Living in the Now but Not Yet

I have several conflicting emotions at the present. My heart hurts over how my cat Lucy’s health continues to fail and she inches closer and closer to that rainbow bridge.

I’m also at peace and feeling gratitude over 17 years with her that I wouldn’t trade for the world. And yes, I’d go through all of it again (even the hardest parts) in a heartbeat.

How can you be sad to the point that you feel that at any moment you might burst into tears, yet at the same moment be filled with joy? I have no idea, but I’ve known both feelings simultaneously.

For every believer, there’s always going to be a tension between the now and the not yet, between joy and sorrow, between contentment and longing.

The fact is that we’re living in the Kingdom of God now but have yet to see its fullest consummation. Still the hope that carries us is that God will finish what He started and will make everything right and wipe away all the tears from our eyes.

I’m clinging to that hope with all my might tonight.

 

 

Grief and Sadness


It sounds weird, but I feel like I’m grieving over my terminally ill cat, even though she’s still alive. The knowledge that she’ll soon be gone can sometimes be overwhelming and brings me to tears, and the sadness of it is always present.

Grief and sadness are exhausting. It seems that it takes almost superhuman energy to function on a normal level when you’re especially sad.

Also, I’ve noticed that grief makes me feel weak and small. I don’t want to adult. I just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything will magically be alright, like I’m still 9-years old.

I know everything will not be alright. I still pray for a miracle for my Lucy and will up until the last possible moment, but I’m also prepared (as much as you can be) for the worst when I have to say my final goodbyes.

Even in the midst of all the sorrow, there have still been some beautiful moments that I will cling to after the sadness passes. I will remember the way she still got in my lap, even though she was weak and sick. I will remember how she still wanted to be near me.

I cling to the promise of God that grief lasts for just a night, but joy comes in the morning. Joy is always on the other side of grief for those who see with eyes of faith.

Right now, I’m hanging on and believing in spite of everything I’m feeling. It’s been a beautiful and wonderful 17 years that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world. I still believe with Job, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Sorrow will not have the last word in this or any other story.

Sad News


I got the worst possible news that you can get if you have a beloved pet that’s near and dear to your heart.

I found out from the vet today that my cat Lucy has severe jaundice and might have a few days or a few weeks left to live. In other words, her days are numbered.

I feel like a cloud of grief and sadness has been hanging over my head ever since. I get emotional and I feel somewhat stupid for getting so emotional over a cat when people around me are losing husbands, wives, parents, and children.

Still, pets can feel like family and losing one is never easy, no matter how old and sick they get.

I get sad when I think about what my life will be like without Lucy in it. I can’t imagine how I will get through something like that.

Then I remember something. God doesn’t give me strength for what’s yet to come or what might be or what might have been. He gives me strength for what I need for today.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling particularly powerless and weak, He becomes my strength and carries me though what I never would have thought I could endure.

I’m also reminded that all our days are numbered. We might have more than a few days or a few weeks, but none of us live forever on this side of heaven. No one gets out alive.

Maybe that’s a reminder to us all to embrace this one and only life we’re given and to cherish all our loved ones, both the two-legged and four-legged kind.

Let’s none of us take for granted any good things in this life but be perpetually grateful and thankful for even the smallest gifts, mindful of where they came from and Who gave them to us.

 

It’s Monday Eve Again

My cat Lucy is purring, so I’m thinking she’s unaware that tomorrow is Monday. Either that or she’s in complete denial.

I’m leaning toward the latter.

Of course, her schedule for tomorrow is a little less complicated than mine. Her to-do list goes something like 1) eat, 2) take a nap, 3) poop 4) take a nap, 5) dash crazily around the house for 45 seconds, 6) take a nap, etc.

Monday’s not my favorite way to start off the week.

Then again, Monday means I’m alive and made it to another day.

I can choose to complain or I can choose to give thanks. Gratitude is a much better way to live than grumbling. You can see every day as a burden or as a miracle. It’s your  choice.

So to that end, I say that God is great, life is good, and I am still very much blessed.

The end.

My Cat Is Older (and Probably Smarter) than Your Honor Student and Other Thoughts


For those who are new to me and my blog posts, I have an elderly feline. Her name is Lucy and she’s 17. I realized while I was volunteering yet again for the Youth Evangelism Conference a couple of weekends ago that my cat is probably older than most of the students who were in attendance there. She may or may not also be smarter.

Think about it. She doesn’t have to get up at a ridiculously early hour to go off to work. She doesn’t run around like a headless chicken in order to feel productive. She does what she wants when she feels like it. At this point, that consists of mostly napping with the occasional snack and poop thrown in to keep things interesting.

