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Things I Love 23: Who Says You Can’t Go Home?

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Sometimes, you gotta quit trying to figure situations and people out and just go with it. Just be in the moment and enjoy it without having to analyze it or interpret it. You’ll have the rest of your life to look back on that moment, but only once to live it. Such are my profound thoughts on this rainy 4th of July. I guess we’ll pick up where we left off at #621.

621) The way my cat kneads the pillow and purrs loudly before she curls up and goes to sleep next to me.

622) Rotel dip.

623) Watching the fireworks with my community group in a slight drizzle tonight.

624) When I stop seeking blessings and start being one.

625) God using me in ways I will probably never know about to touch people’s lives and impact the kingdom of God.

626) Quiet windshield wipers.

627) Being a social butterfly.

628) Picking up two pairs of shorts at a thrift store for $5 (thanks to today being 50% off day).

629) Not having to logon and wait for an internet connection before I can type all this.

630) God loving me as fully and completely as if I were the only person to love.

631) My very patriotic red white and blue Converse high tops.

632) God’s patience with me.

633) The $5 flag t-shirts at Old Navy.

634) What someone posted on facebook about how we celebrate America’s independence by drinking alcohol and playing with explosives.

635) The sound of bagpipes.

636) Amazing grace that saved a wretch (and not a wrench as I used to sing it) like me.

637) Laying in the back of my Jeep with the windows rolled down and the tailgate up.

638) Comfy folding chairs.

639) Peppermint mocha frappuccinos from Starbucks.

640) Cilantro on just about anything.

641) That eureka moment after a brain fart where the name you’re trying to remember finally comes to your mind.

642) The MacGregor tartan plaid.

643) Having so many fans, both here and in heaven, cheering me on as I run my race of faith.

644) The way after one plan got cancelled, another was right there to take its place.

645) Being surprised by joy at every turn.

646) Having a musical collection that includes recordings from every decade back to the 1890’s.

647) Those crinkly fries.

648) Not having to prove myself to anyone anymore.

649) The possibility at any time of genuine revival breaking through.

650) The homegoing of one of God’s saints because it it precious in his sight.

651) That God’s plan isn’t determined by how much I understand but is so much bigger than what I can comprehend.

652) Onion rings.

653) The turkey burger from Huey’s.

654) Not weighing 400 pounds after all the favorite foods I’ve listed so far.

655) Soft comfortable sheets to sleep in.

Things I Love 7: The Blog Series That Wouldn’t Die (Like Freddy Krueger)

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I realize that I’m getting ridiculous with this 7th installment of the blog series of things I’m thankful for, but I do really have so many things (most of them small and seemingly insignificant) that I love and am thankful for. This one starts with #146. And yes, I am that scatter-brained that every time I do one of these I have to look up the last one to see what numbers I ended with.

146) The people who read my blogs. Each and every one of you make me feel special.

147) That  even if I’ve completely blown it with a friend and the worst case scenario happens and she never wants to see me or talk to me ever again (which I hope is NOT the case), then my world won’t end and life will go on and I will be okay because God’s grace is still sufficient.

148) Running my favorite trail in Crockett Park.

149) Dog-sitting (or cat-sitting) for a friend or family member. And yes, I can be hired for a reasonable fee.

150) When I realize how truly blessed I am to be alive and healthy for another day and how many won’t ever get that privilege again.

151) When I can make people smile or laugh.

152) When I see the face of someone who really gets how much God truly does love them.

153) The salty smell of the ocean air when I’m near the beach.

154) Listening to my grandfather’s old pink tube radio and thinking that it’s the same one that kept him company in his workshop all those years.

155) When I am simply overwhelmed by the joy of the Lord.

156) The sun breaking through after several grey, rainy days in a row.

157) Whenever and wherever mercy triumphs over judgment.

158) The calming sound of a ceiling fan at night that helps me drift off to sleep.

159) Seeing answered prayers for those I’ve prayed for a long time.

160) When I fail family and friends and find grace and forgiveness rather than judgment and condemnation.

161) My old comfortable pair of sandals that have taken me to many places and adventures with good friends (and kept me from getting blisters).

