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The Real Dirt on Relationships

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someone

No, this isn’t another one of those blogs on dating. Yeah, I know the typical cliche topic whenever you go to a singles group or Young Adult Bible Study is dating, relationships, and– the holy grail of all singles– marriage.

This is not one of those.

“If someone wants to be a part of your life, they’ll make an effort to be in it. Don’t bother reserving a space for someone who doesn’t make an effort to stay.”

I know we’re all busy. We have lives and jobs. Some of us have marriages and kids. Some of us have pets. We all have a plethora of activities and groups and social events we’re a part of. There’s still only 24 hours in a day and that’s not going to change any time soon.

But the harsh truth is this: if someone means something to you, you will find time for them. If you can’t (or won’t) find time for them, it means that they don’t matter. You may tell them they matter, but if your actions speak otherwise, that’s what the person will hear. Actions do speak far louder than words.

If someone doesn’t respond to your texts or posts, the same thing applies. I understand that you might not have time to reply in that instant, but if you care about the other person at all, you will find the time to respond. Even if it’s just “I got your text” or “Thanks, but no thanks” is better than nothing at all. To not respond at all is perceived as ignoring the person, and as we all know, my or your perception may not be reality, but it’s all we have to go on.

You do have to learn to let those people go who won’t make the effort to be a part of your life. And making an effort means making or finding time. Always. Embrace those who stick with you through your moments of temporary insanity, through when you’re not as easy to be around. Those are rare gems that don’t come along every day.

I should add that not every single relationship will be like this. Some healthy relationships involve people who won’t see or hear from each other for a long time, but when the two get together, it’s like no time at all has passed. My advice is to always in every relationship give the other person grace and the benefit of the doubt.

As I’ve said before, you can’t be friends with everyone. At least not in the sense of investing in people and cultivating meaningful relationships with them. You will either have many shallow relationships or fewer but deeper friendships that last.

Most of all, hold all of your relationships with an open hand and a surrendered heart. God will put some people in your lives for 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks, or 5 years. Sometimes, you only get one conversation. Sometimes, you get years of companionship. Don’t try to hold onto someone God has only put into your life for a short time.

That’s all I have for tonight, just some things that have been ruminating in the old noggin of mine for quite some time.

December 23 . . . Two Days After My Supposed Last Day on Earth

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It turns out that the Mayans were off a bit. More likely, the people who stay up late at night thinking about ancient Mayan calendars were off a bit.

The world didn’t end on December 21. There was no apocalypse. Nothing changed all that much.

There have been days when I’ve felt like my world was ending. Some days, I wished the world would end.

But today, I am thankful for another day to be alive and healthy and blessed. I realize more and more how each day is a gift, pure and simple. I don’t deserve it, I’m not entitled to it, and I’m not guaranteed the next one.

You wouldn’t know it sometimes by the way I gripe and complain about my slow internet or my lousy work hours. I’ve focused on what I don’t have for so long, it’s hard to retrain my thinking to what I do have.

We as a culture are obsessed with everything that we don’t have, everything we’re supposed to have, and how we can spend all our time and energy and money getting those things.

One of the most counter-cultural things anybody can do is to say, “No thanks, I have enough,” and be content. To be satisfied with what you have and not always striving for more.

So at least for today I am content. I have all my Christmas shopping done. I have things like food, clean water, shelter, transportation, and health that so many don’t have and work so hard to get.

I am blessed.

I still love what my pastor said. It goes like this. If God came to me today and said, “Greg, you’ve used up all your blessings I had for you and I have nothing left to give you for the rest of your life,” I could honestly say, “I’m good.” That’s contentment.

I’m not there yet, but I’m a whole lot closer than I used to be.

How about you?

Treasuring the Time

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I went to a Bible conference tonight. One of the last things the speaker talked about was losing his daughter.

He said that she loved Christmas and was the one who made it fun for everybody else. She always was the one to give out presents on Christmas Day and she loved giving far better than receiving.

