A Good Reminder to Myself

I talk to myself sometimes. Out loud. I tend to use a British accent so it’s more fun and less creepy.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself of certain things. Repeatedly.

1) You are not your job (or lack of one). You are not your salary. You are not a title or a profession. You are exactly who God made you to be. And He said you were good.

2) God’s in the past where you messed up and where you got hurt, healing your wounds so they no longer bleed into your present (thanks to Mike Glenn for that one. He’s right there with you in your present. And He’s already in your future, waiting on you with plans that will blow your mind.

3) It’s okay to feel scared and unsure. It’s okay to have doubts because faith by its very nature comes with doubting. If we knew with 100% certainty, we wouldn’t need faith.

4) If you are loved and if you have friends, you are not a failure. If God loves you and calls you friend, then you have already won.

5) Whatever happened today, be it good, bad, or ugly, tomorrow is a new day filled with fresh possibilities and a clean slate. You can start over.

Maybe you’re having a great day and you’re loving life and everything is going your way. That’s wonderful. Maybe not. But everybody will at times go through storms. Everyone will go through deserts where your faith seems dead. Everyone will go through dark nights where God seems impossible to find.

No matter what your feelings or senses tell you, no matter what your circumstances tell you, God is there. He has not left you. He has not forgotten you. And He never will.

By the way, this blog is best read with a British accent. It sounds so much more sophisticated that way.

Church and State and Everything in Between

First of all, I’d like to state for the record that both Sarah Palin and Nancy Pelosi get on my nerves, so I guess that makes me an independent.

Tonight at Kairos, Mike Glenn spoke about politics and the Kingdom of God. Basically, he said we as the Church (in general) gave up faith in the power of the Gospel and traded in the role of prophet for the illusion of political access.

We thought that if we got “our” people into office and got “our” laws passed, things would get better. But you can only pass laws to keep people from hurting their neighbors. You can’t pass laws that make people love those neighbors.

I heard a great analogy tonight. Food doesn’t change the salt, but rather salt changes the food. In the same way, the world shouldn’t change believers, but believers should be the ones changing the world. We are called to be salt, and it only takes a little salt to make a big difference.

Why do we act surprised when lost people act like lost people? Are they the problem with this country? Is it dark because the darkness killed the light?

It’s dark because the light has failed. It’s dark not because believers have been too different from the world around them, but because we haven’t been different enough.

This made me think: some people are so good at blending in with the world that even Jesus won’t be able to recognize them when He comes back.

I’ll say it again that it’s not about taking back a country (that was never really ours to begin with), but advancing a Kingdom. Our hope doesn’t lie in a President, but in a coming King who will set all things right.

Do go and vote. That’s important. But at the same time don’t put your hopes for a better future into the hands of politicians, because that has never ended well.

Long after presidents and countries and politics are no more, Jesus will still reign as King and Lord over all. Long after political parties have bit the dust and governments have fallen, Jesus will still be in charge.

That’s where my hope lies.

I am Jacob

I am Jacob. From the very first moment I took a breath, I’ve been a deceiver and a trickster. Even as I came from the womb, I was jockeying for position. My name means heel-grabber and that’s what I am.

I can con anyone. I can talk you out of your life savings for a bowl of chiken noodle soup. Just ask my brother. I am the used car salesman that makes used car salesmen look bad. I am the epitome of the snake oil peddler.

But here I am out in the desert, all by myself. I’ve disappointed my father and broken my mother’s heart. I’m sure my brother hates me and will probably try to kill me the next time he sees me. All my schemes have left me empty and broken inside and I have run out of plans.

Suddenly, I’m wrestling this Man. I can tell from the start that He’s much stronger and faster and smarter than I am. It’s all I can do to hold on. And that’s what I do– grip tight and hold on for all that I’m worth.

He barely touches my hip and it comes out of joint. I’ve never known such searing pain, but still I hold on. Even when he tells me to let go, I hold on.

“I won’t let go until you bless me. I won’t let go until you can see past my deceit and treachery and find the real me. I won’t let go until you tell me who I really am underneath my house of cards that’s falling down all around me.”

He says, “You are Israel. You are a prince and you are the one who has struggled with God and man and prevailed. You are no longer your deceitful past. You are now Mine.”

I see now that it’s good to lose every once in a while. It’s good to wrestle with a God that’s stronger than me, strong enough to take care of me, strong enough to carry me when I’m weak.

I’m learning that God has had a better plan for me than all my conniving and manipulation. I’m learning that love sometimes has to wound before it can heal, and sometimes it has to give you scars before it can make you whole.

My name is Israel, and I will probably never walk right again. My source of strength has become my weakness, but I’m finding out that’s where God’s power really shows up.

My name is Israel and I’m learning to dance with a limp.

Westboro Baptist: Who Are We Against, Really?

I was thinking today about the announcement that the infamous Westboro Baptist Church was picketing a church I’ve attended in the past. Apparently, this church was much too tolerant about forgiving sinners and extending grace.

