love

Things I Love 45: Sometimes You Just Gotta Walk Away

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island hammock

 

“When bridges seem to give way, we fall into Christ’s safe arms, true bridge, and not into hopelessness. It is safe to trust! We can be too weak to go on because His strength is made perfect in utter brokenness and nail-pierced hands help up. It is safe to trust! We can give thanks in everything because there’s a good God leading, working all things into good. It is safe to trust! The million bridges behind us may seem flattened to the earthly eye, but all bridges ultimately hold, fastened by nails. It is safe to trust.” (Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are).

Well, it was a good day. Not because absolutely everything went exactly like I wanted it to, but because God was in it, orchestrating each and every individual event toward a grander purpose than I can imagine or foresee just yet. I only see the underside of the tapestry He’s weaving, seeing the dark threads intertwined with the lighter ones, not seeing the beautiful imagery being crafted on the other side. Even during the dark moments, I know that the contrast He’s creating will make the brightly threaded moments seem all the brighter and more precious.

1,401) Starting back to work on Monday in a new temp-to-hire position.

1,402) A perfectly blended Arnold Palmer (unsweet tea and lemonade) at the Williamson County Fair.

1,403) Another amazing sermon from Mike Glenn at Brentwood Baptist Church.

1,404) Knowing when to walk away rather than risk getting upset.

1,405) My current therapy session with my sleeping feline therapist, also known as Lucy.

1,406) The continuation of strangely mild temperatures in August.

1,407) Knowing that the start of school means that autumn and changing leaves are just around the proverbial corner.

1,408) Just about all the cheesy 80’s Chicago ballads.

1,409) Playing a friendly game of volleyball without getting overly caught up in winning or playing perfectly.

1,410) Playing Candy Crush Saga on my iPad 2.

1,411) Bare feet on summer grass in the evening.

1,412) Trying on a pair of Teva sandals that feel like heaven.

1,413) Reading about the cat named Lucy who reportedly lived to be 39.

1,414) Free downloads on iBooks on my iPad 2.

1,415) Knowing all (or most) of the words to the essential classic rock songs.

1,416) Trusting the Sovereignty of God above my feelings or my intuition or my gut feelings or my understanding.

1,417) Seeing another old landmark, Gray’s Pharmacy,  in downtown Franklin renovated and finding new life as a restaurant.

1,418) Having avoided just about every single episode of any reality TV show ever made.

1,419) Committing to read the old Catholic mystic writers such as St Teresa of Avila and St John of the Cross.

1,420) Finding a little book, The Little Flowers of Saint Francis of Assisi, that I didn’t even remember I had.

1,421) My cat, Lucy, licking my hand while I’m typing this on my laptop.

1,422) The infinite possibilities and opportunities that await me on August 5.

1,423) Calling those who share my love for Jesus and His grace displayed in salvation my brothers and sisters in Christ, regardless of denomination.

1,424) Not caring if I’m an extrovert or an introvert, but just loving being me in all my different moods and temperaments.

1,425) Almost three hours of volleyball this evening.

1,426) My collection of coasters that looks like a little dresser.

1,427) Labor Day being 4 weeks away.

1,428) Seeing diversity in the Body of Christ.

1,429) Remembering that I am the Hands and Feet of Christ and that He can still reach and love and embrace His children through me.

1,430) Finally starting season 4 of Lost after months of being stuck on the cliffhanger of season 3.

 

 

Things I Love 44: Everybody Clap Your Hands

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island hammock

“All new life labors out of the very bowels of darkness” (Ann Voskamp).

“The weight of God’s glory, not illusory or ephemeral, but daily and everywhere, punctures earth’s lid and heaven falls through the holes”  (Ann Voskamp).

“Having Christian convictions can’t ever negate having Christ’s compassion” (Ann Voskamp).

Apparently, I can’t count. I discovered I had misnumbered some of my list so that I had two sets of blogs with identical numbers. The upside of all this is that I have more things I love than I thought I did. And it confirmed yet again my wise decision not to be an accountant or a financial advisor or anything at all that involves math in any way. Thank God for calculators.

1,361) Spring cleaning in July.

1,362) My mother’s 19-year old cat Paddy who is eternally grumpy but still loveable in her own way.

1,363) Shiny pennies.

1,364) Finally starting to realize the full power of intercessory prayer.

1,365) Burt’s Bees lip balm.

1,366) Another trip to McKay’s Used Books to trade in some music and movies.

1,367) Waking up from a bizarre dream to realize with a sigh of relief that I am not naked or late for class or about to drive off a cliff.

1,368) That I’m on the 44th in this series of Things I Love.

1,369) The just-showered feeling.

1,370) The prayer room at Brentwood Baptist Church.