But early this year, she died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism. No warning. No time to say goodbye. One moment she was here and the next, she was gone. That family’s Christmas will be very different this year.

That sobered me up a bit.

Life really is precious. We take for granted that not only we, but all those we love, will wake up tomorrow and we will be able to see them at the next holiday gathering. That goes for family and friends.

But tomorrows aren’t promised to anyone. Life is a gift, not an entitlement, and it is fleeing.

I have loved ones I wish I could go back and talk to one last time. I’d tell each of them how much I loved them and how much they meant to me and how I’ve missed them. But I can’t.

I can only say that to the ones still living.

Make a point to let the ones in your life know how much they mean to you. Be deliberate in telling your family and friends how much you love them and cherish them. Don’t assume that you’ll have tomorrow to tell them.

The best part of the Christmas story is that goodbyes aren’t forever anymore. One day, we will see the ones we have loved and missed all these years. One day God will wipe away every tear from our eyes. One day everything we’ve lost will be restored to us a thousand-fold.

Until then, live each day as a gift. Treasure the time you have and treasure the people around you, for you never know when they won’t be there.

 

The So-Called Greener Pasture

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“And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life” (1 Corinthians 7:17a).

The media tells you that you can’t be satisfied where you are. Our entire economy is based on the idea that for you to be completely satisfied, you just need a new car or a new house or a new 100-inch 3D plasma TV.

So many single people are so pre-occupied with getting married that they lose the beauty of being single. Some will get married to the first person who shows interest back and find out the hard way that being alone in a bad marriage is worse than being alone and single.

Even married people are tempted daily that what they have isn’t enough. There are myriad oppurtinities for you to find comfort and solace in someone who is not your spouse. No one starts out looking to wreck his or her marriage with an affair. It starts innocently enough with confiding in that co-worker and opening up emotionally to the friend of your spouse.

We miss so much of our lives waiting on the next big event. For single people, it’s marriage. For married people, it’s having children. For married people with children, it’s having the kids grow up and leave the house so they can go back to the way it was when they were first married.

Only you can’t ever go back. You can’t live in the future. The only life you have is now in the present and if you are so focused on what comes next, you will miss what God has for you right now.

God is outside of time and in every moment of your life. But He is only speaking to you in the present. You can only commune with Him in the now. If your mind is envisioning possible futures and rehearsing future conversations and imagining what 5 years from now will bring, you will miss the precious word that God is speaking to you right now.

The best place you can be is where you are right now. Where God has you is the perfect place for you to learn and grow and become the person who is ready for what God has for you in the future.

That’s where I want to be. I hope and pray that’s where you want to be, too.

So take a deep breath. Look around and smell some roses. Enjoy where you are. If it’s a difficult season of life, look for the proverbial silver lining.

The best thing you will find is God there, ready to speak a word into your soul that will change everything about the way you see yourself and your situation.

All that greener pasture? It’s not so green when you get there.

Back to the Basics

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Some days, I wake up and I do good to remember my own name, much less any one else’s. For me in the early morning, I have to remember whem I’m getting dressed that pants go on first, then shoes. I know most of you take that for granted, but for me at 5:30 am, it’s not a given.

Some times you have to remind yourself of the basics. Sometimes when life gets hard or confusing or just plain weird. Most of these are not original with me, but I’ve picked them up over the years.

1) God is for you. God’s not up there, wherever “there” is, waiting to smite you or cast a lightning bolt at you or give you acne. He’s not. He’s on your side.

2) Don’t sweat the small stuff, and most of life is small stuff. Most of what you get so hung up on and stressed out over is small stuff. You probably won’t even remember most of those things that got you so worried today.

3) God never said He wouldn’t give you more than you yourself can handle, but He also said He Himself would take care of you. Quit trying to figure everything out and handle it all yourself. Be the child Jesus talks about and let God be your Father and get you through your trials and tests and other stuff.

4) Life is short. Choose family and friends and relationships over work and getting things done, because no one on his death bed ever laments about not having spent enough time at the office.

