Has It Really Been 22 Years?

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In case you’re wondering what 22 years is referring to, that’s how long it’s been since I went on an actual date. With an actual girl. To a place outside my imagination.

At first, that thought was horribly and mind-numbingly depressing, but later I saw it as a blessing. More on that later. Back to the sad me.

I’ve never kissed a girl. And no, I have not nor will I ever kiss a dude. Blech!

I’ve never even held hands with a girl outside of prayer groups. And yes, I was one of those guys who tried to strategically place myself next to the girl I liked right before the prayer started so I could hold her hand. Notice how I said “tried.” Key word there.

But you know what?

I’m still blessed.

I’m still living my miracle.

How?

I have known nights where I didn’t think I could hold on until the sunrise. It was then I felt my Abba’s arms encircling me, holding me tight. There is not a moment when my hand has ever slipped out of the firm grip of my Father’s strong hand.

And yes, I have known the sweet kisses of grace and the embrace of mercy unfolding over and around me. I know what it is to be desired by the Great Lover and ravished by Sweet Words of Love. I know Jesus sings over me nightly because His delight is in me.

So I am as blessed (or more so) than people with far more impressive dating resumes who have found their dream-mate.

I know I was, am, and will always be the dream in God’s heart, the apple of His eye, the one He adores, and His beloved son in whom He is well pleased.

That is so much more than enough for me.

My prayer for tonight after Kairos

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Lord, you have ravished me body and soul. With one look of your eye, you have enraptured my heart and enlarged my vision of You. You have absolutely ruined me for the ordinary and the routine.

Lord, help me to be obedient to you, no matter what the cost. May I go where you send me and be who You call me to be. I want to obey You wholeheartedly and completely, even if no one else notices, because You will notice. I want to follow You, even if those around me disown me or ignore me, because You will never disown me or leave me. Never.

Teach me to love the way You love me. Break my heart for what breaks Yours. Make me Your hands and feet to touch those hurting, lost, and lonely people around me. Transform my heart until it beats with your heartbeat. Transform my eyes until I see that Your plan is for the whole world and not just my little world.

I want my faith to be more than words and professions of love to You. I want to be more than moved and inspired at times; I want to be radically changed from the inside out. I choose to trust You, whether or not I feel it or understand You.

Even if I must go alone, I want to follow You wherever and however You lead.

As always, I believe, but help my unbelief.