tacky christmas sweaters

The Continuing Saga of the Quest for the Ultimate Tacky Christmas Sweater

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image

As you faithful followers of my blogs may know, I have been on an all-consuming quest for THE ultimate tacky Christmas sweater. First, I need to define what a TCS (my lazy way of typing Tacky Christmas Sweater) IS and IS NOT.

It IS tacky. As in obnoxious. As in ugly. As in no normal person would ever wear it out in public unless en route to an Ugly/Tacky Christmas Sweater Party.

It IS NOT merely cute or festive. After all, the idea is not for a cute Christmas sweater. It needs to look like something Great Aunt Judy would wear. The same Great Aunt Judy who collects cats and jello molds and has a mustache.

I have found a Christmas sweater. It doesn’t fit my definition of tacky, i.e. lights up and makes festive sounds, but it will do if nothing else better turns up. It does have penguins on it, which makes it moderately tacky. But not enough to win any major awards.

So the quest continues. It is not for the faint of heart or weak of bladder. Only the stalwart and adventurous need apply.

And I am still accepting TCS donations. Remember, I wear a size L.

Random Bits of Advice

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It's only moderately tacky but it was also only $5.

It’s only moderately tacky but it was also only $5.

I had a very interesting and unusual day– in a good way. No one died or got laid off or broke any part of their body. I did get off work a bit early and spent some time thrift shopping.

I found some stores on Charlotte Ave near 49th Ave in Nashville. I went in search of THE ultimate tacky Christmas sweater (with moderately successful results) and came away with a few unexpected treasures. Thrift shopping is like that. Life is like that.

I’ve come away with a few tidbits of wisdom I’d like to share:

1) Gravitate toward the people who love you for who you are, who are always happy to see you, who actually want you around, who live out the Gospel in actions and attitudes that reflect the heart of Jesus.

2) Never pass up any opportunities to visit old bookstores. There’s just something magical about being around lots of old books with their musty smells and rich histories that does my heart good. I love my iPad, but nothing beats the feel and smell of a good old book in your hands.

3) When it comes to getting things done versus spending time with people, remember how fragile life is. Chances are very likely most of your to-do list can wait, but those people may not be around tomorrow.

4) Give yourself a break. Objects in your mirror, i. e. you, are not nearly as ugly or goofy or clumsy or hopeless as they appear. There has never and will never be anyone quite like you ever again. That alone makes you special. Unique. Beautiful. Priceless.

There are probably more, but I’m too tired to think of any of them at the moment, so I’ll save them for a later post.

Good night to all my favorite people. That’s means you. Thank you for making my life blessed and amazing and a miracle every single day.

Do You Believe?

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polar express

“At one time most of my friends could hear the bell, but as years passed it fell silent for all of them. Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound. Though I’ve grown old the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe” (from The Polar Express).

It would be very easy to turn Christmas into a season for shopping. It would be so very easy to get caught up in Black Friday deals and Cyber Monday sales and racking up debt on credit cards to buy more stuff for people who don’t really need it.

Don’t get me wrong. I like me some presents. I like giving them AND I like receiving them. But if that’s all it’s about, then there will always be a colossal letdown on December 26.

Christmas is more than presents and food and tacky Christmas sweaters. Christmas is even more than family gathered together in one place for one night, reliving memories and celebrating together.

Christmas is about the impossible becoming possible. Christmas is about the miracle of God becoming flesh, being born into our world as a helpless infant boy. I love the imagery I heard when someone said that Jesus came to us as the lowliest of the lowly so that he could lift us up from beneath.

That’s what Christmas is all about (in the immortal words of Linus). Christmas is believing that Jesus came for you and me. That when we couldn’t find a way to God, he found a way to us.

I love the sermon at the end of The Bishop’s Wife, a classic Christmas movie:

“Tonight I want to tell you the story of an empty stocking.

Once upon a midnight clear, there was a child’s cry, a blazing star hung over a stable, and wise men came with birthday gifts. We haven’t forgotten that night down the centuries. We celebrate it with stars on Christmas trees, with the sound of bells, and with gifts.

But especially with gifts. You give me a book, I give you a tie. Aunt Martha has always wanted an orange squeezer and Uncle Henry can do with a new pipe. For we forget nobody, adult or child. All the stockings are filled, all that is, except one. And we have even forgotten to hang it up. The stocking for the child born in a manger. Its his birthday we’re celebrating. Don’t let us ever forget that.

