relationships

Keep Calm and Keep Believing

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We’ve all royally messed up when it comes to relationships. Maybe you’ve lost only a few friends along the way or maybe you feel like you’ve run everyone away. Either way it never gets easier when someone finally gives up on you.

It’s easy to become resentful and bitter, but in the long run forgiveness feels better than being weighed down by all that anger. So choose to forgive, not because the other person deserves it but because you need it.

Only forgiven people can forgive and only those whom God has forgiven can really and truly forgive those who have hurt them.

Of course forgiveness doesn’t mean automatic restoration of trust. That has to be earned. Some relationships will never be like they were before. But still forgiveness is always right and always good and always worth it.

I recommend eating something chocolatey after forgiving someone. It helps. Sorta like eating chocolate after fighting off a dementor. Yes, I just went Harry Potter on you.

You forgive because you know you fail. You know you will inevitably need forgiveness yourself from just about everyone you know. It happens. Treat others like you would like to be treated when you deserve rejection but find mercy instead.

Don’t forget the chocolate.

Keep Calm and Drink Coffee

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Well, it’s Friday. I’m currently house- and dog-sitting for a very well-behaved and gentle dog named Millie.

I’m also reading a very interesting book written by a lady with autism. It’s fascinating to see her thought processes and hear how she sees the world differently than I. It’s also amazing to see how she has basically taught herself how to overcome most of her autistic tendencies.

I still think that ALL of us at some level are fundamentally broken. We all have some kind of phobias or issues that keep us from always acting normal. Some are better at hiding it than others, but it doesn’t change the fact that they are just as broken as the rest of us.

I’m so very glad Jesus didn’t come for the healthy. He came for the sick. The destitute. The abused. The abuser. The lonely. The broken. Us.

In those moments when you feel like you will never be normal and accepted, remember that Jesus doesn’t think you’re normal. He thinks you’re extraordinary.

It’s A Good Feeling When . . .

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Elizabethtown-Panerai

It’s a good feeling when you can finally be you– the real you– with no shame or embarrassment. That you can be a full-on goober and not care what anybody else thinks. That you can be the ultimate anti-hipster and go against all that is hip and trendy and not give a rat’s . . . tail.

It’s a good feeling when people walk out of your life and you can smile and wave goodbye and move forward. When you know the people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter don’t mind. The people in your life are God’s blessing to you. When He removes people from your life, it’s often a bigger– though underappreciated– blessing. You never really know what He protected and saved you from when He did that.

It’s a good feeling when you’re content with who you are and realize the best things in life can’t be bought or sold or even valued. When you hear your Abba’s voice and decide that that one voice speaks more meaningfully to you than all the other voices of popularity and fame and success.

It’s a good feeling when you can finally forgive yourself for not being all things to all people, for not being perfect all the time, for being a forgiven sinner and not a first-rate saint. It really is a good feeling when you can not only hear God calling you His beloved in whom He is well pleased, but receive it and live out of it and never ever get over it.

So go live boldly. Make big mistakes and fail ridiculously. As one of my favorite quotes from a movies goes, “Have the courage to fail big and stick around and make ’em wonder why you’re still smilin’.”

And most of all, go out and love being you because not even you can love being you as much as God does.

 

Random Musings on a Sunday in May

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I haven’t done one of these random blogs in a while, so I thought it was time. Also, I’m not exactly overflowing with brilliant ideas today.

First of all, I was reminded again how fallible we as humans are and how easily our relationships can be damaged or destroyed. So I have this to pass along to you– in case you’re tempted to write someone off, remember that one day you could be in their place. The way you treat them is the way someone else will treat you.

I’ve preached extending grace to others but haven’t always practiced what I’ve preached. I’ve learned that I can’t be friends with everybody and that not every friend is a friend for life. I do much better when I leave my relationships in God’s hands instead of trying to control and manipulate them myself (which incidentally never goes well. FYI).

Also, I’m glad it’s May. As much as I like winter and cold weather, I’m ready for a break from it. The forecast for the next few days looks lovely with temps in the 80’s and no rain in sight. For now.

I’d like to get back to Radnor Lake and Arrington Vineyards and anyplace else that’s outdoorsy. I am currently reviewing and accepting any offers for any of the previously mentioned venues.

