relationships

Fear and Faith

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 1 Comment

I’m not alone when I say that I have known fear and anxiety. Lately, I’ve heard several of my friends talk about their own fears and worries. I’m pretty sure that everybody deals with fear on some level.

But the question of the day is this: will you let fear run your life or will you step out in faith? Will you put your foot out into the air, not knowing if there will be ground underneath for it to land on? I know your mind just went to that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Mine did. That’s exactly what the step of faith looks like. It means either God comes through or you will crash and burn.

I think for a lot of people, their fear of failure is stronger than their desire for success. They want to avoid failing more than they want to succeed, and the result is that they will fail from not trying. Failing is not failure, but not trying is.

I truly believe that God reveals himself as we obey. As we can take those steps of faith, God knows we are ready to handle a much greater revelation of himself. We know much more of God’s ability to come though in the clutch when we go out on a limb for him.

So my advice is to do what you’re afraid of. Ask her out. Apply for that job. Make that call to your estranged friend. Share your faith with a co-worker. Quit that dead-end job and pursue your dream.

God will honor you. He hasn’t failed you yet and he’s not about to. Remember, as I heard recently, that if God is calling you out, he has already given you the victory there. You only have to step out and claim it.

Perfect, complete, mature love, i.e. the love of God, casts out fear completely.

Ghosts

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stpauls

 

I was feeling burdened about some issues, so I stepped inside one of my favorite places on earth, St. Paul’s Espiscopal Church, a very old church building located in the heart of downtown Franklin. Being in that place always brings me peace and I can be still and silent and just be.

I pulled out one of the kneelers and got on my knees and unburdened myself before God. I let it all go. I don’t know if it will work out like I want it to or not, but I do know that I felt a peace about it for the first time in a while. Then I simply listened.

It may have been the creaky floorboards settling, but to my romanticized imagination, it sounded like echos of past worshippers. Ghosts of people who came to this place and found their own peace.

I felt that I was not alone. Not because of ghosts, but because I knew that God was there with me.

I know now that I have to let my situation go. I can’t fix it. As much as I try to “help” God out, I would only make things worse. So I have to back off and let God do what only God can do. It’s completely in his hands now.

I don’t know how long I knelt there, listening to the noises around me. I left my phone in my pocket the whole time.

I love the fact that God didn’t wait until I got my act together to come to me. He found me, broken as I was, and is loving me to wholeness. Even though I sometimes still live out of fear and doubt, he never once has abandoned me. In those times I felt most alone, he was closest of all.

That’s what I love about God. Every other religion is about how to get to God, but Christianity (not the religion, but the relationship with Jesus Christ) is about how God came to us and found us before we even thought about looking for him.

I’m so glad he found me.

 

Friends

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As I’ve stated many times before, I am still trying to figure out this whole friendship thing. Sometimes I do good, sometimes . . . not so much. I’ve had good friends who I still count as friends and I’ve had some that I probably creeped out a little and who aren’t as friendly to me anymore.

I’ve learned in my life not to beat myself up over the friendships that I feel like I’ve botched. It’s not up to me to carry every single one of my relationships. God is more than able to keep people in my life that need to be there. It’s so much less stressful that I can relax and be myself and not have to worry if that will be enough for people to like me.

I’ve learned to always give the benefit of the doubt and to see my friends in the best possible light. Essentially, I’ve learned to give them grace, because God knows I sure need it. Often.

To my friends who have stuck around, I’m thankful. I don’t deserve you, but I’m glad to have you in my life.

To my friends who I’ve run off or weirded out, I hope you give me grace and a second chance. But I don’t blame you if you don’t. I am still very much a work in progress and though I am at a much better place mentally, spiritually, and physically than I’ve ever been, I still have some broken places and hidden hurts that surface from time to time.

To all my friends, whether you were only around for a few weeks or are still here after many years, thank you. You bless me more than you know. You encourage and support me, you pray for me, you keep me honest, you love me, and you show me Jesus every single day.

I hope one day I can finally be the friend that I’ve always wanted. And with God’s help, I believe I will be.

Simplicity of Heart

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“Simplicity of heart is its own ticket of admission” (F. Scott Fitzgerald)

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Jesus).

Blessed are those who believe the best in others even when they get hurt. They know they will need someone to believe in them when they don’t deserve it someday.

Blessed are the ones who forgive because they know what it’s like to need and receive forgiveness. And they know what it’s like to need it and not get it.

Blessed are those who trust in the goodness of God even when things happen they didn’t expect and don’t understand. They see that God’s plan is bigger than what they can understand or feel or know.

Blessed are the ones who don’t give up on their friends, even when their friends give up on them. They know that God doesn’t give up on anyone.

Blessed are the ones who fall down and keep getting back up, who fail repeatedly and keep persevering. Theirs is the victory in Christ.

