grace of God

Sticking Around

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A few days a go, I posted that one of my greatest fears is that in any relationship I have, the other person will see my flaws and hang-ups and issues and decide that I’m really not worth it anymore.

That’s been a fear of mine for many years. No matter how far I’ve come in God’s healing process, that’s a fear that’s been hard to dislodge.

I have admitted that I’m broken. And I’m not alone. We all are. Some are just better at hiding the scars than others.

Well, this is one broken guy who’s telling you it’s okay to admit that you’re broken. It’s okay to confess that you’re not living out of faith but out of fear most of the time.

For me, it’s still a day to day thing. Every time that old fear rears its ugly head, I have to remind myself what fear stands for: False Evidence Appearing Real. This particular fear is based on a lie that I am not good enough and not worthy of my family or friends. That I don’t have what it takes.

I’ve made a promise to you not to give up on you, regardless.  I do this because God made the same promise to me.

I’m telling you what God’s been telling me. You are good enough. You do have what it takes. You are accepted and loveable just for you. Jesus thought you were to die for.

I will keep telling you until you believe it. It may take you as many times as it took me to finally grasp it not just intellectually with my head, but on a deeper emotional level in my heart.

I will never stop telling you that God is for you, on your side, rooting for you, not giving up on you, but working on you until you become everything He created you to be.

As I’ve said before (one of my favorite quotes from any book I’ve ever read): I’m just a nobody trying to tell everybody about Somebody who can save anybody.

That’s me. A nobody in the world’s eyes, but Beloved in my God’s eyes.

FEAR

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I heard something really awesome in a sermon I was listening to a few days ago. It was about fear.

I have lived a lot of my life controlled and dominated by fear. I played it safe and didn’t take risks because of fear.

But the preacher spelled out fear for me in a way that really helped me to understand it.

Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.

In other words, what I’m so very afraid of isn’t reality. Most of the anticipated futures that keep me up at night never come to pass. Most of the times when I fear I’ve messed up and blown another relationship, it turns out it was all in my head.

The Bible says that perfect Love casts out all fear. I am learning that slowly.

It’s hard to live out of love when you’re so used to living in fear, but it is so much more freeing. It’s how God meant for us to live.

Greater is He that is in me than what I’m afraid of. Greater is He who lives in me that what I’m facing.

Greater is He who calls me Beloved and knows my name than all of sin and hell and the world put together and thrown at me.

Because God is with me and for me and in me, I know that I have nothing to be afraid of anymore. That is freedom.

May you find the freedom of the Love of your Abba Father overcoming all your fears, so that you can step out boldly in faith into the future that God has for you right now.

Amen.

Speaking Life into Each Other

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Have you ever posted something on facebook with one specific person in mind, just hoping that person would read it and comment on it? I have. . . I mean, a friend of mine has. . . . ok, I’m so busted. That was me.

Maybe if you’ve done it, too, you were like me and felt crushed and ignored when said person didn’t comment or even like the post.

I realize now how co-dependent and passive-agressive that was (not to mention somewhat OCD). Looking back, I see just how silly and juvenile that was.

The thing with co-dependency is that you always need to be liked and affirmed and acknowledged. The sad part is no matter how people do, it will never be enough. It’s kinda like a drug, where you need more and more to feel normal.

What I need are friends who will tell me the truth in love.

As I have mentioned before, I am in the healing process. I am finally learning to like me. I can finally stand to look at myself in the mirror. I can finally like being around me.

It’s because I have people around me who speak life and healing and wisdom into me. I have people who see me the way God sees me and help me to see myself that way.

In a conversation with a friend at Starbucks, I had an interesting revelation. My friend said that Hebrews speaks of Jesus as putting a human face on God. Then I got to thinking afterward, maybe you and I put hands and feet to Jesus when we serve each other and those around us in need. When we speak the words of Jesus into each others’ lives.

I am a lot better at not wigging out when people don’t respond to my posts or texts. I get that people have lives and issues other than me and that I can’t realistically demand to be the center of everybody’s attention all the time. That’s not healthy.

But I know that I have God’s full attention 24/7 and that He is speaking to me all the time. Sometimes when I’m alone with my Bible open or sometimes when I’m in a one-on-one conversation with a friend or sometimes through random posts or texts or sightings around town.

I am coming to the point where it’s not about me, but helping people to find their YES in Jesus and come to know and believe about themselves what God says about them and sees in them. That’s my ministry and calling.

May you be as comfortable in silence and solitude as you are in a crowd and learn to love yourself as God does. It is so very freeing.

Ya Never Know

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Sometimes, ya just never know, do ya? I mean really. You think you have it all figured out, then the job you thought would last forever ends and the people you thought would never leave you leave you.

But it’s not always bad things.

I have had people I never expected would ever want anything to do with me come into my life and speak powerfully into it. I have had people I initially dismissed or brushed off as arrogant or shallow or worldly turn out to be some of the biggest impacters in my life.

