Pre-WordPress Writings Part 3

journaling

From January 15, 2011:

“I may not be anyone’s first choice, and that’s OK. I may be the substitute for the person they really want to be with or hang out with, but that’s OK. When Jesus chose me, it wasn’t because the person He REALLY wanted wasn’t available. He wanted ME. The same way He wants YOU, not as a substitute for someone else He can’t get, but FOR YOU. I am just one note in the symphony of God to the world. I may not be a very high priority on anyone’s list and I am really really fine with that. I will always be in God’s heart and on His mind. That’s enough for me. I am just a nobody trying to tell everybody about Somebody that can save anybody!”

From January 9, 2011:

“God, I’m giving up. I’m letting go. I’m letting a dream I’ve had in my heart die. It feels like a part of my heart is dying, too, but I know You are the one holding the pieces of my heart together right now.

I felt so certain and sure that it was Your plan and Your will, but now I can only surrender the bits and pieces of what’s left of hope to you.

So, here I am at 12:01. I’m done trying. I can’t do anything else but throw myself on your mercy and plead your grace. Take my dead dreams and if it be Your will, You can make them live again. But if not, You will be my new Dream-giver and give me new dreams to dream.

I will praise You in the silence this moment. You are still good. If I never got one more good thing or any desire of mine fulfilled ever again, You would still have been better to me than I deserved.

I am Yours. That is all that matters. Do with me what You want. Here in this moment, I am laying down and dying at Your feet.”

From February 3, 2011:

“I don’t know if this will speak to you, but maybe it will speak to someone you know and you can pass it along to them. I pray God captures your hearts and minds with these words:

1-3 A white-tailed deer drinks from the creek

I want to drink God,

deep draughts of God.

I’m thirsty for God-alive.

I wonder, “Will I ever make it—

arrive and drink in God’s presence?”

I’m on a diet of tears—

tears for breakfast, tears for supper.

All day long

people knock at my door,

Pestering,

“Where is this God of yours?”

4 These are the things I go over and over,

emptying out the pockets of my life.

I was always at the head of the worshiping crowd,

right out in front,

Leading them all,

eager to arrive and worship,

Shouting praises, singing thanksgiving—

celebrating, all of us, God’s feast!

5 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?

Why are you crying the blues?

Fix my eyes on God—

soon I’ll be praising again.

He puts a smile on my face.

He’s my God.”

From July 10. 2010:

“I have learned a few thing in my time that I want to pass on:

1) Never try to figure out anything, especially people, when you are tired. I personally tend to drift toward the negative when I am exhausted and am not really good at being balanced or fair to others when I am worn out.

2) When you are inclined to judge someone’s actions, remember that there is at least one factor that you don’t know about that person that if you knew, would cast a totally different light on their actions. Also, remember that in the same circumstances you might do the same or worse. Which leads to the next point.

3) If you err, err on the side of grace. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Of course, use common sense and don’t be a doormat, but think of what you would be apart from the grace of God and then you realize that you have no place to give up on or despair of anyone (I totally stole that one from Oswald Chambers!)

4) Remind yourself that in life and the big picture, it never was, is not and will never be about you. It always was, is and always will be about God and His redemptive plan for the world. His will for you is always in context of His plan for the world.

5) Never go by first impressions, regardless of what the world tells you. Some of the best people I know who have impacted me were the ones whose first impression was unfavorable. I think you sometimes have to step out of what is comfortable and familiar if you want to find God’s secret blessings and surprises.

6) What is important in life, what I want you to remember, is not me or how well I write or how clever I am. You can forget all about me and if you remember that God loves you, that God is in love with you, and that God can take the worthless and transform it into somethng priceless, then I am OK with that. As one person said, I’m just a nobody trying to tell everybody about Somebody that can save anybody. That’s all I am, regardless of what my ego tells me.

What are some lessons you have learned? Share them with me, because I am always learning and God always has something to show me. Plus, we only grow and mature in the faith in community. You can never discover God’s will for your life by yourself, but only with other believers as you share yourself and your gifts to serve one another in love.

That’s all for now. More later.”

Swing Dancing And What I Learned From It

astaire-rogers

I’ve improved a great deal in swing dancing. Ok, so I’m not Fred Astaire quite yet (aside from maybe in my own mind occasionally), but I’m definitely more confident in my own abilities than I was even two weeks ago. The Waltz? Not so much.

I’ve learned a few life lessons from my grand total of two times swing dancing.

1) Don’t give up. At first, I felt hopelessly lost and like I would never get it, but I found someone who knew what she was doing to talk me down from the ledge and help me figure out what I was doing wrong. It takes time and effort to learn anything worthwhile. At least anything that’s worth learning.

2) Step boldly. I discovered a secret. Even if you mess up, you can still keep going and pretend like it didn’t happen. The worst thing to do is to stop or become hesitant. You will mess up, so you might as well mess up royally by taking a chance and trying.

3) You never know unless you ask. I’m learning that I have to be the one to step up and ask the girl to dance. And that won’t happen with me standing across the room sending telepathic messages. My ESP isn’t all that good. I have to be willing to walk across the room and go up to her and ask. I might try and fail but I am guaranteed a 100% failure rate if I don’t try.

4) Don’t take yourself too seriously. I have a tendency to overthink and make things more complicated than they need to be. I’m learning with swing dancing to relax and have fun with it. It’s not like I’m in a competition getting marked off for every little mistake I make. It’s all about having a good time.

5) Fake confidence. A friend told me once that sometimes when you’re not sure of yourself and what you’re doing, to fake like you are. That way you can fool yourself into doing more than you think you can. It works. Trust me.

6) Give grace. You have to allow yourself and others the freedom to fail if you want to learn anything new. You won’t get it 100% right on the first try, no matter what you’re trying to learn. Plus, you will learn far more from your mistakes and failures than you ever will from success. So be kind to yourself and others. Practice forgiveness and second chances. You will inevitably need it yourself one day.

Wow. All that came from two lessons? Who knows what will happen after I’ve been at this swing dancing thing for a while? I don’t know yet, but you’ll be the first ones to find out.

Lucky you.