Blessed are the ones in darkness who refuse to give up on the sun that never seems to come, who keep waiting for it and hoping for it, even with weak and faltering faith, because they’ve seen it come up before and know it will again.

Blessed are the ones whose hearts are hurting from loving and losing, because they know that the only alternative to hurting is not to feel at all and to have a heart of stone. They know that weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Blessed are you when everything and everyone tells you to give up and go home, but you won’t quit because you know that God is on your side.

Blessed are the pure in heart.

Raise Your Hand: A Blog About Relationships

/ Ragamuffingospelfan / 2 Comments

Ok. Informal survey. See if any of these scenarios fit you. Here goes.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been interested in someone and gone to the place where he or she works or hangs out in the hopes of “accidentally” running into him or her? And technically, that’s not stalking. It’s only stalking when you know for sure that person will be there.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever posted something on facebook in hopes that a certain someone would read it. Because that always works. Not. Of course, I’ve NEVER done anything REMOTELY like that. I’ve NEVER found out the hard way how completely futile that is.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever judged the health of a relationship based on how many times the other person likes or comments on your statuses and posts on facebook. Yeah, I seem kinda hung up on the whole facebook thing, but play along with me. Maybe you see the absence of response to your posts and texts as a lack of interest on the other’s part, or even an indicator that that person is upset with you or doesn’t like you. Again, I can say that I’ve never . . . . ok, I’ve been there, done that, thrown the pity party. Now I take pills and I do much better.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever obsessed over the next time you might see that certain someone and rehearsed in your mind what you would say to them. You even got the script down perfect. The only problem is that real life never follows those rehearsed scenarios and real people tend not to want to stick to your script.

What little I know about relationships is this: there are no perfect relationships because there are no perfect people. You can’t make any one person your life or build your future on the hopes of a relationship. To put another person on that kind of pedestal is to put that person in the place of God and put a burden on them that they were never meant to bear.

So I’ve learned to trust God. And pray a lot. And take deep breaths. And not freak out. The other person most likely is just as scared and intimidated and nervous and self-conscious as you are. They just have different ways of showing (or hiding) those things.

By the way, I bet you feel pretty silly sitting in front of your computer all by yourself with your hand raised in the air. You can put it down now.

My 1000th Blog!!!

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It’s true. I’ve written 1,000 blogs since I started this 2 1/2 years ago (it will be 3 years in July). I never thought I’d be mega-popular or successful, although I occasionally had moments of delusions where I was hoping to see massive readership. But that’s just not my style.

It’s mostly a way for me to get my feelings and thoughts out there. It’s been very therapeutic for me and, hopefully, for you as well. I stand by my statement that if I were the only one who read my own blogs, I’d still write them. It would still be worth it.

Who knows? One day I might get Jon Acuff-like numbers. I doubt it, but in this crazy world, just about anything’s possible.

My process is still usually to take a topic or a phrase that grabs my attention and run with it. I could hear a song or a speech or watch a movie and be inspired that way. Sometimes I sit down at my laptop and have no idea what’s going to come out.

I still do very little revisions or rewrites. It’s still basically a one-take deal. That might not work for everybody and it’s probably not the way professionals do it, but it’s what I’m comfortable with and it works for me.

I’m still so grateful for anyone who reads these things. I’ve been astounded and amazed by the people who tell me that what I write means so much to them. I usually have no idea. But I’m so blessed to have so many who faithfully keep up with me.

I hope you will continue to read these and pass them along to others you think might benefit from them. I will continue to write them as long as God allows. It’s not about numbers, it’s about putting what’s on my heart on these blogs. That’s all.

Here’s hoping there’s 1,000 more.

 

Swing Dancing And What I Learned From It

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astaire-rogers

I’ve improved a great deal in swing dancing. Ok, so I’m not Fred Astaire quite yet (aside from maybe in my own mind occasionally), but I’m definitely more confident in my own abilities than I was even two weeks ago. The Waltz? Not so much.

I’ve learned a few life lessons from my grand total of two times swing dancing.

1) Don’t give up. At first, I felt hopelessly lost and like I would never get it, but I found someone who knew what she was doing to talk me down from the ledge and help me figure out what I was doing wrong. It takes time and effort to learn anything worthwhile. At least anything that’s worth learning.

2) Step boldly. I discovered a secret. Even if you mess up, you can still keep going and pretend like it didn’t happen. The worst thing to do is to stop or become hesitant. You will mess up, so you might as well mess up royally by taking a chance and trying.

3) You never know unless you ask. I’m learning that I have to be the one to step up and ask the girl to dance. And that won’t happen with me standing across the room sending telepathic messages. My ESP isn’t all that good. I have to be willing to walk across the room and go up to her and ask. I might try and fail but I am guaranteed a 100% failure rate if I don’t try.

