the love of God

The Love of God

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“Could we with ink the ocean fill, And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill, And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole, Though stretched from sky to sky”

I had several ideas of what to write about for tonight’s post, but when I read this stanza that I posted back on this day in 2011, I knew what I had to write about.

This, the love of God, supersedes any political debate or doctrinal questions. The love of God is stronger than our doubts and deeper than our fears.

The love of God will last longer than the earth and  sky and all of human history. Nothing that the worst of humanity could ever devise will ever put and end to it or stop it from achieving its end.

I’m thankful tonight that this love of God sought me out relentlessly and wouldn’t let go until I finally relented. I’m more thankful that this love of God has never stopped pursuing me through seasons of selfishness and self-doubt.

According to what I read, this last stanza in the great hymn The Love of God was a revision of an ancient Jewish writing from over 1,000 years ago. The person wrote it on the walls of the insane asylum where he lived and was found after he died. Apparently, this was during one of his moments of lucidity.

The rest of the hymn was added around it later, but these are the words that haunt me tonight and have given my soul great rest and peace. May they do the same to you and may you remember them in the days to come when life gets hard and hectic.

 

Maybe My Favorite Line From a Song Ever

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u2

“I can feel your love teaching me how
Your love is teaching me how to kneel, kneel” (U2, from the song Vertigo).

I discovered this line today. It’s odd that after listening to a song hundreds of times that one particular line that you’ve missed can suddenly catch your attention. This was Tthe line from the song Vertigo from the U2 album How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb.

This line makes a lot more sense if you see it as God’s love rather than human love. I can say from my own personal experience that the love of God has taught me to kneel, not just as a posture, but as an action reflecting an attitude adjustment in my own heart.

True love of any kind is ultimately about surrender. It’s not what I want but what you want that matters, especially when it comes to the love of God. True love says, “Not my will but Thine,” which is a lot easier to pray as a line from a rote prayer than as an actual declaration.

Only those who have experienced God’s love can truly surrender their wills and lives. Not those who have read about or know facts about God’s love but those who have seen and felt and touched and been transformed by it.

So, yes, God’s love is still teaching me to kneel. To let go of my own desires so I can receive God’s much grander and wilder desires for me. To let my own plans and dreams crumble into dust so that my life can be a blank slate where God can dream His dreams for me and in me.

I say all this like I’m actually good at it, but I’m not. I’m much too stubborn and I cling to my will far too often for my own good. But thankfully God is far more patient with me than I am with God (or with me for that matter).

I’m learning how to kneel.

 

My 1,700th Blog (Ta-da!)

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I hit another milestone today with blog #1,700. It all started on July 25, 2010, almost five years ago, and has been a fun ride ever since then. I’m still surprised that people actually read these things. And I still don’t like the word “blog.” Here’s my very first blog if you want to see where it all started way back when.

https://oneragamuffin.wordpress.com/2010/07/25/hello-world/

I also figured out today that it’s been 1,059 days since my last carbonated beverage. I googled that bit of information, in case you’re wondering. And no, it’s not out of any kind of religious or moral beliefs. It’s mostly a health-conscious decision. No, I don’t miss them (even though I still dream about them from time to time).

I can look back and see a trajectory of grace in my life. I have done and said more than my share of really stupid stuff. I’ve gone through whole days and weeks of being in a not-so-healthy place, head-wise. Yet God still loves me as if I’d been perfect the whole time. That still amazes me.

I’m trying to be more health-conscious in my diet as well, cutting out breads and sugar (for the most part) and drinking more water. I’m down nine pounds so far and I feel better.

I’ve decided that not every one of these blogs will be Pulitzer-prize material. That’s okay. My aim isn’t perfect prose and I’m not trying to reach a million people. I just want to put me out there for someone to read and be able to relate to. Maybe even someone will find hope and healing in these (web)pages.

So for the 1,000th time, I say thanks to all of you both past and present who have read my posts. Although if you’ve quit reading them, you’re most likely not going to see this. Still I thank you anyway.

