Social Rules to Live By

This post is a bit outside my wheelhouse, so to speak. What follows is some good advice that I wish I had learned earlier (or maybe paid better attention to when someone else was trying to teach me). Some of these may be more applicable than others, but I hope they will all be useful at some point in your life:

  1. Don’t call someone more than twice continuously. If they don’t pick up your call, presume they have something important to attend to.
  2. Return money that you have borrowed even before the person who loaned it to you remembers or asks for it. It shows your integrity and character. The same goes for umbrellas, pens, and lunch boxes.
  3. Never order the expensive dish on the menu when someone is treating you to lunch or dinner.
  4. Don’t ask awkward questions like ‘Oh, so you aren’t married yet?’ Or ‘Don’t you have kids?’ Or ‘Why haven’t you bought a house?’ Or ‘Why haven’t you bought a car?’ For God’s sake, it isn’t your problem.
  5. Always open the door for the person coming behind you. It doesn’t matter if it is a guy or a girl, senior or junior. You don’t grow small by treating someone well in public.
  6. If you take a taxi with a friend and he/she pays now, try paying next time.
  7. Respect different shades of opinions. Remember, what may seem like 6 to you might appear as 9 to someone else. Besides, a second opinion is good for an alternative.
  8. Never interrupt people while they are talking. Allow them to pour it out. As they say, hear them all and filter them all.
  9. If you tease someone, and they don’t seem to enjoy it, stop it and never do it again. It encourages one to do more and shows how appreciative you are.
  10. Say “thank you” when someone is helping you.
  11. Praise publicly. Criticize privately.
  12. There’s almost never a reason to comment on someone’s weight. Just say, “You look fantastic.” If they want to talk about losing weight, they will.
  13. When someone shows you a photo on their phone, don’t swipe left or right. You never know what’s next.
  14. If a colleague tells you they have a doctor’s appointment, don’t ask what it’s for, just say “I hope you’re okay.” Don’t put them in the uncomfortable position of having to tell you their personal illness. If they want you to know, they’ll do so without your inquisitiveness.
  15. Treat the cleaner with the same respect as the CEO. Nobody is impressed by how rudely you treat someone below you, but people will notice if you treat them with respect.
  16. If a person is speaking directly to you, staring at your phone is rude.
  17. Never give advice until you’re asked.
  18. When meeting someone after a long time, unless they want to talk about it, don’t ask them their age or salary.
  19. Mind your business unless anything involves you directly – just stay out of it.
  20. Remove your sunglasses if you are talking to anyone in the street. It is a sign of respect. Moreover, eye contact is as important as your speech.
  21. Never talk about your riches in the midst of the poor. Similarly, don’t talk about your children in the midst of the barren.
  22. After reading a good message, consider saying “Thanks for the message.”

APPRECIATION remains the easiest way of getting what you don’t have.

I am including the original post to give credit where credit is due.

A Lenten Prayer

“O Lord, this holy season of Lent is passing quickly,
I entered into it with fear, but also with great expectations.
I hoped for a great breakthrough, a powerful conversion, a real change of heart;
I wanted Easter to be a day so full of light that not even a trace 
of darkness would be left in my soul.
But I know that you do not come to your people with thunder and lightning.
Even St. Paul and St. Francis journeyed through much darkness
before they could see your light.
Let me be thankful for your gentle way.
I know you are at work.
I know you will not leave me alone, 
I know you are quickening me for Easter – 
but in a way fitting to my own history and my own temperament.
I pray that these last three weeks, in which you invite me to enter 
more fully into the mystery of your passion,
will bring me a greater desire to follow you on the way you create for me
and to accept the cross that you give to me.
Let me die to the desire to choose my own way and select my own cross.
You do not want to make me a hero but a servant who loves you.
Be with me tomorrow and in the days to come,
and let me experience your gentle presence.
Amen” (Henri Nouwen).

Lord, may the last three weeks of Lent not be wasted. Help me to use my time away from social media to create margins of unhurried space within my day for me to hear Your voice speaking to me. Give me a quiet heart and a calm mind to receive Your words. Above all, grant me the ability and willingness to obey what I hear. Amen.

Do You Do Well to Be Angry?

“Do you do well to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4, ESV).

