marriage

Fathers And All That

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stjoseph

I can imagine Joseph on a break from his carpentry job, hanging around the water cooler that just happens to be on the construction site. Go with me on this.

He’s listening to the other guys brag about their sons:

“My son made the honor roll again. That boy is just plain smart.”

“Yeah? Well, my boy is All-State in both football and basketball. He’ll be getting a free ride to any college he wants.”

“My boy is going into the ROTC and into the Army after he graduates from college. He wants to dedicate his life to defending freedom.”

Then Joseph can’t resist any longer. “My boy is Savior of the World.”

They all roll their eyes. One of them says, “Yeah, yeah. We know. Jesus is soooo great. He can walk on water. He’s the perfect Man, God incarnate, yada, yada, yada. You don’t have to keep reminding us of how great your son is.”

OK. That probably never happened. But I do think Joseph is a good example of a good father.

He’s the one who raised a child he didn’t father. Sure, it was a miraculous event, but still, Jesus was not his biological child. But he was man enough to take responsibility. He did the best thing any good father can do by loving his wife, Mary, day in and day out.

Also, he raised Jesus in the right way. Jesus knew how to work hard with his hands and was taught the importance of integrity and honesty. When the Bible says that Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, Joseph had a part in that.

Actually, the Bible never records any of Joseph’s actual words. It merely says that when Joseph heard what the angel said, he obeyed. Jesus learned obedience from a human perspective by watching his earthly father. Joseph knew that most of the most important life lessons are caught rather than taught, so he lived out his faith and his integrity and back up what he said by what he did.

Fathers, take a few notes from Joseph. Learn to lead by example and to be the man you want your son to become and your daughter to marry.

More for Those With Broken Hearts

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I have something I’ve learned about having my heart broken a few times that I want to pass along to you. First of all, I want to say that okay to grieve when your love or interest in someone goes unrequited. It’s okay to hurt. I think it requires as much of a grieving process as losing a loved one, because you’re seeing the death of a dream that was very dear to your heart.

I think it’s okay to be brutally open and honest with God about the pain. He can take it. Besides, he already knows those feelings that you pretend aren’t there when you tell yourself that you’re fine.

That said, I think one good thing out of having your heart broken is that it is never again the same shape as it was, pre-break. It’s larger. And if you choose the path of healing versus the path of grudges and bitterness, good things can come out of the pain, such as these:

You have more room to love others and you have an increased sensitivity to those in pain around you who need your love.

You give more grace toward those who act out of their own hurt toward you because you remember when you did the same out of the great pain you were once in.

You have more compassion and tenderness in general because you know what it’s like to need it and find it so you want others to experience the same joy you did.

Finally, you become a little more like Jesus because you’ve shared in his sufferings. Jesus above all knows the pain of a broken heart, both physically and metaphorically. He’s the one who wept over Jerusalem because they wouldn’t come to him and find life and freedom. His heart was just as broken that day as when the spear pierced his side into his heart.

So remember that there is nothing broken that God can’t take and make beautiful. No, not just beautiful like it was before. It won’t ever be the same. It will be much, much better.

 

 

 

What Happens Next?

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Recently, I admitted to someone that I had feelings for her. It took a lot of courage and bravery for me to do that and my mind ran through the gamut of responses I would receive from “I never want to see or talk to you again and I’m getting a restraining order against you,” to “I love you, my strong handsome hunk of man. Let’s go right now to Vegas and get married.” OK, I didn’t really seriously consider that last one. But I did hope she liked me the same way I liked her.

She didn’t. It turns out there’s a guy she’s interested in. And that’s okay. I can pray for God’s will in that relationship and still be good friends with her. I call that a win.

I allowed myself a process of letting the grief come. I went into Baskin Chapel at my church and knelt down and let the tears come. I grieved over saying goodbye to a dream that felt so good and so right. Then I got up and moved on.

I’m not saying we won’t ever ever be more than friends ever. God is still God and he’s still in control. I’m still praying the prayer that never fails– Your will be done.

But it’s good to know that God’s got me in this. Even through the joy and peace mixed with hurt and sadness, I know God is right here with me. I know I’m not falling apart only by his amazing grace.

Maybe I’ll meet someone else and start the process over. I hope so. One thing I know for certain that there’s no time that my God won’t be with me and there’s nothing he can’t work for my good and his glory. I still believe that the best is still yet to come and God’s not even close to being finished with me.

I’m still living my miracle.

 

Another Prayer for My Future Wife

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I have an idea of how we will meet. We will run into each other at a local coffee shop, one with lots of charm and quirkiness. We will settle into an easy conversation. For me, it will be like I’m at home with you. Like putting on an old favorite pair of sandals.

I pray you are at rest in Jesus today. I pray you are constantly amazed at how your Abba is in love with you. May He ravish and captivate your being and continue to bring out your true beauty, a Proverbs 31 character and a face that glows with Jesus.

I pray that God will make us friends first. Then one day, I will look at you and know that I don’t have to look anymore, for I will have truly come home to your smile.

