patience

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

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I’m convinced that when you’re waiting for something, time moves half as fast as normal, so 15 minutes seems like 30, and 30 like an hour. That especially applies for doctor’s waiting rooms and motor vehicle registration offices.

If you’ve ever had to wait after a job interview, you know how frustratingly slow the process can seem. For me, there’s enough time to go from exhilarating optimism to crushing despair to somewhere in the middle during that time.

But waiting is good. Waiting is where God makes us who he wants us to be. Waiting is where God speaks to us the most.

But I still hate waiting.

I have to be honest. I’d rather have a root canal than have to wait. I’d rather watch episodes of Real Housewives of Atlanta than wait. You get the idea.

But I also know it’s good for me. It slows me down. It helps me to refocus and reorient my thinking. It’s like rebooting your computer periodically so that it works better.

Waiting means that I am no longer in control of the outcome. I acknowledge that God, and not me, is in control of the situation. He knows better than I do what the best outcome is, so I’ve learned to trust that.

It shouldn’t, but it always surprises me that God has impeccable timing. He’s never too soon or too late, but always shows up at the exact right moment. You’d think by now I’d expect that and be ready, but it always catches me off guard.

So I wait. I’m learning to wait well. I’m still not sure what that looks like, but I think I’m starting to catch on. It means expectancy of God showing up and getting ready for when that happens.

I just wish waiting didn’t take so long.

Joy in the Waiting

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Sometimes, I have this idea that if I can just get to this stage in my life, then everything will be okay. Maybe if I get that relationship or that job, I can find that contentment.

To use a phrase that’s been way overused, it’s like I’m waiting for God to open a door so I can walk through and find joy. Then my life will be complete.

But maybe I don’t need to wait for that open door. Something I read on facebook challenged and inspired me. No, it was not about how if I don’t share a certain status, it means I hate puppies and kittens. Not that kind of post.

It said, “Until God opens the next door for you, praise Him in the hallway.”

Maybe you’re in a hallway. Neither here nor there and certainly not where you’d rather spend your time. But hallways are inevitable. Sooner or later, you end up there.

That’s where you learn to really praise God and mean it. That’s where you find joy that is different from the happiness that is dependent on your circumstances, or what happens to you.

That’s where you learn and grow the most. That’s where your faith deepens and your heart expands. That is where you will hear the voice of God most. That’s where you become the person that’s ready for whatever lies behind the door God will open for you next.

Joy is knowing that while you might not know what’s next, God does. Joy is knowing that God’s in your past redeeming it, in your present with you, and in your future waiting for you.

Joy is knowing that God works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Even in the hallway.

 

Dangerous Prayers

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Tonight at Kairos, Aaron Bryant taught about one of the most dangerous prayers you can pray: Lord, take me. Lord, I surrender to You.

I know from experience some of the most dangerous prayers I’ve prayed have been when I asked for patience and when I prayed, “Thy will be done.”

The joke is that you should never pray for patience unless you want what little patience you already have to be supremely tested. If you do pray for patience, you will find out just how impatient you really are. God will bring people into your life that bring out the worst in you and put you in situations that make you wanna cuss. But in all of that, God is slowly changing you so that you are slightly more patient today than you were a week ago.

I’ve found that when you pray, “Thy will be done,” you are also praying, “My will be undone.” I learned that from one of the wisest women and authors I have ever come across, Elisabeth Elliot. To pray, “Thy will be done,” means I am willing to let go of some cherished dreams and plans and goals if they aren’t a part of God’s will. It means to have desires denied and longings go unfulfilled sometimes, but it means that for every thing I give up, I gain something 1000 times better.

Still, the hardest prayer right now for me to pray is, “Lord, I surrender.” Even now there’s a fear that God isn’t really for me and won’t do what’s best for me if I give up control. There’s the illusion that my plans really are better than God’s plans.

