The Best Gift This Christmas

I’m still in shock over the absolute devastation that’s taken place in East Tennessee. So many people lost everything, including some that lost loved ones. I can’t even begin to fathom the grief they’re experiencing right now.

I’ve decided that the best gift you or I can give this Christmas isn’t so much presents but presence, as in you and I being fully present with our families and friends during this Advent season.

By fully present, I mean more than just sharing the same room. I mean making full eye contact and actively listening to what the other is saying. I mean you being glued to the other person and not to your smart phone.

I confess I’m guilty as much as anyone else of choosing technology over people. It’s easy to do when your phone is doing everything to get your attention, up to the point of saying, “Hey! Look at this comment to your status right this very minute!”

I have yet to meet anybody who regrets not checking their latest Facebook updates. I don’t know of anyone who will shed tears because they failed to reply promptly to a comment on one of their Instagram photos.

I do know that people’s biggest regrets are those moments when they wish they could go back in time to tell a friend or family member how much that person meant to them. I have a feeling some will look up from their phones and realize they missed so much. It’s better to take time away from social media to have that meaningful conversation with someone than to wait too late and have to talk to their headstone.

You have an incredible opportunity to speak into the lives of your spouse, your children, your parents, and your friends. You have the blessing of having them speak healing and life into you. Never take that privilege for granted. You never know when it will be taken away.

 

Letting The Door Close for Good

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I have a picture on my iPhone. It’s me with a friend at Centennial Park, under a picture-perfect summer night sky. I have my arm around her and we’re both smiling. We have just been swing dancing and having a grand time. We look like such good friends.

I had that picture. Up until tonight. I deleted it. I let that proverbial door close. You know. The one almost closed but barely held open by one of those rubbery door stop thingys? The one that once it’s closed you can never re-open?

It’s now closed. I believe her chapter in my life is over. I prayed my goodbyes and grieved over the friendship’s end. My next steps are moving on.

It’s not like she’s a bad person or even that the friendship was wrong. But I think sometimes you have to let go of something that was good– or even very good– in the past to be able to receive God’s future best.

Sometimes you have to say goodbye to your dream in order that God can dream a bigger and better dream in and for you.

So I’m letting a few things — and a few people– go. I hold no bitterness and no more regrets. I cherish the memories but realize that I must move on as they have already moved on.

I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me in the coming weeks and months, but I know it will be good. I love the imagery in this quote from a book I’m currently reading:

““So here’s my thought: Your best thought on your best day falls 15.5 billion light-years short of how great and how good God really is. Even the most brilliant among us underestimate God by 15.5 billion light-years. God is able to do 15.5 billion light-years beyond what you can ask or imagine” (Mark Batterson, The Circle Maker).

A Good Night for a Homecoming

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It was a good night for a high school homecoming game. It seemed more than a bit surreal to be at Beech High School on their homecoming night, but you couldn’t ask for better weather.

The home team won. Barely. The game was probably more suspenseful than it needed to be, as the Beech Buccaneers kept letting Gallatin back in the game. All that matters in the end is that the home team won and lots of good memories got made.

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I was purely a spectator. I didn’t know anyone at the game save for the handful of folks from my community group. I was feeling a bit weary and disconnected, so I did my fair share of wandering alone through the masses there to celebrate one of the truly great and time-honored rites of passage still left sacred in our society.

I was a bit saddened by the regret of one blog I wrote about a friend some months ago that caused a strain on our friendship. I’ve since deleted the post, but it’s still not the same as it was (and may never again be). If I could go back in time, I’d tell myself not to write that blog. It’s one thing I wish everyday that I could go back and undo.

But enough of that. I got over it. I saw a very strange but creative halftime show by the Beech High School marching band. Apparently, it was themed around the M. Night Shyamalan movie Signs, but all I saw were little green men and women scurrying around a fake cornfield and playing eerie movie music. Kudos for creativity, but not so much for making sense.

I made a new friend (Rachel), had some very salty Powerade, witnessed a great game, and hung out with some amazing people called the Green Hills Community Group.

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It’s funny how at times I remembered exactly how I felt as a 17-year old during my high school homecoming game. All the uncertainty, fear, doubts, insecurities, and joys came rushing back. But I saw it all through (hopefully) wiser 41-year old eyes.

I hope to do the high school homecoming game thing again, but hopefully not after putting in 40 hours of work in 4 days and hopefully more rested.

God is just as good to me at 41 as He was when I was 17. It’s nice to know some things never change. Even when I’m 64, that same God will be with me and for me and love me just the same He did when I was in high school and like He does now.

That Undo Button

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I love the undo button on WordPress. It’s saved me more than once when I accidentally deleted a good portion of a blog I was in the process of writing. Quite frankly, it has saved me from cussin’ at my computer.

I wish I had an undo button for tonight. I had a burger and fries at McCreary’s Irish Pub. I was okay until those last ten or so fries.

Then I went over to Frothy Monkey, where I had an iced mocha. I was good until I started the walk back to my car. Then it hit me.