162) Being able to look back on friendships that ended and remember the joy and good times instead of the hurt.

163) Mixing the creamy jalapeno ranch and the salsa at Chuy’s for the perfect dip for those amazing tortilla chips.

164) The chicken tortilla soup at Chuy’s (after those chips and dip).

165) The joy of sparking new conversations at restaurants and coffee shops with strangers who become later become friends.

166) That my Abba Father still delights in me, dances with joy, and sings me to sleep every single night.

167) Sitting still in the pre-Civil War St. Paul’s Episcopal Church in downtown Franklin and feeling the peace of Christ wash over me.

Things I Love 5: The Blog Series That Just Won’t Die

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I know I’m approaching slasher film status with my fifth blog in this series. Thankfully, this blog is 100% Jason- and Freddy Krueger-free. I’m keeping it strictly PG for the kids.

So let the list of things I love continue from where I left off at #102.

102) Seeing someone who really hurt me, albeit unintentionally, and being able to be friendly and cordial with her and realize that means that I am truly growing in grace.

103) The freedom that comes when you can finally admit that you were hurt and your world didn’t end.

104) Friends who you can vent to who will not just tell you what you want to hear, but will give you much-needed wisdom.

105) Good soul food by people who know how to cook it up right.

106) The dream of someone out there who will fall in love with me for me.

107) Those moments of unexpected and unexplainable joy.

108) The fact that I have enough things I love to make up five blogs’ worth of material (and counting).

109) That my parents are still married (which I now know is a rare blessing these days).

110) That I can step on my cat’s tail and/or on her foot and five minutes later she will still be in my lap, contentedly snoozing away.

111) The smell of apples (and the taste of a fresh Fuji apple).

112) Chocolate Cheerios (though I’m a bit peeved they weren’t around when I was growing up).

113) The new-found ability to start up a conversation with anyone at any time and realizing that people actually want to talk with me.

114) The amazing display of cheeses at The Fresh Market.

115) The book that inspired all these blogs– One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. One of my favorite books I’ve ever read.

116) Another day to be alive and blessed.

117) French Toast from The Pancake Pantry (but only the one in Gatlinburg).

118) Being in Gatlinburg and having a million happy childhood memories stirred up all over again.

119) Any movie where Fred Astaire dances with Ginger Rogers.

120) Being able to roll over and sleep for another hour.

121) The freedom of not having to try to be friends with everyone.

122) The fact that there will be at least one more of these blogs (and likely more after that).

Notes on a Sermon

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I heard something really cool today in a sermon. Even though I didn’t get much sleep, I still paid attention, so that doubles my Baptist Brownie points, I think.

Anyway, the point is this: you don’t have to be a victim to your past or let what others have said or done to you enslave you. The power of the risen Christ gives you the freedom and opportunity to choose a new future and break the cycle of negativity and lies.

You don’t have to be defined by past failures or by friends who abandoned you. And on a side note, real friends will give you the benefit of the doubt at all times and dig behind the misunderstanding to find your true meaning instead of assuming the worst. But that’s another topic for another day. Maybe.

The future is wide open. It’s not bound to what you did in the past or the rut you’re currently stuck in. The future is where God is already waiting to show you something better than you could ever have imagine or dreamed up on your own. The future is where you become all that God meant for you to be when he dreamed you up.

So let go of those who won’t look for the best in you and try to bring it out of you. Embrace those who bring out the Jesus in you and help you to find your own unique story. You are special because you have a calling and purpose that only you can do– to be exactly yourself in a world that will do anything and everything to get you to be anything else but you.

The best part is that you can always start over. You don’t have to wait for the first of the month or for the next full moon. You can start today. You just have to want it bad enough to work for it and to wait expectantly for God’s promises to be fulfilled in you.

And now maybe I’ll take a much-needed nap.

Patty Griffin, Swing Dancing, Sweet CeCe’s, and a Good Night to All

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I’ve fallen in love. There. It’s out there and I’ve admitted it. I am head over heels in love.