5) The only opinion of you that matters is what God thinks of you. The people you spend so much time wondering what they think of you are just as paranoid over what you think of them. Only God knows you completely. He made you. And He likes you.

6) You can’t do whatever you want or be whoever you want. I will never dunk a basketball on a regulation goal, no matter how much I really want to. You and I can’t be whatever we want to be, but we can be who God made us and meant for us to be.

That’s all I have. Other than maybe pants go first, then shoes. But like the song says, there are two things I know: 1) that God is good and 2) that He loves me.

No matter what else will happen to you, those two things will always be true. Always.

How much do I love Jesus?

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The topic at tonight’s Kairos Roots was fasting and how we are commanded to fast from food, media, etc. Basically anything that creeps in and starts taking priority over God in our lives. We fast for God’s direction and guidance, when we are mourning, when we are embarking on a new venture, and when we want to hear from God more clearly.

I remember something I read from John Piper that says in essence that fasting says, “This much, O God, I desire You.” More than the food I’m not eating. More than the facebook that I am not logging into. More than the TV or radio I am leaving turned off.

But how much do I really love Jesus if all these things take priority over him? I will confess that I have days that I have very good intentions to read my Bible. . . . . after this episode of Friends. After I’m done checking everything out on Facebook. After I post this blog. The funny thing is that I never actually get around to reading my Bible. Sadly, some days I forget I even intended to read it.

That says that Jesus is not my first love. All these other things rank ahead of Him in my life.

Maybe fasting is a way of saying: I love you Jesus more than these things I am giving up. I am making an effort to love You, because love is ultimately not a feeling, but an act of the will. Through Your grace, I am demonstrating love put into practice and praying that this will increase my love for You.

I do know this. Jesus is worthy of my fasting and so much more. He is worthy of everything I have to give and a million times more. When I see things right, I am so very grateful that what really counts is not how much I love Jesus, but how much He loves me and how that Love is changing me to be like Jesus.

Amen and amen.

The Gospel according to Greg

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The story of the gospel is that God is in the business of making masterpieces out of messes, beauty out of chaos, life out of death, and wholeness out of your broken and shattered pieces. No matter how high into the heavens you go, or how deep into hell, Jesus can still find you. And the good news is that Jesus is not out to get you or against you, but that He is with you and He is for you. He took your ruin upon Himself and gave you robes of righteousness.

He will never stop pleading your case, cheering you on, or fighting for you. He will never stop giving and blessing and loving you, no matter what you do. No matter how you screw up or walk away from Him. He will never give up on you until you are exactly the person He made you to be. Until you are exactly like Him.

What can you and I do in response? The greatest response, our very best act of worship, is to show Jesus gratitude– to never stop saying “Thank You”– and to show compassion–to declare with our lips and our lives tha absolutely no one is too low or too messed up or too far gone for God to reach down and redeem, which is another way of saying God can turn something worthless into something priceless, my trash into His treasure.

We worship by living with open hands, open hearts and open homes. We say to Jesus, “All that I am and all that I have and all that I do is Yours.” We become fully awake and alive and aware of God at work all around us. We see how precious and beautiful is this life He has given us, and that time is too short to not stop every once in a while and smell a rose or watch a child play and breath a prayer of thanksgiving.

We worship by giving ourselves away to the lost, broken, and hurting, expecting nothing in return because we know that God will give us back a thousand times whatever we gave up or lost for His sake. We worship by looking at people and not seeing their circumstances, but seeing through their circumstances to Jesus and what He in His resurrection power can do through those circumstances (thank you, Brian Ball, for that!) We worship when we seek and hope and believe the best about every one we meet.

Christ is in you. He is your hope. He is your glory. Always and forever from the very beginning to the very end and every moment in between, Jesus not only loves you but is in love with you. And nothing has or can or ever will change that.

Believe and live and love and sing and dance in the grace of God. May the love of God penetrate every part of you and fill you so that you become transparent vessels that show forth the awesome wonder of God to the world around you.

As always, I believe. Help my unbelief.