1,371) Not having to worry about wardrobe malfunctions (other than the rare unzipped fly).

1,372) My 30-something year old teddy bear that I still have.

1,373) Getting 18 mpg in my 18-year old Jeep.

1,374) Cleaning up my Facebook friends list yet again (but this time only deleting deactivated accounts).

1,375) Hope that doesn’t fade or fail.

1,376) Calling it a night and continuing with this blog at a later time.

1,377) Opening actual handwritten letters.

1,378) Hot apple cider on a brisk autumn day.

1.379) The feel of putting on store-bought socks for the first time.

1,380) Seeing an elderly couple walking together and still holding hands after all their years together.

1,381) Big, soft, comfy pillows.

1,382) Seeing my nephews and nice as babies sleeping peacefully and smiling at their dreams.

1,383) Unexpected money in the mail just when I needed it.

1,384) The new McKay’s location, which is twice as big as the old one.

1,385) Trading all those CDs I don’t listen to anymore for an iPad 2.

1,386) My stuffed Opus penguin (I actually have two– one big and one little).

1,387) Knowing that we’re getting nearer to fall and fall weather.

1,388) How God continues to speak to me through family, friends, circumstances, and soft breezes on mild summer days.

1,389) Those gentle reminders from my Abba of who I really am and Whose I am.

1,390) Facebook chats with friends.

1,391) Looking forward to yet another good night of community group tomorrow night.

1,392) Little pads on little cat paws.

1,393) Restoring old buildings and old homes and giving them new lives as locally owned restaurants and businesses.

1,394) Finally being able to pick up with Lost again after being stuck for months on the 3rd season cliffhanger ending.

1,395) My diecast miniature version of a double-decker bus like the ones in London.

1,396) Having family and friends who are true prayer warriors in every sense of the word.

1,397) Whenever I see older generations and younger generations sharing life experiences and knowledge, the way Church truly was meant to be.

1,398) My friend Ashley who works at McCreary’s and who always makes me feel at home there.

1,399) Friendly dogs who let me pet them.

1,400) My new genuine leather ESV Bible.

 

Facing Your Fear

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high dive hannah

I have an embarrassing confession. Well, it may not seem so embarrassing to you, but it was to me. At least until today.

I had never jumped off a diving board into the deep end of a swimming pool.

There. It’s out there.

I had always stayed near the shallow end of the pool. Ever since a few traumatic (at least to me) experiences with swimming and diving boards, I had a fear of the deep end of the pool.

I distinctly remember being in a group of kids who were in some kind of class or something where we learned to swim. The one part I didn’t like was where the lady instructor wanted us to jump off the diving board into the deep end. I wasn’t having any part of that.

I remember my way of getting back at her was deliberately peeing in her pool. I know it doesn’t make sense now, but it did to my 8-year old mind.

Today for the first time, I dove off the diving board. It wasn’t a gold medal dive. Or silver. Not even aluminum. It probably wasn’t even a dive even in the loosest sense of the word. But I went from the diving board into the pool. That’s gotta count for something.

What are you afraid of? Is it a conversation you’ve put off having? Is it asking that girl (or guy) out on a date? Is it taking a risk on a new career or a new city?

It may be as simple as trying new foods or diving into swimming pools. All I know is that there is great freedom in facing your fear head on and finding out it wasn’t nearly so big and bad as you had always thought.

That’s the way with fear. All bark and no bite. All talk and no game. Fear is a lie, pure and simple, that the perfect love of Jesus drives out every single time.

Fear has no place alongside of faith in a believer. And I don’t mean how much you believe in Jesus as much as how much He believes in you and roots for you and fights for you and intercedes for you.

I don’t know why I was ever afraid. I’m sure that lady would have caught me when I dove in. I’m just as sure that whenever I take a leap of faith in any situation, I will either learn to fly or fall into the loving arms of my Abba Father.

As Ann Voskamp said, “All fear is but the notion that God’s love ends.”

And the love of a Father for His children knows no end. Period.

 

Things I Love 31: That Black Horse and Those Cherry Trees

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island hammock

Going through some boxes, I found my old merit badge requirement book from when I was a Boy Scout. I didn’t realize it at the time, but life was so much more simple then. Relationships were definitely less complicated. I had a lot less to worry about, thanks to loving family who took care of my needs and left me free to enjoy my childhood. And cartoons were better back then. Just saying. On that note, I move on to #906.

906) Homemade bread with homemade jam.

907) Finishing a game of gin rummy with a positive score.

908) A sense of belonging and being wanted.

909) Those people who care enough about me to actually make time for me in their lives.

910) Grape jelly.

911) When someone sees you at your worst and chooses to stick around and love you in spite of the darkness.

912) My vintage California Raisins beach towel.