I hope to still be writing and blogging and posting my unique brand of zaniness five years from now.

God bless,

Still a ragamuffin trying to tell other ragamuffins where to find the Bread of Life

 

Why I Write These Things

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image

Recently, I checked the stats on my WordPress blogsite. I discovered that my latest blog got a grand total of six views for the entire day.

It didn’t ruin my day but it was a bit depressing. For a little while.

Part of me still likes the idea of maybe one day getting thousands of readers. Part of me still thinks an all chocolate diet would be a good thing.

I write these blogs ultimately for me. Really and truly, I’m surprised that anyone other than me reads them. But if no one else but me read them, I’d still write them.

I have to remind myself periodically about a few things like 1) God’s unconditional love for me, 2) it’s okay to be me with all my quirks and flaws, and 3) I write these blogs because I need to read them. So you can look forward to seeing something similar to this post in about 6-9 months. Lucky you.

So maybe I’ll never become an elite blogger. Maybe I’ll never set any records for most views in one day. Maybe. Maybe not.

But for me it doesn’t matter. I want to keep being as authentic and honest and transparent as I can because someone out there might need to hear– or read– what I have to say. So even if I put in all that effort for one person, it will have been more than worth it. Even if that one person was me.

The Love of God Revisited

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“Take your human feelings, multiply them exponentially into infinity, and you will have a hint of the love of God revealed by and in Jesus Christ.  With a strong affirmation of our goodness and a gentle understanding of our weakness, God is loving us – you and me – this very moment, just as we are and not as we should be.  There is nothing any of us can do to increase his love for us and nothing we can do to diminish it” (Brennan Manning).

Tonight at Kairos, I got a much-needed reminder about the unconditional love of God for me.

It’s easy for me (and I’m sure you as well) to get caught up in the trap of a performance-based view of love and then transfer it to God. It goes like this:

If I live right, God will love me more.

If I read my Bible more, God will love me more.

If I tithe more, attend church services more, treat people better, and so on and on. . . .

The truth is that if I never read my Bible one more time, God’s love for me would remain undiminished (thanks to Michael Boggs for that gem of a reminder).

The truth is that the nature of God as love means that He cannot love any less than perfectly anymore than He can be anything less than 100% holy or 100% righteous. So He is 100% loving toward you and me.

The catch is that He chooses to love me when He doesn’t have to. He chooses to love you simply because it is His pleasure and His delight. It’s nothing that you and I bring to the table or anything about us that makes us lovable. Only the love of God in us and for us can make us lovable.

A dangerous prayer to pray (that may not seem dangerous) is to ask God to show you just how much He loves you. Your mind won’t be able to contain the answer. After all, it is beyond human comprehension or understanding.

As always, let that love be what defines you, not what your friends say or think, what your annual job performance review tells you, what your level of success and influence tells you, or anything like that. You are not defined by marital status, career, finances, popularity, or even religious standing.

Only God’s love has the power to define (or redefine) you, heal you, save you, and transform you into something worth loving.

Oh, and one more thing. I’m not loved this much to hoard it all. I’m loved so that I can receive it and turn around and love those around me the same way. In fact, the true measure of how I’ve really received the love of God is how well I share it with those around me who need it most but deserve it least.

Just think about that for a while and see if it doesn’t blow your mind.

Things I Love 14: Back to Life, Back to Reality

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island hammock

OK, I confess. I’ve slacked off from reading the book that I said was so amazing, One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It’s still amazing, but I’ve been distracted from reading by a multitude of things, mostly involving my ADD. So I do plan to resume reading the book at some point, but I continue with the list currently, starting at #322.

322) Those of you who are old enough now have that song by Soul II Soul stuck in your head, thanks to my oh-so-clever subtitle.

323) Grabbing coffee with friends at the multiple coffee locations around town (and I would love to meet any of you for coffee and conversation, preferably at The Frothy Monkey or The Well, but Starbucks works just as well).

324) When the Word of God comes alive to me and speaks to my life in powerful ways.