I confess that I’m a bit jealous sometimes. I wish she could go to my job and I could stay home and do some napping. After all, she’s old enough to drive, right?

I refuse to engage in the debate about whether cats are better than dogs or visa versa. I like both. Right now, I have a cat and I love the fact that she’s super low-maintenance, as well as the world’s best lap cat. I also love dog sitting and hanging out with all manner of pups.

I think life’s better with pets. Unless you’re deathly allergic, I highly recommend one. They’re great companions and their love isn’t based on your looks or money or personality or anything other than you exist. Plus, it keeps you humble when you realize they love sniffing their own butts just as much as you.

So go get a pet if you don’t have one. Take care of it. Don’t abandon it when it gets old and less cute. If you’re going to have a dog perpetually chained up in the backyard 24/7, don’t get one. You’d be better off with a lawn ornament. But that’s definitely another topic for another blog post on another day.

 

Hey, They Can’t All Be Winners, Right?

This is what you get when yours truly (me) decides to wait until 12:58 am to write one of these blog posts. Not much.

I had a rather good day, starting off with the first church service for The Church at Avenue South to start off 2017. Then me and a friend headed over to Nissan Stadium to witness the Tennessee Titans pull out a win in their last game of the season.

I had dinner at Local Taco with my amazing new life group. The dinner was great, too. Food always tastes better with good company and good conversation.

At the moment, I’m typing these words while lying in bed with the usual sleepy geriatric feline on the pillow next to mine. I should note that she took it upon herself to start sleeping next to me. I never once prodded or prompted her to sleep there.

That’s all I know at the moment. Plus, I’m thinking of calling it a night myself. Hopefully, I can be a little more disciplined tomorrow (or later on today) and write this thing earlier so it will have actual content in it.

Good night to all my faithful readers– and to those who accidentally wandered onto this post. May your 2017 be better and brighter than ever.

 

My Prayer at 11:08 PM on a Friday Night

“I thank God for most this
amazing
day; for the leaping greenly
spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;
and for everything
which is natural, which is
infinite, which is yes” (e. e. cummings)

On this Friday, I give thanks for the following:

  1. Fridays, which have never gotten old, even when I was unemployed. I can’t remember when Friday didn’t make me extremely happy.
  2. Another overcast Autumn day to remind me of why I love fall.
  3. An oversized mug of hot chocolate from The Well to remind me of why I love hot chocolate. Or anything at all from The Well. Or just hanging out at The Well in general.
  4. Geriatric cats that still curl up in my lap and fall asleep there (well, just the one geriatric cat named Lucy who would probably kill me in my sleep if she ever found out that I referred to her as geriatric).
  5. Doctor Who (particularly the episodes with David Tennant and Billie Piper). I’m late to the party, but I’m now officially a fan. And I still at some point would like to watch all the existing episodes, starting at the very beginning. Put that on my bucket list.
  6. Netflix on my iPad, which is way cooler than the portable TV I used to tote around back in the day when I thought I was the cat’s pajamas (again, don’t tell my cat Lucy I said that).
  7. A comfortable bed at the end of a long day.
  8. Not having to set the alarm for 5 am for tomorrow morning.
  9. God’s grace at the end of the day and God’s new mercies for the beginning of the next new day.

So what did we learn today? Gratitude still pays dividends. That and it’s a really good thing my cat Lucy doesn’t read my blog posts.

 

Labor Day 2016

First of all, Lucy the Wonder Cat thanks you for reading all my blog posts. She would type this herself, but she has called it a night already and is snoozing away contentedly on the pillow beside mine.

Labor Day marks the beginning of the end of summer. Apparently, after today, it’s not fashionably correct to wear white. I suppose the same goes for all my Hawaiian shirts.

It also means we are closer to my favorite season, fall. It officially starts in 17 days, but here in the great state of Tennessee we can expect hot and humid weather for at least another month. That’s the way we roll in the South.

On this Labor Day, I’m thankful to have gainful and meaningful employment. Last year, I was a month into a temp assignment with All American Pest Control. This time around, I am full-time and feeling quite blessed.

If you’ve been one of those who is always complaining about your job, try going without one for a while. I’m not recommending you stay at a job you hate, but I am suggesting that being in a job that is less than ideal is better than not having a job at all.

In general, life is a lot better when you have gratitude and thanksgiving versus bitterness and complaining. Being thankful for what you already have makes for peace while coveting and striving only lead to stress and burnout.

I choose to be thankful every day. Some days I do better than others. But every single day that I wake up is another opportunity to choose to be grateful and thankful, because every single day is itself a gift.