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I can’t remember ever feeling so full in my entire life. I was nearly praying that I would spontaneously combust. I actually felt nauseous. It was touch and go for a while. Thankfully, no cookies got tossed, no one called for Ralph on the porcelain phone, and nothing was spewed or projectile anything’d.

Right now, I feel like I won’t eat again until next Wednesday.

Do you ever have regrets like that?

Maybe it was a few drinks too many one night. Maybe it was getting carried away in passion and going too far with a date. Maybe it was a marriage that imploded. Or a career that got jettisoned.

It could be a conversation that you wish you could redo, words you wish you could take back, replays of yourself doing incredibly stupid stuff that is on an endless loop in your brain. Maybe you intended friendly conversation that got interpreted as creepy and involved a Starbucks manager warning you not to harass the employees so he wouldn’t have to get the cops involved. Yeah, that last part happened to a good friend of mine. Ahem.

Oh, if I offered you an actual undo button right now, you’d pay just about anything to get your hands on one.

Jesus said that if you confess your sin, He is faithful to forgive you and cleanse you. That means the sin is gone. No trace or reminder of it anywhere. It goes away from you as far as the east is from the west. That’s a long way.

You might still have consequences, but remember this. There is nothing in your life that Jesus can’t take and use it for good, no disastrous mess that He can’t turn into a beautiful masterpiece, and no mistake that He can’t turn into a powerful message of Hope.

I love the word justified. You could say it means just-if-I’d never sinned. God declares you innocent. Not guilty. God looks at you and sees none of those ugly stains and wounds. He sees the perfection of Jesus.

I’m thankful every single day for forgiveness and fresh starts with each new morning. I’m thankful that I don’t have to pay for all my mistakes and bad choices and regrettable behaviors.

I also know this. The next time, I’ll leave a few fries behind. And maybe skip that iced drink.

A Seat at the Table

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“He went on to tell a story to the guests around the table. Noticing how each had tried to elbow into the place of honor, he said, ‘When someone invites you to dinner, don’t take the place of honor. Somebody more important than you might have been invited by the host. Then he’ll come and call out in front of everybody, ‘You’re in the wrong place. The place of honor belongs to this man.’ Red-faced, you’ll have to make your way to the very last table, the only place left.

“‘When you’re invited to dinner, go and sit at the last place. Then when the host comes he may very well say, ‘Friend, come up to the front.’ That will give the dinner guests something to talk about! What I’m saying is, If you walk around with your nose in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your face. But if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.”

“Then he turned to the host. ‘The next time you put on a dinner, don’t just invite your friends and family and rich neighbors, the kind of people who will return the favor. Invite some people who never get invited out, the misfits from the wrong side of the tracks. You’ll be—and experience—a blessing. They won’t be able to return the favor, but the favor will be returned—oh, how it will be returned!—at the resurrection of God’s people.'” (Luke 14:7-14).

I’ve observed in a few Nashville churches that the “holier than thou” club has been mostly replace by the “hipper than thou” crew. There are a few telltale signs. 1) Their pastor and/or worship leader(s) wear skinny jeans. 2) The church building doesn’t look anything like a church building. 3) The worship songs are the latest and newest songs that haven’t even hit the radio yet.

To be fair, I’ve had my share of “hipper than thou” moments, as well as “holier than thou.” I’ve caught myself a few times comparing myself with others and detected more than a little pride in my pop culture knowledge and vast and educated musical tastes.

The fact is, anyone could look at me sitting in a seat at Kairos or in a church pew and rightfully ask, “What are you doing here? You don’t belong here.”

It’s true. I’ve done stupid things. I’ve said and typed much that I regret. I’ve had such thoughts that I truly hope I never run into a mind reader who can read my past thoughts. That would be tragic and awkward.

The fact is that in the Kingdom of Heaven, no one belongs and everyone belongs.

No one deserves to be there. I certainly don’t. Everyone has sinned and sin brings death to everyone every single time (to paraphrase my pastor Mike Glenn). The only reason anyone gets in is grace.

Because of grace, everyone can get in. The door is open. The invitations are sent. Everyone is welcome and no one who wants to get in will be left out.

In my opinion, there’s no such things as bad or good Christians. There are only sinners saved by grace. I love Thomas Merton’s definition of a saint– not someone who is good, but someone who has seen the goodness of God.

Don’t think you’re so very wise and holy that you get the best seats in the house. You’ll find yourself getting knocked down a few rungs on that old ladder. Remember Jesus, who didn’t consider anything or anyone beneath Him, but lowered himself to the position of a slave and didn’t think that death on a cross was too scandalous or too much of a sacrifice to get you and me into His kingdom.

If you’ve accepted the invitation, Just be thankful you’re in. And if you’re still undecided, remember there’s always room for one more– you.

Bittersweet Memories, Regrets, and Grace

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Today, I found out that a friend of mine who has cancer is in ICU. He’s septic and may not make it through the night. And if I’m honest, I didn’t really know him in high school. Or at least I don’t remember much about him. I regret that.