325) Fellow cat-lovers who understand that cats aren’t dogs, but can be very loving in their own ways.

326) Finally being able to speak the truth in love and not have the co-dependent, approval-addicted part of me worried sick about losing the friend.

327) Orange popsicles.

328) Still getting a kick out of trying to type out a word and accidentally typing the word “poop.”

329) The people who get my weirdness and love me anyway.

330) The honesty and vulnerability of the teaching pastor at Kairos, Mike Glenn.

331) Singing along with Stevie Wonder in the car (well, not actually Stevie Wonder, but his songs).

332) That Stevie Wonder is not driving the car while I’m listening to his music in my car.

333) I’m officially 1/3 of the way through my list of 1,000 things I love.

334) Really small Bibles.

335) God loving me when I’m most selfish and petty and whiny.

336) When friends have every right to write me off, but choose to give me grace instead.

337) Recognizing a thought for the lie that it is and taking it captive through the power of Christ in me.

338) One-hit wonders from the 90’s.

339) The Cheesecake Factory.

340) The Mall at Green Hills (even though parking there is a nightmare).

341) Because of Jesus goodbyes are only temporary.

342) Feeling God’s pleasure over me when I run.

343) Learning more about Jesus from faith-traditions that are different than mine.

344) The spicy chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A.

345) The steak bowl from Chipotle with Smoked Chipotle Tobasco sauce on it (to add a little extra kick to the flavor).

346) Food in general.

347) My $5 polarized sunglasses from Savannah, Georgia that I still somehow have not managed to lose yet.

348) Being able to use the suffering and hardship in my own life to help someone else who’s going through something similar.

349) Little baby shoes. Even though I don’t have kids yet, I love how they can make boots and sandals and tennis shoes so small.

350) That I’m now going to start calling my tennis shoes “tenny runners” just to be different.

Patty Griffin, Swing Dancing, Sweet CeCe’s, and a Good Night to All

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I’ve fallen in love. There. It’s out there and I’ve admitted it. I am head over heels in love.

With the new Patty Griffin album, American Kid. It’s been playing in my car since I got it last Thursday and I love every single track on it. If you love Americana-style music (or just good music in general), then you MUST go buy a physical or downloadable copy of this album. Not this week, not tomorrow. Now.

I also love swing dancing, because there’s grace in it. I figured out that if you end up where you started with all your limbs intact, you’re doing pretty good. You can fake the in-between stuff if you act like you know what you’re doing and step boldly and confidently. I know all you swing dance instructors are wailing and gnashing your teeth at me right now. No, I will probably never be a professional dancer, but I have lots of fun with it, and that’s the point of it anyway. To have fun.

Sweet CeCe’s, as it turns out, is a fairly good alternative when Starbucks is closed, as I found out tonight. The fact that they stay open until 11 pm on Saturdays is a plus. I had Cheerful Chocolate, which was both cheerful and non-fat, which in my book equals win-win. I certainly felt more cheerful after eating it.

I’m going to bed in a little while feeling very blessed. I’m in a very good place and I can’t take any credit for it. It’s all of grace and it’s only God’s doing. I don’t deserve to be this happy, to borrow a phrase from Scrooge, but lately I just can’t help it. I have joy running out my ears.

So I’m praying God meets you where you are tonight and you know how much he loves you just as you are. May you feel his arms around you and hear him singing songs of joy and peace over you in the night. May you find all the healing and wholeness and restoration that a loving God can bring.

Sleep well, my friends.

What Everyone Needs

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This is absolutely not about why everyone needs to vote Republican or Democrat. This is not about why everyone needs to support this or that cause or agenda. This isn’t that grand.

1) Everyone at some point during the day needs a hug. Just a simple reminder that someone out there knows who you are, where you are, and what you’re going through and says, “You’re not alone in this.”

2) Everyone needs a cat or a dog (or some other form of pet) to always be nearby and have that constant look of expectation. You may have treated them like garbage and still they will crawl up in your lap and settle down for a long nap. I don’t know about you, but I feel much better about myself when my cat does that.