I have had people to affirm God’s calling in my life. I have had people help me see that I’m not invisible or unwanted or a reject. I have had people who saw hope and a future for me when I couldn’t see anything but despair and darkness.

Sure, I have had people disappear on me. I’ve had people that I thought would be around for the long haul get married and move off and start new lives. Those aren’t bad things by any means, but it still means those people aren’t as immediately present in my life as they once were.

I have had people come up to me and tell me they love my blogs when I had no clue that they even read them. I even had someone I didn’t know come up to me and tell me how much I glowed with Jesus. That was one of those “out of left field” moments, but it came at the exact moment when I needed encouragement in a big way.

You never know who’s watching. That’s both comforting and challanging.

It’s challenging because it changes how you live. You can’t say one thing and live another and get away with it anymore. People may not call you on it to your face, but they notice and they might well form their opinion of Jesus and faith from your not-so-pristine example.

It’s also comforting. It means that nothing you ever do for Jesus, no matter how small and insignificant it seems, is ever in vain. In the words of the old Margaret Becker song, “It’s never for nothing.”

The words you choose have the power to speak life into someone else. You might just be the person that helps someone through a hard time in his or her life. You might be the person who helps someone keep going for one more day and helps that person to trust Jesus a little bit more.

Whose life will you speak into today? Who will you be Jesus to by your kind words and acts of service and forgiving and compassionate spirit?

Because you never know what even one random small act of love done in the power of a great God will do. Ya just never know.

Footprints in My Heart

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I’ll give you a bit of insight into my blogging process. Often, I will have no idea what to write about until I hear a line from a movie or a song, or hear a sermon, or see or hear something random.

Many times, I still have no clue even as I begin the blog. I just start writing and the words come out and I am more amazed than anybody and what comes out. I bet that’s what some of the writers of the Bible felt like. And no, I don’t think my blog is anwhere close to being inspired on the same level as the Bible.

Tonight, it was a quote I read a while back and have posted on my facebook page more than once. It’s about people that come into your life and change you for the better. You are never the same after.

I know I have several sets of footprints in my own heart. Family members and friends have touched the deepest part of my heart and blessed me in ways that they will never even know.

People who have seen the worst in me and still believe the best of me. People who have seen my dorkier moments and have stuck around. People who have shown me Jesus time after time and have helped me be more like Him.

Even seemingly small things like getting invited to volleyball games and pizza have meant the world to me. And if you’re reading this, you know who you are and you should know that I am honored and privileged to call you friend,

I am who I am because of these people. I have found healing and freedom and release to be me because of the words spoken over me that I finally had the courage to receive and believe.

I know I’ve probably said this too many times, but I am grateful for all of you. I am blessed way more than I deserve and way more than I can begin to repay. The only way that I know to even try to pay it forward is to be the best me I can and try to be a blessing as much as I have been blessed.

May each of you know the joy of having footprints in your own hearts that you will carry with you until you die. And after.

Voices

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I heard a provoking question tonight at Kairos. What does your voice tell you?

I’ve never thought about it this way, but usually those kinds of voices never tell me anything good or positive.

Things like “You’ll never amount to anything,” or “You really are a nobody.”

If you try to take steps to make your life better, the voice will say both “Who are you to do that?” and “If you’re gonna try, it has to be perfect or it’s no good.”

My voice that stuck with me for the longest was “If people really knew the real you, they wouldn’t want anything to do with you,” with the close second being “No girl will ever find you attractive so don’t even think about dating.”

Those voices don’t ever go away by you ignoring them. They only get louder that way.

The best way to get rid of those voices is to drown them out with another Voice. The Voice of Truth.

This Voice says, “You are my beloved. I love you just as you are right now where you are.”

The Voice says, “You are good enough and smart enough and beautiful enough because you are My masterpiece.”

The Voice says, “I am your Abba Father and I am very fond of you.”

Sometimes when you can’t hear that Voice, you need someone who will remind you. Sometimes, you will be the one to remind someone else.

I have family and friends who remind me daily of what God sees in me and what He says about me. I try to help people see themselves the way God sees them and hear what God says about them.

This is a repeat, but it it is also my mantra (or one of them): What you think and what you feel will lie to you, so you go with what you know. You go with the promises that God has spoken over you and what He has said about you being wonderfully and fearfully made.

You recognize that voice in your head for what it is and renounce it as the mouthpiece of the father of lies.

May you have ears to hear the good things your Abba Father is saying about you tonight and every day after.

Wheat and Weeds

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I keep thinking about wheat and weeds a lot. Not because I’m in need of medication (and yes, they do make pills for this), but because I’m still thinking about a particular sermon I heard Sunday. It was that good.

I’m wheat. Just go with it and it will make sense further on (I hope). I am planted in a field where wheat and weeds are mixed together and sometimes are hard to tell apart.