With the new Patty Griffin album, American Kid. It’s been playing in my car since I got it last Thursday and I love every single track on it. If you love Americana-style music (or just good music in general), then you MUST go buy a physical or downloadable copy of this album. Not this week, not tomorrow. Now.

I also love swing dancing, because there’s grace in it. I figured out that if you end up where you started with all your limbs intact, you’re doing pretty good. You can fake the in-between stuff if you act like you know what you’re doing and step boldly and confidently. I know all you swing dance instructors are wailing and gnashing your teeth at me right now. No, I will probably never be a professional dancer, but I have lots of fun with it, and that’s the point of it anyway. To have fun.

Sweet CeCe’s, as it turns out, is a fairly good alternative when Starbucks is closed, as I found out tonight. The fact that they stay open until 11 pm on Saturdays is a plus. I had Cheerful Chocolate, which was both cheerful and non-fat, which in my book equals win-win. I certainly felt more cheerful after eating it.

I’m going to bed in a little while feeling very blessed. I’m in a very good place and I can’t take any credit for it. It’s all of grace and it’s only God’s doing. I don’t deserve to be this happy, to borrow a phrase from Scrooge, but lately I just can’t help it. I have joy running out my ears.

So I’m praying God meets you where you are tonight and you know how much he loves you just as you are. May you feel his arms around you and hear him singing songs of joy and peace over you in the night. May you find all the healing and wholeness and restoration that a loving God can bring.

Sleep well, my friends.

Hang In There

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You’ve seen one of these. I know you have. It might have been in someone else’s dorm room or on some random bedroom wall (but of course never on yours). The infamous poster of a ridiculously-cute kitten hanging onto a tree branch with some variation of “Hang in there, sport!”

Those have become somewhat of a joke these days, kinda like the “Baby on Board” signs in backs of cars or the “Honk if you love. . .” bumper stickers. But sometimes you’re in a place where you really do need that reminder.

Maybe you’re in a place where it seems like every molecule in your body is telling you to quit. 100% of your emotions are telling you to give up, that it’s just not worth it, and to stop trying anymore.

Don’t quit. Don’t give up. Don’t believe the lie that it’s not going to ever get any better. Don’t for one second fall for the notion that the world would be better off without you. Don’t ever listen to the voices that tell you you’re not wanted or welcome.

I don’t have secret wisdom or profound insights on this. I do know that I’ve wanted to give up. I’ve been in a place where I didn’t think it would ever get better. But it did.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is rest. Get some sleep. Don’t try to figure out your life when you’re tired or upset or not feeling well. It’s amazing what better perspective you have in the morning.

When you can’t believe, God has faith enough for both of you. When you can’t go on, he has more than enough strength to carry you. When you don’t have words to pray, he hears your sighs and counts your tears. He knows.

So, as cliched as it may sound, hang in there. It may be dark right now, but daylight is coming.

Great North Star, But I’m Tired

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I’m tired. When I left my temp job for the day, I was actually sore. I can’t remember the last time I was ever sore from a job, but I was today. Plus, I haven’t slept very well the last two nights.

I don’t think that will be a problem tonight.

I am reminded of the verse in Matthew where Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are weary, and I will give you rest.” It could also be rendered, “Come to me, all who work to the point of exhaustion, and I will give you rest.”

I think it can mean sleep. But more than that, it means that we cease striving so much. It means that we give up the ever-present need to always perform and to do and to acquire. It means that we are content with who we are and where we are in life.

It means that we know that ultimately it’s not up to us. God’s in control and he will take care of us. As simple as that sounds, we are a forgetful people who need reminding of the very simple and basic truths that we aren’t in control.

We need to remind ourselves that it’s alright to leave some things undone every now and then. It’s not the end of the world if every box isn’t checked on that to-do list. It’s no good accomplishing all your goals if the end result is burn-out and exhaustion. We need rest.

We need to cultivate times of quiet reflection where we can hear the still, small voice that refuses to speak over the continuous drone of our everyday lives. The voice that reminds us that we are not the sum of our possessions or our activity, but we are who God made us to be and who he calls us– beloved.

