Back to the Lost Art of Porch Sitting

A few months back I wrote about the joys of front porch sitting. Today, I had the chance to fulfill that wish in real time. I was able to sit in an honest to goodness rocking chair on an honest to goodness front porch and look down that winding gravel road.

Honestly, I’m not very good at it yet. I think I — like so many of us — am programmed with the urge to look at my device instead of looking up. But I think I’m getting better at it. I was able to put my phone face down and simply bask in the breezes blowing all around me.

Thankfully, it wasn’t 1000 degrees outside this time. I even thought for a moment that it might rain, which would have been especially pleasant sitting on that porch under a tin roof with the rain coming down. But alas, that didn’t happen.

Lots of houses still have front porches, but I rarely see anyone taking the time to sit on their front porch. We’re probably in the busiest time in the history of the world with people accomplishing the least (or at least hardly anything of true significance). We are slaves to the tyranny of the urgent (which is a great little book that everyone should read at some point).

But sitting on a front porch is simply the art of doing nothing. It’s choosing to exist in the moment that God made like Martha who chose to sit at Jesus’ feet rather than worry about so many distracting and competing tasks. And yes, I know that Mary also did a good thing in being a good host but Martha chose the better way.

It takes practice to sit on a front porch well. You almost have to retrain your brain for the slower rhythm and learn to see everything again. You almost have to become a little child again (although I don’t know too many little children who are good at sitting still for long periods of time) by remembering the art of awe and wonder at God’s creation.

From now on, I want to waste as much time as I can sitting on front porches, especially on near fall-like days like today.

What God Gives

I would love clarity, answers, and above all a road map. Although I’m not quite in Job’s shoes in terms of tragic losses, I sometimes can relate to His questions of God’s silence and hiddenness.

But what I often forget (and what Job eventually learned) was that God doesn’t so much give answers as He gives Himself. In the long run, that’s better. After all, I’m not always the best at asking the right questions or focusing on the right things.

Right answers and clear thinking and even a five-year plan without God’s immediate presence do me no good. I’d screw it up or try to subvert the process to get to the end quicker. And as I’ve learned sin is taking my own shortcut to God’s promises and/or trying to get God’s provisions apart from God.

So much of what God wants from me in this season means slowing down and really seeping in each day instead of wanting to rush on to the next big event or the next holiday. Lately, I’ve been actually hungering for the Word of God instead of reading it as part of my rote routine.

I think God gets us all to a point where we have to lean on Him and learn from Him for as long as it takes to get us weaned from ourselves and our own self-help. He puts us in a season where all our theoretical head knowledge about God becomes lived-out experience and love for God. Basically, we find out what “Jesus loves me, this I know” really means.

Take your time, God. As much as I really would love to have clarity and answers and a detailed plan for my life, what I need right now is You. Just You.

Adding to, Not Taking Away

I confess that I don’t really know too much about the singer Nightbirde, whose real name was Jane Kristen Marczewski. I know that she was a singer-songwriter. I also know that she was a contestant on America’s Got Talent. I remember she had been diagnosed with cancer and her husband left her right before she went on the show. I know how sad I was when I found out she had passed away.

But she left us with some beautiful music and some inspiring quotes that showed her resilient faith in God that not even cancer could kill. These following words were her testimony to the end:

“When it comes to pain, God isn’t often in the business of taking it away. Instead, he adds to it. He is more of a giver than a taker. He doesn’t take away my darkness, he adds light. He doesn’t spare me of thirst, he brings water. He doesn’t cure my loneliness, he comes near. So why do we believe that when we are in pain, it must mean God is far?” (Jane Kristen Marczewski aka Nightbirde).

I forget that. I think that God can only speak through blessing or that God is near only when the sun is shining. I forget that pain is often God’s way of getting my attention. I forget that you can’t wrestle with someone who’s far away, so those times must mean God is near (with much thanks to Jon Acuff for that one).

God is using what I would like to avoid to grow me up. Rather than taking me out of struggles and storms, God goes through them with me and I learn to trust God’s nearness even when I can’t feel it. I trust God’s hand even when I can’t see it. I trust God’s heart even when I don’t understand it.