Let us ask ourselves what He would wish for most. And then, let each put in his share, loving kindness, warm hearts, and a stretched out hand of tolerance. All the shining gifts that make peace on earth.”

Tacky Christmas Sweater Update

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bridget jones christmas sweater

I just wanted to update you on my quest for the perfectly tacky Christmas sweater. I got nothin’.

I’ve been frequenting the Goodwills and other thrift stores in the 15-mile radius and haven’t seen anything that meets my exacting standards. Not even close.

I found a really awesome one on ebay (the one pictured in my last blog about Christmas sweaters), but it was selling for somewhere in the neighborhood of $90, which is entirely too much to spend on something that I might wear once or twice a year.

In my mind, I was going to walk into Goodwill and there it would be, standing out with a mysterious spotlight shining on it. Kinda like the Christmas tree in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It was going to be my size and it was going to be ridiculously cheap.

Unfortunately, hardly anything ever works out in reality like it does in my imaginings. So here I am, Christmas sweater-less and getting more and more desperate.

Here’s my plea to you, gentle readers. If you have a tacky Christmas sweater you’re willing to part with, let me know. I can make arrangements and give you details (like where to send said holiday apparel) and even work out some sort of bartering system.

I know I can count on you. But just in case this falls through, I have a back-up plan. Technically, it’s not a sweater, but it captures the essence of the whole tacky Christmas sweater spirit. And it came from Target for the very reasonable price of $5.

yoda elf

Wanted: One Tacky Christmas Sweater

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This is a bit of a departure for me. Normally, I write about deep spiritual matters or frivolous feline facts. I write about good books that I have read or good movies that I’ve seen. But not now.

I come to you, my good readers, with a request. I am in need of one tacky Christmas sweater, pronto. I cannot emphasize enough the tacky part. It needs to be TACKY.

LOUD colors would be a plus. Also, any kind of bells or lights or anything that makes festive noises or is just obnoxiously cheerful. It must be a size Large and I prefer if it’s a men’s sweater.

If you need help visualizing what I’m looking for, check out the picture I’ve inserted at the top of this blog. When I wear this bad boy, I want to be seen from a mile away and I want there to be no mistake about what kind of tacky sweater I’m wearing. Although I’m fairly certain there are no tacky sweaters for the other major holidays.

There is no redeeming spiritual or intellectual value to this blog. It’s kinda like verbal cotton candy. Every now and then, you need cotton candy to make you feel better, even though it has no actual food ingredients that I’m aware of.

Donations are also welcome. I take American Express, Visa, Mastercard, cash, checks, or any other kind of legal tender (except for Confederate or Canadian money).

That is all. Carry on about your normal Saturday business as usual.

And this blog will self-destruct in 5 seconds (just kidding).

PS The world won’t cease to exist if I don’t get my tacky Christmas sweater, but if you have one or know of one, let me know. Contact me at GMendel72@united.net for further instructions.

PPS Thanks in advance.

 

A String of Random and Disconnected Mutterings

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For those of you who blog or do some other kind of writing, you know that some days you have this incredible burst of inspiration and creativity, and some days you don’t. Or as the old commercial says, “Some days you feel like a nut, some days you don’t.”

I think as I sit in front of my laptop at 11:37 pm that today is going to go down as one of those nutty yet uninspired days. I just have some randomly disconnected thoughts to share.

I keep thinking about a blog that I read recently. It speaks to how the world tells you “only,” as in only the best qualified get the jobs, only the most talented will make the sports teams, only the most popular can be in the social clubs. But God says “every.” As in “every one who asks, receives,” and “every one who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” I like that. I like it so much I’m putting a link to the blog here so you can check it out for yourselves.

http://brianlamew.wordpress.com/2012/10/17/only-versus-every/

I’m also convicted by how shallow most American believers are. We don’t really know what we believe or how to articulate it. We are by and large Biblically illiterate and easily taken in by all kinds of false doctrines and heretical teachings.

I am also still stoked about the super deals I got at thrift stores recently. I bought a suitcase for $8, a tennis racket for $3, and  a Johnny Cash autobiography for $2. But so far, no tacky Christmas sweaters.

I think that the difference between all the other religions and faiths and Christianity is grace. Religions are all about what you have to do to appease God; Christianity is about what God in Christ has already done, and all you have to do is receive it. Religions are all about working harder and being good enough (although how good good enough is is rarely ever defined); Christianity says you can never be good enough, but you can trust in the perfect life of Jesus and believe that he died in your place.

That’s all for now. More randomness to come in the days and weeks ahead. I can promise you that.