That’s the question God asked Jonah. Jonah didn’t want to go to Ninevah in the first place. He knew what kind of people they were, what they did to their enemies, how they showed them no mercy. He knew if he went and preached repentance to them, they might actually repent.

It’s easy to look down on an attitude like that and be self-righteous in condemning Jonah. But do we do the same?

Is there a person or a people group that you don’t think deserves God’s mercy? For some, it might be Muslims, especially the radical element. For others, it might be the LGBTQ community. Maybe it’s those pointy-headed fundamentalists who are always talking hellfire and hatred. Or maybe it’s those ivory tower liberals who have a very laissez-faire “anything goes” kind of morality.

I read today how someone was glad that Charles Manson had died. While I certainly don’t condone what he did by any means, I do think it’s wrong to celebrate the death of any human being created in the image of God, for whom Jesus died.

I firmly believe that when you qualify who is worthy of hearing and receiving the gospel of Jesus Christ, it ceases to be a gospel of grace and becomes a gospel of works and deserving.

Remember that no one deserves God’s grace. No one is exempt from that same grace. as Dr. Adrian Rogers once put it, salvation is not a reward for the righteous but a gift for the guilty.

The gospel of grace in Jesus Christ is for everyone. That goes for all the Donald Trumps out there. That goes for all the Charles Mansons, too. Just ask the Apostle Paul, who was a terrorist against the early Church and called himself the chief of sinners.

It is God’s desire that none should perish but that all should repent and come to saving faith in Jesus. There are no qualifiers. God wants no one to perish. God wants all to be saved. Even your enemies. Even mine. Even people like you and me.

 

Grace for Today

“My message, unchanged for more than fifty years, is this: God loves
you unconditionally, as you are and not as you should be, because
nobody is as they should be. It is the message of grace…A grace
that pays the eager beaver who works all day long the same wages
as the grinning drunk who shows up at ten till five…A grace that
hikes up the robe and runs breakneck toward the prodigal reeking
of sin and wraps him up and decides to throw a party no ifs, ands,
or buts…This grace is indiscriminate compassion. It works without
asking anything of us…Grace is sufficient even though we huff and
puff with all our might to try to find something or someone it cannot
cover. Grace is enough…Jesus is enough” (Brennan Manning, All Is Grace: A Ragamuffin Memoir)

I had a decent sort of day. Not fantastic. Not horrible. Just decent.

On days like these, I need the grace of God.

I’ve had days where everything goes wrong and I have two left feet and I can barely remember my own name.

On those days, I need the grace of God.

I’ve also had days where all the traffic lights were green and I got the coffee/creamer mix just right and I was in rare form at work.

On those days, I need the grace of God.

There’s not a day that will ever go by where I don’t need grace.

My advice for those of you reading this. You need grace every day, so give grace every day.

Social media these days is filled with vindictiveness and spiteful words, mostly along the lines of my side is right, therefore yours must be evil and wrong and stupid.

Buck the trend by showing and giving grace to everyone, even those on the other side of the political aisle who say things you don’t agree with.

Give grace because you may one day need it from someone else.

Give grace because you have already received it in abundance from the God of all Grace.

I love grace because it comes to me when I don’t deserve it and is always more than I expected and always leaves me better than when it found me.

That’s God’s way. That’s grace.

 

Tom Brady and the Gospel

“So never forget how you used to be. Those of you born as outsiders to Israel were outcasts, branded “the uncircumcised” by those who bore the sign of the covenant in their flesh, a sign made with human hands. 12 You had absolutely no connection to the Anointed; you were strangers, separated from God’s people. You were aliens to the covenant they had with God; you were hopelessly stranded without God in a fracturedworld. 13 But now, because of Jesus the Anointed and His sacrifice, all of that has changed. God gathered you who were so far away and brought you near to Him by the royal blood of the Anointed, our Liberating King” (Ephesians 2:11-14, The Voice).

I should probably preface this by making this disclaimer: I am not now nor have I ever been a New England Patriots fan.

That said, I am amazed at how people who profess faith in Jesus and will loudly sing about His grace are so quick to post hateful and unChristlike comments and statuses about Tom Brady and the Patriots.

I’m not defending whether or not they cheated. I don’t know. I don’t know Tom Brady personally, so I can’t say anything about his character or behavior.

