dreams and trust that God has bigger expectations and hopes and dreams for me. Way bigger because He is way bigger, and His vision is so much more far-reaching than mine. Surrender is a hard, daily process, but Jesus is completely worth whatever effort, whatever blood, sweat, and tears it costs me. Even if it costs me my life, He is supremely worth it.

So I lay it all down in hopes of receiving a thousand times more both now and in eternity. And all that I laid down will seem so very small compared to all that I am gaining. If Jesus gave all for me, how can I hold onto anything and not give it back? Here, Lord, is all of me. Take it and break it and multiply it like the fishes and loaves and use it to bless the multitudes. Make my life a blessing to the world.

Amen and amen.

Here I am writing to you again with this insight. The most attractive part of me and the best gift I can give you is my masculinity. Me being a man.

I don’t mean drinking a gallon of beer or wrestling grizzly bears in the wild or climbing Mt. Everest. I mean me being a spiritual leader who’s not afraid to stand up for what’s right, who’s willing to sacrifice for what I believe in, and one who will lead by being the best servant I can.

You are worth fighting for. Not me boxing someone for your hand, but me being willing to do whatever it takes to be a man who deserves you. You are worth me being humbled and broken. You are worth me having to relearn what I thought I knew already.

I don’t want you if I don’t have to pay a price. The higher a price I pay to win your heart, the more of a treasure you will be to me.

I just now figured this all out. I was afraid and co-dependent and needy nearly all of my life. Then a famous writer who signed my book put as the inscription “For a true warrior.” I do have what it takes to be a godly man and a great husband. I have everything I need in Christ, because He is in me and He is my hope of glory.

I am learning how to live this all out. I am learning how to be strong in all the right ways. I am learning that practically everything that the media and society told me to be attracted to in a woman is wrong, and that what really is attractive in me is Jesus.

I can’t wait to show you all this one day soon and to learn to love you better through all our years together. I can’t wait to see how I can release your true beauty, captivate your heart on a daily basis, and set you free to become all the woman God meant you to be.

But I will wait. I am learning to wait well and to be still and to rest in God’s promises. I think that’s called learning to trust. I pray you will trust God and wait well for me. I pray God’s best for you and I pray that one day I can be God’s best for you. Thank you for waiting for me.