Social Rules to Live By

This post is a bit outside my wheelhouse, so to speak. What follows is some good advice that I wish I had learned earlier (or maybe paid better attention to when someone else was trying to teach me). Some of these may be more applicable than others, but I hope they will all be useful at some point in your life:

  1. Don’t call someone more than twice continuously. If they don’t pick up your call, presume they have something important to attend to.
  2. Return money that you have borrowed even before the person who loaned it to you remembers or asks for it. It shows your integrity and character. The same goes for umbrellas, pens, and lunch boxes.
  3. Never order the expensive dish on the menu when someone is treating you to lunch or dinner.
  4. Don’t ask awkward questions like ‘Oh, so you aren’t married yet?’ Or ‘Don’t you have kids?’ Or ‘Why haven’t you bought a house?’ Or ‘Why haven’t you bought a car?’ For God’s sake, it isn’t your problem.
  5. Always open the door for the person coming behind you. It doesn’t matter if it is a guy or a girl, senior or junior. You don’t grow small by treating someone well in public.
  6. If you take a taxi with a friend and he/she pays now, try paying next time.
  7. Respect different shades of opinions. Remember, what may seem like 6 to you might appear as 9 to someone else. Besides, a second opinion is good for an alternative.
  8. Never interrupt people while they are talking. Allow them to pour it out. As they say, hear them all and filter them all.
  9. If you tease someone, and they don’t seem to enjoy it, stop it and never do it again. It encourages one to do more and shows how appreciative you are.
  10. Say “thank you” when someone is helping you.
  11. Praise publicly. Criticize privately.
  12. There’s almost never a reason to comment on someone’s weight. Just say, “You look fantastic.” If they want to talk about losing weight, they will.
  13. When someone shows you a photo on their phone, don’t swipe left or right. You never know what’s next.
  14. If a colleague tells you they have a doctor’s appointment, don’t ask what it’s for, just say “I hope you’re okay.” Don’t put them in the uncomfortable position of having to tell you their personal illness. If they want you to know, they’ll do so without your inquisitiveness.
  15. Treat the cleaner with the same respect as the CEO. Nobody is impressed by how rudely you treat someone below you, but people will notice if you treat them with respect.
  16. If a person is speaking directly to you, staring at your phone is rude.
  17. Never give advice until you’re asked.
  18. When meeting someone after a long time, unless they want to talk about it, don’t ask them their age or salary.
  19. Mind your business unless anything involves you directly – just stay out of it.
  20. Remove your sunglasses if you are talking to anyone in the street. It is a sign of respect. Moreover, eye contact is as important as your speech.
  21. Never talk about your riches in the midst of the poor. Similarly, don’t talk about your children in the midst of the barren.
  22. After reading a good message, consider saying “Thanks for the message.”

APPRECIATION remains the easiest way of getting what you don’t have.

I am including the original post to give credit where credit is due.

The Difference Between Legalism and Holiness

The Difference Between Legalism & Holiness

A lot of people chant, ‘I’m just not into legalism. We have freedom in Christ!’ But what they mean is they want to sin without guilt. That’s not freedom in Christ. That’s sin. That’s slavery. That’s not freedom. Read the New Testament!

(Jokingly) But I love legalistic Christians. I always want more of them as a pastor because they run churches: they give, they tithe, they show up, they feel guilty if they don’t show up. Some pastors preach against Pharisees – but give me 20 Pharisees – I can create a church movement out of that!

Seriously though – the call to holiness has been lost by our generation. We need to recapture the beauty of a holy life. Calling people to obedience to Jesus and calling sin ‘sin’ can be done graciously, thoughtfully, in a nuanced manner, but it is not something to be ashamed of. You’ll get accused of being a legalist but remember – you’re going to stand before God one day” (John Mark Comer).

My own take is that legalism operates out of a “have-to” mentality. I have to tithe. I have to read my Bible. I have to pray. I have to evangelize. All these things make me a better Christian. All these things will cause God to love me more.