913) Peach and/or blackberry cobbler with vanilla ice cream.

914) Really old hymnals.

915) All the Cosby Show episodes before Denise left the show.

916) Resting in the greatness of my Savior’s loving heart.

917) The peace that comes with true surrender.

918) Letting go so that my open hands are ready to receive something better.

919) Embracing the mystery of God in all His love and holiness and not just the parts I understand or that make me feel warm and fuzzy.

920) Another good night of fellowship with the Green Hills Community Group.

921) Making Thursdays my designated downtown Franklin night.

922) Being okay with unresolved tension and the cliffhangers in life.

923) Laying in my bed in the dark late at night listening to good music.

924) Taking my shoes off and wading through the creek at Crockett Park.

925) The relief of Aloe Vera on sunburn.

926) Taking a spoonful of local honey to help with my allergies.

927) Cake batter.

928) Being alone but not lonely.

929) Movies like Gladiator and Braveheart.

930) Taking naps on the couch.

931) When it’s there’s still daylight after 8 pm.

932) The way my grandfather told the best stories.

933) When pants that used to be too tight are now too loose.

934) Not having to write in cursive anymore if I don’t want to.

935) That I’m not fighting for victory but fighting from the victory Jesus has already won.

936) That moment when I’m hopelessly lost and I see a familiar landmark and realize I know where I am.

937) Trying to wrap my brain around the concept of eternity.

938) The prayer I learned from Brennan Manning that I repeat daily– “Abba Father, I belong to You.”

939) Sighing the deep sigh of contentment at close of day.

940) That face.

SONY DSC

Life Lessons from Candy Crush Saga

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I’m a fan of Candy Crush Saga. In the past few days, I’ve been slightly addicted to . . . er, I mean really dedicated to this game. My pattern is that I’ll be stuck on a level for quite a while then suddenly I’ll breeze through several in one sitting. 

I’ve learned something about the game. You have to be intentional with just about every move you make to be successful.

Life is like that. You may wish for more hours in a day (just like I might wish for a few more moves in the game before I run out), but really the question is how intentional are you about using the time you’re given? Are you task-focused or people-focused. At the end of the day, you have to decide what really is important and what’s not.

I’ve said it before but the harsh truth is this: you will find time for the things and the people that matter to you. If you find yourself making excuses over why you can’t find time for someone, maybe it’s because they aren’t really that important to you. You may call yourself their friend, but the truth is you’re just an acquaintance.

You can’t do everything and you can’t be friends with everyone. You have to decide who and what you’re going to invest in and make those things and people your priority. You choose people whose qualities you most want in your life, who are headed in a direction you want to go, and who will ultimately help you become your truest self, i.e. more like Jesus.

If your so-called friends can’t ever make time for you, let them go. Pray for them and wish them well, but don’t keep trying to reserve a place in your life for someone who doesn’t want to be there. You will find plenty of people who want you around and who want to spend time with you and will live it out. Remember the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E. No other way shows your love for people than spending time with them.

After all that, do give people plenty of grace. I gave someone chance after chance to be my friend, but they ignored every request I made to spend time with them and hang out with them. They only responded to me after I suggest that it be best for us both to move on.

As for that infernal game, one day I will defeat level 23. I’ve come tantalizingly close, but then managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. It’s my talent. Did I mention how much of a gamer I’m not?

Anyway, as always, take what’s useful to you from this and leave the rest. Hopefully, God will speak some truth into your life from these ramblings. Thanks again for investing in my life by taking the time to read these posts.

 

More for Those With Broken Hearts

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I have something I’ve learned about having my heart broken a few times that I want to pass along to you. First of all, I want to say that okay to grieve when your love or interest in someone goes unrequited. It’s okay to hurt. I think it requires as much of a grieving process as losing a loved one, because you’re seeing the death of a dream that was very dear to your heart.

I think it’s okay to be brutally open and honest with God about the pain. He can take it. Besides, he already knows those feelings that you pretend aren’t there when you tell yourself that you’re fine.

That said, I think one good thing out of having your heart broken is that it is never again the same shape as it was, pre-break. It’s larger. And if you choose the path of healing versus the path of grudges and bitterness, good things can come out of the pain, such as these:

You have more room to love others and you have an increased sensitivity to those in pain around you who need your love.

You give more grace toward those who act out of their own hurt toward you because you remember when you did the same out of the great pain you were once in.

You have more compassion and tenderness in general because you know what it’s like to need it and find it so you want others to experience the same joy you did.

Finally, you become a little more like Jesus because you’ve shared in his sufferings. Jesus above all knows the pain of a broken heart, both physically and metaphorically. He’s the one who wept over Jerusalem because they wouldn’t come to him and find life and freedom. His heart was just as broken that day as when the spear pierced his side into his heart.

