Yesterday, I went through the whole day thinking I needed a nap. I felt good, but I also felt a bit tired. I wondered why.

You know the old joke that goes something like “A day without coffee is like . . . . just kidding, I have no idea”? Well, I found out. I actually forgot to get any coffee.

Aside from a minor headache and a little sleepiness, I survived. But the next day, I got 2 cups of coffee. Or as the coffee purists would call it. coffee-infused sugar milk. Basically, it’s a little bit of coffee with a lot of creamer.

Getting up at 5 am every morning is no joke. That’s why God invented coffee, so I can remember to form sentences and put on pants and do all the adult stuff. I can do work stuff because I can keep my eyes open longer.

I saw an ad where the people were trying to get me to replace my regular coffee with mushrooms. To that I reply, H-E-double hockey stick no. I want my real coffee with real coffee beans. I don’t want a healthy gut. I want coffee. Lots of it.

Oh, and no decaf. That’s just the evil brew that keeps people sleepy and sad. Give me all the caffeine!