Microsoft/Windows/PCs in general,

I am breaking up with you. It’s just not working out. I could say the whole “It’s not you, it’s me” line, but that wouldn’t be true. It’s not me, it’s you.

There’s always that imminent threat of the almighty blue screen of death, of the hard drive crashing at any point and me losing everything I’ve typed and scanned so hard for. Not forgetting the ever-present looming viruses and malware that could strike at any time.

There are the smaller crashes, the freezes, the annoyingly eternal hourglasses, the increasing slowness. I just can’t take it anymore.

So I’m leaving you.

I’ve found something that will take better care of me and better meet my needs.

It’s a MacBook Pro.

It may take me a while to save up the money, but once I get it, I’m not looking back.

Don’t expect me to come crawling back on hands and knees. Don’t try to entice me with your wristwatches and expandable memory. I’m done with you.

It was real and it was great. And it was really great. But I gotta go.

PS The irony that I’m typing this on a Sony Vaio laptop is not lost on me. But when I do get my Mac, my blogs will automatically be 57% more user-friendly and artsy and 68% all-around better. I will be 74% cooler and hipper and look 53% better when sitting in Frothy Monkey with my steamy beverage.

That is all. Good day.