4) Don’t take yourself too seriously. I have a tendency to overthink and make things more complicated than they need to be. I’m learning with swing dancing to relax and have fun with it. It’s not like I’m in a competition getting marked off for every little mistake I make. It’s all about having a good time.

5) Fake confidence. A friend told me once that sometimes when you’re not sure of yourself and what you’re doing, to fake like you are. That way you can fool yourself into doing more than you think you can. It works. Trust me.

6) Give grace. You have to allow yourself and others the freedom to fail if you want to learn anything new. You won’t get it 100% right on the first try, no matter what you’re trying to learn. Plus, you will learn far more from your mistakes and failures than you ever will from success. So be kind to yourself and others. Practice forgiveness and second chances. You will inevitably need it yourself one day.

Wow. All that came from two lessons? Who knows what will happen after I’ve been at this swing dancing thing for a while? I don’t know yet, but you’ll be the first ones to find out.

Lucky you.

What If?

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questions

 

I went running today for the first time in over two weeks after I tweaked my knee. I felt great. My knee felt great. And I found out that I’m not the world’s slowest runner after all. There’s at least one person out there slower than me, and I know because I passed her.

But then I got to thinking. What if my knee had been messed up to the point where I couldn’t ever run again? Would I still be thankful?

Or what if I lost my health? Would I still be able to wake up in the morning with gratitude for another day of being alive?

What if I lost my friends and family? Would I still be able to worship with a sincere heart and sing about the goodness of God?

What if God took away from me everything and everyone that I daily take for granted? What and who would I have left? Would I have anything at all left?

Would I still be able to praise Jesus for saving me if he never did one more thing for me?

Could I live a life of thanksgiving to my God for who he is if I never saw another visible sign of his presence?

Is God and God alone truly enough for me?

I wish I could say yes, but I find myself leaning on other crutches when I get tired or stressed or upset. I find myself thinking more about other things and people than about God. Sometimes God feels like a last resort after all my other planning has failed.

The truth I need to remember today (and maybe you do, too) is that God is the only one able to save me. He’s the only one strong enough to hold my life together and to hold me when I’m falling to pieces. He’s the only absolute constant that I can count on who won’t ever leave or forsake me.

So all of this to say that I need to be more thankful for what and who I have in my life. I need to remember where it all comes from, too.

I’m thankful most of all that God is still working on me, making me a better man, son, brother, friend, husband (possibly one day), father (also possibly one day), friend, and follower of Jesus.

The One Constant

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When I started this little blog roughly 2 1/2 years ago, I had no idea what would happen. I didn’t know if it would blow up or dry up.

It turns out that I have gained a loyal following, not very big by blogging standards, but quite enough for me. Hey, I’m happy if one other person besides me reads my blogs. It really is very therapeutic and I’d still do these even if I were the only one who read them.

Quite a bit has changed since I started this journey. I lost my job, started new medication, gained some new friends, and basically grew up quite a bit. But one thing hasn’t changed. God remains faithful.

In the mist of seemingly daily global chaos, God remains constant. He truly is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

I heard a pastor say that one of the meanings of the word glory is weight. And only Jesus is strong enough to be able to hold all the bits and pieces of your life together to keep you from falling apart. Not relationships, not careers, not healthy living and exercise, not even religious activities.

While all these things are good things, they can’t ever be the only thing. Only God can be that. Only God deserves our utmost affection, attention, and devotion. Anytime we give that to anything or anyone else, that’s idolatry.

It would take too long for me to recount all the times I’ve committed idolatry in my life. Let’s just say I’d have to use more than my fingers and toes to count them all.

But even then, God is faithful. While I go chasing after the next god, he remains constant. He’s still for me and waiting for me to come back. No, better than that. He’s wooing me back in the midst of my infidelity.

So just remember God is the only one worthy of worship. After all, he’s the only one big enough, strong enough, tender enough, and loving enough to get you through.

Me Too

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I think that sometimes the most powerful words you can ever say or hear from a friend are, “Me too.”

It means that you’re not alone in your struggle. In your fear. In your doubt.

It means that at least one person knows what you’re going through and you’re not the freakish weirdo out of the whole human race who has your particular issue.

It means that two are more of you are gathered together and that’s where God really shows up.

When I heard a speaker say that he fears when people find out what he’s really like, they will abandon him, I said in my heart, “Me too.” He had named my fear almost verbatim the way I would have named it.

That was comforting. To know that a well-known speaker has the same fear I do was good to know, but that another human being shares that phobia meant the world to me.

So remember you’re not alone in your struggle. You are not a freak of nature. Others are walking the same road that you are, even though you may feel like the only one.

There’s a website called nomorevoices.com where you can name what the voices are telling you. The only response will be, “Me too.”

So remember when you’re in the depth of your struggles that you are not alone. Others are in the same place you are.

And most of all, God knows.