forgiveness

Reminders for the Road

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“Clothe yourselves therefore, as God’s own chosen ones (His own picked representatives), [who are] purified and holy and well-beloved [by God Himself, by putting on behavior marked by] tenderhearted pity and mercy, kind feeling, a lowly opinion of yourselves, gentle ways, [and] patience [which is tireless and long-suffering, and has the power to endure whatever comes, with good temper]. Be gentle and forbearing with one another and, if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has [freely] forgiven you, so must you also [forgive]. And above all these [put on] love and enfold yourselves with the bond of perfectness [which binds everything together completely in ideal harmony]. And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state] to which as [members of Christ’s] one body you were also called [to live]. And be thankful (appreciative), [giving praise to God always].” (Colossians 3:12-15)

Tomorrow, you’re preparing to set out for home for Thanksgiving. Maybe you’re driving across the country or maybe it’s just across town. Maybe it’s a trip back in time, because you know the minute you walk through that door, you’re 10-years old again, not sure what to say or how to act.

Here’s a hint. Along with that extra serving of turkey and dressing, try a side of grace. Remember that you are just as broken spiritually as the other person. Remember you needed the forgiveness of Christ just as much as he or she did.

Take the initiative in granting forgiveness. You’re releasing the other person from the expectation that he or she can fix what he or she did wrong. You not only free that person, you free yourself. You never know when it’s you who will be needing forgiveness.

Remember that the only person you have to please at the end of the day is God. His opinion is the only one that really matters. Because he’s the only one who really knows you inside and out.

This feels like a repeat from something I wrote a couple of days ago, but sometimes we need to be reminded more than once. I know I do.

Above all, enjoy the time for what it is, not for what you wish it could be. Accept that your family is just as weird as you are and you will get along a lot better.

Most of all, learn in all things to cultivate a spirit of gratitude and thanksgiving. Find at least one thing about every person at the dinner table to be thankful for, even in yourself.

Happy Turkey Day!

What to Wear This Holiday Season

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“So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it” (Col. 3:12-14, The Message).

No, this is not a fashion blog. It’s more of an attitude-adjustment kind of blog.

The holiday season is vast approaching. Some are looking forward to traveling and seeing relatives, many of whom you only see on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Some are dreading the awkward conversations and the even more awkward silences that are just as much a part of the family tradition as stuffing your face with turkey and gathering around the TV for the ol’ football game.

Maybe this season, try something different. Put on compassion. Instead of being so exasperated with THAT relative who gets on your very last nerve, try to understand why he or she is that way. Maybe try to see things from his or her point of view.

Try grace. You know you’ve been obnoxious and annoying at times. You know you’ve put your foot in your mouth a time or two and said some things you’d prefer were never brought up again. Ever. So when someone else annoys or upsets you with an offhand comment that comes out wrong, be forgiving.

Try humility, remembering that the other person bears the image of God just as much as you do. Remember that you were just as much in need of forgiveness and grace as the other person.

If all else fails, eat as much turkey as possible. With all that tryptophan running through your system, you won’t care anymore what anybody says. Plus, you can’t really say anything stupid with your mouth full.

A Good Lesson from A Lost Key

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I went walking on the beach today in my ever-so-stylish swimming trunks. Imagine the polar opposite of speedos and you have an idea of what they looked like.

I headed out to the beach and went about waist-deep into the ocean. I waded like that for a while before I remembered to reach down and see if my key to the condo was still in my pocket. It was not.

I had a moment of panic. Or more accurately, a minor heart attack. I was thinking of how my keys were probably halfway to the Bahamas, or wherever the next destination is across from the ocean in South Carolina. I was figuring out in my head how much the fee for a lost key would be.

When I got back to my beach chair and looked through my backpack, there my key was where I left it when I took it out of my pocket. Apparently, I outsmarted myself again.

Sadly, this was not the first time I was too smart for my own good. On a college and career retreat to Panama City, I was convinced that I had lost my watch on the beach, only to find it in my bed. After much panicking and searching and fretting.

I was reminded tonight of the prodigal on his way back home to see his father. He was thinking, “I have lost everything. How am I going to explain that? What excuse could I possibly use to keep from getting unceremoniously thrown out the door?”

Little did he know that his father was already running down the road to meet him, not caring about all the money he wasted. All the father cared about was that his son had come home.

God doesn’t care about your wasted days and years. He doesn’t care about how you misused all those gifts he gave you. All he cares about is seeing you come home.

I worried for nothing. I made a big deal out of nothing. All my fears turned out to be groundless lies.

Whatever is keeping you from coming back to God is a lie. As big as your sin or mistake or failure, God’s grace is bigger. A past of shame and scars and waste is no barrier to the great love of God. There is nothing to heinous or scandalous that he won’t forgive. Nothing.

Your Father God is calling you. Will you come home?

Judging

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Have you ever felt like someone passed sentence on you and wrote you off based on something you said or did? Have you ever felt condemned by another because you messed up once too many times?

Then you know not to judge another in the same way.

You never know what a person’s been through. You never know the whole story of the journey that person has been through and all that God has called them to walk through. If you did, you would probably celebrate how far they’ve come instead of passing judgment.