That made me think. Who am I against? Who is my enemy? And the question that I can’t get over: Are we really supposed to be against anybody?

This is my own belief and is no way affiliated with anybody else, but here goes. I don’t think we’re supposed to be against anybody.

Think about it. The Bible tells us that our battle is not against flesh and blood people, but against spiritual forces and demonic powers. I can’t find it anywhere in my Bible where I am supposed to hate a particular group simply because they behave and believe differently than I do.

The Bible says to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. It says to go out of your way to serve and minister to them the same way Christ did. The Bible says nothing about picketing and name-calling and verbally attacking.

A pastor I greatly admire said that you don’t fight fire with fire. You fight it with water. You don’t fight hate with more hate, but with a love that is stronger than any hate. A love that is stronger than all the political powers and all the weapons of the world and all the special-interest groups. A love stronger than fear. A love stronger than even death, the grave, and hell.

God never called me to go out and correct someone’s lifestyle. He never called me to go out and point out all the reasons they’re going to hell. He told me to go out and proclaim the good news– that there is hope for the hopeless, healing for the broken, and salvation for those who can’t ever get it right and are stuck in sin.

I believe we’re even called to show grace to the legalists and Pharisees who themselves don’t believe in or practice grace.

What am I against? I’m against the lies that keep people in bondage. I’m against any kind of hate that condemns a person that Jesus came to save. I’m against reducing the beautiful Story God has written over thousands of years to a pithy phrase that fits on a bumper sticker or a picket sign.

What am I for? Grace. Because I above all people need it. Because I have received it and know how good it feels to be forgiven and free. Because I want every single person out there to know that feeling, too.

I’m just a nobody [in the world’s eyes] trying to tell everybody about Somebody who can save anybody. That’s all.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

Someone asked me how I was today and my answer was “Blessed.” Normally, I say, “Fine” or “Okay”, but for some reason I felt compelled to say “Blessed” tonight.

Maybe it’s because I am blessed. I may not have a job and I may be perennially stuck on being single, but I have some great friends and I serve an even greater God who chose me and called me by name and loves me in spite of all the dumb things I do on a daily basis.

I think about Peter and how Jesus called him out to walk on water. Most people fault Peter for giving into fear and sinking, but the fact that Peter took a huge step of faith toward Jesus has to count for something. At least with me.

I’m thinking about something Mike Glenn said at Kairos tonight. He said you know it’s really God calling you when it’s something that you can’t do on your own. Like walking on water. Or going halfway around the world to serve as a missionary. Or just being faithful to Jesus where you are.

This season has been rough for me, but I have found healing and grace like I’ve never known before, both from the people around me and from God. I have seen shackles of fear and doubt fall away and found how awesome it is to walk in freedom, no longer captive to the need to please others.

I have found that the best moments in life aren’t the ones you plan for, but those you never would expect. Like the old song says, “You can’t always get what you want, but you find sometimes you get what you need.”

The more I live the more in awe of God I am. The more I see my desperate need of everything He is. The more I can truly lift my hands in worship. The more I can hold the people and things in my life with open hands and not clenched fists.

The more I know that everything will be fine in the end. If it’s not fine, it’s not the end.

 

Advice for the Healing

I have a word of advice for those in the healing process. Don’t rush it.

I know. It sounds a little odd. You’re probably wanting the pain to end as quickly as possible and to be able to move on with your life as close to normally as you were before.

But there is such a thing as healing too quickly. Kinda like when you have your wisdom teeth taken out and the incisions heal before the infection can get out (I borrowed that from Mike Glenn and Kairos).

You should want to be well and healthy and whole, not just functional and better.

You want Jesus to walk you through your pain, not give you a short-cut around it, so that at the end you can truly say that Jesus in you overcame that hurt and you will never have to deal with that particular issue ever again.

If you are dealing with something like approval-addiction, you may wake up one morning and feel like a million bucks. You may feel like the opinions of others don’t matter and you have finally conquered your demon.

But feeling like you’re healed and being healed are often two very different things. You can never trust feelings as a barometer for health, because feelings are fickle and influenced by so many things.

So, let Jesus take His time with you. Let others in on the process and let them speak life into you during this time. If you try to heal by yourself, you will never find true wholeness.

And believe Jesus when He said that He will finish what He started in you. You will be everything He made you to be one day soon and you will know what it’s like to live out of a wholeness that can only come from being hidden in Jesus.

That’s my advice for the day. And take two aspirin and call me in the morning.

Addictions: Lessons from Tonight’s Kairos

When you think of the word addiction, you probably think of the junkie with the needle in his arm or the guy staggering from a bar at 2 am, too drunk to even be able to walk in a straight line.

But maybe addiction looks like the man who works 80 hours a week every week or uses food as comfort to ease the pain he can’t handle. Maybe you’re like me and your addiction is the approval of others. Whatever it is, you’re not alone and there’s hope.