May I AM bring healing to those deep wounds from your past so that they no longer bleed into your present. May Jesus redeem every hurtful word and deed done to you so your testimony can bring healing to every person in every nation.

May you fall even more in love with Jesus each day and run after Him with every fiber of your being. May you be bold and unashamed to live out the Gospel, knowing that you are the only Bible some will ever read. May people look at you and see Jesus, speak with you and hear His voice of truth, feel His healing hand with your touch, and be filled with a deep longing for Immanuel just by having met Him in you.

I wait for you patiently and eagerly. It will be more than I deserve and better than my wildest dreams when I become

Your beloved husband.

Things I Love

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island hammock

I was inspired to create this list by a book I’m reading called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. The goal is to see life and everything good in it as a gift from God. So here goes part 1 of the list:

1) The smell of the air after a thunderstorm.

2) Rain on a tin roof.

3) Sunsets on the beach.

4) My family– every single one of them.

5) My friends– all of them, too.

6) Life.

7) Downtown Franklin on a cool Saturday night.

8) The way a new bride glows on her wedding day.

9) The way a new groom’s face lights up when he sees his new bride in her wedding gown for the first time as she walks toward him down the aisle.

10) God’s heart for the orphans and the widows– basically, those without a voice.

11) My cat Lucy

12) Cheg-nog from Starbucks.

13) Chocolate chip cookies from The Frothy Monkey (whether they are truly gluten-free or not).

14) Good music.

15) Good movies.

16) Good books.

17) Savannah, Georgia.

18) Being a greeter every week on the Kairos greeter team with the best people in the universe!

19) My addiction to caffeine.

20) Fitting into size 29 jeans.

21) That my Abba Father is still very fond of me after all this time.

22) True love.

23) The feeling of taking off dress socks.

24) Swing dancing.

25) Ultimate frisbee.

26) Kindness lived out and grace extended.

27) Waking up to a new day with new mercies and a clean slate.

28) The unguarded joy of children over the smallest things.

29) The Advent season with its gaudy decorations and cheesy songs and the reminder of Immanuel– God with us still.

30) That every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.

31) That I can fail big and stick around and make ’em wonder why I’m still smilin’!

32) For more lists to come in the future.

Vanilla Blonde Roast Coffee and Thoughts of Marriage

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starbucks

I officially had my very first cup of non-blended coffee. It was a grande vanilla blonde roast, thank you very much. And yes, I felt ever so grown up drinking it. I may actually turn into a mature grown-up person one day, scary as that thought may be.

Then I got to thinking about marriage. Me the single guy thinking about marriage? Yep.

For years, I felt I couldn’t get married because I felt I’d never be mature enough or ready for all the responsibilities. Now I think maybe those are the very reasons that I’m ready.

I know I will need Jesus in my marriage for it to have even a ghost of a chance for success. I know I will need his strength daily to be the kind of husband and father I need to be. I know how weak and foolish I can be on my own strength.

Maybe the greatest folly going into a marriage is thinking that you’re ready for it. Maybe it’s when you think you can handle the biblical roles of husband and father that you’re most prone to the consequence that follows the sin of pride– namely, a great fall.

I’m not saying I will get married tomorrow or next week. I’ve left that in God’s hands. But I no longer believe that I CAN’T be a good husband or father. I can’t, but Jesus in me can.

I don’t want a typical American marriage. I don’t want to settle for normalcy. I don’t just want to plan for my wedding (and yes, I want to be a part of that); I want to plan for a lifelong marriage. I want a marriage where my wife and I serve together better than we ever could apart. I want a marriage that has a kingdom mission and purpose. I want my marriage to be a living witness to how great the love of Christ is for His bride, the Church.

And I know that I can’t begin to do that on my own. I can’t begin to dream of that on my own. It will take as much of Jesus flowing through me and out of me as I can humanly stand– and then some. It will take me being completely consumed until all that remains is Christ in me, the hope of glory.

All that from one cup of coffee. I may be up until 5 am, but right now I’m feeling mighty fine. Just think what kind of blogs I’ll write when I get hold of a venti cup of coffee.

My First Letter to My Future Wife in a While

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“You are the butter to my bread, you are the breath to my life” (from the movie Julie & Julia).

I blogged a few days ago about a magical movie moment at Best Buy. I’m beginning to realize that that girl is probably not you. In fact, I sincerely doubt I’ll ever see her again.

But one thing she did that I’m forever grateful for is to help me believe in myself again. Specifically, she helped me to believe that I could be desirable and attractive to the opposite sex. Not in a logical in-my-head kind of way, but in a very real, in-real-life kind of way.

I had even begun to doubt you would ever come my way, but now I believe in that again. I believe that even if it takes a miracle for us to meet, God has plenty of experience and practice and miracles and it’s really true that what seems impossible to us isn’t even remotely difficult for him,

There are still some fuzzy parts. I don’t know who you are or what you look like. I don’t know when or how we’ll meet. I don’t know where I’ll be. But I do know that wherever you are will be my home.

