healing

A Great Night

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I had a fantastic night.

It started off in downtown Franklin, where I went to see a friend play at Merridee’s. I had my dinner at McCreary’s Irish Pub, just because it’s my favorite place in the world to eat. I followed that with my usual trip to The Frothy Monkey for the last White Monkey Mocha they had. Talk about divine timing.

The guy I went to see, Travis Hunter-Brown, was fantastic. I suggest you go to iTunes and check out some of his music. 

Speaking of divine, I ran into a friend of mine. He introduced me to this guy who obviously had the gift of prayer and who prayed over me exactly what I needed. It was uncanny. No, it was a divine appointment. I was meant to be there exactly at that time to receive that blessing.

From there, I ventured out to Centennial Park, where I had a great time swing dancing, especially with one good friend of mine. We even tried a slow dance song where neither one of us knew what we were doing, but had fun anyway.

I don’t know what will happen next. I do know that I love what God is doing in me. I love seeing his fingerprints all over my life and seeing the old wounded places finally starting to heal.

C.S. Lewis got it right when he said a joy isn’t fully complete until it is remembered. I realize just what a fantastic night I had and how much more blessed I am than I could ever hope to deserve. Of course, I could say that about any other night in my life, whether it went how I wanted it to or not.

And to my friend (if she is reading this), hopefully we will get a better picture of us in better lighting one day. Maybe in downtown Franklin. 

 

Sadness and Joy

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It seems there is so much sadness in the world lately. From the Boston Marathon bombings to the tornadoes that ripped through Shawnee and Moore, Oklahoma, it seems tragedy and loss are everywhere. It seems like on Facebook people are having to say goodbye to loved ones, where they be furry or people.

It can be overwhelming if you let it. The magnitude of pain around the world right now is massive. So many people are hurting, so many are suffering, so many seem like they have nothing to look forward to but more hurt and suffering.

But as callous and unfeeling as this may sound, you can still have joy. Joy is not a denial of what happened in Boston or Oklahoma. Joy doesn’t turn a blind eye toward those who have suffered and lost. Joy sees past the pain to the God who waits on the other side. The beautiful part is that God is on both sides of the pain and walking with you through it.

I love an illustration a pastor gave. Jesus isn’t limited by time and space, so he’s in your present with you. He’s also in your future, so that the promises he gave you are already as good as done. He’s in your past in that moment when you were wounded, ready to heal you so that your past wounds no longer bleed into your present. He’s in all three places at once.

I am convinced that sadness and joy can coexist. It’s only right to grieve what’s lost. But we don’t grieve as those who have no hope. We grieve with hope that one day God will set everything right and will restore a thousand-fold what we’ve lost or given up. We grieve as those who know that our troubles are only a blip on the radar screen compared to the glory that awaits and that what we suffer pales in comparison with the ultimate joy that awaits us.

So my heart aches for all those in pain tonight, but my heart rejoices that while there may be pain in the night, joy comes in the morning.

 

Patty Griffin, Swing Dancing, Sweet CeCe’s, and a Good Night to All

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I’ve fallen in love. There. It’s out there and I’ve admitted it. I am head over heels in love.

With the new Patty Griffin album, American Kid. It’s been playing in my car since I got it last Thursday and I love every single track on it. If you love Americana-style music (or just good music in general), then you MUST go buy a physical or downloadable copy of this album. Not this week, not tomorrow. Now.

I also love swing dancing, because there’s grace in it. I figured out that if you end up where you started with all your limbs intact, you’re doing pretty good. You can fake the in-between stuff if you act like you know what you’re doing and step boldly and confidently. I know all you swing dance instructors are wailing and gnashing your teeth at me right now. No, I will probably never be a professional dancer, but I have lots of fun with it, and that’s the point of it anyway. To have fun.

Sweet CeCe’s, as it turns out, is a fairly good alternative when Starbucks is closed, as I found out tonight. The fact that they stay open until 11 pm on Saturdays is a plus. I had Cheerful Chocolate, which was both cheerful and non-fat, which in my book equals win-win. I certainly felt more cheerful after eating it.

I’m going to bed in a little while feeling very blessed. I’m in a very good place and I can’t take any credit for it. It’s all of grace and it’s only God’s doing. I don’t deserve to be this happy, to borrow a phrase from Scrooge, but lately I just can’t help it. I have joy running out my ears.

So I’m praying God meets you where you are tonight and you know how much he loves you just as you are. May you feel his arms around you and hear him singing songs of joy and peace over you in the night. May you find all the healing and wholeness and restoration that a loving God can bring.

Sleep well, my friends.

Ghosts

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stpauls

 

I was feeling burdened about some issues, so I stepped inside one of my favorite places on earth, St. Paul’s Espiscopal Church, a very old church building located in the heart of downtown Franklin. Being in that place always brings me peace and I can be still and silent and just be.