I’ve been guilty far too often of judging. I’ve thought, “This person really needs to read this or hear this” or “I sure wish God would convict them of this particular issue.” Would I want someone else thinking the same about me?

I know I’ve done and said and texted and posted enough to get me booted off people’s Christmas card lists. I certainly have done enough to warrent being voted off the island and having people write me off and give up on me. That’s why I never write anybody else off or give up on them.

Mike Glenn spoke at Brentwood Baptist Church this morning about how everybody’s got a list of people the world would be better off without. Before you make your list, remember that you are most likely on someone else’s list.

I love what Max Lucado said: “I choose gentleness… Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.”

Who knows? Remember you may not have done as well in someone else’s shoes. You might not have survived. And you may still yet be facing someday what that person has already faced and overcome.

So, I choose gentleness and grace and understanding over judgment and condemnation. I choose to bless rather than curse, to encourage rather than to criticize, and to be a blessing to somone instead of seeking blessings from that person.

What will you choose?

The Hardest Person to Forgive

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despair
I  recently messed up with a friend and spent the whole day beating myself up. Believe it or not, that’s an improvement over what I would have done a year ago. My whole day wasn’t ruined, at least.

I got admonished and I deserved it. I won’t go into details or name names, but I certainly had it coming. In fact, it was much more kind and graceful than I really deserved.

I kept running lines from the note through my mind and wishing I could go back and undo what I had done. I couldn’t and I can’t.

All this is to say that the person who most needs to forgive me is me. I hope and pray my friend forgives me, but I know that unless I do, I’ll be stuck and unable to move forward.

Did I mention I am hard on myself? I am better than I was. I used to be extraordinarily hard on myself, but I’ve eased up a bit in my old age.

If you feel like you can’t forgive yourself, let me tell you you’re not alone. I’ve felt that way and I understand. You may think you never will come to that place, but I am living proof that you can and you will.

Just let the Word of Truth wash over you. Let Jesus speak healing over you. Remember that you are still His beloved, no matter what. He at least will never give up on you or quit wanting to be around you.

Anyway, that’s my confession session for the day. I pray it will speak to someone and bring deliverance where it is most needed.

The Kind of Friend I Want to Be

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I get it. I’m an idealist at heart. I have good motives (most of the time), but lousy execution (some of the time). On the way home from Movies in the Park, I got to thinking again what kind of friend I want to be. I apologize in advance if some or all of this is a repeat.

I want to be that friend who never gives up on you. I want to extend forgiveness and second chances to you as many times as God did for me. Which is quite a lot, I can tell you.

I want to be that friend who believes the best in you even when you can’t see it yourself. I’ve had those friends who did that for me. I have a God who does that better than anyone else.

I want you to be better because of me. I want to do everything in my power to help you become every part of who God made you to be. I want to see you realize all of God’s dreams for you. And believe me, His dreams for you are bigger and more amazing than anything you or I could come up with.

Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I do this out of my own need. These are all things I long for in my friends, so maybe the first step is me becoming all of those things to the people I call friends.

Obviously, the most healthy relationships are built out of wholeness and completeness, not neediness. But I do think we help each other to become whole and healthy and complete by friendships based on forgiveness and unconditional sacrificial love.

If I try too hard sometimes and get a bit Steve Urkel on you, I apologize. Like I said, my good motives are sometimes executed poorly. Sometimes, I get carried away with the posts and texts and messages. But it’s from a good place of wanting to encourage and bless you, so just remind me to take a pill and give me grace, ’cause I always stand in need of it.

I’m getting better. I am learning that you can’t fill my needs and validate me as a human being. Only God can do that. Once you learn that, you are free to be the kind of friend you always wanted.

As my friend and fellow blogger always says, “You think about that.”

Some Reminders For You and Me

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Sometimes, I need to be reminded because I am forgetful and easily distracted. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who needs the reminder. So here is a list of reminders for us to consider.

1) God is for us, not against us. He’s not out to kill our dreams or take away what brings us happiness and pleasure, but to be our Ultimate Joy and show us true fulfullment by helping us become all He made us to be.

2) You don’t have to be an expert theologian or communicator to share your faith. You don’t even have to be good. You just have to have a story to tell and a voice to tell it.

3) God is much more interested in your inside world than your outward appearance. It’s no good to wrap yourself in good works and activities if you have a bad heart. God doesn’t want all your best efforts; He wants all of you. He doesn’t want to make you better; He wants to make you come alive.

4) You need to be less hard on yourself. So do I. If God can forgive us, why can’t we forgive ourselves? I read that we should be able to believe what God says about us, no matter how beautiful it may seem.

5) Freedom starts with honesty. I can never be free if I’m not honest about where I’ve fallen short. Sure there’s grace, but grace doesn’t cover denials, only confessions.

6) Sometimes, we can worship strong with our hands held high. Sometimes, we need others to hold our arms up. Sometimes, we need others to pray the words we can’t find and believe for what we can’t see.

7) OK, there’s not really a 7th point, but I really didn’t want to end on 6. It just didn’t feel right.

Most of all, may we be reminded every morning and every night that our Abba Father loves us and is very fond of us and delights in us and sings over us every night.