I’m finally reminded yet again that the best place to be is in the center of God’s will. To have Jesus and nothing else is still better than to have everything except for Jesus. Kinda like having the whole world and losing your own soul. There’s something in the Bible about that.

I’m figuring this whole faith thing out on a daily basis, just like you are. Some days I do good, some days I just suck. But all the days I am covered by grace. Not a grace that excuses my bad behavior, but one that takes me as I am but won’t leave me that way. Grace that is making me more like the Giver of Grace.

Well, that’s my report for May. Look for another random and disconnected blog from me in the near future.

 

Expensive Mistakes, Shame, and other Random Tuesday Night Thoughts

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Have you ever made an expensive mistake?

Immediately, I think of the movie Elizabethtown and the character Drew Baylor. He created a shoe which ended up costing the company he worked for close to $1 billion. It was, in his words, a fiasco.

There’s a great line from the movie:

“As somebody once said, there’s a difference between a failure and a fiasco. A failure is simply the non-present of success. Any fool can accomplish failure. But a fiasco, a fiasco is a disaster of mythic proportions. A fiasco is a folktale told to others, that makes other people feel more… alive. Because it didn’t happen to them.”

Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe your mistake wasn’t worth $1 billion. Maybe it was worth $10,000. Or maybe it just ruined a relationship. Or a reputation.

Maybe you feel the familiar nagging sensation of shame, never overpowering but always there, lurking nearby.

Tonight’s guest speaker at Kairos spoke of how two different people in the Bible dealt with shame in radically different ways:

Judas betrayed Jesus and ended up hanging himself, while Peter denied knowing Jesus and ended up hanging around. Not only that, the shame turned into an opportunity for God to use him in ways he probably never would have thought possible.

The speaker said something that I’ll never forget. He said something to the effect that Judas hung himself by his shame because he didn’t know that Jesus hung on the cross for his shame.

The cross means that shame has no more power over your (or my) life ever again. Shame has lost the power to speak into our lives because Jesus took those failures, those fiascos, those worst moments upon Himself on the cross. He took them to the grave, but when He arose on Easter morning, He left them behind, utterly defeated and powerless.

You are not defined by your fiascos or those moments of shame any longer. You are defined by what Jesus did for you and by who you are now in the power of His resurrection. You are defined as beloved child of God in whom He is well pleased.

Shame is all about your past. Jesus wants you to go forward and live in the future He has for you, not in that past any longer.

 

A Lenten Prayer by Brennan Manning

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I just found this and it reminded me why Brennan Manning is one of my favorite writers of faith.

“In my first-ever experience of being loved for nothing I had done or could do, I moved back and forth between mild ecstasy, silent wonder, and hushed trembling. The aura might be best described as ‘bright darkness.’ The moment lingered on in a timeless now, until without warning I felt a hand grip my heart. It was abrupt and startling.

The awareness of being loved was no longer tender and comforting. The love of Christ, the crucified Son of God, took on the wild fury of a sudden spring storm. Like a dam bursting, a spasm of convulsive crying erupted from the depths of my soul. Jesus died on the cross for me.

Dear Abba,

Ten thousand things are already vying for my attention. Wait, actually make that ten thousand and one. Some of them are shallow — like what shoes I will wear today — but some of them are legitimate: lunch with a friend, a doctor’s appointment, responding to a letter. Still, they are all earthly things. So startle me, I pray. Burst into the compound of my senses and steal me away from the urgent tyrannies already seeking to keep my eyes fixed on things below. You died for me. For me. That is the one thing; nothing else compares.”

Two thoughts: 1) I must find out where  I can get this book and 2) I hope Easter Sunday doesn’t arrive to find me comfortable or complacent, taking God’s love for me for granted. I want it to shake me to my very core and radically disrupt my life. I want to be stirred out of comfortable ruts and compelled into a deeper, wilder, more passionate love for Jesus who didn’t not negotiate percentages on the cross, but gave absolutely 100% of Himself for me.

A Grain of Salt

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I don’t know what in particular inspired it, but I was reminded of an old phrase that’s become quite the cliche: “with a grain of salt.” As it “take what she says with a grain of salt” or “take him with a grain of salt.”

It means that appearance isn’t always everything and sometimes what people say and what they mean are two very different things.