I pulled out one of the kneelers and got on my knees and unburdened myself before God. I let it all go. I don’t know if it will work out like I want it to or not, but I do know that I felt a peace about it for the first time in a while. Then I simply listened.

It may have been the creaky floorboards settling, but to my romanticized imagination, it sounded like echos of past worshippers. Ghosts of people who came to this place and found their own peace.

I felt that I was not alone. Not because of ghosts, but because I knew that God was there with me.

I know now that I have to let my situation go. I can’t fix it. As much as I try to “help” God out, I would only make things worse. So I have to back off and let God do what only God can do. It’s completely in his hands now.

I don’t know how long I knelt there, listening to the noises around me. I left my phone in my pocket the whole time.

I love the fact that God didn’t wait until I got my act together to come to me. He found me, broken as I was, and is loving me to wholeness. Even though I sometimes still live out of fear and doubt, he never once has abandoned me. In those times I felt most alone, he was closest of all.

That’s what I love about God. Every other religion is about how to get to God, but Christianity (not the religion, but the relationship with Jesus Christ) is about how God came to us and found us before we even thought about looking for him.

I’m so glad he found me.

 

I’m Not Crazy, Am I?

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I think there’s a common belief among evangelicals that every problem can be solved by praying more and having more faith. Sometimes that’s true, but sometimes it’s not.

Sometimes, you need a little help.

Some people have anxiety that won’t go away, no matter how much praying they do. Some people have depression that all the faith in the world can’t lift.

That’s why there’s doctors and medication. Because sometimes your brain just doesn’t work right. Sometimes you have a chemical imbalance or synapses misfiring, and you need help.

I do think that a lot of issues are spiritual in nature and I really truly believe that God can heal. I also believe God put it in the hearts of men and women to help cure people of physical and mental ailments. God sometimes chooses to cure through human hands.

I don’t like the term “mental illness.” As a pastor said, it gives the impression that your malady is all in your head. But, as he went on to say, a broken mind is just as broken in a very real sense as a broken limb.

As of today, I am taking medication for generalized anxiety disorder (with obsessive thinking that I can’t shut off thrown in). I can’t wait to be myself again, to not live under a constant state of anxiety and to finally be able to listen to myself think for once.

It’s not a shameful thing to admit you need help. Or that you need drugs to function normally (prescribed over-the-counter drugs taken according to the instructions).

It doesn’t mean you’re less of a person or less of a Christian if you struggle with depression or anxiety or are bipolar. In fact, your struggles will give you a testimony to reach people for Christ that most people can’t touch. You will be able to use your pain and sttuggles to help someone else through theirs.

And by the way, normal is just average. Don’t be normal. Be spectacular. Be extraordinary.

Forgiveness

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I remember reading somewhere that forgiveness is opening the door to the prison cell to set the prisoner free, only to discover that it was you locked inside all along. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing.

Note that I did not say that forgiveness is an easy thing. It is not. People you love have and will hurt you deeply, so much that you feel like your wounds will never heal.

Still the choice to forgive is the best one. Forgiveness releases that person’s hold over you and releases you from the slow death of bitterness and anger. Forgiveness means relinquishing the right to expect the person to ever make it right and realizing that only God can truly ever make it right.

I choose to forgive because I know I need it. When I was most in need of forgiveness and least deserving of it, I received it in abundance, more than I ever dreamed possible. Jesus didn’t forgive me in a miserly way, but prodigally and scandalously.

I’m called to forgive others the way Jesus forgave me. In the prayer Jesus taught us to pray, it says “forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” That says to me that God will forgive us as much or little as we forgive others.

I know that forgiveness is hard. Humanly speaking, it’s impossible. “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” In other words, true forgiveness only comes from the heart of God. I don’t have it in myself. I can only ask God to open and enlarge my heart to receive God’s forgiveness. Then, as if pouring the ocean into a thimble, that forgiveness flows out and spills on to every person near me.

So, I choose by the power of the risen Christ and with the forgiveness I myself have received to forgive others. I choose not to be a victim or to be bound to my pain, carrying it around like a twisted trophy or adornment. I choose to be free and to set the other person free to receive forgiveness.

I love how Henri Nouwen speaks of forgiveness: “Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family.” (Henri Nouwen)

The Healing Process

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I went back to Historic Downtown Franklin today for the first time since being hit by the car. I walked over to the spot where it happened, or at least where I’m fairly positive it happened, since the event has grown fuzzy in my mind.

I’m still nervous about crossing the street, even at a crosswalk where I have the walk sign. I hope that never fully goes away, so I will always be extra cautious and never get careless again in the same way that caused me to step out in front of a car.