So remember that there is nothing broken that God can’t take and make beautiful. No, not just beautiful like it was before. It won’t ever be the same. It will be much, much better.

 

 

 

Another Prayer for My Future Wife

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I have an idea of how we will meet. We will run into each other at a local coffee shop, one with lots of charm and quirkiness. We will settle into an easy conversation. For me, it will be like I’m at home with you. Like putting on an old favorite pair of sandals.

I pray you are at rest in Jesus today. I pray you are constantly amazed at how your Abba is in love with you. May He ravish and captivate your being and continue to bring out your true beauty, a Proverbs 31 character and a face that glows with Jesus.

I pray that God will make us friends first. Then one day, I will look at you and know that I don’t have to look anymore, for I will have truly come home to your smile.

May I AM bring healing to those deep wounds from your past so that they no longer bleed into your present. May Jesus redeem every hurtful word and deed done to you so your testimony can bring healing to every person in every nation.

May you fall even more in love with Jesus each day and run after Him with every fiber of your being. May you be bold and unashamed to live out the Gospel, knowing that you are the only Bible some will ever read. May people look at you and see Jesus, speak with you and hear His voice of truth, feel His healing hand with your touch, and be filled with a deep longing for Immanuel just by having met Him in you.

I wait for you patiently and eagerly. It will be more than I deserve and better than my wildest dreams when I become

Your beloved husband.

My First Letter to My Future Wife in a While

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“You are the butter to my bread, you are the breath to my life” (from the movie Julie & Julia).

I blogged a few days ago about a magical movie moment at Best Buy. I’m beginning to realize that that girl is probably not you. In fact, I sincerely doubt I’ll ever see her again.

But one thing she did that I’m forever grateful for is to help me believe in myself again. Specifically, she helped me to believe that I could be desirable and attractive to the opposite sex. Not in a logical in-my-head kind of way, but in a very real, in-real-life kind of way.

I had even begun to doubt you would ever come my way, but now I believe in that again. I believe that even if it takes a miracle for us to meet, God has plenty of experience and practice and miracles and it’s really true that what seems impossible to us isn’t even remotely difficult for him,

There are still some fuzzy parts. I don’t know who you are or what you look like. I don’t know when or how we’ll meet. I don’t know where I’ll be. But I do know that wherever you are will be my home.

I know that there will be times when we won’t be “in love,” but we will still love each other, because love isn’t a feeling as much as it is a choice, an action, an active verb. Love even means loving when you don’t feel like it. Going through the motions of love sometimes until the feelings of love return.

I do hope there are moonlit walks on the beach and candlelit dinners. I hope for fireworks and also for quiet moments. I can’t wait to feel you lying next to me, sleeping while I’m still not able to fall asleep over the wonder that you belong to me and I belong to you and that we both belong to Jesus.

Some days, you are harder to see than others, but my hope isn’t in you. It’s in God. Period. I hope you will love me, but I hope you will love Jesus more. I hope to love you, but not half as much as I hope to love Jesus. And I know neither of our loves will even begin to touch the love of the Father for each of us.

That’s what I’m hoping for.

 

Patty Griffin, Swing Dancing, Sweet CeCe’s, and a Good Night to All

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I’ve fallen in love. There. It’s out there and I’ve admitted it. I am head over heels in love.

With the new Patty Griffin album, American Kid. It’s been playing in my car since I got it last Thursday and I love every single track on it. If you love Americana-style music (or just good music in general), then you MUST go buy a physical or downloadable copy of this album. Not this week, not tomorrow. Now.

I also love swing dancing, because there’s grace in it. I figured out that if you end up where you started with all your limbs intact, you’re doing pretty good. You can fake the in-between stuff if you act like you know what you’re doing and step boldly and confidently. I know all you swing dance instructors are wailing and gnashing your teeth at me right now. No, I will probably never be a professional dancer, but I have lots of fun with it, and that’s the point of it anyway. To have fun.

Sweet CeCe’s, as it turns out, is a fairly good alternative when Starbucks is closed, as I found out tonight. The fact that they stay open until 11 pm on Saturdays is a plus. I had Cheerful Chocolate, which was both cheerful and non-fat, which in my book equals win-win. I certainly felt more cheerful after eating it.

I’m going to bed in a little while feeling very blessed. I’m in a very good place and I can’t take any credit for it. It’s all of grace and it’s only God’s doing. I don’t deserve to be this happy, to borrow a phrase from Scrooge, but lately I just can’t help it. I have joy running out my ears.

So I’m praying God meets you where you are tonight and you know how much he loves you just as you are. May you feel his arms around you and hear him singing songs of joy and peace over you in the night. May you find all the healing and wholeness and restoration that a loving God can bring.

Sleep well, my friends.