3) Everyone needs to find at least one small victory during the day and celebrate it. Even if it’s the act of getting out of bed in the morning. Or not managing to trip over anything and fall down for 24 hours straight. You could be living through the most horrific day and if you find that one small victory, it won’t seem as bad.

4) Everyone needs to hear at least once a day that God still loves them. No matter what you’ve done or how long it’s been since you even thought about God, much less spoke to him, God loves you. He is still very fond of you and still wants you to know that.

5) Everyone needs to do at least one thing that’s not on their day planner or to-do list. Go take a walk in the park or sit on a bench and watch people. Take five minutes and do nothing more than breathe in and out slowly, taking in the love of God and exhaling fear and doubt.

Those are a few things I think everyone needs. See that wasn’t painfully political or overly preachy now, was it?

A Bittersweet Christmas

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bud

It’s been a bittersweet 2012 Christmas.

I’ve loved being with family and seeing my 14-month old niece getting the hang of walking and just starting to say her first words. Seeing my nephews’ faces light up with all their Christmas presents has been fun, too.

But today I’ve also been thinking a lot about my granddaddy who took his life 30 years ago tonight. It was Christmas Day 1982 when he decided that life wasn’t worth living anymore.

I still remember where I was when I found out about his suicide. I remember my pastor at the time coming over to tell me and how my 10-year old brain couldn’t process the news, so I went back to my room to watch the football game on my little black-and-white TV. I still don’t think I’ve completely processed it yet.

I have trouble remembering what he looked like, especially when he smiled, or what his laugh sounded like. I do know that I still miss him and I have so many things I’d like to tell him.

I’d tell him that he missed out on a lot. Like my sister and I growing up. Her getting married and having children. All of us getting older and closer together as a family. And most of all, how we’ve found God to be a comfort and a refuge.

I’d tell him that we all loved him so much. That we still love him so much, even 30 years after he left us. I’d tell him that there’s nothing so bad that family can’t help, and especially God’s love can’t get you through.

I’d say that I understand now a little better why he did what he did. I’m glad that he’s found peace at last in the arms of Jesus and has no more fears or worries or self-doubts.

I have something that belonged to him– an old tube radio from the 50’s that still works. It’s nice to be able to turn it on and think that I’m listening to the same radio that he kept on his workbench all those years. It makes me smile and remember him in happier times.

I’m a little more thankful for my family tonight. I hope to hug them more often, be more present in their lives, and tell them I love them as often as possible. You never know when it could be the last time you might have the chance.

The Love of God

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“Take your human feelings, multiply them exponentially into infinity, and you will have a hint of the love of God revealed by and in Jesus Christ.” (Brennan Manning)

I love what I heard tonight from Kairos. True unconditional love, the kind of love that God has for us, transcends emotions and feelings. It is driven by devotion and commitment. It sacrifices everything for the sake of the beloved to bring out the best in him or her. The kind of love God has for me.

I may not ever have a million followers on twitter. I may never get 100 likes on a facebook post. I may never be known outside of a small circle of family and friends.

But the one thing that boggles my mind, the one thing too incredible to believe, yet still true, is this. The God over the entire universe knows my name. The Creator and Sustainer of all life knows who I am and where I am and what I’m going through. And he loves me.

My God loves me. My Abba Father is very fond of me. That alone gives me worth and meaning and validates my very existence. That alone is enough for me.

Imagine the purest love you have ever received in your life. Take that love and multiply it a thousand times. A million times. Multiply it exponentially. That begins to hint at how much God loves you.

Imagine that love that never wavers, never grows cold, never varies in the least, but remains constant all the time. A love that is 100% 24/7. That is the love of God for you. For me.

If I had one wish tonight, it would be that you know to the very core of your being this incredible love God has for you and that you receive it and believe it with everything in you. That you hang onto that great Love no matter what, knowing that this God works all things together for good to whose who love him and are called according to his purpose.