So take time tonight or some time in the morning to be still and know that God’s plans for you are good. Remember to find times of refreshment and rest and solitude.

That’s what I’m about to do.

 

It’s Raining, It’s Pouring, The Old Cat is Snoring

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I found out a few weeks ago that my cat, Lucy the Wonder Kitty, snores.

I rolled over to make sure it wasn’t me and found her snoozing soundly and, yes, snoring quite loudly for something so small and cuddly.

She doesn’t snore every night, or maybe if she does I’m too deep in REM sleep to notice, but she does snore.

By the way, she is still working on the record for longest nap ever taken. I think one day she will break it if she can ever get to a quiet and undisturbed place where she can not have stupid humans poking her every few minutes to see if she’s snoring.

The Joys of Insomnia

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Last night, I couldn’t sleep. It was not fun.

I went to bed somewhere in the neighborhood of 11 pm and thought I would be good to go. An hour later, I knew I was in trouble. Every half hour later found me still wide awake and increasingly agitated with myself for not being able to sleep. I was also annoyed with my cat for being able to fall asleep the moment she laid down on the pillow (I’m sure she was equally annoyed with me for tossing and turning so much and waking her up). For the record, agitation doesn’t help you sleep. And no, warm milk did not help.

I have found the harder you try to sleep, the less likely it is that you will succeed. The old motto of “If at first you don’t succeed, try try again,” doesn’t work with insomnia. It only makes it worse.

This may or may not make sense to you, but I may or may not have fallen asleep somewhere between 2:30 and 7 am. I can’t really be sure that I wasn’t deep in thought or really sleeping. When I woke up in the morning, I didn’t feel like I had slept at all.

The good part is that I got in a lot of praying. Mostly along the lines of, “Lord, help me fall asleep,” but nevertheless, I had plenty of time to pray and meditate. The bad part is that I had plenty of time to think, too much time.

Hopefully, I will sleep better tonight. I have felt like a zombie all day and my mental capacity has been at the level of “fire bad, tree pretty.” It hasn’t been pretty.

Maybe I will experience the ultimate irony and dream about being awake all night with insomnia. Heck, I’ve dreamed stranger dreams than that by far.

I’m remembering the verse in the Psalms (I think) which says that God grants sleep to those he loves. That’s a beautiful promise. I pray tonight that both you and I realize that promise and that we wake up refreshed and ready for a new day full of possibilities and adventures and whatever God has in store for us.

Sometimes

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I really, really hate to admit this after all my talk of how God has healed me in the past. It feels like I’m pulling a fast one on you after I’ve announced to everyone how God has been delivering me from my fears. But here it is.

Sometimes at night when I’m tired, I get overwhelmed for a moment by fears.

I fear that this time I really have said or done the absolute stupid and wrong thing and a particular friend is gone for good. He or she has un-friended me and taped a picture of me to a dartboard for target practice.

I fear that I will always be single because no girl will ever find me attractive or desirable and I will always be left with this unfulfilled longing inside of me.

I fear that I’m really not good at anything and really won’t ever find a career that really makes me come alive to who God created me to be.

I think the difference this time is that I can name these thoughts as lies. It may not completely take away the panic and the pain, but it helps when I see these thoughts for what they are and their true origin from the father of lies.

I know now that most of the time a good night’s sleep will help these fears go away. Sometimes, it’s a glass of warm milk. Sometimes, it’s just practicing deep breathing. Sometimes, it’s saying, “Abba Father” over and over. Sometimes, it’s resting in the eternal Arms of my Abba Father and listening as He sings over me to calm my anxiety.

It’s okay for me to have setbacks and regressions, because they keep me grateful and thankful for the times when I am living out of faith and not fear. And those times are more and more prevalent.

There will always be something to fear. There will always be those moments when you give in to that fear. The question is: Can you name that fear for what it is and claim the promises of Jesus over it? Sometimes, you have to claim them out loud, but even when you don’t have a voice to speak them out, they are still powerful and true and for you.

Perfect love casts out all fear. In my case, perfect Love is casting out all fears, one at a time. I hope you find this to be true for you. Because the freedom is so much more than worth it.