Lately, he’s been one of my biggest encouragers, even though what he’s going through is a million times worse than anything I’ve ever faced. I’m praying for one more miracle.

I find myself missing my childhood best friend Nathan. I miss my Grandmother Iris and my Granddaddy Bud. I miss both Uncle Bob and Uncle Monty. I even miss my high school homeroom teacher.

I have lots of unspoken words I wish I had spoken and a lot of unfulfilled promises I intended to keep but didn’t.

I can never go back and tell these people what they meant to me. I can never see their faces and hear their funny stories and hear tales of a legacy of faith that’s been passed down. I can never ask those questions that I thought I would have time to get around to.

But grace means that I still have a chance to set that right. I can say those words to the people who are still in my life. I can make good on promises I made to family and friends in honor and memory of those whom I’ve lost and miss still.

Don’t presume that you’ll have tomorrow to say your “I love you”s. Don’t think that anybody whom you love is guaranteed a tomorrow. Whatever you need to say or do, today is the day.

I’ve said before that when you take things and people for granted, what you’re granted gets taken. And I’ve asked the question before: “If God only let you keep what you thanked Him for and were grateful for verbally, what would you have left? Who would you have left?”

There’s an insidious kind of casualness to relationships these days. Maybe it’s because of people having 5,000 friends on facebook. Maybe it’s because no one thinks they’re really and truly mortal. But once someone is gone from your life, you can never rewind the tape. You can never skip back to the last scene. You can only live with those unspoken words and unfulfilled promises.

I know this is not one of my usual frivolous and witty posts. But sitting in St. Paul’s Episcopal Church with tears rolling down my face, I was reminded that sometimes I need a wake-up call. I need to be reminded that life is precious and people are more precious. Right now, have one purring cat in my lap that I must attend to, so I bid you all adieu and a good night.

Lessons From an ER

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I never thought I’d be spending my Friday night at the ER. . . again. This time it wasn’t for me. It was for my grandmother (who is much better, by the way). But it got me thinking about life.

Emergency Rooms are for.  . . wait for it. . .  emergencies. Profound, I know. But you never know when an emergency will strike. You never know when your life will be forever altered. So I’m offering up a list of a few things I was reminded of tonight.

1) Life is short. Too short to spend it with bitterness and unforgiveness. It’s still true that holding back forgiveness and harboring bitterness against someone is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. It only affects you. So forgive, especially since you never are guaranteed that you will get the chance tomorrow. I think it’s easier to bite the bullet and forgive someone than live with the regret of not doing it.

2) Don’t pass up and opportunity to let those in your life know how much they mean to you. Don’t assume a person knows you love them. Say the words, “I love you.”

3) Take chances, Go for broke. Step out in faith. And all of those other cliches. Don’t wish you had taken risks. It’s better to try and fail miserably than look back near the end of your life and wonder what would have happened had you tried.

4) Don’t just spend your days living for the next weekend or the next holiday or the next big event in your life. Savor each day and relish each moment in your days. God is in this moment, speaking to you now and you will miss Him if you’re too busy looking ahead.

5) Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat healthier, give up those bad habits, and so forth. Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels. I didn’t say skinny, I said healthy. Your goal is not to look like the cover of a fashion magazine. That’s not realistic. Your goal is to be healthy and happy in your own skin, regardless of the numbers inside your jeans. Oh, and pay attention to what your body is telling you. Don’t neglect warning signs or pain. Take care of yourself.

6) The next time you see an ER nurse or doctor, be sure and thank him or her. They earn their pay. In fact, they probably don’t get paid enough for all the crazy they have to deal with on a daily (or nightly basis).

All of that from six hours in the ER, I think that turned out to be time well spent.

Listening to Your Life

“Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace” (Frederick Beuchner).

Sometimes, all you have to do is to keep your ears and eyes open for something good to happen.

So many people are rushing on to the next big event in their lives that they don’t have time (or won’t take the time) to look around. They never stop and smell any roses as they barrel down the interstate going 90.

But life is a one-shot deal. You don’t  get a do-over if you get to the end and realized you missed out on all the important stuff while chasing trends and keeping up with the proverbial Joneses.

I heard it in a sermon once and I think it is so true: you have to create margins in your schedule, breathing room so you’re not running 24/7 all week long. I’d add that you have to cultivate quietness and stillness in your life in order to hear from God on a consistent basis.

Some of the best moments in my life have come when I am wide-eyed, expectant, and looking for what God has for me in the moment. If I had been focused in the past on what I could have done better or in the future playing out possible scenarios, I would have missed them.

The truth is you will never have time unless you make time, and you will always make time for what you consider important. So make time for people instead of your to-do list. The world won’t end if every single item on your list isn’t checked off at the end of the day.

You will never get to the end of your life and regret not having worked more hours or not having made more money. You won’t be sorry that you left some things undone. What you will regret are words left unspoken. You will look back and wish you could have spent more time with those you loved, those you cared for, and those people God put in your life to teach you something valuable.

Today’s a good day to start. Or maybe, since it’s 21 minutes until midnight, tomorrow will do just fine.