Homesick

I was listening to an 80s Truth record I picked up recently. I got to the song Homesick. It sounded vaguely familiar, but I felt I had heard or read the lyrics before very recently. Then I remembered I had seen a post with the very same song lyrics less than a week ago.

The song is the heartbeat of any believer who knows this world isn’t really home. A former pastor of mine once compared this life to a very nice, very clean bus station (or airport terminal, if you will). It’s not supposed to be your forever place to live, but a place to be until you can get to your forever home.

“They say home is where the heart is
And I’m finding out it’s true
‘Cause I long to be in heaven
Since my heart is there with You
Reading over letters
That You’ve written to me
Telling me of all You have in store
Makes me start to dreaming
Of the place I want to be
And I get that lonely feeling
Like so many times before

I get homesick
Longing for my home
And for Your open arms
Of lovе and comfort
Waiting for me there
I gеt homesick
Yearning for my home
And for the day
When all Your family
Gets together forever
Our eternal home sweet home

Lord, You living truth within me
Keeps me safe and warm
All its strength and all its beauty
Rise through every storm
Without its presence in my soul
I could not carry on
To face the many battles I find here
Lord, you keep the promises
I build my life upon
And as time goes by, I know
That I will always keep them near

I get homesick
Longing for my home
And for Your open arms
Of love and comfort
Waiting for me there
I get homesick
Yearning for my home
And for the day
When all Your family
Gets together forever
Our eternal home sweet home” (Larry Bryant, Lesa Bryant & Justin Peters).

It’s interesting to be homesick for a home we’ve never known, but that’s what it is. That’s why nothing here will ever completely satisfy the deep longing of our souls. Only God can do that. And our experience of God here is cloudy and partial. One day it will be clear and complete. We will know as we are fully known. And we will be truly home.

Caring for the Elderly

“To care for the elderly means then that we allow the elderly to make us poor by inviting us to give up the illusion that we created our own life and that nothing or nobody can take it away from us. This poverty, which is an inner detachment, can make us free to receive the old stranger into our lives and make that person into a most intimate friend.

When care has made us poor by detaching us from the illusion of immortality, we can really become present to the elderly. We can then listen to what they say without worrying about how we can answer. We can pay attention to what they have to offer without being concerned about what we can give. We can see what they are in themselves without wondering what we can be for them. When we have emptied ourselves of false occupations and preoccupations, we can offer free space to old strangers, where not only bread and wine but also the story of life can be shared” (Henri Nouwen).

I think I remember reading about different cultures in the past where two or three generations of the same family lived under one roof, and when one got older, the family would take care of that person. I understand that times have changed. I also understand that we live in a very modern Western society where we have facilities for caring for those who can no longer care for themselves.

This is not bashing those institutions or those who place their aging loved ones in such places. This is about how there is a kind of joy that comes from taking care of the elderly. They have so much wisdom from having lived so long. They have stories and pictures and memories to share.

I’d give anything right now to have at least one of my grandparents alive again to be able to listen to them talk for as long as they wanted, to look at old photo albums, listen to old music. I’d even take hearing the same stories told again and again.

This society doesn’t value age very much. We tend to glamorize youth and desperately seek ways to prolong looking and acting young rather than to teach about how blessed it is to grow old gracefully and embrace each stage of your life.

I’m 52, and as much as I want to think I’m still in my 20s, my body reminds me that I’m not. My brain may think I can stay up until 2 am and be okay the next morning, but the rest of me is like, “Are you kidding me right now?”

My church advocates for mentoring between young adults and older adults. I can think of no better way to gain wisdom than from someone who has a lifetime of learning by trial and error and from knowledge and understanding passed down through generations. Hopefully, I can be of value to the next generations as the older generations have been to me.

The best way to learn to love and follow Jesus is to spend time with those who have loved and followed Jesus for a lifetime. My pastor talks about how his love of the Bible and prayer came from watching his own father spend time in the Word preparing for and praying over Sunday School lessons.