Ultimately, I only have to look back at my life to see those aren’t true at all. God has never been anything but good to me. God has always been for me and God has never ever done anything less than the very best for me.

I guess as long as I have my old nature still hanging around and my self-will still battling for control, surrender will never be an easy thing to do. But to borrow a quote from the Soul Surfer movie, right now I don’t want easy; I just want possible.

The Most Un-Epic Blog You Will Ever Read

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I am sitting here with my lap top and my lap cat snoozing contentedly away (the lap cat is sleeping, not the lap top). All is well.

I didn’t wake up today with the super spiritual powers of ultimate patience, unending mercy, and unconditional love. Honestly, I didn’t feel like getting up at all so I set the alarm clock on my phone back 30 minutes before I finally rolled out of bed.

I still get angry too easily and I still am not very good at taking those thoughts captive. Sometimes, I have a terrible attitude and even blame God every now and then that my life isn’t what I think it should be.

But I can see that I’m a little more patient, a little more kind, a little more understanding, a little more ready to forgive and not plot revenge in my head.

I am a little more trusting in God’s plans for me and a little more willing to wait patiently and silently. I’m a little more at peace with unanswered questions and unfulfilled longings and desires.

The life of faith for me is the baby step by baby step version (did anyone else just think of Bill Murray in What About Bob? ‘Cause I sure did).

Somedays it’s 4 steps forward, 3 steps back. Some days, it’s 2 steps forward, 3 steps back. Overall, I am moving forward, ever so slowly, but ever so surely.

Sometimes you get the Charleton Heston as Moses parting the Red Sea moments, but more often than not, you get the quiet moments when you’re waiting for the still, small voice.

For me, my life of faith is less like an action movie filled with CGI and exposions and sometimes scantily-clad women and more like a quirky independent comedy-drama with complex yet endearing characters, a scenic backdrop, and a quiet ending with an epiphany or two in it. Maybe with subtities, maybe not.

By the way, the lap cat is purring, so that probably means she approves this message. And so do I.

Some not-so-original thoughts on prayer

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“To pray, I think, does not mean to think about God in contrast to thinking about other things, or to spend time with God instead of spending time with other people. Rather, it means to think and live in the presence of God. As soon as we begin to divide our thoughts about God and thoughts about people and events, we remove God from our daily life and put him into a pious little niche where we can think pious thoughts and experience pious feelings. … Although it is important and even indispensable for the spiritual life to set apart time for God and God alone, prayer can only become unceasing prayer when all our thoughts — beautiful or ugly, high or low, proud or shameful, sorrowful or joyful — can be thought in the presence of God. … Thus, converting our unceasing thinking into unceasing prayer moves us from a self-centred monologue to a God-centred dialogue” (Henri Nouwen).

Prayer is not about me letting God in on information He was unaware of, or getting Him to do or change things for me. Prayer is about getting to know the heart and mind of God. It’s about seeing my problems and issues with His eyes. It’s about me being conformed into His image, which is ultimately God’s will for all of us.

Prayer is not just about me alone with God. It’s about me and other believers coming together in one accord before God, praying as one. It’s about seeing and seeking God in every waking moment.

All that to say that I am not really that good at prayer. I can pray in emergencies or crisis, but I forget to pray when I feel I am in status quo normal mode. Sometimes, I even forget about God and all He’s done for me. But I’m learning not to come at God all the time asking for things and not sticking around for His responses. I’m learning to come to God and be open to whatever He has for me. I’m learning to be still and listen. I’m learning to quiet my mind and be still. I’m learning to pray not my will, but Thine.

I am a student in the school of prayer who has a very patient Master who won’t ever flunk me or get frustrated with me or give up on me. He is pleased with my weak efforts and my directionless monologues out of a mind that is so easily distracted by anything and everything else. I have an Interpreter who will take the groans and sighs of mine that can’t find words and turn them into perfect prayers.

As always, I believe. Help my unbelief.