2012: The Leap Year

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Today is February 29, 2012, leap year day. Or for me, My Birthday: Part II. It’s a strange day that only comes once every four years and no one is sure what to do with it.

I know on February 29, it is supposedly acceptable for a girl to propose to a guy and if the guy refuses, he has to give her a dollar or 12 socks or something like that.

Maybe this is the day you will set your mind to take that leap of faith. Kinda like Indiana Jones in the Last Crusade movie.

What will that leap of faith look like?

Will it be you quitting your comfortable and safe and cushy job to take go on the mission field to a place where the gospel has never gone before?

Will it be you stepping out of your comfort zone and volunteering at a local mission that serves the homeless?

Will it be you walking across the room and speaking to that person no one else wants to acknowledge, much less befriend?

Will it be extending forgiveness to the person who hurt you, even if that person doesn’t apologize?

Will it be choosing to live each day in radical dependence on and obedience to Jesus, even if it means stepping away from the in-crowd and walking alone?

Will it be saying no to the so-called American Dream and to the pressure that for you to be happy you need to buy this one thing more? That you will be radically counter-cultural and say, “No thanks, I have enough. I’m good”?

I believe God is calling you and I to take a real leap of faith this year. It may look different for you than it does for me, but it requires the same faith in the same God that your foot will find a firm foundation when it lands.

Let 2012 be the Leap of Faith year and watch how God honors and rewards your stepping out in obedience.

Forgiveness

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Tonight, Mike Glenn talked about forgiveness at Kairos. He said forgiveness is releasing the other person from the expectation that they can fix the wrong and the hurt they caused you. He said forgiveness is when you are no longer defined by the pain and the hurt and the grudge, but by the love of Jesus.

He added that Jesus said to him once, “You can hold on to the hate for the person who hurt you or you can hold on to My love, but you cannot hold on to both.” When Jesus whispered, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing,” He was praying for those who hurt you. He was also praying for you.”

We are called to forgive. Jesus said the Father would forgive you as you forgave others. When you don’t give forgiveness, you can’t receive it and you stunt the work of the Spirit in your life. Every single one of us needs to forgive and be forgiven.

But what if the person you most need to forgive is yourself? What if the person you need to learn to live with is you? What if you’re scared to death that if someone else ever knew you like you knew yourself and knew all the dirty, petty, angry thoughts you keep hidden, they would walk out on you for good?

I have been way too hard on myself in the past and projected on to other people my own self-rejection. I thought that no one could ever really know me and still like me. But the love of Jesus broke through and changed me and changed how I saw myself. It transformed how I saw others, no longer through my own insecurities, but through the grace of God.

The key is to believe what God says about you. It’s to believe that God loves you and chose you and calls you BELOVED. The key is to receive God’s forgiveness. If God chose to forgive you of something you never in a million years could have paid for, then it’s time to forgive yourself.

You have a choice. You can choose pain and holding grudges or you can choose forgiveness and freedom and love. I think Anne Lamott said refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. You only hurt yourself. Forgiveness is freedom to love and be loved and mostly, to be wrapped up by the love of Jesus.

I choose forgiveness every time. Lord, grant me and all those reading this forgiving hearts and fill us up with your love so there’s no more room to carry the hurts anymore.

Amen.

I Love the Way God Works

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I am goofy. I admit that. I don’t think normally and I don’t act normally when I’m nervous (or even when I’m not nervous, for that matter). I am wearing a t-shirt right now that has a clown on it and says, “Normal people scare me.”

While I say all that in jest (mostly), I have to confess that I love the way God works in my life. I love the way He meets me where I am, loves me just as I am, and takes what I have in my hands, no matter how small and paltry and uses it in ways that astound me. I am always amazed at what God can do in and through me when I am surrendered and available. When I am prayed up, confessed up, spiritually armored up. Even when I’m not sometimes.

I love God’s grace because I need it. I love God’s forgiveness because I would be screwed without it. I love His spirit within me, because I know deep down that I couldn’t love anything at all without Him in me. And the more I know of God, the more I love Him. The more I learn about Him, the more I sense my need for Him. All I can do is open up my hands and receive. Even my so-called giving and ministry is simply what spills out of my open hands when I am receiving.

My goal in writing this blog is for you to love God and the way He works as much or more than I do. I want you to know how He sees you and that He is not mad or disappointed in you, but how He cheers for you and is for you and is always with you. How He can take the smallest beginning of surrender and transform your life into something amazing and miraculous. A life that will reflect the glory of God and that will make it impossible for anyone to remain neutral about the God in you. Hopefully, they will be drawn to a God who can make a broken mess into a beautiful masterpiece. Even if not, they won’t be able to see your life changed and remain the same themselves.

I love that God chooses people like me to work in and with. I love that God never gives up on those He chooses. I love that God’s in love with me (and He’s also crazy about you, too). I love that God can take this blog and send it places I would never have dreamed possible and have people read it that I never would have imagined would. I love that God can take anyone at any place at any time and do anything He wants with them.

God amazes me and blows my mind every single day. And I love that about Him!

Amen and amen!