Holiness is more of a “get-to” mindset. Because God has blessed me, I get to tithe. Because God has given me a revelation of Himself, I get to read my Bible. Because God has made a way for sinners like me to go from death to life, bondage to freedom, sorrow to joy, I get to evangelize.

Nothing I do can make God love me more. Nothing I do will make God love me less. Because God loves me, I live not out of a license to do whatever I want, but I live to please the One who was pleased to lay down His life for me. That’s the difference.

Why God Allows Evil

I read the following a few days ago and it blew my mind, especially when I got to the end and read the payoff. It’s a bit long, but worth the effort because the answers are so spot on:

“Why did God create evil? The answer struck me to the core of my soul!

A professor at the university asked his students the following question:

– Everything that exists was created by God?

One student bravely answered:

– Yes, created by God.

– Did God create everything? – a professor asked.

‘Yes, sir,’ replied the student.

The professor asked :

– If God created everything, then God created evil, since it exists. And according to the principle that our deeds define ourselves, then God is evil.

The student became silent after hearing such an answer. The professor was very pleased with himself. He boasted to students for proving once again that faith in God is a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said:

– Can I ask you a question, professor?

‘Of course,’ replied the professor.

A student got up and asked:

– Professor, is cold a thing?

– What kind of question? Of course it exists. Have you ever been cold?

Students laughed at the young man’s question. The young man answered:

– Actually, sir, cold doesn’t exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is actually the absence of heat. A person or object can be studied on whether it has or transmits energy.

Absolute zero (-460 degrees Fahrenheit) is a complete absence of heat. All matter becomes inert and unable to react at this temperature. Cold does not exist. We created this word to describe what we feel in the absence of heat.

A student continued:

– Professor, does darkness exist?

— Of course it exists.

– You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness also does not exist. Darkness is actually the absence of light. We can study the light but not the darkness. We can use Newton’s prism to spread white light across multiple colors and explore the different wavelengths of each color. You can’t measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into the world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you tell how dark a certain space is? You measure how much light is presented. Isn’t it so? Darkness is a term man uses to describe what happens in the absence of light.

In the end, the young man asked the professor:

– Sir, does evil exist?

This time it was uncertain, the professor answered:

– Of course, as I said before. We see him every day. Cruelty, numerous crimes and violence throughout the world. These examples are nothing but a manifestation of evil.

To this, the student answered:

– Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist for itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is like darkness and cold—a man-made word to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not faith or love, which exist as light and warmth. Evil is the result of the absence of Divine love in the human heart. It’s the kind of cold that comes when there is no heat, or the kind of darkness that comes when there’s no light.

The student’s name was Albert Einstein.”

God’s Delays

I saw an Instagram post that basically said that sometimes delays are as much of God’s will as those things He allows and those He denies. He declared that when God makes you wait for something, either you are not ready for it or the situation is not ready for you to enter into it. The worst thing God could do is to give you what you want and the exact moment you want it the way you want it.

I’m so there. Being out of work for two months has felt like a delay. Trusting God in the middle of anxiety is difficult, but I’m learning more and more that God is faithful. Instead of pleading with God for a job, I’m thanking God in advance for the job He will provide in His own perfect timing. I’m grateful for the lessons that I can only learn in this season.

As much as I should know this by now, I need to be reminded that my identity isn’t in what I do for a living. My purpose isn’t bound up in going to a work environment for 8 hours a day. Being employed will not complete me any more than finding a spouse or anything else. I am already complete in Christ because of what He’s done for me on the cross. God still looks at me and says, “It is very good.”

God’s delays may feel like denials, but they only come because you’re not ready to receive what God is preparing for you. I don’t mean that a Maserati or a yacht or a super mansion is ready for you if you have the right amount of faith. I mean a future where you step into God’s bigger purposes for you and the world.

May we all learn to wait well and expectantly.