My idea of celebrating Labor Day involves as little labor as possible. Lucy’s idea involves as much napping as possible in a 24-hour period. I think we all know who’s winning right now.

 

Boxing Day 2015

“You are Father
of the fatherless
Friend
to the outcast
Restorer
of the broken
Liberator
of the captive
Rescuer
of the fallen
Lover
of creation.

You are the One
Whose Name we praise
Whose truth we proclaim
Whose life we live
You are our God
and we thank You.

Spirit of life
breathe on us
Spirit of truth
speak to us
Spirit of hope
inspire us
Spirit of power
work through us
today and all days.

Amen” (John Birch).

Here’s what I did on my Boxing Day.

  1. I spent nearly all of my gift cards and picked up some nifty loot. Some of it was expected, some of it was not. Here’s a sampling of what I got: The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies (Extended Edition), Road House (that 80’s movie with Patrick Swayze), and a Dave Brubeck Quartet CD,
  2. I wore shorts and sandals in December. It was over 70 degrees, so I dug those sandals out of the closet and wore them with pride.
  3. I got in my 10,000 steps. Actually, I got 11,653 steps (as of this writing).
  4. I visited all my favorite places in Historic Downtown Franklin (where I got most of those aforementioned steps in wearing those previously mentioned sandals).
  5. I took 10 minutes of silence in St. Paul’s Episcopal Church. You don’t realize how long those ten minutes can be until you force yourself to do absolutely nothing in that time but sit completely still and not look at any phones or tablets or watches.
  6. I took my iPad over to the Apple Store in the Cool Springs Galleria, thinking I could zip in and get it looked at and zip back out. In hindsight, that was poor planning on my part, considering that this is the day after Christmas when everyone in the surrounding five zip codes goes to the mall. The estimated wait time was 2 1/2 hours, so I decided to call it a loss and come back later. As in after the new year kind of later.
  7. I had quality therapy time with Lucy the Wonder Cat providing her usual affordable services by curling up in my lap and falling asleep. It’s amazing how calming those sleepy 15-year old (and soon to be 16-year old) cats can be.

I think that wraps up this Boxing Day rather nicely. Note: there was no actual boxing (or watching of boxing) involved, so you can rest easy.

 

All Those Miles

Tonight I want to tell you the story of an empty stocking.

Once upon a midnight clear, there was a child’s cry. A blazing star hung over a stable and wise men came with birthday gifts.

We haven’t forgotten that night down the centuries; we celebrate it with stars on Christmas trees, the sound of bells and with gifts.

But especially with gifts.

You give me a book; I give you a tie. Aunt Martha has always wanted an orange squeezer, and Uncle Henry could do with a new pipe. We forget nobody, adult or child.

All the stockings are filled — all that is, except one. And we have even forgotten to hang it up.

The stocking for the child born in a manger. It’s His birthday we are celebrating. Don’t ever let us forget that.

Let us ask ourselves what He would wish for most, and then let each put in his share.

Loving kindness, warm hearts and the stretched out hand of tolerance.

All the shining gifts that make peace on earth” (from The Bishop’s Wife).

On my way home from work, I hit a milestone. My Jeep crossed over 295,000 miles. For those who aren’t too familiar with cars and all things automotive, that’s a lot of miles. Even I know that.

So, basically, I have a 15-year old cat and an 18-year old car. Most of my shoes are old enough to be in grade school. Just about everything I own is old.

The older I get, the more I realize that what’s important, what truly matters, isn’t anything that can be bought or sold. It doesn’t come with a price tag. In fact, the most important things in life are free (or more accurately, they’re priceless).

Relationships matter. Time spent with family and friends matters. Integrity and character matter. Compassion matters.

All those things that you will never see advertised (or maybe used to motivate you to buy a product).

This Christmas, maybe instead of another gift that will end up in some Goodwill, how about spending more time with those you love? Maybe, give someone a call or send a text.

The most important gift of all won’t be found under any Christmas tree. It was found in a stable, wrapped snugly in an old blanket and laid in a feeding trough. But what was in that small stable was bigger than our whole world (to borrow a quote from Lucy Pevensie of The Chronicles of Narnia).

Advent is all about celebrating the waiting for the Messiah. It’s preparing room in our hearts to once again receive the Infant King who became Savior of the World. It’s knowing that in the heart of Jesus is enough room for you and me and all who seek Immanuel, God with us.

That, Charlie Brown, is what Christmas is all about. That is what the best part of life is all about– your life after salvation is one extended thank you to Jesus for making that salvation possible, for actually saving you. Your lifestyle of gratitude and thanksgiving will make other people want the Jesus you have.

That’s the best kind of gift.