grief

Mountains of Spices

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“In acceptance lieth peace,
O my heart be still;
Let thy restless worries cease
And accept His will.
Though this test be not thy choice,
It is His—therefore rejoice.

In His plan there cannot be
Aught to make thee sad:
If this is His choice for thee,
Take it and be glad.
Make from it some lovely thing
To the glory of thy King.

Cease from sighs and murmuring,
Sing His loving grace,
This thing means thy furthering
To a wealthy place.
From thy fears He’ll give release,
In acceptance lieth peace” (Hannah Hurnard, Mountains of Spices).

For the unfamiliar, Hannah Hurnard was a missionary to what is now the state of Israel. She also did a bit of writing, including two allegorical novels that reference the Song of Solomon as well as the fruit of the Spirit and other biblical references. They’re both great.

In the first one, Hinds’ Feet on High Places, the story is the journey of Much Afraid and her journey to the Kingdom of Love in the High Places. The second is how she went back to try to reach some of her relatives with the same love she had received.

One phrase I took with me was acceptance with joy. That’s the key. To accept the good and the bad, not begrudgingly but with joy, is the secret to peace in the midst of turmoil. That does NOT mean that we celebrate tragedy or calamity but that we see God working even the worst into something good. We know that God uses pain and suffering as the means to make us more like the Good Shepherd and give us compassion for others who are hurting so that they can know the same love we have found.

There’s a kind of wisdom that only comes from trials and tempests. The wisest people are often the ones who have seen the most loss and grief and pain, yet have chosen joy and acceptance over bitterness and cynicism. These people are the ones who can save you from a lot of heartache if you will only listen to their hard-won advice.

Lord, make us Your servants who share the name Acceptance with Joy. Help us to see the joy that lies beyond the sorrow and the hope that lies beyond grief. Help us keep our eyes fixed firmly on You, the only author and perfecter of our faith. Amen.

Grieving a Furry Friend

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“I will never laugh at anyone for grieving over a loved beast. I think God wants us to love Him more, not to love creatures (even animals) less. We love everything in one way too much (i.e., at the expense of our love for Him), but in another way we love everything too little.

No person, animal, flower, or even pebble has ever been loved too much—i.e., more than every one of God’s works deserves” (C. S. Lewis, The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume III).

Over the years, we’ve lost a number of pets. It never gets easy. Even when they get to be old and full of years, you think that final goodbye will be easier, but it never is. It’s like they take a piece of us with them when they go.

I remember when Lucy passed, I grieved more over her than over some people I had lost. I don’t think it was because I loved her more than I loved them but because she was always nearby, an immediate presence. I would never make fun of anyone who grieves over losing a dog or a cat (or any other kind of beloved critter).

There are many different ways to cope with the loss. One that I’ve found is to go to a shelter and find an animal who needs to be loved. I’ve heard grief expressed as love with nowhere to go. If you rescue an animal, you have an outlet for that love. It’s not that you love your previous pet any less, but you can continue that love with a new pet.

I like to think our pets will be in heaven. The Bible says that all of creation longs for the day when it will be restored. Maybe that includes all those critters we’ve loved and lost. I like to think so. I like to think that Murphy, Reggie, Gracie, Sammie, Paddy, Oliver, Dixie, Lucy, Linus, and Molly will all be there when I finally get there (plus a few more that I’ve forgotten).

All animals are God’s creations, and to love them well is to honor God well. I only wished that they could live a little longer, but I am grateful for each and every one of them.

Driven to Tears

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Tonight at Room in the Inn, we had our annual Q & A instead of the usual Bible study for the homeless guests. There were four of us who each took one theological question and gave a roughly five-minute answer. The one that stays with me is when Tommy Woods did the question on what is the gospel and why does it matter.

It wasn’t so much in what he said but how even talking about the gospel got him emotional. Talking about the magnitude of what Jesus did for us on the cross brought him to tears. I was moved by the passion behind the emotion.

I sometimes wonder if we really understood what Christ went through on the cross, how much he really suffered, and how great the pain of bearing a whole world of sin felt, wouldn’t it bring us to tears every single time? How could I not be moved by the One who moved heaven and earth to get to me in my lostness and rescue me from my own rebellion?

I think if we knew how much God really paid for the free gift of our salvation, we’d sing a lot louder. We’d worship more boldly. We’d live more sacrificially. We’d never stop being a thankful people instead of a grumbling and complaining people.