I do know this. I’d hate to be scrutinized and judged the way he’s been judged. The Bible I read seems to tell us not to judge and condemn, yet I see believers rushing to cast judgmental and condemning posts his way.

I also read that Jesus defended a woman caught in the very act of adultery. He told her accusers that he who is without sin should be the one to cast the first stone. Apparently, there are a lot of sinless people out there casting stones at Mr. Brady.

I don’t know the condition of Tom Brady’s soul. I can’t vouch either way on his salvation. No one but Tom Brady and God can.

I can say that I’d hate for someone who professes to be a follower of Jesus to be a stumbling block to Mr. Brady finding that salvation through comments that serve no other purpose but to judge and condemn.

My God is a God of grace. My God is a God who reaches out to the least of these, to those who deserve anything but a second chance.

I know that I’d hate people to dredge up my past failures and use them against me. I know some of you really wouldn’t want that.

I’m not by any means saying to root for the Patriots. I’m not saying to go out and buy a Tom Brady jersey. I’m merely suggesting that we show him the same mercy that we’ve been shown by God though Christ Jesus.

No one really wants what they deserve. If we got that, we’d all be in a lot of trouble. An eternity’s worth of trouble.

So maybe instead of bashing Mr. Brady, try praying for him instead. Maybe extend a little grace. Remember that you once needed someone to extend grace to you and you will more than likely need it again at some point in your life.

If your love of sports can allow you to be mean and hateful to the opposing teams and players, perhaps it has become an idol in your heart. Perhaps it has come to be something more than the entertainment it was always meant to be.

These are just the thoughts of one ragamuffin who knows what he deserves and is forever thankful and grateful that through the grace of God he will never get it.

 

Still Astonished

“We should be astonished at the goodness of God, stunned that He should bother to call us by name, our mouths wide open at His love, bewildered that at this very moment we are standing on holy ground” (Brennan Manning).

” . . . [A]lmost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to . . . . [O]nly a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement” (from Joe Vs. The Volcano).

Very few things in my life are cause for astonishment anymore. I don’t necessarily consider myself overly cynical, but I have experienced a lot in my lifetime, so not much is new to me.

I miss the part of being a child where so many things astonished me, to when the world was a far more magical and mystical place.

Maybe the one thing that should never lose its wonder for me is the grace of God. The fact that I wake up every morning to a new dose of grace still astonishes me. In fact, the more I see of myself, the more I learn what I am deep down apart from the grace of God, I am amazed that such a thing as grace still exists for me.

Also, perhaps what could serve to draw people to this great God we serve is when people see us living in a constant state of total amazement over God’s love for us. It won’t happen when we focus on following rules and being moral. It will happen when we finally confess our complete and total dependence on God and His grace and fall at His feet in an act of utter surrender.

When you see that life and everything in it is grace, you truly begin to see each new day not as an entitlement or a reward but as a completely undeserved gift (which is what grace is) that comes not to those who’ve earned it but to those who realize that they deserve nothing but death and hell apart from God.

So, thank you, God, for this life, and forgive me if I don’t love it enough. Forgive me if I don’t thank You enough for it and live amazed by it.

Amen.

All is Still Grace on a Monday in January

I had the good fortune to run into a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. We were greeters together at Kairos for a few years and then her life took a different path than mine and I hadn’t seen her in a long time.

I seriously doubt that she was as excited to see me as I was to see her, but it was a nice, brief reunion. It was another of those God-winks that I keep seeing when I look through the lens of gratitude instead of seeing through fear or despair.

I also got to see a homeless deaf man signing with a woman via Skype over his iPad. It was a beautiful moment that made my day.

I look at it this way– the worst day ever still only lasts 24 hours. No matter what happens, there will be a sunset and a sunrise, followed by a fresh morning with new mercies and grace. For that I will always be thankful.

I did have a caramel macchiato from Starbucks and sipped it while watching The Wonder Years on my antique iPad that I traded for at McKay’s a couple of years ago. I think that qualifies as a Monday win.

So there it is. A full work day, Starbucks, a good conversation with my friend that I see every Monday, serving at Room in the Inn, and good music in the Jeep to make the driving in Nashville traffic bearable.

I realize that there are a LOT of people out there around the world who would trade anything to have my problems (as well as my blessings). There are many much worse off than I am, many of those who are way more grateful for what little they do have.