I know that there will be times when we won’t be “in love,” but we will still love each other, because love isn’t a feeling as much as it is a choice, an action, an active verb. Love even means loving when you don’t feel like it. Going through the motions of love sometimes until the feelings of love return.

I do hope there are moonlit walks on the beach and candlelit dinners. I hope for fireworks and also for quiet moments. I can’t wait to feel you lying next to me, sleeping while I’m still not able to fall asleep over the wonder that you belong to me and I belong to you and that we both belong to Jesus.

Some days, you are harder to see than others, but my hope isn’t in you. It’s in God. Period. I hope you will love me, but I hope you will love Jesus more. I hope to love you, but not half as much as I hope to love Jesus. And I know neither of our loves will even begin to touch the love of the Father for each of us.

That’s what I’m hoping for.

 

I Am a Jeep

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myjeep

I have a theory. Well, it’s more like my own weird way of thinking. I think people choose cars that fit their personalities. I know I am a lot like my 1995 Jeep Cherokee Sport.

I’m not flashy or GQ. I don’t have a lot of bells and whistles or cool gadgets. I’m a bit old-school like that. I have a few dings and some wear and tear, but I like to think I have a classic retro look.

What I am is dependable for the long haul. If I’m your friend, then I’m your friend. Period. I don’t give up on people. Ever.

I like to think that I have a style all my own that isn’t like anybody else. God made me to be me, not a poor imitation of someone else. That goes for you, too. You can either be a second-rate version of someone else or the absolutely best you possible. It’s up to you.

I’m never going to be a race car or a luxury car. I’m not an eye candy convertible. I’m a Jeep. I carry stuff. I get you from point A to point B. I’ll be around for a long time. That’s me.

If you’re looking for a male model Porsche kind of guy, you can skip over me. If you want someone who will be there, rain or shine, good times or bad, I’m your guy. If you want someone who will root for you and be on your side and laugh with you and cry with you, that’s me.

If you want someone who will love you more than he loves Jesus, count me out. I know Jesus is giving me you to help you become all he created you to be and help you fully come alive to your beauty, inside and out.

And hey, if you give me a chance, I just might surprise you a time or two. You just never know.

Magical Movie Moments

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I had one of those magical movie moments tonight. Yeah, it’s exactly like it sounds. It’s one of those moments that you tell yourself can’t be happening, one that only happens in those cheesy Nicholas Sparks movies that no one admits to liking yet pretty much everyone does. One of those moments.

A very pretty girl came up to me and started talking to me at Best Buy, asking me all sorts of questions about music and movies. We ended up chatting for over an hour, past when the store was supposed to close. I completely lost track of time. Even though I had never seen her before, we talked like old friends. The conversation wasn’t forced. It was natural. I think I found my musical and cinematic soul mate (in that we share pretty much the same tastes in music and movies).

Looking back, the scene was like the opening sequence from the movie Serendipity. Minus the soundtrack and Kate Beckinsale.

Oh, in case you’re reading this, I didn’t get your cell number. I was too stunned to ask. So you can text it to me at (615) 556-5850.

Even if I never see or hear from her again, I still think this ranks as a top 10 night of my life. Just to know that someone like that wanted to talk to me makes me feel good. Like maybe I could be romantically desirable to a girl and that maybe God does have someone out there for me.

I never cease to be amazed at what God does anymore. I just know that whatever it is, it’s always better than anything I could have scripted on my own or dreamed up in my best dreams.

And why should I be surprised? God is the Ultimate Romantic at Heart. He invented romance and marriage and true love. He’s the one who yearns to captivate our hearts and bring out the best on all of us. He’s the one who never stops pursuing our hearts, no matter how we spurn him or run away.

So, all in all, not bad for a Thursday night, eh?

More About the Whole Waiting Business

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If you’ve ever had to wait for something you wanted, you know how hard it can be.

If you’ve ever been through the process of looking for a job and felt one door after another slamming in your face, you know how discouraging it can feel and begin to doubt yourself a little.

Or maybe you’ve been waiting for that right person for what seems like forever and you’re beginning to think they will never come, you know how sick of heart you can get.

There is nothing that God makes you wait for that won’t be worth it. The fact that it’s taking him this long must mean it’s really good. After all, he did create the whole world in 7 days, so if he’s taking longer than that with your life, you know the result will be spectacular.

The easy thing to do is to give up on yourself, on others, and on God. Don’t.

The hard thing to do is keep trusting, keep believing, and keep holding on to the promise that God always finishes what he starts.

But nothing worthwhile was ever easy. Nothing that matters comes without effort and sweat and blood and tears. Just ask Jesus about what that feels like.

If you can’t trust your whole future to God, just trust him for the next 24 hours and see what happens.

I have to remind myself of a few things because I’m so forgetful and prone to worry.

1) God is good. All the time.

2) God hasn’t forgotten you or where you are.

3) God will complete the good work he started in you.

May we not only learn to wait, but to wait well and expectantly.