Jesus once told the story of two debtors: one owed $50 and the other owed $500. He said this to defend the woman who broke a jar of expensive perfume to bathe Jesus’ feet while using her hair as a towel. He said the one forgiven much is the one who loves much.

If we think we’re basically good people with a few minor hangups and faults, we might feel a little entitled about our salvation. If we think we’re bad people who needed to be made good, we might offer up a token prayer of gratitude. But if we know that we were dead in sin and God in Jesus made us alive, we’d spend all eternity in thankful praise. And one day, we will.

All I Needed to Say

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I know several people who are dealing with grief and the loss of a loved one. It’s never easy, especially with the recent end of the Christmas season that makes loss even more difficult to bear. I found a post with the lyrics from a Michael W. Smith song from his second album. Let these words sink in and express your own grief and loss:

“Sad goodbye
Never quite got said
Now the time is gone
We’re moving on
Even though it hurts so bad

If I could
I’d turn back the days
And I’d love again
To be your friend
In a hundred different ways
But we can’t turn back the time
The days

So if I never said, all I needed to say
I’ll say it now
You know I loved you once
I love you stronger today
Please love, find me a way
Words, I still need to say
But I don’t know how

Can’t stand still
Still I can’t move on
Lord, I need your strength
Need you and me
‘Cause a part of me is gone

In time, I will know
What I’ve yet to see
That through all the pain
You hurt the same
And you’re standing here with me
More than anything it’s you
I need

So if I never said, all I needed to say
I’ll say it now
You know I loved you once
I love you stronger today
Please love find me a way
Words, I still need to say
Please show me how

Words, I still need to say

So if I never said, all I needed to say
I’ll say it now
You know I loved you once
I love you stronger today
Please love find me a way
But I don’t know how
Please love find me a way
Please show me how” (Amy Grant / Michael W. Smith).

Weeping Prayers

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This is not me currently, but I know a few people who are navigating the process of grieving a loved one. It’s never an easy process and even though I’ve been around a while, I still can’t say that grief is a natural process because death really isn’t natural. It’s a product of the fall brought about by sin and not in God’s original design.

I do believe that God hears weeping as a prayer as much as He will hear your words and desires of your heart. The Bible says that God collects our tears in a bottle. I know that someone in deep grief may not have anything more than tears to offer to God, and that is enough.

As a reminder, there is no time limit on grief, because grief is the price of love this side of heaven. It will never be right that the person isn’t here. It will never be right that you will never hear that familiar voice or see that face again until heaven.

I love the fact that Jesus, knowing He was about to call His friend Lazarus out of the grave, still wept over his death. He wept over the grief of his friends who had no inkling of the coming miracle. He wept to show that we can believe in heaven and the resurrection and still be sad at the same time.

So I’m saying that there’s no shame in grief. Sometimes tears can be the only prayers we have.

CAFO2024

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Sometimes, you can go back. Almost.

This time, it was the Christian Alliance for Orphans (or CAFO) conference held at Brentwood Baptist Church. It was basically 13 years after the first time I volunteered for a CAFO conference.

I truly believe that if you are pro-life, you are pro-adoption and pro-fostering. The best way to show that we care for unborn babies is to keep caring for them once they’re born, especially if they’re born into unfortunate circumstances.

One of the few upsides of being unemployed is that I now have the free time to volunteer. I can be a part of something that’s bigger than me and make a difference (and possibly turn it into a career down the road). While that last part isn’t exactly super realistic, it’s not impossible.

One of my favorite parts so far is seeing the incredible diversity of the people who are attending. It’s like a small taste of heaven where there will be people from every tribe, tongue, ethnicity, race, and nation represented and bound together in worship to Jesus.

I’ve heard that one of the best ways to deal with stress/trauma/grief is to go and do for others. One of the best kinds of therapy is to serve others as a way of taking your mind off your own world for a bit. I’m not saying every single person is 100% ready nor that serving will make all your problems magically go away, but it does give a bit of perspective to step outside of yourself for a bit.

For me, the motivation is partly to recapture some of the magic from last time. I also believe in what CAFO is doing around the world. I also can’t think of a better way to spend my time.

This is not a humble brag about how great and selfless I am, but really a shameless plug for CAFO and an encouragement for you to go and find a place to serve not to get anything out of it but because of the joy of serving and most of all because God is worth it.

Worshipping Through Weeping

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“Weeping may last through the night,
    but joy comes with the morning” (Psalm 30:5, NLT).

Today as a deacon, I attended the celebration of life service for one of our members who tragically lost his life at age 42. He had been married only 16 months when his life was unexpectedly cut short.