I’ve learned to take people and relationships with a grain of salt. I’ve learned that first impressions aren’t always the most accurate, regardless of what all those business books have told you. I’ve been pleasantly surprised at some of the people I’d initially written off as being snobbish or stand-offish or unfriendly. In fact, some of the best people who’ve been the most influential in my life weren’t my favorites when I first met them.

I’ve learned that some people are blessings and some are lessons. It doesn’t make them bad or good people, either way. God puts some people in your life for a lifetime and some for a season. You can’t expect to make a lifelong bosom companionship with someone God only meant to be in your life for a short amount of time.

I’ve learned to take my own self with a grain of salt. I know now to almost never say never. As in “I’ll never be that way” or “I’ll never  do that.” You never know where you’ll be or who you’ll be tomorrow or next week or next month. Sometimes, you’re best intentions go wrong and your best plans fail. Sometimes you do need to give up on certain people and plans and move on.

I’d probably be highly embarrassed if some of my old journal entries got published. I was so certain of life and God and people. I’ve come to the point where I realize that wisdom isn’t how much you know, but more the realization that there is so much you don’t know and possibly never will. Wisdom means the ability not only to learn, but to adapt and change and– sometimes– unlearn.

So these days, I take everything– especially myself– with a large helping of salt. It sure does make life a lot easier.

 

Dis con ect ted

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There’s a movie I really like that you’ve probably never heard of. In this movie, a woman is shopping and trying on a new dress. Suddenly and inexplicably, reality shifts and no one can see or hear her anymore. As much as she frantically shouts and begs for people to notice her, no one does.

Do you ever feel like that? Do you feel like you have days when you feel disconnected from the rest of the world?

As someone who’s been there, done that, I have a few reminders.

1) Just because you feel it doesn’t make it true. Feelings don’t always tell the truth. They mean well, but they can be so very misleading, especially when you’re tired or hungry or if you have an upset stomach or a headache. Anything like that can affect your feelings.

2) Even if it were true that no one knew you were there (which is highly unlikely), God would know. There’s a verse in the Psalms that says that He knows when you make your bed in hell or when you’re dancing in the heavens. Or something like that. The point is that God always knows where you are and what you’re going through.

3) Those who matter will notice. Those who don’t, won’t. It really is that simple.

4) Use those days to find someone else who looks left out and reach out to them. Use your own feelings to identify with them and help them know they’re not alone either. Sit next to a lonely stranger and strike up a conversation. Offer a smile to the one whom no one else notices. It could be a world of difference for them.

Everyone has those disconnected days. Even you crazy extroverts. But take heart. These days only last 24 hours, just like all the other days. And in my own experience, there are very few things that a good night’s sleep and a fresh start won’t fix.

 

 

Making Today Count

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I saw an interesting movie tonight called The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, about a man who is born old and ages backwards.

His life intersects with many others as they grow older and he grows younger. He never knows when or if he will see any of them again, so he chooses to make the most of the moments he spends with them.

I may not be growing younger, but I know that I’m not promised a tomorrow. Neither are you. No one is.

The goal is to live every day as if it were your last and savor every moment as if it would not come again. Because there will never again be a moment exactly like this one.

This may be me repeating myself yet again, but I don’t care. Love the people in your life and never take them for granted because you don’t know if you’ll see them tomorrow. Never let an opportunity go by to let the people you love know how much you love them. Don’t assume they know. Tell them.

One day, the degrees you’ve earned won’t matter. The promotions won’t matter. The bank accounts and the big fancy houses and luxury cars won’t matter. Those lives who you’ve touched, who’ve touched your life, will matter.

So live that way now.

It’s 11:15 on a Saturday

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It’s March 1, the day after my birthday. It’s also (wait for it) the first day of March and (wait for it) 20 days away from the first official day of spring.

Winter, it was fun and it was real, but it’s over. It’s time for you and your cold weather to go home. Don’t overstay your welcome.

And yes, it is Saturday, 41 minutes away from being Sunday. I got a few more Facebook birthday well-wishes today, which always makes my day better. Such fun.

Anyway, God is still in control. He’s still got a plan for me and He hasn’t abandoned me or forgotten about me. He still knows the plans He has for me and I can’t wait to see what they will turn out to be.

That last bit was just me reminding myself of a few things. Take whichever of these you need as helpful reminders in the event that you get anxious or discouraged. All of the above are true and all apply to you, too.

That’s all I have for tonight.