My job is not to try to decide which is which.

I could make a list of top ten most dangerous weeds– that is, the people I’d most like God to take out and smite. The problem with that is that I am most likely on someone else’s List of Folks for God to Smite Tomorrow.

Or I could just be the best wheat I can be and love people.

Oh yeah, I forgot one thing. I was once a weed.

In other words, I once was purpose-less and no good for anybody or anything. I once had no hope at all and was headed for a grim ending.

But God made me wheat. Is that anymore hard to believe than God changing me from dead to alive, from sinner to saint, from stanger to family, from alienated to beloved? No.

If God can to that in me, He can do it in anyone. Trust me on that.

From this moment on, I am believing the best about everyone I meet. I believe God can change anyone, make broken and dead people whole and alive, take your mess and make it your message, and help you find your YES, the reason you were born.

I choose to see you not as you are, but what you will look like when God gets through with you (and trust me, what I’m seeing is absolutely stunning!) I’m praying to see you with God’s eyes and love you with God’s heart and be God’s hands and feet to help you get to where God designed for you to shine.

Cause that’s just what wheat does.

Why I Love Underdogs

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I’ll be honest. Until this year, the College World Series was barely a blip on my radar screen. I didn’t keep up with it and I couldn’t tell you who won last year or the year before or even tell you any of the teams that made it.

Until this year. Little Stony Brook made it to the CWS. They were probably the longest of all the long-shots to make it in, but they did.

The main reason that I love underdogs in any sport is because I really and truly believe that God does.

God is a fan of the underdog. The Bible says so. Just look at all those passages about the poor, the orphan, and the widow. All those forgotten and abandoned by society.

The Bible says in James 1:27 that true religion is taking care of these. In other words, pulling for the underdogs of the world.

But not only that, I read that I was once an underdog, too. I was lost, dead in my sins, alienated from God, and without a hope in the world. I think the odds on me at Vegas would have been fairly astronomical.

But God in Jesus found me and made me alive and reconciled me to Himself and gave me a hope that nothing or no one can ever take away. Not only did I not go down to a crushing defeat, but I came out on the winning side. In Christ, I am more than a conqueror.

So I know that the underdog can win. I’m proof. And I bet some of you out there are, too. We are daily reminders to the world what the awesome power of the love of God can do if given even the tiniest bit of room to work.

So, yeah, I’ll be pulling for Stony Brook. But more than that, I’m pulling and rooting for you. Best of all, so is God. He’s your biggest fan.

Why Fairy Tales Last

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I saw Snow White and the Huntsman, based on the fairy tale, tonight in the theatre. I think for me there’s still something about a fairy tale well told that still tugs at my heart strings.

It’s more than just a damsel in distress. Or at least I think so.

We’ve all at some point pricked our fingers on a spindle or taken a bite of that apple. Suddenly, we find ourselves dead inside and out.

You and I need to be rescued. We need Someone strong and brave enough to fight for us. Someone who’s not afraid to die for us.

That’s the Gospel in a nutshell.

I love the story where Tolkien finally wins C.S. Lewis over when he tells him that the Gospel is a myth, but at the same time, a true myth.

I read a book recently that spoke of the Gospel as a tragedy, a comedy, and a fairy tale. The last third of the book made my heart come alive inside my chest. The idea of the Gospel being a fairy tale come true is something most of us have never thought or dreamed of, but that’s what it is.

We get the Rescuer. We get to be Princes and Princesses, royal children of the King of the Universe. And we get the happily ever after (read the last chapter of Revelations if you need proof).

That’s why fairy tales will never, ever go out of style.

Just Another Monday

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As I get ready to type this blog, Lucy the wonder-cat has decided to camp out in my lap. I love the way she just barges in without waiting for permission. It’s like my own very affordable brand of therapy.

I have what seems like an everlasting cough that has been bugging me for three weeks or more. It doesn’t hurt and it’s not deep, but it’s persistent. And annoying. It’s hampering my possible superstar career in singing. Not really. But it is annoying.

I still feel that the best parts of life are those little pleasant surprises that come your way. They always seem to show up when you expect them least but need them most. I like to think they’re reminders that the grace of God is still alive and kicking.

That said, I’m glad Monday is over. It’s always a rude awakening for the week. I’m never ready for it and it always seems to come a day early.  But in perspective, it’s another day I woke up blessed and healthy and still saved by grace.

For those who keep up with college basketball, all my Final Four teams won. My bracket is back from the dead, off life-support, and looking good again.

There’s a whole lot I don’t know. Whole entire books could be written about what I don’t know. I do know a few things, like God is good and real and alive. There’s an enemy who is just as alive and real and opposed to everything God stands for. But my Bible says that the victory is already won.

I’ve said it before, but I love the idea that we as believers are fighting not for victory, but FROM victory. We are already more than conquerors through Jesus who loved us.

If that doesn’t get you through Monday, nothing will.