The funeral was beautiful and God-honoring. My favorite part of the entire service was when the worship leader sang the first song, the widow of the deceased stood up alone and raised her hands in worship, grieving and praising at the same time.

That’s an image I will carry with me as long as I live, I think. She had her world utterly wrecked like a rug pulled out from underneath her and still was able to declare like Job, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21, ESV).

There is so much evil in the world and so much that makes no sense. If this life is all there is, then there is no hope, no future, and no reason to keep going. But if we have the promise of God for something better coming (and we do), then we know that this is what the Apostle Paul calls a light and momentary affliction compared to the joy that’s coming.

Not that grief is nothing. Not that the pain isn’t real. But the coming joy will overwhelm us and seem so much greater than any sorrow that went before, like a woman holding her newborn baby after the agony of giving birth only is thinking of new life and not pain.

My brain has no compartment for comprehending the level of suffering this woman is currently undergoing and how radically different her life will be from now on. There will always be a void where her husband should be and a dull ache that never completely goes away, but there will always be a Father’s love that grows deeper and sweeter with the passing of time.

“Yea, though walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.” The psalm does not pretend that evil and death do not exist. Terrible things happen, and they happen to good people as well as to bad people. Even the paths of righteousness lead through the valley of the shadow. Death lies ahead for all of us, saints and sinners alike, and for all the ones we love. The psalmist doesn’t try to explain evil. He doesn’t try to minimize evil. He simply says he will not fear evil. For all the power that evil has, it doesn’t have the power to make him afraid” Frederick Buechner, The Clown in the Belfry).

Never the Same

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“The mind, once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions” (Ralph Waldo Emerson).

You can say the same for the heart. There are certain experiences in life that stretch your heart, like marriage, having a child, death, or a loved one moving away. Once your heart is stretched, it can never go back to what it used to be.

I can honestly say that I have known people in my life that have left imprints in my mind and in my heart. Some are no longer living. Some have moved on to different places or different phases of their lives. I may never see these people again this side of heaven, but I know that I am different and better because of them.

You never know sometimes when it’s the last time you’ll ever see someone. You think there will be more time, more experiences like this one. Sometimes, you get closure and a chance to process the grief of a goodbye, even if it’s not the grieving of death. Other times, you don’t.

One option is to be bitter and to focus on what was that will never be again. Or you could be thankful for what was because it made you who you are now. God never promised that every single person in your life would be there indefinitely. Some are only meant for a season. Some are to teach you a lesson. Some are like angels used by God to minister to you in a particularly difficult passage.

The best way to pay it forward is to be that kind of person to someone else. Just as someone was once God with skin on to you, so you can do your best to be that to someone else. You can’t be Jesus, but you can be the physical manifestation of God ministering to that person as His hands and feet, His voice.

Some of you might be reading these words right now. To you I say, “Thank you. I am more like Jesus because of you.”

Trials and Tragedy into Gold

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I heard that the Middle Tennessee area got hit with some tornadoes today, some of which did significant damage. Six people lost their lives. It seems like such a random and senseless tragedy smack in the middle of the Advent season.

But then I remember that we live in a beautiful but broken world where nothing is as it should be and chaos seems to be the order of the day. But I’ve read the last chapter of the Bible and I know that the story doesn’t end in ashes. Hope wins. God wins. The best happy ending of all is coming.

I remember that God stepped into our world at its darkest and became a baby so that we who live in that darkness might have hope. That light of the world still shines, though all kinds of powers and people have done their best to put it out. All the darkness in all the world still can’t overcome even the smallest light.

The greatest gift of the Advent season is one that no wars or storms or pandemics or political unrest or anything else in the world can ever take away. We celebrate this season the coming of Emmanuel who can take the worst and turn it to good. Hope is born again.

Learning the New Dance Steps

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“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp” (Anne Lamott).

Man, is that ever true. I’ve known a lot of people lately who are walking through the valley of the shadow of death, grieving the passing of a loved one.

No matter how young or old, how healthy or sick, however near or far they are, you’re never quite ready to say that final earthly goodbye. In the end, you’re always greedy for a little more time.

But you know that in Christ that death is not forever and the grave is not final. Hope has the final say. Jesus will have the final word. Just as He called 4-day old smelly Lazarus, wrapped up like a mummy from head to toe, from the tomb, so will He one day speak the name of that loved one to rise forevermore from the grave. One day, He will call you by your own name.

That won’t be the end. That will be the real and true beginning.