That’s not a bad idea.

The Lost Art of Porch Sitting

I think in my twilight years I want a house with a front porch. It doesn’t have to be a big house. It can even be one of those tiny houses as long as there is room enough in front for a rocking chair and/or a wicker swing.

I see houses all the time that have front porches of all sizes and types and shapes, from wraparounds to those that barely stretch past the entry. But I very rarely see anyone sitting on those front porches. Most people are too busy and have lost that art of being able to sit on their front porches.

I think it’s a lost art. It’s one thing to be physically present on a front porch but be mentally elsewhere, whether it be on social media via all the devices or with thoughts that are a thousand miles away. Sometimes, all you need is a front porch, a rocking chair, and a good book. Or even just the front porch and rocking chair on a beautiful sunny day.

We’re so addicted to our devices that 15 minutes without them can seem like 15 years. It’s easy to spend all that time wondering what you’re missing out on or what breaking news you haven’t heard about. But all that can wait for a few moments of hearing the hum of a creaky porch swing or the song of the cicadas.

People did that back in the day. They’d spend afternoons and evenings on the front porches, visiting neighbors and sharing sweet tea and their lives. They didn’t have devices. Further back in the day, they didn’t have television. Those front porches were their social media, their grapevine, their community all rolled up into one.

Back when I was little, I’d sometimes curl up on a porch swing and fall asleep to the creaky swaying rhythm and gentle breezes blowing. I’m sure that life can’t be THAT simple again, but I wonder if we don’t overcomplicate our lives with too much stuff and too many activities and not enough margin. We can choose to say no to things to have room for rest and reflection.

I want to get good at front porch sitting, not doing anything other than waving at neighbors and being in the moment and hearing the small still voice of God.

Social Rules to Live By

This post is a bit outside my wheelhouse, so to speak. What follows is some good advice that I wish I had learned earlier (or maybe paid better attention to when someone else was trying to teach me). Some of these may be more applicable than others, but I hope they will all be useful at some point in your life:

  1. Don’t call someone more than twice continuously. If they don’t pick up your call, presume they have something important to attend to.
  2. Return money that you have borrowed even before the person who loaned it to you remembers or asks for it. It shows your integrity and character. The same goes for umbrellas, pens, and lunch boxes.
  3. Never order the expensive dish on the menu when someone is treating you to lunch or dinner.
  4. Don’t ask awkward questions like ‘Oh, so you aren’t married yet?’ Or ‘Don’t you have kids?’ Or ‘Why haven’t you bought a house?’ Or ‘Why haven’t you bought a car?’ For God’s sake, it isn’t your problem.
  5. Always open the door for the person coming behind you. It doesn’t matter if it is a guy or a girl, senior or junior. You don’t grow small by treating someone well in public.
  6. If you take a taxi with a friend and he/she pays now, try paying next time.
  7. Respect different shades of opinions. Remember, what may seem like 6 to you might appear as 9 to someone else. Besides, a second opinion is good for an alternative.
  8. Never interrupt people while they are talking. Allow them to pour it out. As they say, hear them all and filter them all.
  9. If you tease someone, and they don’t seem to enjoy it, stop it and never do it again. It encourages one to do more and shows how appreciative you are.
  10. Say “thank you” when someone is helping you.
  11. Praise publicly. Criticize privately.
  12. There’s almost never a reason to comment on someone’s weight. Just say, “You look fantastic.” If they want to talk about losing weight, they will.
  13. When someone shows you a photo on their phone, don’t swipe left or right. You never know what’s next.
  14. If a colleague tells you they have a doctor’s appointment, don’t ask what it’s for, just say “I hope you’re okay.” Don’t put them in the uncomfortable position of having to tell you their personal illness. If they want you to know, they’ll do so without your inquisitiveness.
  15. Treat the cleaner with the same respect as the CEO. Nobody is impressed by how rudely you treat someone below you, but people will notice if you treat them with respect.
  16. If a person is speaking directly to you, staring at your phone is rude.
  17. Never give advice until you’re asked.
  18. When meeting someone after a long time, unless they want to talk about it, don’t ask them their age or salary.
  19. Mind your business unless anything involves you directly – just stay out of it.
  20. Remove your sunglasses if you are talking to anyone in the street. It is a sign of respect. Moreover, eye contact is as important as your speech.
  21. Never talk about your riches in the midst of the poor. Similarly, don’t talk about your children in the midst of the barren.
  22. After reading a good message, consider saying “Thanks for the message.”

