Right now, it’s 12:49 am and I’m not even close to being sleepy. Maybe it’s the chicken sandwich I had from Sam’s today (which was great) or maybe the caffeine.
I think it’s just thoughts that won’t lie down and rest until I get them written down.
I think I have to let a dream die.
It was a longshot to begin with and I thought I had already let it go, but now I really am saying goodbye.
I think I always knew that the person I was interested in wasn’t interested in me the same way. At least 99% of me did.
But that 1% kept hanging aroud, hoping against hope, looking for some kind of sign where there were none to be found.
So now I’m officially 100% sure. And I am glad we’re friends. Honestly, that’s enough.
Still, letting that dream die, knowing the finality of it all, is still hard.
God, help me always to guard my heart and to know that all my times are in Your hands.
I trust that You still work all things together for good for those who love You.
Now I think I’ll go and try that whole sleep thing again.
Ragamuffingospelfan's Blog 
It took me forever to find the comment link. As I sat eating at church, before service, in the dinning hall. I found myself sitting with one of the pastors. I can only make sporadically anymore, and to be honest I would have fired this guy. (That is a whole other story.) This night, I found him warm, honest, and interesting, even if I was just listening in. He spoke of the Raggamuffin Gospel. I have since ordered it, and to be honest you blog title, using that name, is what caught my attention. I can hardly wait. You can jump on me, if you wish, several already have, but I read The Shack a few years ago, and loved it. It caused me to fall in love with God more deeply than ever before. I suspect this new book will be the same for me.
Anyway, I loved reading your thoughts. I am there with ya.
Ozzie
Hi Greg,
I admire your honesty, and would like to say, take heart! I’ve struggled with this, and the truth hurts. The hope, though flickering and dim, takes what seems like forever to die off. But I can testify that God’s love shines through even the foggiest of days, and His comfort is the warmest balm on the soul!
Letting dreams die really is hard. Sorry you’re having to do it.
This post is so relevant to me. I feel the same right now, though I’m not yet 100% sure, I still have the 1% of hope hanging on but recently God’s been showing me that I have to find out, I need to open up my heart and let him know how I feel. I’m pretty sure when I do that I’ll be 100% sure which will be hard and painful but will be right. Thanks for the post. I’ll be praying for you!
For the record, I read The Shack and LOVED It. It spoke to me powerfully, even if it did give me the disturbing visual image of God the Father as Della Reese. I guess those people can jump on my case, too.