Praying for Your Enemies

“The practical problem about charity (in our prayers) is very hard work, isn’t it? When you pray for Hitler & Stalin, how do you actually teach yourself to make the prayer real? The two things that help me are (a) A continual grasp of the idea that one is only joining one’s feeble little voice to the perpetual intercession of Christ, who died for those very men (b) A recollection, as firm as one can make it, of all one’s own cruelty wh. might have blossomed, under different conditions, into something terrible. You and I are not, at bottom, so different from these ghastly creatures” (C. S. Lewis, Letters of C. S. Lewis).

It’s one thing to pray for people who are diametrically opposed to you in their beliefs and lifestyle. It’s quite another to pray for those who are actively seeking to do you harm. I think the latter is what Jesus meant when He said to pray for your enemies.

I don’t think I could do that. At least, I know that in my own strength, I couldn’t. Only the power of the risen Christ dwelling in me could possibly love and pray for my enemies as they attack me. I believe that kind of supernatural power only comes in time of need, like it did for the disciple Stephen while he was being stoned to death with the approval of Saul. And later, it came to Saul, who now went by Paul, as he faced multiple attacks over proclaiming the death and resurrection of Jesus.

Ultimately, Jesus demonstrated praying for and loving your enemies best when He cried out to God, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing” as they were in the very act of murdering Him on the cross.

When I see that I am fundamentally no different than my enemies, it helps me to love them better. It helps me to see how much grace it took to save me when I’m not nearly as nice and good on my own as I had thought. It makes me that much more grateful to Jesus for saving me from me, and makes me less capable of hating anyone else.

There’s Always a Choice

“I call Heaven and Earth to witness against you today: I place before you Life and Death, Blessing and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live. And love God, your God, listening obediently to him, firmly embracing him. Oh yes, he is life itself, a long life settled on the soil that God, your God, promised to give your ancestors, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob” (Deut. 30:19-20).

The children of Israel had a choice. They could choose to serve and obey God, or they could follow after the gods of the peoples in the land they were called to occupy.

Both choices had consequences. Choosing to follow Yahweh led to life and blessing, while running after idols led to curses and death. There was no third option with no consequences.

Today, we have a choice. Following God leads to life, and following sin, self, and Satan leads to death. Jesus said that He was the way, the truth, and the life, and that no one could come to the Father and eternal life but through Him.

The good news is that while you’re living, there’s always time to change the road you’re on. No matter what you’ve done in the past, what terrible choices you might have made, what wreck you might have made of your life, you can always come to God, and He will never cast out anyone coming to Him in faith.

Choose today. Choose Jesus.

A Lenten Prayer

“O Lord, this holy season of Lent is passing quickly,
I entered into it with fear, but also with great expectations.
I hoped for a great breakthrough, a powerful conversion, a real change of heart;
I wanted Easter to be a day so full of light that not even a trace 
of darkness would be left in my soul.
But I know that you do not come to your people with thunder and lightning.
Even St. Paul and St. Francis journeyed through much darkness
before they could see your light.
Let me be thankful for your gentle way.
I know you are at work.
I know you will not leave me alone, 
I know you are quickening me for Easter – 
but in a way fitting to my own history and my own temperament.
I pray that these last three weeks, in which you invite me to enter 
more fully into the mystery of your passion,
will bring me a greater desire to follow you on the way you create for me
and to accept the cross that you give to me.
Let me die to the desire to choose my own way and select my own cross.
You do not want to make me a hero but a servant who loves you.
Be with me tomorrow and in the days to come,
and let me experience your gentle presence.
Amen” (Henri Nouwen).

Lord, may the last three weeks of Lent not be wasted. Help me to use my time away from social media to create margins of unhurried space within my day for me to hear Your voice speaking to me. Give me a quiet heart and a calm mind to receive Your words. Above all, grant me the ability and willingness to obey what I hear. Amen.