I ate at my favorite place, McCreary’s Irish Pub, and saw a movie at my favorite venue, the Franklin Theatre. I’m glad that my return trip brought way more memories of good times rather than that one bad night.

I wish my pinky finger would heal faster. It’s still swollen and I still can’t bend it at the lower joint. But healing takes time.

I think we do healing an injustice when we rush it. Or at least I do. I feel like I should be over it already and moved on, so I don’t really give myself time to get well. I get frustrated when the same old fears rear their ugly heads when I thought I was over all that, then I realize that I’m better, but not whole yet.

It’s okay to still be broken as long as you know you’re moving toward wholeness. It’s okay to admit that you got overwhelmed by fears and anxieties because you remember when those dominated your life from waking up to lying down at night.

If a broken bone doesn’t heal right, it sometimes has to be re-broken and set again so it can heal properly. I pray for all of us that we allow time for God’s healing to soak in and really get to all the deep dark broken places in us that need his light. May we remember that we are all works in progress and will be until Jesus comes back.

 

 

It Is Well

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“When the man of God saw her at a distance, he said to Gehazi his servant, ‘Behold, there is the Shunammite. 26 Please run now to meet her and say to her, ‘Is it well with you? Is it well with your husband? Is it well with the child?’’ And she [o]answered, ‘It is well.'” (2 Kings 4:25-26).

I was reminded of a great truth today. The context is a story about Elisha and a Shunammite woman in whose house he had stayed. She had given birth to a son late in life, probably the only child she would ever bear, only to watch him die in her arms. His body was still warm when she spoke those words.

How could she say, “It is well,” after losing her only son? I don’t think I could. I might be raging and cursing and lashing out at God and everybody else, but “It is well” would be the last words out of my mouth.

Those words she spoke are a perfect picture of the difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is circumstantial, depending on what happens. Joy is not. You can be supremely unhappy and still have joy, because joy is grounded in the knowledge that God will make every thing right one day.

In her case, God worked through Elisha to bring her son back to life. Sometimes he makes things right in this life. But not always.

I was also reminded of the story of Horatio Spafford, a man who wrote a very famous hymn. He had send his wife and three daughters across the sea to England, but was unable to accompany them due to some business he had to attend to. On the way back, the ship collided with another vessel and sank and his three daughters drowned. His wife sent the infamous telegram that read “Saved alone.”

When he was on his way to meet his wife in England, he passed the spot where the horrific accident had occurred and penned these words:

“When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul”

I pray for that kind of faith that can bring me joy even in the worst of circumstances, knowing that even in those times God is still in control. May your joy never waver and your faith in God only grow stronger in the days to come.

 

A Missionary Blessing

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May God bless your mind and give it unity of thought and focus, so that you are totally committed to building the Kingdom of God and helping people find freedom and deliverance through Jesus Christ.

May God bless your hands so that your hands become God’s hands and your touch brings healing and restoration and people who’ve been around you will know that they have been touched by the very hand of God.

May God bless your feet so that you walk in His footsteps and every place you go is no longer sin’s domain, but the place where God reigns. So that wherever your foot lands becomes holy ground.

May God bless your eyes so that you see beyond yourself and see lost and hurting people, see the pain in their eyes, see the need all around you, and see that the fields really are white unto harvest.

May God bless your heart so that it feels what God feels and yearns for what God yearns for. May what breaks God’s heart break yours and may His perfect and complete love flow through you to everyone you meet.

May you not only speak Jesus and live Jesus, but be Jesus everywhere you go. May you be the pleasing aroma of Christ in every place and may every breath you take be a prayer and every word you speak be a praise.

Go forth and turn this upside-down world right-side up again. In the name of Jesus.

Amen.

The Hardest Person to Forgive

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despair
I  recently messed up with a friend and spent the whole day beating myself up. Believe it or not, that’s an improvement over what I would have done a year ago. My whole day wasn’t ruined, at least.

I got admonished and I deserved it. I won’t go into details or name names, but I certainly had it coming. In fact, it was much more kind and graceful than I really deserved.

I kept running lines from the note through my mind and wishing I could go back and undo what I had done. I couldn’t and I can’t.

All this is to say that the person who most needs to forgive me is me. I hope and pray my friend forgives me, but I know that unless I do, I’ll be stuck and unable to move forward.

Did I mention I am hard on myself? I am better than I was. I used to be extraordinarily hard on myself, but I’ve eased up a bit in my old age.

If you feel like you can’t forgive yourself, let me tell you you’re not alone. I’ve felt that way and I understand. You may think you never will come to that place, but I am living proof that you can and you will.

Just let the Word of Truth wash over you. Let Jesus speak healing over you. Remember that you are still His beloved, no matter what. He at least will never give up on you or quit wanting to be around you.

Anyway, that’s my confession session for the day. I pray it will speak to someone and bring deliverance where it is most needed.