APPRECIATION remains the easiest way of getting what you don’t have.

I am including the original post to give credit where credit is due.

Balloons

“Sharing what a dear friend once posted:

A professor gave a balloon to every student, who had to inflate it, write their name on it and throw it in the hallway. The professor then mixed all the balloons. The students were then given 5 minutes to find their own balloon. Despite a hectic search, no one found their balloon.

At that point, the professor told the students to take the first balloon that they found and hand it to the person whose name was written on it. Within 5 minutes, everyone had their own balloon.

The professor said to the students: ‘These balloons are like happiness. We will never find it if everyone is looking for their own. But if we care about other people’s happiness, we’ll find ours too'” (William Groce).

I think that’s what the goal of evangelism and missions really is. It’s to help people find true joy and happiness in Jesus. The purpose of this Christian life is to glorify God, love Jesus, and love others. In other words, you get fulfillment when you help others find theirs.

Jesus said it to the effect that if you work to save your own life, you lose it, but if you lose it by giving it away for others, you actually gain it in the end. The best way to rediscover joy is selfless service and helping others find joy.

Squinting in a Fog

Today will go down in history as the Day of the Eclipse. Supposedly, today’s eclipse will be the last one I’ll be able to witness until roughly around 2044. So I definitely wanted to take advantage of this one.

There I was in a prime viewing spot with proper eclipse glasses in hand — later on face when the actual event took place. The only issue was the continual cloudy sky that prevented me from getting a really good glimpse of this solar event.

For a moment, I didn’t think I’d be able to see anything. But as the cloud covering moved across the sky, the eclipse peeked briefly though those clouds from time to time. I was able to see, but not very clearly, so the whole experience was not as good as 2017 when I experienced the whole thing from start to finish.

Life is like that. The Bible speaks about how we now see through a mirror dimly. We experience God through the haze of our own sin and the limitations of our own finite frailty. We are disconnected from the big picture, only able to catch brief glimpses that are sometimes obscured as if by fog or clouds.

But one day, the Bible says, we will see face to face and will know fully as we are fully known by God instead of only knowing in part. We will see our story as God sees it now. Then we will understand. Then we will worship.

“We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!” (1 Corinthians 13:12, The Message).

Being the Easter People

Easter is over, according to all the stores and calendars. There are no more cute little bunny displays at your local Hallmark or Cadbury eggs or wicker baskets at the grocery store. Seemingly just about everybody has moved on to the next big holiday, which I believe is Mother’s Day in May.

But for those who celebrate Easter as Resurrection Day, the celebration goes on. We know that Jesus is still risen and alive. Plus, if you follow the Book of Common Prayer you know there is still Ascension Day and Pentecost to come.

I’m not against all the Easter bunnies and baskets and Easter egg hunts and all the candy. I’m especially not against the candy. But when you reduce Easter to these symbols and turn it into just one day, it cheapens the meaning.

Just as the birth of Jesus ushered in a new way of counting the years (as we moved from B.C. to A.D.), so Easter is equally a marker in history where everything changed. Many Old and New Testament prophecies came to pass on that day.

I hope that we won’t go back to business as usual next Sunday. I hope we will retain the message of Resurrection Day through all the weeks and months to come. The worst moment, the worst day, the worst part of your life is never the final defining moment in your life because Jesus is alive and the tomb is empty. Your hope is never in vain because Jesus conquered sin, death, hell, and everything else that will ever come against you to defeat you.

Easter isn’t just a day but a mindset. As Pope John Paul II said, “Do not abandon yourselves to despair. We are the Easter people and hallelujah is our song.”