The story of recovery from addiction is the story of moving from slavery to freedom. The Bible says that you are a slave to whatever you choose to obey, whether that be God or a controlled substance or a relationship or a hobby or a career.

Whatever it is, it’s a form of idolatry. You are giving power to something or someone other than God to hold your life together. The thing is that nothing else has the power, the weight, to keep your life together and keep you from spinning out of control.

I loved what Mike Glenn said. He says that Jesus doesn’t stop by your unraveling life to inform you that you’re going to hell. He comes to you in your moment of greatest weakness and says, “You are Mine. You belong to Me. And you don’t have to stay here in slavery.”

You will never overcome addiction alone. You need someone else, whether that be an accountability partner or a 12-step group. It takes time and work.

Jesus died so you wouldn’t have to be beholden to anything ever again. He died to provide you a way out.

The hard part is that often Jesus will take you and walk you through the painful event or memory that you’ve been trying so hard to anesthesize or drown out or numb or run away from. He will take you through it rather than throwing you over it, and you face it and overcome it and never have to be afraid of it ever again.

If God is for you, who can ever be against you? No one. Nothing. And if God said it, that settles it, whether you believe it or not.

I have never been a drug addict or an alcoholic, but as a recovering approval-addict, I know that there is freedom and victory in the name of Jesus. I know what it is through His mighty name to overcome and triumph.

I am learning not to rush the healing process, but to believe that the healing is happening. There is joy in seeing the shackles and chains of addiction and strongholds fall away and you find that you are walking in freedom for the first time.

That’s what I pray for each of you– freedom.

Wheat and Weeds

I keep thinking about wheat and weeds a lot. Not because I’m in need of medication (and yes, they do make pills for this), but because I’m still thinking about a particular sermon I heard Sunday. It was that good.

I’m wheat. Just go with it and it will make sense further on (I hope). I am planted in a field where wheat and weeds are mixed together and sometimes are hard to tell apart.

My job is not to try to decide which is which.

I could make a list of top ten most dangerous weeds– that is, the people I’d most like God to take out and smite. The problem with that is that I am most likely on someone else’s List of Folks for God to Smite Tomorrow.

Or I could just be the best wheat I can be and love people.

Oh yeah, I forgot one thing. I was once a weed.

In other words, I once was purpose-less and no good for anybody or anything. I once had no hope at all and was headed for a grim ending.

But God made me wheat. Is that anymore hard to believe than God changing me from dead to alive, from sinner to saint, from stanger to family, from alienated to beloved? No.

If God can to that in me, He can do it in anyone. Trust me on that.

From this moment on, I am believing the best about everyone I meet. I believe God can change anyone, make broken and dead people whole and alive, take your mess and make it your message, and help you find your YES, the reason you were born.

I choose to see you not as you are, but what you will look like when God gets through with you (and trust me, what I’m seeing is absolutely stunning!) I’m praying to see you with God’s eyes and love you with God’s heart and be God’s hands and feet to help you get to where God designed for you to shine.

Cause that’s just what wheat does.

Baggage Part I: Letting Go

Who doesn’t have baggage? I certainly know I do. I’m pretty sure anyone who is over the age of 5 and who still has a pulse has accumulated some kind of baggage over the years.

What is my baggage? Probably right now, I’m carrying around the constant need to be validated, affirmed, approved, and liked every single moment.

I find myself at the end of conversations thinking I’ve said or texted the absolute wrong thing and ruined the relationship. Things like, “Did I really just end the conversation with ‘Text me’? Is it even possible for there to be a lamer ending to a conversation?”

I think I let go of a little bit of my baggage tonight. I think I’ve finally come to the point where I may not trust myself to keep my relationships alive, but I know that God will keep the right people in my life for as long as they need to be there.

I’ve mentioned before that I am a work in progress. I’m 4o and my dating history reads like a black comedy or a tragedy (either one works, so take your pick). I haven’t had a real girlfriend since I was 5 (her name was Carrie, by the way).

I think I’m more comfortable with my own path and not trying to hijack God’s plan for someone else. I’m learning to enjoy the process and the journey and not be so OCD about the destination.

I think I’m learning that I don’t have to be clever or witty (or even overly coherent) for God to speak through me.

I’m finally learning to be patient with my own process and who I am becoming. I’m more patient with the shortcomings of others, because I’ve seen so much of my own and I’ve seen how very strong God can be in my weakness.

What is your baggage? You have a choice. You can either hold on to your shame and guilt and fear and anger or you can hold onto Jesus, but you can’t hold on to both. And yes, I borrowed that one from Mike Glenn.

You don’t have to carry that baggage forever. You don’t have to let it define you or be a pemanent part of your wardrobe. It all begins with saying, “I can’t do this anymore. I need you, Jesus, to take this and carry it for me.” It may be a process, but it’s so much fun to feel the weight fall off.

May you find that what you’ve carried all this time is one day no longer a part of you. May you find more and more freedom in Christ. May you hear and believe the words at this very moment that “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Amen.