Unselfishness Vs. Love

“If you asked twenty good men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you had asked almost any of the great Christians of old, he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative idea of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self- denial as an end in itself. We are told to deny ourselves and to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased” (C. S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory).

I heard someone wise once say that it’s not enough to resist temptation, unlearn bad habits, and give up unhealthy thoughts and actions. You need to replace all these with good habits, healthy choices, and obedience. Otherwise, you end up with a different set of bad habits and vices.

I remember my pastor commented on how old-school Baptists were known more for what they were against than what they were for. He said they used to show up in church and brag about not having done anything bad — or actually anything at all.

To be unselfish just to be unselfish is missing the mark. You’re likely to pick up bitterness (from all that you gave up) or self-righteousness (at how much better you are than those who still indulge in what you gave up).

Love is the opposite of selfishness, not unselfishness, because it is self-less. We don’t need to think less of ourselves as the antidote to thinking too much of ourselves. We just need to think about ourselves less and more about others and God.

We miss the mark when we make it about modifying our behavior and being more moral when it’s about emptying of self so there’s more room for God and His ways. It’s not about becoming a slightly better version of me but about becoming a brand new me, one that looks and acts like Jesus.

A Mind Blowing Act of Service

I went to the movies again. This time, I watched The Chosen episodes 4-6 of season 4. As usual, it was incredible and moving. I won’t post any spoilers in case those reading haven’t made it to the theater or are waiting for the episodes to hit streaming.

One fascinating character that had increased prominence in these episodes was Judas Iscariot, masterfully portrayed by Luke Dimyan. He captures all the nuances of the disciple most known for betraying Jesus.

I know I just said that I wouldn’t post spoilers, but this one is in the Bible, folks. It’s not like anyone who has had even a passing knowledge of Scripture and the Gospels doesn’t know who Judas Iscariot is. I know you know the phrase “Judas’ kiss” referring to the act that identified Jesus to the ones who arrested Jesus.

I was reminded of the night where Jesus instituted Communion, or the Lord’s Supper, and started off by washing the disciples’ feet. The part that struck me particularly was where Jesus washed the feet of Judas Iscariot.

It blows my mind that Jesus washed the feet of the very one who was to betray Him, knowing full well that Judas had it in his heart to betray his Rabbi and Messiah. I remember the quote that said that the true test of discipleship isn’t as much about loving Jesus as it is loving Judas.

Jesus wasn’t speaking in abstract theory when He talked about loving your enemies. He had very specific individuals in mind, including some of the Pharisees and Scribes and Judas himself. Jesus spoke from a very real place where people were actively seeking to destroy His ministry and end His life.

Jesus never calls any of us to do anything He was unwilling to do. When He calls us to forgive those who hurt us and love our enemies, we can remember that Jesus forgave the very ones who killed Him as they were in the very act of murdering Him. And now we have the Spirit of Jesus living in us to enable us to live out everything that Jesus commands of us.

My mind is officially and completely blown.

I Need Jesus

That’s it. I need Jesus, not a better car or a better job or a more stylish wardrobe or a devoted spouse.

Because at the end of the day, a better car will eventually break down and need to be replaced.

A better job will have its own issues and you can still get fired or downsized or laid off there, too.

Wardrobes go out of fashion fast. What was stylish last year is already laughable. Plus, clothing wears out like anything else.

Spouses are great, but they can’t be everything. If you’re expecting a marriage to fix all your problems and for your spouse to fulfill all your needs, you are going to be bitterly disappointed. There’s a reason why over half of marriages (including Christian marriages) end in divorce.

Anything not rooted in Jesus is bound to fail and fall short. If I’m not satisfied in Christ at my deepest level, then nothing else will ever bring me lasting peace or joy or contentment. I will always be stuck in the more syndrome — a little more money, a little bigger house, a different partner, a better career, and so on unto infinity.

The saying remains true. Everything but Jesus = nothing. Nothing else but Jesus = everything.