It’s still a process. I have spells of envy and anxiety like anybody else. I have moments where I can’t see the good in the moment because I’m too wrapped up in reliving the past or worrying about the future.

But right now, by the grace of God, I am thankful for where I am right now, because that is exactly where God is and where God is working on me at this very moment.

The end.

 

 

 

So My Niece Turned Four

I still can’t believe that my niece Lizzie is now a 4-year old. It feels like yesterday when I was holding her for the first time as a one-day old. It really and truly does.

It also seems surreal and weird that my nephews are now 8 and 10.

On days like these, I wish I still had my two uncles on my dad’s side. I’d love to get some of their advice on how to be a better uncle. I’d like to know how they felt when I was a 4-year old having birthday parties.

I miss them whenever I hear really good music I think they would like. I also wish I could have appreciated them as much when they were living.

I also think that right now God is pleased with me. Because of Jesus and what He’s done, I am enough and I have enough. I don’t have to perform to earn God’s favor. I don’t have to constantly strive for perfection in hopes that God will grant me His love.

I have it.

That’s the best feeling in the world. Knowing that I am already forgiven and loved and chosen and blessed makes me want to forgive and love and choose and bless better. It makes me want to live better.

So this day continues to be a gift. So is every day that I wake up to. So is every single moment where I’m breathing in and out, basking in the grace of God that forever holds me together and keeps me sane.

I really enjoyed being a part of Lizzie’s 4th birthday party. My sister is a fantastic mother and wife, and my brother-in-law is a great father and husband. Their kids aren’t perfect, but they have the two best role models I know to emulate.

Oh, and God is still God. That’s the best part.

 

God Can Do Anything 

“God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. Glory to God in the church! Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus! Glory down all the generations! Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!” (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Repeat after me: God can do anything.

Repeat it again: God can do anything.

Once more with feeling: God can do anything.

Got that?

Nothing is impossible for God. Nothing. And your circumstances are not the exception to the rule. You are not the odd man out, the freak that God looks at and says, “I can’t do anything with this one.”

No matter what you’re facing, God is stronger. No matter how dark it gets, God can still see you. No matter how long it seems to take, God has not stopped working.

I remind you yet again of what a pastor said: “What seems impossible to us is not even remotely difficult for God.”

If God can create the universe in seven days, then He can create order out of your chaos.

If God brought Jesus back from the dead, then He can resurrect the ashes of your dreams into something far more glorious and beautiful than you ever dreamed possible.

If God loved you enough to save you at your worst, what makes you think He will stop loving you now?

Don’t trust your feelings. They lie. Anything and everything affects them, from eating too much spicy food to way too much caffeine late at night.

Make this your mantra: God works all things together for those whom He loves.

Even when your feelings, your senses, your intuition tells you other wise, this is still true. It will always be true.

 

Going Home

winding road

“Going home is a lifelong journey. There are always parts of ourselves that wander off in dissipation or get stuck in resentment. Before we know it we are lost in lustful fantasies or angry ruminations. Our night dreams and daydreams often remind us of our lostness.

Spiritual disciplines such as praying, fasting and caring are ways to help us return home. As we walk home we often realise how long the way is. But let us not be discouraged. Jesus walks with us and speaks to us on the road. When we listen carefully we discover that we are already home while on the way” (Henri Nouwen).

That’s what really matters in the end.

I’m headed toward my real home and Jesus is the one who’ll help me get there.

This journey is where Jesus walks with us and speaks to us. In fact, Jesus Himself said that knowing Him is the journey. He said that He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

He didn’t say that He knew the way.

He didn’t even say that He was an expert in the knowledge about the way.

He said He is THE way.

There is no other way because no other god ever took on human flesh and became one of us. No other god willingly laid down his life for us in order that we might escape the punishment we deserved.

Sometimes, the way seems long and hard. Many of us sometimes feel like we will never get to the place we want to be or become the persons we feel we should have been all along.

Rest easy, my friends.

Jesus promised that even though the road was narrow and few find it, He would be there.

Jesus promised that His yoke would be easy and His burden light.

Jesus promised that He would finish that great work He started in you.

He promised to never leave or forsake you.

When Jesus is with you, you truly are already home while you’re on the road home.